That fall, things turned black. Though well entrenched and supplied at Naissus, his efforts to dissuade the surrounding fortified towns from supporting his cousin failed. The city elders hardly needed to consult with one another long to determine on whose side their destiny rested — Constantius' legions, fresh from victory in the East and supported by the treasure and resources of three-quarters of the Roman Empire, or Julian's tired, ragged band of men tenuously clinging to a remote mountain pass in upper Thrace. And even with this meager territory captured, our army was stretched untenably thin — military and political problems both locally and in Gaul were a constant source of vexation, and lines of communication with Paris were irregular. He made efforts to shore up his support in the region by lavishing attention on the general public welfare, restoring aqueducts and towers, reviving the city leadership, and lowering the taxes in some areas, as he had successfully done in Gaul the year before; and he spent countless hours attempting to rouse the people to his side through personal meetings and writings to influential officials. Still, the limp handshakes and slack-jawed smiles of a dozen city officials, though welcome, are nothing compared with the hard biceps and armor of a Roman legion, and in this Julian was sorely lacking.
The days became crisp in early November, and snow had already begun to fall during the cold nights. Julian grudgingly resorted to the leather Gallic leggings he wore to sustain him on his endless rounds of the encampment. The men had settled into their long winter routine, hunkering down to await the spring thaw that would allow them to resume their campaign, their critical march on Constantinople. For the time being, their fate would be in the hands of the diplomats.
Julian and I stood surveying the camp as it awoke one morning, the men emerging from the rows of crude log huts they had built as sturdier shelter against the cold than the campaign tents. For once, even Julian looked red-eyed and ill rested, and I marveled that he still had the energy to rise before his men, well before sunrise. The night before had been one of terror for the army.
Nevitta and the generals had been in council in the Caesar's own unprepossessing hut, which I attended as well. The generals had departed about midnight, rubbing their eyes and stretching. I dawdled for a moment in the hut, gathering papers and other items I had left lying about, and then made my way slowly to the entrance, some moments after the others had departed. Julian stood outside the door, gazing at the sky, and I began to slip by him, but he seized my arm as I made my way past. I stopped and looked at him, but he did not release his grip, and I saw that his gaze was still directed elsewhere, out toward the camp, but beyond it. I followed his line of sight, up into the inky blackness, studded with a million stars flashing brilliantly in the cosmos like sparks from a roaring fire. Far in the distance, above the northwest horizon toward which we were looking, shone the slow, searing blaze of a falling star, cleaving the heavens in a broad arc with its fiery trail. I watched, transfixed, for a long moment, before it disappeared as suddenly as a torch thrown into the sea. Julian stood motionless, gripping my upper arm tightly as scattered shouts rose from the sentries around the camp who had also witnessed the phenomenon, and the silhouettes of men roused by the commotion appeared in front of the smoldering campfires. Finally, he relaxed his grip and turned to me slowly, almost reluctantly, managing an apologetic smile.
'Pardon me, Caesarius,' he said, patting me gently on the arm where he had gripped it hard. 'A comet — well, the omen is not a good one.'
I brushed off his remark. 'You mean that old saw about portending the death of a ruler? We're educated men. Place your trust in God, not the stars. All will be well.'
Julian nodded. The camp, however, was in an uproar, the men demanding that he appear before them personally so they could witness the fact that he was still alive and breathing. For hours they milled about in the cold, calling to one another, doubling and tripling the watch to warn against any unseen enemy, posting enormous detachments of guards around his hut out of fear for his safety, despite his protests. Their superstition disgusted me, their fear aroused pity, their loyalty to their Caesar was humbling.
I remained at the hut with Julian for some time as he reassured his nervous men, and I did not leave until he finally lay down on his bare camp cot for some much-needed sleep. As I slipped out the door, Julian scarcely noticed me depart — he was again mumbling and talking to himself as he drifted off, which he did increasingly during times of stress. I had much to think about as I finally made my way back to my own quarters.
It was several days afterwards, while he was again preparing for his morning rounds of the camp, that I fell flat on my face.
Normally, of course, this would scarcely be cause for comment, particularly to you, Brother, knowing as you do how bereft I can sometimes be in the way of physical grace. As it was, I had just finished conferring with Julian about something insignificant, some pulled muscle or other from which he had been suffering, and was walking him to his horse before he left to make the rounds of the camp. While giving him my hand to help him mount, however, my foot slipped in the frozen mud, and although he recovered and was able to rise easily to his horse, I, on the other hand, lost my balance completely and fell prostrate on the ground before him. Standing up ruefully and beginning to wipe the sticky filth off my face and tunic, I was surprised to hear no sound from Julian — no apology, no hoot of laughter, no reprimand for my clumsiness, all of which I would have been unsurprised to hear from his lips.
Rather, after clearing the mud from my eyes I looked at him and found him sitting stock-still on his restless horse, staring at me with wide eyes. 'It's a sign,' he said finally, unable to tear his eyes off me. 'The man who raised me to my high position has fallen.'
It took me a moment to understand what he had said, and that he was referring to my tumble as a prophecy of the fate of Constantius himself. I glared at him.
