Passion

by Gayle Eden

  He took her in his embrace. After kissing her softly, his thumb brushed her lips, and his eyes that shone. He said before letting her out, “I owe your father a talk, an explanation. Although, he is glad to have you in his life. As a man, I saw the questions in his eyes. This is not the day for it, but he will know I took you away tonight. I do not have pretty answers for the past, not even noble ones, in some people’s eyes. But I owe him.”

  She nodded.

  When they were out, He stood with her by the door and softly kissed her again.

  “It’s not your fault.” She said quietly when he stepped away.

  Raith turned.

  “The plan, me, whatever you think you’re guilty of. I would have done it all anyway, and likely not lived. And…as bad as being with him intimately was, as much as it became torment to see what my mother and others likely suffered, I had my own dark and tormented reasons for needing to. Not healthy, I know, but hate and anger, grief, it gets like a poison…”

  Searching his face, she met his gaze and whispered, “I didn’t stay and do it your way because I had to. I did it that way—because I knew it would work—and I stayed, because I loved you and I understood you. I wanted you to have peace and be whole, but I understood your darkness and silence, and my lashing out…”

  He stepped back toward her. “I knew that. Not, that you loved me, but I knew…”

  She smiled a bit and nodded.

  He touched her cheek. “I sank further into the dark and coldness because I found myself wanting you. I was tormented by guilt, true. I fought every feeling not connected to her. I’m sorry.” He kissed her softly and when arising said, “If there’s a reason we survived this… if there’s such a thing as forever. Do you think we know how to make that forever good for each other?”

  “I do. I do think so.” She smiled at him. “We are terribly passionate people, Raith. Much of that passion has always been for each other. We once used it in darkness, but in life, in really living, there is no limit to what we can do.”

  He smiled too, and it captivated her. It displayed his handsomeness in a completely new light. “You trust me.”

  “I do.” She nodded.

  His smile faded but his eyes were full of emotions when he turned and got in the coach.

  Gabriella slipped inside and up to her rooms. He loved her. She felt it in every eloquent movement and expression. He loved her, but he wanted her to believe he did so for the right reasons.

  Chapter 12

  Caroline walked into the study in the middle of their shouted explanations.

  Silence fell.

  Shored up by whiskey and Gabriella’s words, she drew herself and looked at her father first. “I didn’t expect to run into him, and I did literally. I never anticipated anything other than what was expected of me. I never thought to feel or think anything—other than what everyone assumed, I did. I never wanted… to disappoint you.”

  She turned to Jules next. “I knew someone would ask for me, someone father and society would approve of. And, you, were the enviable prize. Before I met Blaise, I would have gone through the motions. I would have done everything expected of me. I do not have to tell you what that is. You know what your perception of me is. It is my fault, or perhaps the fault of the world we move in. it hardly matters. I even thought I could do it…afterwards. I thought of society, of father, of everything I was supposed to be—and was not anymore. I don’t know—I never expected…to meet anyone or feel anything like that…”

  The hardest part was facing Blaise. He was in his shirtsleeves now, her handprint having faded from his tight cheek. He stood by an open window, almost separate from the group. He still looked strong, mature, and handsome. Every second of every stolen moment with him flooded achingly through her mind.

  “Whether I lied or played a role doesn’t matter. You know, deep inside what was real. You know that both of us admitted to being helpless to it.”

  Aware of Stoneleigh, her father, and the other duke in the room listening, she refused to blush and stammer as she may have before. Caroline reasoned, she had done this, conducted this affair, started it—and this was the man she had lost herself to….and risked much for.

  His face was toward her, the glasses hiding his eyes, but she knew despite his remote expression, he was listening to every word.

  “I’m an heiress, the daughter of a Duke—with a drop of royal blood. Do you think I took risks just to amuse myself? Do you think I knew anything of real attraction or passions, or anything I felt with you? My whole life…people pay, attention to me, look at me, smile at me, and court me, because of who I am. Perhaps, I have a little beauty…but do you think anyone in my world cares?

  You could not see me. You did not know me. How was I supposed to resist that? Even when I knew I should tell you the truth, I selfishly did not want to lose the only thing in my life that was real, that was just mine, something that had nothing to do with my father’s titles, my wealth, my looks—nothing but—me. I had not even had a normal conversation, nor known anyone who listened to me. Really listened…”

  Caroline looked away from him and around at the others, her father, sitting on the edge of his desk, his eyes softly on her, Jules, who wore a slightly ironic smile, and his Grace who smiled too, watching her, but with great affection and slightly misty eyes.

  She sighed and said to her father. “I’m sorry. You must feel as if you do not know me either. I never meant…”

  “No, my dear. I understand, more than you know.”

  She supposed he did.

  She looked at Jules. “I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head. “Not at all. I’m arrogant, guilty of much the same, and underestimate women all the time.” His smile flashed. “I played my role, Caroline. It’s what we do.”

  She nodded and looked back at Blaise. Scraping her teeth over her lip, she said lastly, “I didn’t know who you were. I did not care. I wanted to spend every moment with you. Yes, I lied. I pretended my life was not planned for me, and that others did not have expectations. I stole those moments with you, for myself. But….it appears…who I really am, matters to you after all.”

