“How long have you been counting on this money?”
“Don’t make me out to be some ghoul, Karla. It’s not as if the same thing hasn’t occurred to you and Heather. I’m just more honest. Grandma is eighty-five. She can’t live forever. Besides, that money is ours. Mom and Dad left it to us, not her.”
“I had no idea a will had been found. When did this happen?”
“All right, I accept that you’re upset with me. I should have told you I was having problems, but that’s no reason to act like a jerk about this.”
Usually Karla was caught off guard when Grace maneuvered her into a defensive position; this time she was prepared. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
With that, Grace started to cry. “I’m saying this all wrong. I came to you for help. You know I wouldn’t ask if I weren’t desperate. You’re the only one I can turn to. My life is collapsing around me.” She made a hiccuping sound that turned into a sob. “And just when I’m on the verge of getting my big break.”
To an outsider, Grace’s speech would be laughable. Karla felt sick to her stomach. “I’m curious—what do you expect me to do?”
“Loan me enough to get by until . . .” She let the rest hang, unspoken.
“Grandma dies?” Karla finished for her.
“Yes. Are you satisfied?” Fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks. “And you don’t have to tell me how bad this sounds. I already know. I feel terrible about this. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already said to myself. But that doesn’t change a thing. I need you, Karla. You have to help me.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Grace shot back, angry now. “Wait—forget I said that. I’m taking this out on you and I shouldn’t. It’s just that I’m so scared I don’t know what I’m saying half the time anymore.” She sent Karla a pleading look. “I’ll never ask you for another thing as long as I live.”
“Who do you owe money to that has you so scared?”
“I haven’t paid my share of the rent in three months. Judy said if I didn’t come back with the money, she was going to throw me out and dump all my things on the sidewalk. I have thirty-two credit cards maxed out and can’t even make minimum payments on half of them. I had to borrow the gas money to come up here. If you don’t help me, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“File for bankruptcy.”
Finally, Karla had said something that reached her. “Do you know what that would mean? I’d have to give up my charge cards. They’re the only thing that gets me through some months. How would I live?”
Karla had never felt so tired. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You’re on your own this time, Grace. I’m not going to bail you out. As a matter of fact, I’m going to have the bank take back the car now that I know you never had any intention of making the payments.”
“You can’t do that. How will I get to my auditions?”
“I don’t know. And, what’s more, I don’t care anymore. If it’s something you want, you’ll find a way.”
“I only came to you because I knew you wouldn’t want me going to Grandma. But now I have to. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to give up on my dream now. You have no idea what it is to want something so badly you’re willing to sacrifice anything to get it.”
“I’d be more impressed if you were the one making the sacrifices, but it’s me you come to when you’re in trouble. Me and Grandma. And for all I know, you’ve sucked Heather into your problems, too.”
“So Grandma has been talking about me.” Again the pleading look turned to anger.
“Be careful, Grace. If you have a champion, it’s Anna. If anyone has sacrificed themselves for something they believed in, she did. Only it wasn’t for herself, it was for us.”
“She got paid.”
Karla had never hit one of her sisters and was as surprised as Grace when she slapped her across the face. “You ungrateful little bitch.”
“That’s our money,” Grace shouted as she backed away. “She had no right to keep it from us.”
“There is no money,” Karla said. The words hit Grace as hard as Karla’s hand. “Not a dime. Anna doesn’t even own the house anymore. She sold it to pay your college tuition.”
“You’re lying.” Her eyes pleaded with Karla to tell her it was so. “She’s still here.” A glimmer of hope surfaced. “You have to be lying.”
“She took a reverse mortgage that lets her stay here until she dies or moves to a full-time nursing facility.”
“What about our money?”
“I told you, there is no money. As far as I could see, there never was.”
“She’s got it hidden somewhere. She has to. You said yourself that you heard her talking about it to her friends that day when they were playing cards.”
“Why would I lie to you about this now, Grace?”
“Because you hate me. You’re jealous. You always have been.”
“And that’s why I’ve been supporting you all these years?”
“You feel guilty.”
Karla almost laughed. “Jealous and guilty, huh? What about love?”
“If you loved me, you’d help me.”
“This is where I came in.” Karla headed back toward the house.
“What am I going to do?” Grace wailed.
If ever there was an appropriate moment to quote Rhett Butler’s final line in Gone with the Wind, this was it. She refrained, knowing the irony would be wasted on Grace.
With every step her legs grew heavier. She didn’t want to go back inside. She couldn’t face her grandmother, not yet. She wasn’t the actress Grace was. Anna would know something was wrong.
She put the seed can on the porch and started walking, not knowing where she was going, only that she had to get away.
Chapter
19
Mark’s headlights illuminated the front of his house as he made the turn into his driveway. For an instant he was sure he’d seen someone sitting on the porch but decided it was a shadow from one of the bushes. He either had to hire someone to do some pruning around the place or take time off to do it himself. Another six months and he’d have to use a machete to hack his way to the front door.