'First of all, a word of sympathy would be in order,' I retorted, forgetting my custom of speaking deferentially to him when in public. 'Secondly, I resent your inference. I am not an auspice, like a piece of entrail drawn from a dead goat, and Christians do not even believe in such superstitious foolishness.'
He stared at me in silence a moment longer before finally shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts.
'Caesarius,' he said, 'let us talk. Take another horse from the stable and come with me.'
The seriousness of his expression puzzled me, and the groom who had been holding his horse immediately left us for a moment to fetch another animal. This I mounted myself without difficulty, and we took a circuitous path along the inside of the city walls, which would eventually bring us to the open field in which the bulk of the garrison troops were camped.
As we trotted side by side he assumed a thoughtful demeanor.
'Caesarius, I meant to give you fair warning earlier, but was unable to, for lack of time as well as will. Your comment just now, however, leaves me no choice but to bring up a difficult subject.'
'For almost six years I have been counsel to you,' I said. 'There is little you could say that would surprise me.'
'This, I believe, may shock you. The men have not recovered from their fear at seeing the comet the other night. They have asked me to lead them in performing a hecatomb.'
A burnt offering. Chanting to the god of war, reading entrails, an orgiastic devouring of bloody meat. Shocked is not the word. I was appalled.
'And you refused, of course, as a good Christian…'
He looked at me steadily as we trotted. 'I did not. Caesarius, I have barely thirteen thousand men. Jovinus is facing an outright rebellion at my back, and I see a hundred thousand Roman veterans approaching me from the front. This is no time to embroil my men in a religious squabble.'
'"Squabble!"' I sputtered. 'You're speaking about burnt offerings to pagan idols!'
He gently interrupted my outrage. 'This is a Roman army, not a Christian one. First we do battle. Then we determine the army's religious direction, if any.'
He sighed. 'Caesarius, this army is a microcosm of the Empire. As the army is divided by religion, so is the world, all the more so since Constantine legalized a new religion. Half the East is Arian Christian. I myself was raised Arian. Who am I to say whether they or their Orthodox rivals, such as you, are living a lie, based solely on semantic subtleties that I find incomprehensible? Half of Africa is Donatist, a type of Christian political party that Constantius has not prohibited, because it is not exactly a heretical view, though it is not Orthodox either; and only the other half of Africa is Orthodox. Should the Emperor tell half his subjects on that continent that they are wrong in their beliefs, and that they should be left to the murderous tendencies of the other half? And these are Christians, Caesarius! With divisions like these among the ruling religion, why would you have me stir up even greater tension by antagonizing the pagans as well, denying them a peaceful sacrifice? There will be plenty of time, when I am Emperor, to tread on toes and consolidate a state religion.'
'When you are Emperor?' I rejoined. 'With all due respect, Julian, you make it sound like a foregone conclusion. Any betting man seeing your situation and comparing it to Constantius' might think you had better spend your time elsewhere.'
Julian's eyes narrowed as he pulled his horse up short. 'I hope you are simply playing the advocate, my friend, and not speaking your true feelings.'
I paused to consider my words, realizing now that I was walking a path as fine as the blade of a dagger.
'I am saying,' I continued cautiously, 'that you should first attend to your immortal soul, and only then to the opinions of others. Don't make me belabor the obvious. No man is immortal, no man can know when his time comes, and if you promote paganism among your troops now, and then fall in battle-'
'And if I don't allow this sacrifice,' he interrupted darkly, 'I may still fall in battle — but by a shot from behind.'
'You exaggerate. These men would follow you to the ends of the earth.'
'You overrate their loyalty. There are currents among the troops which you know nothing about, Caesarius, holed up with your books all day long.'
I gaped at him. 'I holed up with my books!'
'I certainly don't see you training in swordplay and drinking soup with the men every morning.'
'I do not need to drink soldier's broth to know that by encouraging sacrifices you will offend every Christian in the army, and that when you become Emperor, you will offend every Christian in the Empire.'
At my frank words his face flushed and he wheeled his horse, startling my animal into a whinny and blocking me from moving forward. He stared at me sharply.
'I engender far less hatred,' he said coldly, by "promoting paganism," as you say — by allowing the harmless worship of Helios and Mithras — than by forcing Christianity, and thereby taking one side or the other in the Orthodoxy dispute. If you are worried about me dying, believe me, this course of action is far more prudent. Haven't you noticed? Christians are much more charitable toward pagans and nonbelievers, whom they hope to convert, than toward sects and heresies within Christianity. Pagans are tolerated. Heretics, however, are killed.'
'You're mad!' I exclaimed, not realizing at the time how presciently I spoke. 'Are you willing to lose your very soul for the sake of some primitive sacrifices to keep a few malcontents in the army from deserting? Julian, listen to me — this is madness! I know about Oribasius' leaflets — this whole campaign is madness!'
'Madness?' His eyes widened in astonishment. 'Then you don't believe, do you? All this is a lark! Madness lies with Constantius, in leading the Empire to the brink of ruin in Persia! That, my friend, is madness! Don't you see how my hand was forced? To you, is the survival of Rome only… secondary?' At my silence, his mouth broke into a thin, mirthless smile, though the rest of his face took on an impassive cast. 'Semel insanivimus omnis,' he intoned.