  She turned to leave, and then turned back to Bordwyc. “I love him. If he cannot forgive me, it still will not make me wed another just to fulfill my role. I can’t…” Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t even really be sorry that I lied to you, to everyone else. I never want to disappoint you, but I’m not a child.”

  “Caroline.”

  She looked over at Blaise who called her name.

  Caroline said softly, “I’m not sorry for slapping you, Blaise. Though you were upset and angry, there was no reason to put it like you did.”

  He touched his cheek. “I’m glad you slapped me.”

  She blinked. “What.”

  He explained wryly, “It proves that you really don’t seem to notice I’m blind.

  She felt the tears roll down. “I only wished you weren’t so you wouldn’t cover your eyes when we’re…”

  Bordwyc cleared his throat.

  However, the parties appeared not to notice. Blaise husked deeply, his expression telling to his father and brother at least, “I don’t need sight to see your beauty and passion, Caroline.”

  It was Jules, who looked at the others with a raised brow and murmured, “I think we should go.”

  However, before they could, Blaise got their attention. He told the duke, “I have nothing Jules does. I have less, I suppose, being blind.”

  He walked over, only reaching out a hand subtly so that he could feel the chair back facing the duke, before he stood there. “I have a minor courtesy title, a military pension, an inheritance that is sizable. I do not care for society. My career, my life, has been in the navy thus that is the world I know…”

  Bordwyc stood, shifting his eyes only a moment to Artis who was smiling, and Jules who was shaking his head, but then he focused on Blaise. “What matters is…”

  “—No,” the Capta
in cut in, seeming to know what he would say. “To a man, it matters. She is your daughter. You know she’s worthy of more, of everything you can give her, and dream for her.”

  “Do you want Caroline?” Bordwyc cut in.

  Blaise swallowed. “Yes.”

  “You love her?”

  That hand holding the chair back curled. “I love her.”

  Everyone in the room seemed to smile, except Caroline who wiped tears out of her eyes that kept coming.

  Quietly, the duke said, “Then I expect you will formally court her, and ask for her.” he paused then added lower, “That is, unless my grandchild is expected early?”

  Caroline was mortified.

  Blaise did not help that by saying, “I don’t know.”

  While Jules and his father laughed, Blaise finally walked to Caroline and touched her face. To everyone in the room, who watched and stilled, it did not matter what anyone said, the tall Captain, glasses or not, touched Caroline’s face and his thumb swiped her tears softly. Caroline covered his hand, her eyes closing.

  Blaise spoke to her as if they were the only two in the world, the only two that mattered. He spoke to her as one did a beautiful woman, a cherished and loved woman. One, who was his world, He husked softly, “You’ve been to my home, and you know what I am and have been. I will never be or have what you deserve, Caroline. I may never have full sight…”

  “I like your house. I like who you are and what you have been. You’re vastly more interesting than Stoneleigh.” She ignored the duke’s laugh. “I know you’re brave, strong, and independent. You do for yourself. You build life, you live it, and you listen to me. You see more of me, understand more than anyone, who I am.”

  Both hands now cupped her cheeks. “Do you want me to court you?”

  “I want you to marry me.” She bit her lip. “I want to be yours.”

  That obviously moved and shocked him. He forgot himself and kissed her, a rather deep and passionate one. Caroline apparently forgot everyone too.

  When the kiss was over, Bordwyc cut in before they were carried away, “Acquire a special license, LeClair. We’ll see about the wedding details.”

  “You be sure, my love,” Blaise urged Caroline, obviously struggling with the knowledge that she could have a more wealthy and titled man—a sighted man.

  Her arms went round him. She said against his neck. “I have been yours since that first kiss. Marriage will satisfy others and society, but I have been yours completely—from the moment we met.”

  It was a few hours later, Jules rode to Blaise’s house, he and his brother still talking. Ry, who appeared amused at them all, sought his bed, but the brothers sat up past dawn, enjoying coffee by the fire.

  At one point Blaise said, “Don’t do it?”

  What?”

  “Offer me money, a bigger house.” Blaise smiled wryly. “Either she wants me, modest as I can keep her, or…”

  “You’ll have to take her fortune, and trust me, it’s likely bigger than mine.”

  Blaise shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  Jules rolled his head to watch the fog roll in. “I’ve been lying too. I’ve been with someone…”

  “Been with…is that like my saying I took her virtue, when actually…”

  Jules laughed softly. “I see. But, no. I’ve…for the first time in my life, I’ve… feelings, for someone.”

  “Who?”

  “Caroline’s best friend.”

  Blaise actually laughed. “Harry!”

  “Um. Put that together, did you?”

  “Just.”

  Jules sat up. “She left. We had a row…of sorts. Actually, that was the moment I realized she had feelings for me. And to be honest, I have never felt anything like the challenge and excitement…”

  “What will you do?”

  “Nothing I can, until she returns. I do not know where she is. I doubt Caroline does either.”

