by Ramy Vance
“Not fast enough,” Suzuki muttered. Hey, Fred, is there anything you can do to help us out? Like real fast.
No, Fred replied.
Wait, what? Why not?
Another screech from within the cave. The krampus was getting closer.
You hurt my feelings earlier, Fred said matter-of-factly.
You have to be fucking kidding me. I hurt an eldritch imp’s feelings? Do you even have feelings?
You called me a bat with stick legs.
That was hours ago! You could have said something by now!
Revenge, human, is best served—
Cold, yes, I know! Fred!
The entrance of the cave was shaking from the pounding footsteps coming toward Suzuki and Sandy. Sandy was still tossing fireballs at the cave’s entrance.
It wasn’t enough.
I was going to say, minutes before death. The pristine moment when life is about to fade but has not started yet. The beautiful anticipation of your death.
Seriously, Fred. That thing in there is huge and it’s going to rip me apart when it gets out here. You’re gonna lose your host.
As the sage of your realm, Kanye West has said, “There’s a thousand yous. There’s only one me.”
Are you fucking quoting Kanye West lyrics to me? I don’t have time for this Fred. I’m sorry. OK? Is that what you wanted to hear? You are not a talking bat.
Most certainly. And my arms?
Your arms?
Tell me about my arms.
Christ. They’re huge. Extremely well defined.
Adonis like?
Brad Pitt. Just perfectly Hollywood chiseled.
Was that so hard, human? Tell your friend to stop wasting time with fire. Use an earth-based spell. It is, technically, elemental magic. She should be able to handle it.
The entrance of the cave burst open as the last krampus split the narrow opening.
The top of the cave cracked open and the krampus forced its head outside, nearly goring Sandy as she leapt out of the way, losing her footing. She reached out for Suzuki and he tried to grab her, but she was too far away.
The krampus forced more of itself outside the cave’s opening, sending rocks and boulders flying. A large rock shot out and struck Sandy in the head, causing her to stumble and pitch over the side of the mountain.
“No,” Suzuki screamed. “Sandy!”
Sandy was gone.
Suzuki stared at the krampus as it forced itself farther out of the cave. He narrowed his eyes and raised his sword as the krampus clawed at him.
Suzuki raised his sword into the air and screamed, “Fuck you, dude.”
Above the krampus’ head, a massive golden sword materialized. It hung in the air for a second before crashing down into the krampus’ neck, breaking apart the rest of the cavern, sending rocks flying everywhere. The ground around Suzuki shook and crumbled. It gave way, and Suzuki went sliding down the side of the mountain into the sloping evergreens.
Then the world went black.
21
Suzuki snapped awake.
He was laying in the middle of the forest, his forehead bloody from a cut above his brow. When he stood, his entire body ached, and he had to stumble to a tree to keep himself from falling.
He drew his sword and spun around awkwardly, trying to find a threat. It took a while for the adrenaline to drain from his system. He sat down when the energy passed and racked his brain for what had happened.
The last thing he could remember was the krampus attacking.
And Sandy freefalling.
“Sandy,” Suzuki shouted as he remembered. He took off into the forest, screaming her name. He couldn’t tell how long he was running before he stopped. Fred?
Yes, human?” Fred answered, writhing around in Suzuki’s mind.
“I need to find Sandy. Help me find Sandy.”
She is most likely dead. Besides, you are in no condition to—
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m fine,” Suzuki forced out. In truth, he was anything but fine. “We have to help Sandy.”
No, human, you are hurt. You are also wearing a full set of armor. And you did not get hit in the head with a rock. If you’re lucky, she’s in a nice pile without blood every—
Shut the fuck up, Fred. I’m not in the mood. Are you going to help me find her or not? Suzuki was making his way to the cliff’s edge.
Fred sighed loudly. I know you are panicking. So let me remind you of one word: magic.
Suzuki raised his sword and shield. He closed his eyes and hoped that this was going to work. “I cast Find My Target,” Suzuki whispered, and his shield began to glow as a bright light shot out of it into the forest.