We have all been mad once.
Without a word, I backed my horse away from his, wheeled, and began trotting away. He paused for a moment in astonishment at my abrupt departure, and then cantered up to my side and again placed his horse directly in front of mine, stopping my progress.
'Caesarius!' he said loudly, his voice having regained the commanding tone he used when ordering his men. He had clearly taken offense at my brusque maneuver. For any other man, such rudeness to a superior officer, a Caesar no less, would have been grounds for demotion, or even dismissal from the service. At that moment, I didn't care.
I stared back at him in calm defiance. My horse stood still, even as Julian's danced and shied, eager to be away. Julian looked at me silently, as if debating with himself how best to judge or punish me for my treatment of him, weighing friendship against duty and protocol. Finally, he found his voice.
'The hecatomb will be lit, Caesarius. And I will be Emperor.' He then galloped off without further word. The matter was over.
I refused to watch the proceedings that afternoon, the very idea of which was repugnant to me, though I could not block from my ears the sounds of the priests, particularly the repulsive Gallic haruspex Aprunculus, as they chanted their infernal cries to the demons, and the men cheering when the omens were read. I was even told later, to my utter disbelief at the time, that Julian himself had participated in the role of a priest, personally slaughtering an ox. The odor of roasting meat wafting through the camp that afternoon rankled me, and at the same time made my mouth water uncontrollably, which rankled me all the more. I prayed to our Lord that He might make it as of a putrid stench in my nostrils, and I rode off alone into the cold and darkness of the surrounding scrub forests for the remainder of the day, out of ear- and noseshot of the offending ceremony.
IV
From the height of the Soucian pass, to which Julian rode every two or three days to check on his troops' placement and the progress of the fortifications, he had a clear view of the preparations being made in the valley below by the enemy. Constantius himself, of course, was nowhere near the vicinity; according to dispatches we read from several of his couriers our scouts had captured, he was still making his lumbering return home from the East after Sapor, the mighty King of Kings, had given up his impending attack on Roman territories without a struggle. The Persian justified the abandonment of his campaign by claiming unfavorable omens. Though not a drop of blood had been shed, nor an inch of territory gained or lost, Constantius had declared a great victory and was now returning to Constantinople in majestic, triumphal procession. From the comfort of his imperial city he planned to deploy all his unbloodied eastern legions to crush his disappointing upstart from Gaul once and for all.
He was reputed to still be as far away as Antioch when the valley below suddenly came alive before our eyes. Within a matter of days after our seizure of the heights, a large contingent of the Emperor's forces, part of the permanent Thracian legions under the command of Count Marcianus, marched leisurely in ominous procession into the head of the valley and halfway up the side of the pass. They set up camp on the bank of a stream, posted sentries almost within shouting distance of our own advance outposts, and began methodically cutting the surrounding timber for fortifications, to prevent us from surprising and overrunning their troops before further reinforcements could arise. The notion of such a thing happening was laughable, of course — even this initial contingent far outnumbered the troops we would ever be able to spare for a surprise attack. The only positive aspect to these preparations that I could see was that the enemy apparently felt us to be much more powerful, and Julian's reputation much more formidable, than was actually the case. Therefore if we were somehow able to strike soon, before the enemy's troops were reinforced, their unwarranted fears might somehow work to our favor.
Julian, however, for the first time in years, was paralyzed by indecision — no, not indecision, for what options did he have from which to decide? The result was the same, however, a lack of
action, endless and inconclusive meetings with his military advisers, entire nights of restless pacing through his quarters and among the encampment. Reinforcements were out of the question — the word from our rear was that Jovinus had become hopelessly tied down in northern Italy with various local rebellions and was scrambling to prevent the uprising of the entire countryside at our back. Julian was clearly suffering, though for what it was worth, I made my own peace with him after our earlier dispute. This was no time to be engaging in personal quarrels, and at least my conscience is clear on that score.
Two weeks after the arrival of Count Marcianus' troops in the valley, we noted further activity.
Shouts of drovers and the cracking of whips that could be heard as far as our entrenchments suddenly floated to our ears, and the forward sentries clambered atop rocky outcroppings and craned their necks to see what might be emerging in the valley below us now. At first far in the distance, and then slowly becoming more visible, teams of oxen appeared, yoked in sets of twelve and twenty-four, hauling enormous wagons with wheels the height of a man, bearing equipment or goods invisible to us because covered by heavy canvas tarps. For three days the beasts strained up the steep, rock-strewn pass, with the creaking, groaning wagons bearing their heavy burden, followed improbably by an additional two legions of light infantry, lancearii bearing their long, bronze-tipped weapons and mattiarii armed with their small javelins. These were the vanguard of Constantius' eastern army under the command of a general named Arbetio, who had rushed west to reinforce the Emperor's Thracian troops. Arbetio had only now arrived, just in time to become bogged down in the narrow road by the siege engines ordered up by Marcianus weeks before.
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