by S. M. Butler
“That one? Not much that they can crack.”
“How do you know that?”
“I’m very good at what I do, Bambi.” She poured herself another glass of water and downed it in two gulps and then started getting dressed.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like? I’m leaving.”
“No, you’re not.” I said. “You have a head injury. You need to take a day or two and let yourself heal.”
“I don’t have a day or two, especially if they manage to crack my laptop.”
“You just said they won’t. So what’s the harm in a couple of days?”
“I can’t…” She swallowed, and for a second, she let some emotion leak through her expression before she recovered. “I can’t stay here. I have to get to Va—” She stopped and cleared her throat, but I’d already caught it.
“Valonia. That’s where you’re going. That’s all the way on the other side of France.”
“Well, the cruise line was going to Barcelona, and then I was going to take a train, but—”
“Because of me, you got off early.”
“Yes,” she replied flatly. “I came to Funchal to get my stuff from Afonso and then I was going to get back on the ship and take it to Spain.”
“A plane would have been faster. Thirteen could have—”
“I didn’t want Thirteen involved. This is a personal matter. And Jack would have expected me to fly straight into Valonia. Or so I thought.”
“He anticipated you going to see Afonso.”
“Looks like. Jack can definitely pay more than I can. I guess he had Afonso steal my laptop, maybe to find out what we know about Giroux Enterprises now that Alex is in charge. But I’ve improved my encryption programs since Jack. He knew my old ones pretty well, but I trashed those as soon as he left.” She paused, obviously thinking of her old partner. I couldn’t fathom one of my teammates betraying me like Allen did to her. I’d have been devastated, and probably going on a hunt a lot like she was.
“So Jack is working for Alex?”
“That’s what I hear,” she whispered. She glanced at the water glass in her hand and sighed. “This should be vodka.”
“Head injury, Cady.”
“Yeah, I know,” she replied.
“Let me help you.”
Her jade eyes cased over me. “This is a personal matter. It doesn’t concern you.”
“Whether you believe that or not, it concerned me the second you decided to go after him. Now, you can tell me what I need to know, to help you, or I will keep following you, keep hunting you down until you can’t sneeze without me handing you a tissue, no matter where you are.”
She was livid. I could see it, but she had to understand. What we did together, the nights we’d hung out or had sex or whatever it was that we did, it had affected us both. She wasn’t willing yet to acknowledge that yet, but she knew it.
“We need to keep this professional,” she said. “I can’t… I don’t want you jeopardizing this mission because of your feelings for me.”
“Don’t worry about me, darling. Strictly professional.” I couldn’t help but poke at her a little. She scowled, but when she rolled her eyes, I knew she’d realized my intentions.
“And no sex. I don’t want to be caught off guard.”
“Now that’s just wrong,” I said. “You’re cutting me off.”
“I think it’s safe to say that our relationship is too complicated for casual sex. We’re working together… for now,” she stressed those two words. “We need to keep this of a professional nature.” This time her lips turned up in a smug smirk.
“You know, the bitchier you get, the more it turns me on,” I grinned at her. “I’ll try my darnedest to make my penis behave around you.” I saw it. She almost laughed. Instead, she covered it up with another scowl. Oh, yeah. This was going to be lots of fun. Tormenting her was going to be the best thing ever.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Cadence
We took a train the rest of the way into Valonia. It was a three day trip, so I managed to convince Dylan that I could let my head heal on the way. He wasn’t happy, but he went along with it.
He’d become quite protective of me lately, which both scared and thrilled me. I’d never had anyone willing to be my protector before, and I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I’d thought having a partner again would just slow me down, but instead it was the other way around. He was keeping me up.
We were a few minutes outside of Valonia’s one international train station. We’d packed, not that we had a lot. It was one thing I liked about our similarities. We could travel light.
Dylan put his hand over my forehead, pulling me back against his hard chest. I leaned against him, inhaling the spicy scent of his aftershave and enjoying the feel of his body against mine. “This is not professional, Bambi.”
