by Rebecca Pugh
About to get up and carry on with the packing, she paused and looked back at the box. It didn’t take long for her to make her decision. She pulled the album back out into the open and retrieved the postcards. With them clutched to her chest, Jessica hurried upstairs to the guestroom to put them somewhere safe. She wanted to keep on an eye on them, for reasons unknown. For now.
Chapter Six
‘God, I miss you, Jess. It’s not the same without you here.’
‘I miss you, too Sar.’ Jessica smiled as she spoke into her phone. The boxes containing the items from the lounge had been removed from Bluebell House. Rueben had piled them into the back of his van and taken them to a nearby storage unit until Jessica knew what she was going to do with them.
The lounge, as she walked around it now, felt bare and empty. When she thought about it though, it had always felt that way anyway, with or without furniture. To her, it wasn’t furniture that built a home, it was the memories. It looked nothing like it had when she and Esme had begun their work in there that very morning. The only thing that remained was the fireplace looking forlorn against the wall.
‘I’m shocked that you made the decision to sell it, Jess. I mean from what you’ve told me, it sounds like a beautiful house. I understand that it holds a lot of tough memories for you but couldn’t you learn to let them go over time? Put them aside? I mean, your parents must have loved you if they left Bluebell House to you, right? And really, are you going to let pesky emotions get in the way of taking what’s yours? It could be epic living there. Just imagine it. You’d live in a big old manor house in the countryside, for God’s sake! Just think of the parties you could throw! How big is the garden again?’
Jessica lingered beside the window and looked out onto the empty driveway. She’d imagined that very thing a hundred times already. She was getting tired of it now. She always came to the same conclusion. She would not be able to live in Bluebell House. Her decision had already been made, anyway, so it didn’t matter anymore. ‘I wish it was easy as that, Sarah. I really do. Think about it, though. It’s been almost ten years and I’m still not over it all. Before I’d even stepped inside, I was remembering everything that had happened here. How alone I’d felt, how unhappy I’d been. It’s like Bluebell House has a hold over me. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true. It has a hold over me and I can’t shake it off. Surely ten years is a long enough time, isn’t it? To get over something? If I’m not over it by now, then I don’t think I ever will be. Besides, it’s too big for me. What would I do with all these rooms? No,’ she said firmly. ‘Living here is completely out of the question. Selling Bluebell House is the right thing to do, and you and I both know that, so stop trying to change my mind. It’s done. End of discussion. Anyway, there’s no way I can live here. What about work? What about you? I have my life in London, Sarah.’
Sarah laughed. ‘Before we move on, let me tell you exactly what you could do with all of those rooms. Fill it up with your own family, Jess! Start afresh. Better yet, let me and Luke come and live with you. You could rent half of the house to us and keep the other half for yourself. Now there’s an idea.’
Jessica smirked. That could be fun, she supposed, in dream-land. ‘Yeah, right. Like you’d leave London for Bluebell Hill? I’ve already told you. There are no nightclubs or bars here. There’s no gym, no nail or hair salons… I don’t think you’d last more than two days here. Tops.’
Sarah remained silent, her imaginings of living in Bluebell Hill fading. ‘So, when you’re not dealing with the house side of things, what do you do for fun? I mean, how bored must you be? Do you have internet there?’
‘Sarah, I’m not here for fun. Plus, packing up the house is keeping me nice and busy. You wouldn’t believe how much stuff is here. Also, I have Esme to chat to. She’s the best company a girl could ask for.’
‘Well, yes, I know, but… You’ve got to have something else to do besides packing up the house and speaking to Esme. She’s like, what? Seventy something?’
Jessica stifled a snort. ‘She’s sixty-three, actually.’ She thought of Rueben for a moment and wondered whether she should mention him to Sarah. Oh, why not? ‘There is actually, erm, a really nice man here. I met him on the train down. He’s made things a lot easier for me. Really friendly, and it’s nice to have a friendly face around, considering everything that’s—’
‘A what?’ Sarah cut in sharply.
