“I—” I clamped my lips shut.
“What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.” I had been about to say he could talk to me now. But this had to go at his pace. He needed to be comfortable. Perhaps he needed to be with me, perhaps he needed to release, perhaps he just needed to feel the love the two of us shared. Whatever it was that he needed, I wasn’t going to stand in his way. I looked into his blazing brown eyes. “Please. Please, Talon. Make love to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Talon
She was so beautiful, lying there, her steely blue eyes so trusting. I would turn her world upside down later, but first, I wanted to make slow, sweet love to her, love like we normally didn’t make but love that had its own merits. I liked to dominate her in the bedroom, and she liked submitting to my desires. But this wasn’t going to be about that. This would be the two of us as equals, joining our bodies, surrendering to the love between us.
She watched me with those silver-blue eyes as I undressed slowly. She sucked in a breath when I tossed my shirt on the soft grass. I smiled. I loved that she was attracted to me, that my body pleased her.
“You’re so gorgeous, Talon,” she said.
Her words no longer embarrassed me. They only gave me pleasure, to know that I was making her happy. I took off my boots and socks and then unbuckled my jeans and slid them and my boxers over my hips. When I was naked, I sat down on the bed. She lay on her back, her legs spread slightly, her pink lips glistening, the musk of her sex wafting toward me. I inhaled. God, better than peach pie.
She was wet. I could tell by looking at her hard little nipples, the glassy look in her light-blue eyes. She was wet, and she was ready for me.
So I climbed atop her and slowly slid into her.
That soft sigh escaped her throat, and I closed my eyes, savoring it.
We hadn’t kissed. I hadn’t sucked or pinched her nipples. She hadn’t sucked and licked my cock. All I had done was massage her body, yet we were both ready.
For a moment, I held myself, seated to the hilt inside her warmth, the place where I felt most at home, most right. She completed me. I’d always known I was incomplete because of my past. Never thought I’d be whole. But Jade made me whole. Made me want to be whole.
I pulled out slowly and plunged back in. She sighed beneath me.
“Good, baby?”
“God, yes,” she sighed. “So good. You feel so good inside me.”
I pulled in and out again slowly, our bodies joining, our love—not our passion and desire—the driving force between us. I used soft strokes, and we looked into each other’s eyes, her gaze never wavering. When she curled her lips into a smile, I closed my eyes for just a minute, the most profound sense of love filling every pore in my body.
I reveled in the deep feeling of finally being whole, unbroken. And then I opened my eyes and thrust once more, coming home.
She climaxed around me as I released, both of us panting, moaning, loving each other.
When my climax finally subsided, I rolled off her onto my back. She curled up beside me, snuggling into my arms.
“I love you so much, Talon,” she said.
My eyes were closed, my body sated. “I love you too, blue eyes.”
We lay there for a while as the sun went down. The sky turned pink and orange and fuchsia, and then silver gray, and the first star sparkled in the night sky.
It was so easy to be with Jade. To just be. We didn’t have to be talking, we didn’t have to be making love, we didn’t have to be doing anything. We could just be together—a state of pure being. Everything felt so right.
But it was time.
If I was going to go the distance with Jade, I had to tell her all my secrets. As much as I didn’t want to lay this on her, I had to. And I had to trust that she wouldn’t turn away from me.
“Do you want to sit in the hot tub a while?” I asked her.
She let out a yawn. “Sounds heavenly, but it might put me to sleep.”
“Good point,” I said. “We’ll stay here. Do you want something to drink?”
“Maybe another glass of wine. Or some ice water’s fine too.”
“You got it.” I’d get her both. I got up and ambled into the kitchen, naked as a jaybird, for two glasses of ice water. When I returned I poured two glasses of wine and took a plate of strawberries out of the basket by the bed.
“You’re a gem,” she said, taking first a long sip of water and then a small sip of wine.
“You want a strawberry?” I held one up to her mouth.
She took a delicate bite and licked her lips. “Mmm.”
“Jade?”
“Yeah?”
My nerves tensed up. You don’t have to do this, Talon. You can put it off. No. I had to. I had come so far. I cleared my throat.
“Remember when I told you something happened to me when I was younger? Something horrible?”
She set her glass down on the tray and snuggled up to me, laying her head on my shoulder. “I will listen to whatever you have to say, Talon. I want you to tell me if you’re ready. But I need you to trust in one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. Nothing will ever change how much I love you.”
And in that moment, trapped in her steely blue gaze, I believed her.
I trusted her.
“It happened twenty-five years ago. I was ten.”
* * *
She stayed quiet beside me, letting me talk. She didn’t interrupt. She didn’t ask questions. She let me say my piece. And although she sniffed and I felt her tears trickle against my shoulder, still she stayed quiet, and still I continued.
The words came out of me robotically, without emotion. In truth, I forced it that way. If I had let emotion into it, I wouldn’t have gotten through it. When I was finally finished, she pulled away from me and sat up.
And I saw what I feared most.
The look of pity in her silver-blue eyes.