He chuckled, which sent a shudder of desire up my spine. “Nope. But I wanted to make sure you weren’t running a fever.”
“You could just ask.” I pulled away and turned to face him. “Touching isn’t necessary.”
He grinned and yanked me back to him, his arms surrounding me and his body flush against mine. The only place I could put my hands were on his chest but I couldn’t make myself push away. It felt too good to be in his arms. I gazed up at him, studying the hard jawline and the laugh lines he had along his mouth and the corners of his eyes. How much of a laugher did he have to be to be twenty-two and already have laugh lines?
“Touching is always necessary.”
He tilted his head toward me, and paused. “You’re not wearing any lipstick, are you?”
The question was so unexpected that I laughed. “No. Not today.”
“Good,” he whispered.
His lips touched mine, electrifying me, hungrily devouring me. I was lost. His tongue slid along mine, sliding, writhing, like I’d imagined our bodies doing over the last few days. It seemed the less we touched regularly, the more I wanted him, the more I craved him. I was addicted.
We parted, both of us gasping for much-needed air. I stepped back from him, because I couldn’t think right with him so close. I couldn’t decide if I wanted more or if I was going to panic.
He smiled, a knowing grin brightening his face. “Are you going to run now?”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“No. You’re afraid of us. Of what we could be. What we are.”
“And what are we?” I demanded hotly. “Fuck buddies? Friends with benefits?”
“We’re two sides of the same coin. One side exposed to the sun, the other buried in the dirt for years. But dirt can always be washed away.”
What the fuck did that mean?
“This was a mistake,” I whispered. But my conviction wasn’t there and he knew it. My voice had been weak and quiet, so unlike me normally. “We can’t do this.”
“I know I said I wouldn’t touch you, Cady. But I lied. I can’t not touch you, anymore than I could not breathe.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. I couldn’t even speak. The conductors came through the the car, just beyond our compartment, letting everyone know we were coming into station. It was the perfect distraction. I took another step away so I could breathe, not moving my eyes away from his. I still couldn’t breathe. I was frozen in icy terror.
~*~*~
Dylan
Maybe I’d pushed the girl who was skittish of relationships of any kind, including friendships a little too hard. But if anything over the last few weeks had gotten into my mind, it was the realization that I definitely had feelings for Cadence Long, and I needed her to realize she had feelings for me too.
Maybe that was why I let her take the easy way out when the train stopped. She wasn’t trying to disappear on me, just get away, so I backed off. I followed a couple steps behind, content to let her escape the train on her own.
We walked along Valonia’s transportation hub in uncomfortable silence. Finally, I sp
oke to break the silence more than I wanted information. “What’s the plan here?”
“We travel to the capital. Jack’s there.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
Shut out again. She knew something though, something she had not shared with me, and it was making her uneasy to think of it. How would she know that Jack Allen was in the capital?
“Do you have a contact or know someone that saw him?” I asked.
She shook her head but didn’t answer my question.
“Did you see him?”
Another head shake.
“How do you know for sure at all?”
“Because he found me,” she snapped. She stopped and looked at me. “Bambi, I know you mean well, and I appreciate you caring enough to stick around, but you need to quit asking questions. If you need to know, I’ll tell you.”
She whirled around and started to walk away. That last sentence pissed me the hell off, because I wasn’t about to be dismissed like my security clearance wasn’t enough. I stalked after her and grabbed her wrist. I turned her back around and growled. “No. This is not happening. I’m tired, Cady. I have been drugged unconscious, cuffed to a bed, clocked by a big, fat guy who apparently steals laptops, and now I’m being dismissed like I’m a fucking child. And most of that, you did. Newsflash lady. I’m only four years younger than you. Just because your life wasn’t all unicorns and rainbow poop, just because someone chose to hurt you, doesn’t mean that everyone else wants to do it too.”
It was silent for a moment, the only sounds were the people passing us by and the birds flying overhead, and the trees swaying in the wind. She glanced at me. “Unicorns and rainbow poop? Really?”