  “I think you need that.” Blaise stood and they walked toward the entry door. “Someone unconventional. I suppose…we all know that moment, the difference, the feeling…the passion.”

  “It’s not easy for me. It won’t be.”

  “You mean by society standards. Who the bloody hell cares. We lived in a pretend world, we have seen what loveless marriages do to the people, and the children. Do not trade anything real for that. Father can tell you how empty it is. What a high price he paid.”

  Putting up his coat collar, Jules glanced at him. “He’s dying. Father. His heart is giving out…”

  Blaise sighed heavily and raised his head as if looking back through time. “Bloody cruel joke that. Considering.”

  “I think he’s happy. At peace.”

  “You must tell him about your….lady.”

  “I will.”

  As he got in his coach Jules said, “We’ll all have dinner soon. Lady Caroline, Raith, before he leaves…I’m hosting.”

  Yes.”

  * * * *

  The coach rolled away. Blaise went in and up to his rooms. Once there he sat heavily on the side of the bed.

  “Caroline.” He breathed and then lay back. “I wouldn’t have given you up anyway. I couldn’t have.” Taking off his glasses, he lay them aside and imagined her as his bride, his wife.

  Recalling her passion, he smiled, he would have forever to pleasure her, to listen to her voice and hear her laugh.

  But…bloody hell—He could not quite believe who she really was!

  ~~

  A few weeks later

  “I can’t believe I’m letting you do this,” Gabriella kept watch on the dark street whilst Caroline broke into her friend’s house.

  “Well,” said Caroline, working the knitting needle between the lock and catch. “What choice did she leave me? How dare she go off and not tell me. She’s my best friend, I can’t get married without her.”

  Gabriella laughed, then felt Caroline tug her sleeve as the lock gave.

  Inside, Caroline found a candle and lit it.

  “Couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Blaise told you she’s in love with Jules…”

  “Well yes. Particularly if she has some misguided notion, it affects our friendship. Harry may be bold but she’s honest, and has honor so I assume that though knowing I loved someone else…”

  They were sifting through papers on the messy table when Gabriella saw the handbill. “You really were looking for me.”

  Caroline joined her and stared at them. “Yes. Have you seen those before?”

  “I remember them, but I have none saved.” She touched her fingers to the drawing of her mother.

  “Take it, Harry won’t mind.”

  From the stairs came a voice that made them both jump, saying dryly, “It’s not enough you break in my house, now you’re stealing from me?”

  “Harry!” Caroline put the candle down and ran toward her.

  “Be careful of those books and papers. Honestly Caroline, you’ll burn the place down…” However, she was laughing when Caroline caught up and hugged her.

  After the embrace, Harry told Gabriella. “Please, do take them. And welcome.” Casting a dry eye at her friend, she turned Caroline and they walked down to join Gabriella. After lighting lamps, they all settled in the sitting area.

  “Where the devil did you go!” Caroline asked.

  “To the country.” Harry shrugged, snuggling her robe around her.

  Studying the two as they talked, Gabriella could see the strain on Lady Harriet, and she knew the signs of a woman who had been suffering and unhappy—no matter how lighthearted she pretended to be with Caroline.

  “You really must let me know before taking off like that, Harry. I need you at my wedding. I’m getting married.”

  “I know.” Harry looked away and met Gabriella’s eyes before looking down at the floor. “You told me, remember.”

  “Oh. That. Lord no. I am not marrying Jules. I am in love with his brother—Blaise. Only, I didn’t know the Captain was
his brother.”

  Harry blinked. “That Captain…that was your…”

  “You know him?”

  “Yes.”

  “But how?”

  Gabriella cut in, “Raith stayed here after the fire. Actually, Lady Harry played a role in saving him, I think.”

  After a moment Harry told Caroline what occurred the night of the fire.

  Caroline was contemplative for some moments afterwards. She said at length, “It makes so much sense now. The Captain…Blaise, was upset, and then we could not meet. Nevertheless, I wish someone would have told me. You should have trusted me, Harry, I realize I was in my own mess…”

  “Yes. However, they were not my confidences. The Duke asked me…”

  “Of course.” Caroline waved her hand and asked bluntly, “Do you have feelings for Jules, Harry?”

  “Why would you ask me that?” Gabriella watched Harry get up and pace.

  Caroline stood and stared at her until Harry looked at her. “We’ve established I’m not a child, my friend. If you are my friend, then let us talk like women, like adults. Harry, I want you in my life. I cherish our friendship. Despite my distraction of late, I want to be a friend to you too.”

  Harry, arms held tight about herself, whispered back to Caroline, “I hated feeling what I did, knowing that if you weren’t already paired with him, you would be. I didn’t want to care for Stoneleigh, who does? I mean, beyond the obvious fact that half the females in London likely dream of him…I did not want to feel it. He was so cold, arrogant, and detached. I was invisible to him and…”

  Harry sighed and found her chair again, raking her hands through her hair, elbows on her knees, she let her forehead rest in her palms a moment. “I could always hide it. I was never around him intimately, and he never condescended to speak to or notice me. And then that night…there he was, and you’d be shocked, my friend, at what…”