My ire rose. “Jade, I didn’t tell you this so you could pity me.”
“Is that what you think?” She bit her lip.
“I recognize that look. Yours is not the first face I’ve seen it on. I see it on the face of any person who knows the truth about me.”
“Talon, sit up. Sit up and look at me.”
I did as she asked. I sat up on the air mattress and faced her.
She shook her head. “No, damn it. I mean look at me. Really look at me.”
I didn’t know what she was asking. “I am looking at you. You’re beautiful. But I hate the fact that I caused you tears.”
She grabbed me by the shoulders, something she’d never done before. Then she cupped my cheeks and brought her forehead to mine. “Damn it, Talon. What you see in my eyes is not pity. These tears are not tears of pity. These tears are for a ten-year-old little boy who went through hell and came out of it. These are tears of sadness for what that little boy went through and tears of joy for the man he became—the man I love more than anything.”
“I was so afraid to tell you.”
“Why?”
“I thought you might—” I swallowed the lump clogging my throat. “I thought you might turn away from me.”
She pulled back a ways. “How could you think that? How could you think so little of me? Don’t you believe in the love I have for you?”
I let out a sigh. “Maybe at first I didn’t. But I do now, Jade. I believe in your love for me. And I believe in my love for you. You’re the reason I…”
“What?”
I drew in a breath and let it out slowly, bracing myself, preparing for the words I needed to say to her. “You, Jade. You know how I tried to get my ass blown off while I was over in Iraq?”
“Yes.”
“When I met you, when I realized there was someone in the world like you, I was really glad I hadn’t been killed. I wanted to live. For you. For Joe and Ryan and Marj. And most of all, blue
eyes, for me. You helped me see that my life still had worth, that it was worth trying to work through all the crap that I’ve gone through. Because you deserve the best. You deserve a man who is not broken. And blue eyes, if it takes me the rest of my life, I am going to heal. I’m going to heal so I can be the man you deserve.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jade
My heart was breaking. Talon didn’t need my pity. He’d said as much. Now, everything he’d ever said, everything he’d ever done since we first met made so much sense. My beautiful man. I ached for the little boy he was, to have his innocence stolen in such a horrific and violating way.
But he was here. And he was mine. And goddamnit, I would see that he got through this.
“What are you thinking, blue eyes?”
“I’ll be honest. I have a lot of questions. Not just about what you’ve been through but about your life, your therapy. But I don’t want to push you. I want you to tell me things when you’re ready to tell me.”
“I’ve told you everything. Everything that I remember. I seem to come up with new stuff in therapy all the time. But I am surprised you haven’t asked about a few things.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“The phoenix tattoo. And the missing little toe.”
I gasped. I had been so shaken up by Talon’s story that I hadn’t put two and two together yet. No wonder he was so interested in Nico Kostas and Larry Wade. He thought they were two of his attackers.
“Oh my God, Talon. I’m so sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
“I almost got that tattoo.” I burst into tears. “Oh my God, what if Marjorie hadn’t called that night? What if I had that thing permanently fixed on my body? Oh, God. Oh my God.”
Tears fell from my eyes, liquid poured from my nose, and soon I was congested. I was racking with sobs. I threw myself down onto the comforter on the air bed, weeping into it.
What would that have done to Talon? What would it have done?
Strong hands did not caress my body. Talon did not offer me comfort. I didn’t expect him to. This was self-indulgence, pure and simple. I needed to get hold of myself. This was not about me. This was about Talon. This was not about the tattoo I hadn’t gotten, thank God. How selfish was I?
I gulped down my last sob and sat back up. “I’m so sorry, Talon. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay, blue eyes. It’s okay to cry for me. For a long time I thought it wasn’t okay. I thought it made me weak. But I’ve shed my share of tears since then—during therapy and just dealing with it on my own.”
“You said you didn’t want my pity.”
“I don’t. But if those tears come from your love for me, how can I hate them? I love you, and I’m sorry you have to hurt because of what happened to me.”
“Oh, Talon, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. Thank God I didn’t get that tattoo.”
“I’ve been thinking, blue eyes. Maybe you should get a tattoo. Maybe I should too. Maybe we can pick out something together.”
I sniffed. “That would be nice, Talon. But I know you’re not really into tattoos.”
“I’m into you, blue eyes. Tattoos are important to you, and I can’t let what happened to me rule my life. Getting a tattoo might be a good way of showing myself that it doesn’t.”
“Let’s not rush into anything, okay?” I said. “We have all the time in the world. It doesn’t matter whether we get a tattoo tomorrow or ten years from now or never. What matters is that you are here, and you’re healing, and I’m here, and I love you, and I want to be with you more than anything in the whole world.”
Then Talon turned to me, his gaze meeting mine, his eyes dark and burning, tears brimming.
I could see he was trying to choke them back. I touched his face, skimming one away. “It’s okay, Talon. Everything is going to be okay.”
And then this man—this strong, beautiful, amazing man who’d had his innocence ripped from him at such a tender age yet was a hero to so many—cried in my arms.