“Too much?”
“No. Not too much.” She sighed, looking around us like she couldn’t stand looking at me. “It’s pretty much right on. I’ve held everyone away since Jack, but only because that was the most vulnerable I’d ever been in my life, and he exploited it. Exploited me.”
“I’m not him, Cady.”
“Logically, I know that.” She nodded, looking toward the fountain of some dead Valonian monarch. These people were nuts over their royals. “The reality is that the line is blurry for me. I’m not there yet.”
“I can wait for you. I would wait for you.”
“I might never be ready, though.”
“I think you will be, someday.” I glanced out of the corner of my eye. “I’d like to be there when you are.”
“I wish I could be as sure as you are.” Her smile was sad as she started walking away. I stayed at her side. Moments passed as we walked, like we were just another couple out for a stroll.
There was more in her eyes, more she wanted to say, but didn’t. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I’d broken through her defenses a little, maybe I’d made her believe that trust wasn’t really evil.
Baby steps, Bambi.
Damn it. Now she had me calling myself Bambi.
~*~*~
Cadence
“So what’s your plan? You going to go knock on Jack Allen’s door? Ask him to tea?”
I side-eyed Dylan as we entered the room we were staying in. This wasn’t near as posh as the one I’d woken up at in Portugal, but we weren’t staying in the tourist district of Valonia’s capital. We were staying just outside the city limits, at a small bed and breakfast inside the Boudin county lines.
“Cady? Talk to me. What are you thinking?”
Dylan was asking too many questions. Like he was sticking around. I couldn’t afford to have him around. He’d either slow me down, or he’d get himself hurt.
The house was owned by this gorgeous older couple who only spoke French. With Valonia’s proximity to the French and Swiss borders, that wasn’t surprising. Dylan didn’t know the French or German, two of the four national languages, but I knew them fluently. Luckily, most of Valonia spoke English because it was such a huge touristic destination, so Dylan wouldn’t be sticking out like a sore thumb. Still, he looked like the All-American Boy. Anyone with half sense would see Dylan for the military man he was.
“No answer, sweetness?”
I was really getting sick to death of the pet names he’d decided to call me. Babe. Darling. Sweetness. It made me want to punch puppies. I set my backpack down and crossed my arms. “You’re being kind of an ass, right now.”
“Who, me? In like, the most romantic room ever?” He spread out his arms and turned around to show off the room. “I would never.”
It was a nice room. A king size bed in the center was the sole focus. Pretty butterfly and flowers wallpaper looked as if it was straight out of a fairy tale. The floor was carpeted, with an area rug over it that matched the wallpaper. It was really darling, like we were damn honeymooners. But that was the cover. It fit, except that was the last thing I wanted to be.
I glared at him but he only laughed at me. “Doll, you need to not be so serious.”
“Well, maybe you should be more serious,” I shot back.
He stepped over to me, too close for comfort. I kept my arms crossed, because I was fairly sure I’d melt into him if I didn’t. He made me have this reaction to him. I hated it. I loved it. Hell, I didn’t even know anymore. His hands slid up and down my upper arms. “Sometimes, you just gotta laugh, honey.”
In that moment, our eyes met and locked. Gone was the whimsical Dylan who couldn’t even have a conversation without cracking a joke, usually one that was offensive to someone in the conversation. His dark eyes probed my face, searching for something I wasn’t sure I had to give.
“Remember what I said about staying professional?” I whispered. He nodded but did not reply. I was glad. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to continue if he spoke. “Fuck it.”
The grin that sprouted was so broad, I was afraid it might break his face. He cupped my face in his large, hot palms. He leaned in and gently kissed me, caressing my lips with his in a gentle fashion when I needed more from him. “I’ve been waiting for you to figure that out, sweet pea.”