It zigged between trees and Suzuki took off running after it. He wasn’t able to catch up with the front of the trail of light, but he was close. Blood was pumping in his ears. He couldn’t hear himself think.
All he could see was Sandy, laying somewhere, broken, her limbs jutting out in odd angles, a pool of blood haloing her face, her blank eyes staring ahead.
Suzuki pushed the image out of his mind. This wasn’t the time for any of that. He couldn’t completely rid himself of the dread that was bubbling up in his stomach like vomit.
“Sandy,” Suzuki shouted. “Sandy, can you hear me!?”
The light suddenly dipped and stopped. Suzuki ran up to it until it disappeared in a flash, momentarily blinding him. His vision returned slowly. Laying at the foot of a tree was Sandy. Her forehead was covered in blood, and her eyes were closed. Suzuki ran up to her, cradled her head in his hand, and gently shook her.
“Sandy,” he whispered, trying to hold back his tears. “Sandy, can you hear me?”
Sandy groaned quietly as her eyes fluttered open. She looked up at Suzuki, obviously still dazed. “Suzuki?”
“Holy shit, I thought you were dead!”
“Me? The future Queen of the Armies of the Dead? Psh. Not happening.” Sandy tried to sit up and winced in pain. She touched her side tenderly. “Guess I got a little beat up. That SD card wasn’t a bad idea. Kinda hard to figure out how bad of a beating you can take without armor stats, though.”
Suzuki helped Sandy to her feet. “Hold on.” He clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. “Divine Healing.”
A golden aura encircled Suzuki and Sandy. Suzuki could feel his own bones healing and his torn skin pulling itself together. He could see the deep gash on Sandy’s forehead sealing itself up.
When the circle faded, Suzuki stretched. Everything felt back to normal. All of the pain had disappeared.
He looked at Sandy’s forehead. There was only the faintest trace of a scar.
Sandy playfully shoved Suzuki. “Glad you finally remembered that warrior-mage with a few spells up his sleeve.” She was smiling and looked as if she had enough energy to take off running into the forest.
“Yeah…I guess I’ve been so worried about everything else going on in fights that I forget about the magic.”
“Improvisation, my dude. You could use a couple of classes. Planning ahead is great and everything, but you can’t go forgetting things like this. Maybe it’s time we start running drills again.”
“Drills?”
“Remember when I was having problems with hotkeys? We used to stay up all night going over different combinations and shit. It worked. You, me, and Stew should give it a shot one night. Get a little more organized. Now come on, let’s go find everyone else.”
“Sounds good.” Suzuki clasped his hands together as he cast Find My Target again.
Another beam of light shot out of his chest. “At least, we’ll be able to find the others now.”
“Yeah,” Sandy said as they started after the little beam of floating light. “Time to unsplit this party.”
As they walked, Suzuki felt he should say something. There was a lot that could be said. This was the closest that he’d ever come to death. He was pretty sure it was the same for Sandy.
They’d al
most died.
Almost.
Suzuki wasn’t sure how close they’d actually gotten to the end. But whatever it was about Middang3ard that made them stronger, it also made them more resilient.
But not invisible. If shit ever got out of hand…well, more out of hand than it did already, then they’d be done for and—
Sandy shoved Suzuki, almost knocking him over. “Hey, Suzuki,” Sandy broke in. “You got that stupid look you get when you’re overthinking something. What’s up?”
“I’m not overthinking anything,” Suzuki said. “Just thinking. Has anyone…you know, close to you ever died unexpectedly?”
“A couple.”
Suzuki nodded. “Not me. And I never really thought about anyone I care about dying before, except my mom.”
“No one really does. It just sort of happens. One day, you’re with them, and the next day you know you’re just going to be thinking about them for the rest of your life.”
Suzuki tapped his HUD so that his helmet disappeared. Sandy pointed at Suzuki’s head. “First thing I’m going to do when we get back is find something to cover my head.” Her eyes were tearing up. She wiped away a tear that fell down her face and sniffed loudly. “That’s how my aunt died. Blunt force trauma to her head.”