* * *
Later, I lay awake in my own room at the ranch house. I desperately wanted to sleep next to Talon in his bed, but I didn’t ask. He wasn’t ready for that yet, and though I knew in my heart and soul that he would never harm me, he wasn’t sure. And I wasn’t about to push him.
My heart was still breaking. I couldn’t even imagine what had truly gone on. I knew he’d glossed over a lot of it for my sake. I had wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to, that I could take it, but I had been determined not to interrupt him, to let him say what he needed to say, the way he needed to say it.
Eventually I must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and light was streaming in through the window. I woke up and hopped in the shower, washing my hair and body. After toweling off, I sneaked into Marj’s room and grabbed a robe again. She was still in the city because she had cooking class today.
I went to the kitchen, started a pot of coffee, and then crept silently down the hallway to the other end of the house to Talon’s room. I opened the door slowly and quietly. I walked to the sitting area and into the bedroom. He was asleep on his back, his arms strewn over his forehead in his custom sleeping position. Roger lay at his feet, his head bobbing up at my entrance.
“Hey there, boy,” I whispered.
Roger panted.
I didn’t want to wake Talon. He was no doubt emotionally spent. So I decided to creep back out.
“Come on, boy,” I said to Roger. “You need to go out?”
The little dog hopped up off the bed and followed me. As I walked out of the bedroom and the sitting room, I heard a voice.
“Blue eyes?”
I turned back in. Talon’s dark eyes were open.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just thought the dog might need to go out.”
“Okay. Yeah, let him out. And then come back in here. I want to hold you.”
I smiled. Sounded good to me. I let Roger out the back and then filled up a bowl of water for him and set it on the deck. Then I went back to Talon.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” he said groggily.
“This is just an old robe of Marj’s. I don’t have any more clothes here, remember? And I didn’t want to put on that green dress from last night.”
“You look smoking hot in that dress.”
My cheeks warmed. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I like you better out of it.”
This time my body warmed.
“Come and sit with me.”
I approached the bed and sat down. He took my hand.
“Did I do the right thing?” he asked. “Telling you?”
I nodded. “It’s best that I know. I know it was hard for you, and it was hard for me to hear it. But now I understand you so much better. I love you, Talon. I want to understand you.”
“You’re sure none of it turned you off?”
“Oh my God, why would it? None of this was your fault. If the same thing had happened to me, would you feel any differently about me?”
He shook his head. “No. Of course not. But it’s different when it happens to a boy.”
“The only thing that’s different is that it’s less common. That doesn’t mean it’s not just as traumatic for a boy—in fact, it’s probably more so.”
“I sure wouldn’t wish it on anyone, living or dead. Except maybe the three fuckers who did it to me.”
“I can’t say I blame you for that.” I rubbed his hand. “And maybe we will find them. But Talon, just because Nico Kostas has a tattoo just like the one you remember and Larry Wade is missing a toe doesn’t mean you found two of the perpetrators.”
His body tensed and he went rigid. Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.
“But we don’t need to talk about that right now,” I said, hoping to defuse the situation. “Would you like some breakfast? I can make scrambled eggs. And toast. That�
�s about it.”
“I don't feel like eating right now, blue eyes.”
I must’ve looked concerned, because he said, “I’m all right. Just tired. Let me sleep for a few more hours, okay?”
I caressed his cheek. “I’d like to snuggle up beside you.”
“I know, baby. One day, I promise.”
I leaned down and brushed my lips over his. “I love you, Talon.”
“I love you too, blue eyes.”
I left the room and quietly closed the door. I went back to the kitchen, let Roger in, and prepared him some breakfast of kibble with a raw egg on top. I poured myself a cup of coffee and then made myself a piece of toast and some scrambled eggs. Once I sat down, though, I found I wasn’t very hungry after all. I took one bite of the toast and picked at the eggs. I did drink a whole cup of coffee and then filled another.
Would Wendy Madigan mind if I called her on Saturday morning? She seemed to genuinely care about the Steels, and she had told me to come back to her once Talon told me everything. At the time, I’d had no idea what everything was, but I sure did now, and I had many questions.
I took my dishes to the sink, refilled my coffee once more, and headed to my room. My cell phone was charging on the nightstand. It was ten o’clock, certainly not early by anyone’s standards. What the hell? I was on pins and needles to know what else she could tell me.
My pulse racing, I punched in her number.
“Hello, Jade,” she said into my ear.
“Hi, Wendy. I hope it’s not a problem to call you on a Saturday.”
She sighed. “No, I’ve been expecting your call. And I’m not surprised it’s during off hours.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but I didn’t want to pry. I had a lot of other prying to do. “I had a long talk with Talon last night. He told me everything.”
“By everything, what exactly do you mean?”
Did she really expect me to spell it out for her? It had been so hard hearing it from Talon’s lips, and I wasn’t sure I could say it. “Wendy…”
“I need to know, Jade, before I can tell you anything else.”
Possession: Steel Brothers Saga: Book Three Page 19