He stepped from the warm Jeep into the coldest night of the year so far—at least according to the radio station he’d been listening to on the way home. He was ready for winter. His and Cindy’s skis were waxed, adjusted, and ready to go, propane and wood had been delivered to the cabin, the leak on the roof had been—
The shadow on the porch moved. “What the hell?”
“I’m sorry, I thought you saw me.”
“Karla?” He took a closer look. His heart slammed against his ribs in a sudden surge of fear. “What are you doing out here in the dark? And where’s your car?”
“I walked.” She was curled into herself, her arms folded tightly across her chest, her shoulders rounded.
A dozen questions hit at once, but instead of asking them, Mark took off his coat, wrapped it around her, and opened the door. He led her to the gas fireplace and flipped the switch.
“What’s this all about, Karla? You decided to go for a stroll and just happened to wind up here?” The fear became a cold hand pressed to his spine. She knew he was at Susan’s. If she’d wanted to see him, she would have looked there.
“Kinda.”
Her ears and the tip of her nose were bright red. He cupped her face in his hands, warming her cheeks with his palms and wrapping his fingers over her ears. “Where were you really going?”
“Nowhere. I was just walking.”
There was only one thing he could think of that would put her in this state. “Is Anna all right?”
She nodded.
“Then I don’t understand.”
She came forward, laying her head on his shoulder and tucking her face into his neck. “You know how in every family there’s one person who sets the rules, and fields the problems—the responsible one whose existence al
lows everyone else the freedom to be irresponsible?”
“Yes.” In his family it had been his sister. He’d always felt a little sorry for her even though she’d fought hard to win the role over their brother.
“I’ve always taken the responsible role in our family, whether I needed to or not. I’m tired of the role. I want to stop but I don’t know how.”
Once acquired, the position was almost impossible to abdicate. “Not everything today turned out as planned, I take it.”
“As far as Anna’s concerned, everything turned out perfect. We had exactly the Thanksgiving she wanted us to have, from the four of us in the kitchen preparing the meal to me making the pies.” She tapped his shoulder with her fist. “I should be happy, since she’s the only one who counts in all of this.”
“There you go, acting responsible again.” He pulled her tighter into his arms. She belonged there. He was convinced of it. Now if he could just get her to see it, too.
“I came here to talk to you,” she said. “But I want you to know things without my having to tell you.” She looked up at him. “Does that make any sense at all?”
“Is it anything like me wanting you to know how I feel about Linda breaking her promise to Cindy to take her to see Santa Claus but not wanting to say the words?”
“How do you do that? How do you understand these things when no one else does?”
“It isn’t me, Karla, it’s us. Remember when I told you we’re like puzzle pieces? We connected from the beginning. From the moment Susan introduced us, I had the feeling I’d always known you, that we simply needed to catch up on a few things to get back to where we once were.” The fan came on. He removed his jacket from her shoulders and tossed it on the sofa.
“I don’t believe in psychic connections, or karma, or any of that stuff, any more than I believe in love at first sight.” She was lying. If she hadn’t felt a connection, why would she tell him things she told no one else?
“Too pragmatic?”
“I guess.” She left his arms to stand closer to the fireplace. “Although I prefer to think of myself as a realist.”
He smiled knowingly. “That way, whenever something bad happens you can always convince yourself you were expecting it all along.”
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“A lot. But we’ll save it for another time.”
They might be connected, but they couldn’t be more different. Mark blithely assumed there would be another time, while Karla was convinced there wouldn’t be. A thought abruptly stuck. “Where’s Cindy? Why isn’t she with you?”
“She and Bobby are in the middle of a movie. I came back to take care of the animals. Which I’d better do before they start looking for another home.” He started to leave, then turned, his eyes alive with discovery. “See what I mean? I knew there was a reason I had to come back to the house. I assumed it was Blue and the cats, but they could have waited. They were just an excuse to get me here.”
He spoke with a quiet belief that she didn’t try to counter. If nothing else, she liked that he wanted to believe they were connected. “I have to admit, I’m glad you didn’t wait for the end of the movie. It’s a long walk back, and I don’t think I could have lasted outside much longer.” She could have added how much she needed to be with him tonight, but the words frightened her.
“Do you want me to get you something hot to drink while I’m in the kitchen?”
She shook her head. “I’m doing better now.”
When he came back she was curled in the corner of the sofa, her shoes on the floor, Anna’s jacket on her lap, her feet tucked under her legs. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“What?”
“That I’ve made myself at home, that I’ve intruded on your Thanksgiving, that I’m about to dump even more of my problems on you.”
He sat at the other end of the sofa and reached for her feet, holding them between his hands to warm them. “Dump away. I’m ready for anything you want to send in my direction.”