Jessica rolled her eyes as Sarah continued, barely pausing for breath.
‘A man? Who is he? Where the hell has he come from?’
‘Sarah! Stop! Jeez, you’re crazy.’ But, despite Sarah’s craziness, Jessica went on to tell her all about Rueben. In truth, she couldn’t help herself. ‘His name is Rueben Greer and he lives in the next town over. He’s a sort of… handyman, I suppose you’d say? He works on the gardens, as well as anything else that people might need doing in the house, painting, that sort of stuff. He’s been really nice to me while I’ve been here. Helping out. He even did some shopping so that I’d have food in the house.’ She smiled to herself as she remembered barrelling into him in the kitchen, and how hard his stomach had felt. Rock solid beneath his t-shirt. ‘He’s a bit of all right, actually. Dark-brown hair, these gorgeous green eyes. I suppose you could say that he’s a bit “fit”. I like him.’
‘Wow. So, what are you going to do? Surely there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of a fling while you’re down there?’
Jessica shook her head. ‘No. No flings. I really can’t cope with a fling as well as everything else. Plus, I’ll be gone once I’ve sorted everything with the house. Anyway, he’s just a friend, nothing more.’
‘Hence a fling. A fling only lasts for a short while, Jess. And friends can have flings too. Oh my God, you deserve a little downtime, and from the sounds of things, he’s dishy! Why would you even stop to think about it? Just do it! Kiss him! Have a bit of fun!’
‘Sarah, I’m supposed to be in mourning, not looking for a playmate. I’ve recently attended my parents’ funeral and I’m now packing up their home. It’s not really the best time for a fling.’
‘I really don’t understand you sometimes, Jess.’
‘What?’ she asked with a frown.
‘Listen. What you’re going through right now is a pretty exhausting situation, emotionally and physically. From what you’ve told me, Rueben is actually a really nice guy, someone for you to lean on when things get tough down there. He doesn’t seem to mind either, which is already a winning point in my eyes. What’s the harm in a little fun?’
Jessica sighed. ‘I just don’t think that now is the best time for something like this to be going on. There’s too much to do, too much to sort out. It’s just really inconvenient.’
‘Pffft. Inconvenient my arse. You’re just scared.’
‘I am not,’ Jessica argued, feeling a childish pout coming on.
‘You totally are. Jessica McAdams, you’re terrified of getting close to anyone because of your parents. When will you finally admit that to yourself? A fling doesn’t mean that you need to get seriously involved. It’s just a bit of light-hearted fun to keep up your spirits when things get tough. Are you just going to torture yourself for the whole duration of your stay in Bluebell Hill?’
Jessica frowned. ‘If torture means enjoying some male company, purely as friends, then yes. I’m going to torture myself.’
The truth was, as much as she was attracted to Rueben, she just couldn’t deal with the added pressure of a relationship right now, and she knew that Sarah was right in what she’d said about her parents. Her history with them had resulted in her not wanting to feel the way they’d made her feel again. Sarah continued to mention the idea of a ‘fling’, but even that felt like too much. She was more than happy to continue with the smiles, the shared fleeting glances, the admiration of his physical appearance, but anything more than that just seemed like too much to take on and too much of a risk.
After a couple of minutes more
of conversation, Jessica rang off. ‘Right, I better go. Rueben is cooking me a meal tonight.’
‘Oh my GOD, Jess! What are you do—’
She hit the end call button and left the lounge smiling to herself. That’d teach Sarah, wouldn’t it?
***
‘Wow. Rueben, this is delicious.’
Later that evening, Jessica was slurping up homemade tomato and basil soup opposite Rueben in the dining room in Bluebell House. He’d remained true to his word and had cooked for her. Apparently, he’d gotten a little carried away in the kitchen, so he’d decided to go the whole hog and whip up a three-course meal for them both, which was absolutely fine by her. She’d never been one to turn down food, least of all a three-course meal provided by a real-life action man, muscles and rugged good looks included.