“Holy shit. What happened?”
“Her husband killed her.”
“Oh my God, Sandy. I’m sorry.”
“There are monsters back home too. At least, here we can do something about it.” Sandy stopped walking and took Suzuki’s hand in hers. “I know we fuck around and joke a lot, but Stew and I know how serious this is.” She smiled. “Fun as hell and very, very crazy. But serious. We talk about it all the time when we’re alone. But you don’t have someone. Beth’s not here. So if you ever need to talk about that, just say something. You don’t have to freak out all alone.”
“I don’t really freak out,” Suzuki said, pulling away to follow the spell.
“Cut the shit. We hear you at night.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You talk in your sleep. And you always say the same thing.”
Suzuki was taken back by this. He had no idea he even snored, let alone actually spoke. “What do I say?”
“Please, Beth. Don’t go.”
Suzuki felt his cheeks get hot with embarrassment. “I…I…”
“It’s okay. You love her.”
Suzuki felt his eyes well up. This was all too much. The fight. The krampuses. Sandy almost dying. And now this. He shook his head. “Ahh, I think…I think we should talk about something else.” Suzuki’s voice quivered, and he took several deep breaths as he focused on holding his tears in.
“All right.” Sandy leaned in and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “But know that Stew and I love you and we’re here for you. Always.”
Suzuki nodded, taking a couple steps in front of Sandy so she couldn’t see the tears he could no longer hold back.
The two Mundanes followed the shining light for another hour. Ahead, Suzuki could see a clearing where a river was flowing, where the beam of light stopped. He could hear children’s voices by the river.
Suzuki pointed. “Come on,” he exclaimed. “We found them.”
Sandy rested her hand on Suzuki’s shoulder until it became uncomfortable enough and Suzuki met her eyes. “Hold on, Suzuki. I have one more thing to say.”
Suzuki stopped. “Do we have to?”
Sandy stepped in front of Suzuki and held his gaze with hers. “You can be afraid of Beth. But you don’t have to be afraid for Beth. You get what I’m saying?”
“Yeah.” Suzuki nodded. “I think so.”
“Good. Come on, let’s go let those jackasses know we’re pissed they aren’t out looking for us.”
Sandy jogged to the river. Suzuki followed her to where the elvish children were sitting by it.
Milos was sitting with them, talking slowly, telling them a story. Stew was pacing back and forth, alternating between picking his face and scratching his scalp.
“This is what you call a search party?” Sandy shouted once they were in range.
Stew spun around fast enough to almost fall. He ran to Sandy and grabbed her, sweeping her off her feet. Unfortunately, he was still running and tripped. They both went tumbling into the grass.
Sandy pushed Stew off her. “Oh, my God, Stew,” Sandy shouted. “Not in public.”
Stew grabbed Sandy’s face and kissed her. “I thought you were dead.”
“Nope, and obviously, you aren’t either.”
Stew kissed Sandy again and held her close. They both sat there, holding each other for some time. Suzuki thought about what Sandy had said. Then he noticed Milos walking up to him, the children peering from behind his stocky shoulders.
Milos clapped his hand on Suzuki’s back. “You three didn’t do too bad.”
“The krampus,” Suzuki started. “It had a…a limb—”
“Not any of the kids’, lad. All arms, legs, and heads are accounted for.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Glad to see that the Mundanes live up to the hype.”
“What hype?”
Milos smiled and handed Suzuki back his ax. “The MERCs watch the games. We usually bet on them. You’ve been winning me money for a long time.”
“You guys watched us play Middang3ard?”
“Oh, yeah. Streamed it right into the Lion. It’s a way for us to keep an eye on the prospectives. And we’ve been watching you Mundanes for a long time. You’re better in the flesh.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Stew and Sandy were finally done hugging. Stew came up to Suzuki.
“Hey, you big lug.”