By the time she finished telling him about Grace, her feet were warm and she was snuggled into his side, where she’d wanted to be all along. “I can’t stand knowing she’s been sitting around waiting for Anna to die. If Anna ever found out—I don’t want to think what it would do to her.”
“Anna’s a pretty sharp old gal. I’ll bet she knows more than you think she does. Have you considered talking to her about Grace?”
“I couldn’t.” She found a snag in his sweater and absently began working on it until it was gone, taking pleasure in doing something for him, wishing it could be more. He’d exposed a domestic side to her she’d tried to deny existed. Something else she would have to deal with when she went home and was alone again.
“Then it will become a secret, and I don’t know one secret that didn’t wind up hurting someone in the end. I’m not saying you have to give Anna all the details, just enough to keep her from wondering why Grace isn’t coming back.”
“Were there secrets between you and Linda?”
“Lots of them—hers, not mine. She had a need for a private life away from ours. I have no idea where the need came from or what it included, only that it crippled our marriage when it spilled over into areas of trust. I didn’t like the people she saw or brought home, but I looked the other way until I found them using drugs with Cindy in the house.”
“Linda’s an addict?”
“She’s a free spirit. At least that’s how she explains herself. If she’s held to the same pedestrian standards as the rest of us her talent will stagnate and she will never fulfill the promise of her God-given gift.”
“I’ve heard that speech from Grace. Or at least one close to it. I thought it was the artists who were supposed to suffer for their art, not everyone around them.”
He touched his lips to the top of her head and softly asked, “Are you suffering?”
She thought about his question. “I’m confused. I’ve always seen Grace the way I wanted to see her. And I’m just beginning to realize that I didn’t help her because I’m such a kindhearted person, I did it because it made me feel needed. Now that she really needs me, I told her it’s time she took care of herself. She doesn’t know where to begin. No wonder she’s angry.”
“You’re doing the right thing, but she’s going to be a long time thanking you for it.”
“I don’t care about being thanked. I’d settle for having her speak to me again before I die.”
“How is her relationship with Heather?”
“All right, I guess. I don’t really know.”
“Will Grace go to her for help?”
“She might, but she’d have to be pretty desperate. Heather isn’t as easy to manipulate as I’ve been and she doesn’t hesitate telling Grace what she thinks.” Karla sat up reluctantly. She didn’t want to leave him. “I should get back. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I’ve been gone a long time.”
“Do you want to call first?” He stood and offered his hand.
She shook her head. “I don’t want to try to explain over the phone.” Standing next to him she saw another snag, this time in the sleeve. She fought an urge to fix it for him. “Thanks for listening, for being here.” She smiled. “For paying attention to the voice that told you to come home to feed the cats. I owe you. If there’s ever anything I can—”
“There is. Come with me tomorrow. I’m delivering the setter to his new home in Grass Valley and Cindy decided she’d rather go to a friend’s birthday party than come with me.”
“I don’t know, Mark. . . . I promised Heather I’d go through some boxes we found out in the garage.” If there’s ever anything I can do for you? Did she mean it, or didn’t she? “What time?”
“I told Tony I’d be there by noon.”
They could be up and back in a couple of hours. “I’d love to go.”
Grace’s car was gone when Karla got back to Anna’s. She thanked Mark again, kissed him and said good night, then w
ent inside, hoping Heather was still up and they could talk. Instead, she found Anna dressed in her old bathrobe, sitting alone in the living room, a book by her side.
“Come in,” Anna said softly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Karla took off Anna’s jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. “Where is everyone?”
“In bed—except for Grace, of course. She left about an hour ago.”
The look on Anna’s face told Karla it was useless to act surprised. “What excuse did she give?”
“An early-morning audition.”
“I didn’t expect her to hang around long. With all the excitement she has in her life in L.A., we must be a pretty boring group by comparison.” Karla sat next to Anna on the sofa. She felt emotionally and physically drained, her mind too filled with questions of her own to successfully field them from Anna.
“I’ve been sitting here thinking about all the mistakes I made with you girls, and I’m afraid I’ve gotten myself in a melancholy mood. So bear with me.” She gave Karla a quick, self-effacing smile. “It’s not something I expect you to do anything about—you couldn’t if you tried—it’s only background.”
The profound sorrow in Anna’s voice was like a hand squeezing Karla’s heart. She wanted to take the sadness onto herself, but didn’t know how. Heather could heal with touch, Grace with openness and humor; Karla simply sat there and waited for Anna to go on.
“There isn’t any money. There never has been. When you and your sisters came to me, it was with broken hearts and half-empty suitcases. We lived on your grandfather’s pension and my Social Security. I put every dime of you girls’ Social Security into the bank for college. Even that and your grandfather’s insurance money wasn’t enough, which was why I sold the house. But then we talked about that before.”
“Why are you telling me this?” She had a sinking feeling she already knew, but couldn’t let go of the small sliver of hope that she was wrong.
Things Remembered Page 19
