by K E Osborn
He tilts his head and frowns. “I’m a fan of hers and all, but do you think she’ll be able to tolerate all the… um… stuff that’ll go on here tonight?” A sinking feeling swallows my chest as I start to wonder if maybe I should have just celebrated at Willow’s house instead.
“Big Daddy is here motherfuckers, did you miss me?” Lookout calls out walking in with Niki next to him as she giggles and shakes her head.
Glancing over at Techie, he shrugs. I haven’t seen Niki since she last showed up here at the club. I smile at her as they step up to us and she returns the smile.
“Hey, Niki.”
“Hey, Steel. Hope you don’t mind me coming by. I just wanted to call in and wish you a Happy New Year.”
I smile and nod. “Happy New Year to you too, Niki. You’re lookin’ much better than when I saw you last. Um… where’s Jackson?”
“He’s with my mother.” I nod and smile as she shakes her head and chuckles. “Honestly, he doesn’t stop talking about you, Steel.”
A giant smile crosses my face, I’m actually a little chuffed. “Well, I gotta admit I love that little guy.”
“I’m sure I’d love him too. I love cute little boys,” Lookout says with a bright smile.
I chuckle at how ridiculous Lookout sounds as Niki raises her eyebrow.
“Shit! Fuck! That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Niki chuckles and takes his hand seeming to calm him. He exhales running his fingers over his head and pulls her with him away toward a table to take a seat.
It’s near dinner time and it seems Willow is running late. She should have been here by now. Glancing around the room, the music fills the air and the pungent smell of cigar smoke and beer fills my senses. My heart is beating at a faster rate and my palms are sweating. I keep checking the clock for the time, I’m obviously anxious that she isn’t here yet.
I step outside of the clubhouse into the cool refreshing night time air. Thinking of Willow has my stomach in knots, and waiting for her is making me feel so fucking needy. I can’t help it. I just want her here already. The scent of freshly cut lawn hits me and it calms me slightly. Then the groan and screech of the gate alerts me to a presence in the compound. Rushing over to the entrance, I see the yellow Yaris pulling in next to the line of Hogs. My stomach twists in on itself undoing the knot and replacing it with fucking butterflies.
What the actual fuck?
I’m turning into a fucking pussy!
But I don’t care, Willow is worth it.
She gets out of the car and I rush over and pull her to me kissing her hard. Pushing her into the door, the slamming of it makes her jump in my arms as it crashes shut behind her. She giggles against my lips as I take what’s mine and kiss her like there’s no tomorrow. Her hands run up into my hair and her tongue collides with mine feverishly, as I grind my body against hers. Gatekeeper calls out cheering and whistling as I chuckle against her lips bringing the fever down a notch. Pulling back and looking at her placing my forehead against hers, I gaze deep into her sapphire blue eyes.
“Why are you so excited to see me?” she whispers.
“I missed you.”
She smiles and licks her lips. “I was only away from you for a few hours, biker boy. Anyone would think you had a crush on me.”
I chuckle and lean in kissing her softly then pulling back. “Oh, I’m crushin’ on you, Miss Willow. I’m crushin’ on you big time. So much so I’m turnin’ into a girl.”
She laughs and slaps my chest. I chuckle taking her hand as she looks at the black 4WD next to her car like she recognises it. Taking her in my arms, I pull her away and we walk toward the clubhouse with Cassius circling our legs.
“Hey boy, you’re much nicer to me now than when we first met. I think I actually like you now,” Willow says petting his head. He nuzzles into her leg and I shake my head and continue to walk through the door with my woman and my dog by my side.
We meander through the short hall and into the clubroom where the party is starting to get into full swing.
“Turn that motherfucker up!” Crash calls out making me laugh as Willow opens her eyes in shock.
“Do you mean Wolfmother?” Knucklehead calls back.
“Wolfmother! Motherfucker! What the fuck ever! This fucking song rocks. Turn it the fuck up!” Crash calls out and I chuckle wondering if that’s a record for the most amount of fucks used in one sentence as ‘Joker and The Thief’ blares super loud throughout the clubhouse.
Techie advances and smiles widely as he stops right in front of us grinning like he’s just been doing something very fucking—as Willow would say—naughty.
“Hi, you look stunning as usual, Miss MC1R gene.” He takes her hand and kisses the back of it and smiles dashingly at her.
Her cheeks turn a bright shade of pink and she looks down at her hand in his. “You smooth talker you. Why don’t you have an old lady? With the way you talk to women, I’m not sure why you haven’t been snapped up already.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not ready for that life yet. Plus, I have Jodi, Jess, Sky and Amie to keep my company when I need it.”
Willow screws up her face and Techie laughs. “You’re cute when you’re disgusted.”
Shaking my head, I grab her hand and walk her over to the lounge area.