With those two words, everything inside me shut down. Panic arose. I stumbled backward, tripping over the bed post and fell on my ass. All the sounds of the calm Valonian night disappeared. Those dark eyes that really weren’t so dissimilar from Jack’s stared me down. I shook my head violently as he reached for me, his mouth moving, but his voice never reaching my ears. I cupped my hands over them and scooted as far from him as I could. Logically, I knew he wasn’t Jack. Logically, I knew he wasn’t the man that put two holes in my chest. But emotionally… those two words… with those two words, he shattered me.
CHAPTER NINE
Dylan
Long moments of silence engulfed the room. Cady was holed up in the corner of the room, her rapid and shallow breath loud in the quiet. I wasn’t completely sure what had just happened. We had been so close to actually sharing a real moment, and the next, she was rocking in the corner.
“Cadence.” I used her full name, because I didn’t think she’d respond to my shortened version of it. She swallowed and her jade eyes met mine.
Panic filled them, anxiety painted all over her face. I’d never actually seen her afraid the entire time I’d known her. But in that moment, I didn’t see Cadence Long, former NSA agent. I saw a woman who was afraid for her life.
I put up my hands and backed away from her, sitting down in the armchair in the corner. Her eyes tracked me the entire time, never moving away, never blinking. I didn’t like seeing that fear on her, and I liked even less that I’d caused it.
She pushed herself up to her feet, using the wall as leverage to do so. She swallowed hard, and was breathing like she’d run a marathon. “I… We… this isn’t working right.”
“Cady… talk to me.” I started to stand, but she tensed, so I sat back down.
“No. I’m not going through this again.”
Going through what again? What the hell had happened anyway? She shook her head, and slid her back along the wall u
ntil she reached the door.
“Cadence?”
“No!” She snapped, and in the blink of a moment, she ran out of the room.
Something had triggered some kind of anxiety attack. I could see it in her eyes, and I hated it. I didn’t want her to be afraid of anything, much less me. I rubbed my hands over my face. We’d had a good time these last six months. We’d gotten to know each other… except that we hadn’t. She had held herself back at every turn, and now she was starting to unravel. The thing about it was that I wasn’t sure what exactly was making her unravel. Was it chasing after Allen? Or maybe it was having me as a partner? Or maybe she had finally reached her limit with everything.
Maybe it would be best to give her space, to sit back and let her figure things out on her own. Pushing her was just making things worse. I stood and walked to the door, but she wasn’t in the hallway. I could hear movement downstairs in the kitchen. It was time to let her figure this out, and let her come to me if she needed me. In the meantime, I’d be there for her, as a friend, as a partner. Because that was what we’d become. Thirteen didn’t officially have partners. That wasn’t how the team worked. But this was how we were working, or how we best worked. Maybe that’s what she needed.
I sighed and flopped back on the bed, staring up at the textured ceiling. If she couldn’t keep herself together, I’d have to call Master Chief and tell him, but I didn’t want to make a premature call. Tomorrow, we’d deal with this. Tomorrow, I’d find out just how far Cadence Long had unraveled.
~*~*~
Cadence
I didn’t sleep well that night. I couldn’t. I knew he didn’t mean to, but Dylan had awoken a ghost from my past, one I’d never really learned to live with. It haunted me, stalked me relentlessly. It was so well hidden inside my head that I hadn’t realized it was a problem. No one but Jack had ever used that nickname with me, and so I’d associated it with him. Dylan wasn’t Jack, and logically, I knew that. I couldn’t stop the association.
So there I was, hiding downstairs in the sitting room rather than talking to the man and telling him the truth. Perhaps it was telling that Dylan didn’t come after me. I’d finally crossed the line from sanity to crazy town. This kind of panic attack had never happened before, not to this severity. I’d had nightmares for months while I was in recovery. The mere mention of “sweet pea” had made me nauseous for a while. After a longer time, it had dulled to just niggling at my consciousness when it happened. A bad eye twitch type of thing. I certainly wasn’t expecting such a powerful anxiety attack. And I knew the symptoms well enough to know that this was what it was.