“Hey, back,” Stew answered.
Stew grabbed Suzuki and hugged him. Suzuki felt the air being crushed out of his body. He wondered how Sandy could ever survive being hugged like that.
Stew let go, and Suzuki could see the tears in Stew’s eyes. “Don’t ever do that shit again, dude. Never split the party.”
Suzuki nodded. “Never split the party,” he repeated.
Milos sighed and waved his hands around like he was trying to ward off a foul gas. “All right, all right, we’re all excited we’re alive. Now let’s get these kids home for Christmas.”
When no one laughed, the dwarf hung his head low before saying, “What? Too soon?” Then, shrugging it off, “We’ve got a long walk and a lot of gold waiting for us, so we best get going.”
“Sounds good,” Suzuki mused dreamily. “Let’s finish this quest. Let’s get home.”
22
The Mundanes heard the Red Lion from miles away. And when they finally did arrive, they were hoisted into the air in chairs.
Mead and ale were placed before them as they were passed around the bar, and every MERC wanted to shake their hands.
Two missions in in a few days? It was practically unheard of for new recruits to be out in the field so much. The rest of the recruits who had come with the Mundanes hadn’t even finished a quest yet.
As usual, the bar was filled with elves, halflings, gnomes, dwarves, and humans. There seemed to be more alcohol in the one room than Suzuki had seen in his entire life.
Suzuki wondered if the MERCs at the Red Lion partied like this every night.
They probably did, and he could understand why.
This seemed like a good way to blow off some steam. And after his near-death experience, Suzuki felt more alive than ever. He also understood that life could be taken away at any moment, so he wanted to make sure to enjoy himself as long as he could.
Sandy had been right. This was serious. But it could also be a lot of fun.
“Speaking of Sandy…or rather, thinking of her,” Suzuki slurred to himself as he looked around the bar. She was nowhere in sight. Neither was Stew.
And, if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t quite put a finger on any one moment in the bar since he’d gotten there.
As so
on as the Mundanes had opened the door, they had been whisked off in a flurry of congratulations, meads, with everyone wanting to have a minute of their time. At that particular moment, Suzuki was sitting at a table of gnomes, explaining how he had spent the previous night.
“I was nursing,” Suzuki said as he finished up his drink. “I wasn’t sucking. Sucking has a sexual connotation. There was nothing sexual about what I was doing. It was survival. Pure survival.”
A deep voice spoke from behind Suzuki. “Much like a babe.” José and the Chipmaster were behind him.
“Wanna join us for a little bit of the ol’ sippy-sippy?” Chipmaster asked.
“You’re damn right I want to,” Suzuki exclaimed. He bid farewell to the gnomes as he jumped out of his seat and followed Chipmaster and José to their table in the quieter corner of the bar.
José put an ale down in front of Suzuki. “Milos told us about that stunt you pulled. That was one ballsy trick.”
Chipmaster leaned forward and tapped Suzuki’s HUD. “I second that one. Never would have thought a little one like you’d hold onto this one’s sage wisdom. Hell, don’t know if I would’ve listened to myself. You Mundanes got a good amount of swagger, don’t you?”
“They’re good guys,” Suzuki replied. “Stew, Sandy, and Beth. They’re solid.”
“Who’s this Beth?”
“She’s…ahhh…my friend. Part of the party. Well, she was, until she got drafted.”
José playfully shoved Chipmaster. “You know Beth,” he reminded her. “The fighter with the buzzcut. Man, she was something else. Your other tank is impressive, but this girl had speed. She was always covering you too. You guys made a great team. Glad to have you with the MERCs. Who knows, maybe you could persuade Beth to drop the whole ‘holier than thou’ routine and join up with us.”
“’Holier than thou?’”
“Not her specifically. I don’t know her. But a lot of those military punks think that they’re cut from a finer cloth than us.”
“Oh.”
The table suddenly shook, and Suzuki realized he had been staring at José. He looked to look at the source of the distraction. Stew was slamming his hands on the table.