‘I’m glad you approve.’ He grinned heartily, dipping his spoon into his own bowl and glancing up at her. ‘I’ve learnt everything from my parents. The cooking from Mum and the gardening from Dad.’ He picked up a slice of crusty bread and tore off a chunk, before dipping it into the soup and taking a bite with his even, white teeth.
‘Seriously, it’s ridiculously good.’ She peered up at him as she blew on her spoonful. ‘What’s for main?’
Since returning to Bluebell Hill, her appetite had seemed to grow and grow. There was something about the fresh, country air that made her want to fill up on wholesome, tasty food and she just couldn’t seem to get enough of it. After tasting this offering from Rueben, she was keeping her fingers crossed that he offered to cook for her again. She’d be more than happy to taste a few more dishes from the hands of this chef.
Rueben grinned and licked the soup from around his lips. ‘Do you like spaghetti bolognese?’
‘I love spaghetti bolognese.’ They shared wide, childish smiles.
‘And I’ve made a chocolate cheesecake for dessert.’
Jessica sighed. ‘God, that sounds good. You really are into the whole cooking thing aren’t you?’ Was this man the perfect package or what?
He nodded. ‘Like I said, gardening is my thing. Cooking, too. What about you? What’s your “thing”?’
She pursed her lips as she thought about it. ‘I really like reading. Well, I love reading. That’s my passion, and I’m pretty lucky in being able to work in the industry as my full-time job.’
He nodded, twinkling eyes studying her as he finished his soup and sat back in his seat. ‘I’ve never been much of a reader myself but it’s a good hobby to have. What kind of books do you like to read?’
‘Romance, mostly.’
He smirked, his eyes glinting playfully. ‘Romance? So you’re into all that swoony, passionate, hero saves the heroine stuff then?’ He wiggled his eyebrows.
She feigned an outraged look and grinned. ‘How dare you!’ She laughed lightly. ‘Yes, I guess I am. I just love the idea of two characters falling in love despite the odds and despite the things that may hold them back from each other. I don’t know… I’ve always loved it.’
Rueben unscrewed the bottle of wine that sat between them and topped up their glasses. Jessica’s first. ‘So, when reading romance, what kind of things can hold the characters in question back from each other?’ His eyes remained steady on hers as he lifted his glass to his lips and took a sip.
She placed her spoon into the empty bowl, gathering her answers in her mind. She wanted to appear articulate, like she knew what she was talking about. Well, she did, didn’t she? She was an avid romance reader. She knew every sort of obstacle that could stand in a potential romance couple’s way. She began to reel them off. ‘Well, there can be a number of things. Family issues, perhaps the heroine’s father doesn’t agree with her choice of man? Erm… hesitations? Perhaps the heroine had a bad past with men before the hero came along, and she’s not ready to trust again?’ That last one reminded her of herself in a strange sort of way, but more due to a bad past with her parents which had scarred her ability to trust anyone or believe that they could love her.
Rueben licked the wine residue from his lips and leant forward on the table. ‘It seems a shame for something to stop two people from being together. Do those books always have a happy ending?’
She shook her head. ‘Not always but most of the time. That’s why I love them. When I reach the happy ending, I feel like there’s hope for real women. That they’ll all get their happy ending too, one day.’ She sipped her wine, suddenly feeling foolish, like a little girl living in a dream world full of fantasies. She knew that real life wasn’t like that but she’d always held out hope of having her own happy ending even if it did seem impossible at that moment in time, and even if her own reasons got in the way of that.
Rueben continued to stare at her from across the table, his eyes penetrating hers. Then he leant back. ‘I’ll go and grab our main, I’m absolutely starving. I hope you’re hungry. I don’t hold back when it comes to serving sizes.’ He rose from his seat as he chuckled, picked up his empty bowl and made his way around the table to Jessica’s side to take her bowl. As he leant down to reach for it, Jessica made a move to reach for it too, meaning to pass it to him. Their hands collided on the side of the bowl, both of them freezing as their skin made contact. ‘Sorry,’ Rueben coughed, removing his hand quickly. Jessica apologised too and removed her hand. With the bowl still sat on the table and with both of them looking at it, it grew slightly awkward, but rather than falling silent, they laughed at themselves. ‘I’ll take it,’ Rueben said, reaching for it and managing to pick it up this time. ‘Be right back.’
The remainder of their evening flew by in the blink of an eye. It was true what they said, time really did fly when you were having fun. They laughed almost constantly, filling the dining room with more noise than it had probably ever been witness to in its lifetime. Rueben moved Jessica to tears as he cracked jokes and recalled gardening disasters that he’d experienced, like the time one of the women in the more affluent area of Bluebell Hill had invited him round, only to open the front door in a very revealing bikini and asked if he’d mind rubbing in her sun-cream for her.
The spaghetti bolognese was incredibly tasty and the chocolate cheesecake afterwards filled her up beautifully. The bottle of wine had long since been emptied between them and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed or enjoyed someone’s company as much as she had with Rueben. Her cheeks were hurting by the time she sat back in her chair from the sheer amount of laughter. She nursed her full stomach, aching from the amount of smiles that Rueben had summoned like a wizard. She loved that he could make her smile like that, without even really trying half of the time. It only made her like him more, as if she didn’t like him enough already.
‘I really cannot tell you how divine that was, Rueben. I can only imagine how your mother’s food tastes if you learnt everything from her. She must be a magician in the kitchen.’
‘Trust me, my mum’s cooking is a million times better than mine. I learnt from the best.’ He smiled and looked down to his lap, appearing bashful at the compliment. The air stilled around them. When he glanced back up, he had a curious look in his eye. ‘Are you single, Jessica?’
She looked across the table at him and laughed. The wine was sending her dizzy, or was it the wine? She couldn’t be sure. ‘I am.’ She looked back at him. ‘I’ve been single for a while and have no plans to change that.’ The truth was, whenever it came to men, she couldn’t quite bring herself to allow any sort of blossoming relationship to ever get further than a certain point. It was because of her parents, she was sure of it. Her experiences with them had left her untrusting towards anyone whose name wasn’t Esme or Sarah, including prospective partners. She felt like she’d spent the entirety of her younger years questioning their love for her, she was sure she’d only do the same with a man and what man would put up with that sort of behaviour? She’d become needy and desperate. It wasn’t a good look for anyone. It was best if she remained flying solo for the time being. Friendship, she co
uld deal with, but anything more than that? No way.
‘Oh, that wasn’t a chat-up line,’ Rueben laughed, until he realised that that could have sounded quite insulting. His eyes widened. ‘I mean, not that I wouldn’t chat you up. Look at you, you’re beautiful, but—’
‘Rueben, it’s fine!’ Jessica laughed loudly, covering her face with a hand. ‘Honestly, I didn’t take that as an insult, don’t worry.’
He exhaled slowly. ‘Thank God for that.’ He placed a hand against his chest, appearing sincere. ‘I was just being nosy, that’s all. I just wanted to make sure that there was no significant other who’d want to smack me in the face for keeping his girlfriend company whilst she’s away. I’m glad there isn’t. A significant other, I mean. Well, no, I’m not glad, I mean—’ Rueben shook his head as he realised he’d stuck his foot in it again. ‘You know what I mean.’
She giggled at him. ‘I know what you mean, don’t worry.’
He grinned. ‘Well, I best get this lot cleaned up, and then head home.’
Once the dishes and cutlery had been loaded into the dishwasher, Jessica followed Rueben out into the hallway. He tugged on his battered leather jacket as they walked towards the door.
‘Tonight’s been really great,’ he said with his hand poised on the doorknob. ‘I’ve enjoyed your company. Well, I always enjoy your company, but tonight has been brilliant.’ He smiled boyishly, face flushed from the wine.