We take a seat and I’m still reeling from Techie telling me he gets it on with so many different women. But I guess that’s how they roll in places like this. I don’t even want to think about what Steel was like before I came along. Taking a seat on the plush green lounge suite, the cushions swallow me gently as they surround me in their comfort.
Steel wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him kissing my head as I notice Lookout walking past with Nikita, Jackson’s mother. My body tenses and I furrow my brows wondering why the hell she would even be here.
“Nikita?” I call out, standing up abruptly gaining her attention over the deafening music.
Steel is suddenly by my side grabbing my hand. Nikita turns to see me and she hesitates for a moment causing me to be even more curious as to why she’s here. She walks over and gives me a smile.
“Hi, Willow, nice to see you.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask point blank. I have no idea why she’d be here, none at all. She’s only met Steel once that I know of, and that moment was intense.
Everyone around me seems to be swallowing hard and rubbing their necks or looking from Steel to Nikita all making it look very suss. I do not like this one bit. Nikita looks to Steel, who looks to Lookout, and no one is saying anything over the deathly silence and terrible music.
“Well?” I ask as my heart starts to race thinking there’s way more to this than even I can think of. Looking at Nikita, she’s biting her bottom lip, then it suddenly clicks.
Her husband has gone.
Or has he?
Maybe he hasn’t actually left at all?
“Nikita, where’s your husband?”
Steel looks up at me, his eyes opening wide as Nikita frowns and shifts her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably.
“He abandoned me and left town once the information about his underhand dealings came out. He was so embarrassed about his indiscretions he just skipped out, leaving everything to Jackson and me.”
I purse my lips crossing my arms over my chest. “And so why the hell are you here? You met Steel once. Why are you here at his clubrooms?”
Everyone stiffens and my heart plummets as it's just the verification I need. She doesn’t answer and instead looks to Steel for his reaction.
He doesn’t react at all.
“Oh my God! You guys took care of him didn’t you?” I yell as my anger becomes too much to contain.
Steel just looks at me deadpan as everyone stares in our direction. Nikita looks down to the floor as Steel grabs my elbow and pulls me to him. I try to tear myself from his grip, but he’s too strong.
“Let go of me!”
“Flame, no. Come with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I say through gritted teeth, outraged that he could have done something so low.
“Willow, I’m not askin’.” He tightens his grip on my arm and starts pulling me away from everyone.
“Stop! You’re hurting me. Are you going to kill me too, now that I know?” I ask actually a little afraid of where he’s dragging me as my heart races frantically.
He stops and turns facing me, his nostrils flaring and his face turning white. He swallows hard as everyone watches us standoff.
“No, I’d never hurt you. I just want to talk to you without an audience. Now please come to my room with me so I can tell you what happened.”
I tremble on the spot not knowing what to do, but my flight instinct is being outweighed by my instinct to know what happened. I turn and start stepping toward his room. The dull thud of his footsteps behind me, are drowned out by the chit chat starting to filter through the room again as I stomp down the hall. Arriving at his door, I open it and walk through stopping in the middle of his room. Turning back, I huff folding my arms over my chest as he closes the door and runs his hand through his hair.
“Did you kill him?” I ask point blank.
I need to know, is Steel a murderer?
He exhales and turns away threading his fingers together at the back of his head. “Fuck, Willow.”
My stomach twists on itself and I feel like I actually want to vomit.
Steel killed Nikita’s husband.
Jackson’s father.
I gasp as bile creeps up my throat, and hot tears prick my eyes. He turns back to face me and his eyes widen when he looks at my watering eyes.
“Shit babe, don’t cry. Honestly, it was an accident. I only meant to scare him. Lookout came in while Behemoth was holdin’ Tyrell down, and when Lookout saw the blood he passed out. Which caused him to fall on Behemoth forcing him forward and Tyrell fell straight onto my blade. I honestly never set out to kill him, Willow.” He steps forward and grabs my hand, but I flinch back not wanting him to touch me right now.
Steel is a cold-blooded killer.
Even if it was an accident, I don’t know if I can deal with this right now.
“You killed him, Steel! You stabbed him. Jackson will grow up without his father, thinking he’s been abandoned and believing that there was something wrong with him. That he wasn’t good enough for his father to love him enough to stay to be with him. Do you not get that? The psychological damage you’ve caused that small innocent child?” I murmur thinking of poor little Jackson.
He exhales and turns away from me again not able to look me in the eyes. “Fuck! But wasn’t his dad doing untold psychological damage by beatin’ his mother up in front of him? You didn’t see the footage, Willow. You didn’t see what the prick was doin’ to Niki behind closed doors—”
“And you did?”
He turns back to me and nods. “Yeah, they had security cameras everywhere in their house. We saw all the footage. He was a bad man, Willow. He didn’t deserve to live… not that that’s an excuse for me puttin’ a blade in him, but the world is better off without Tyrell Jones.”
I shake my head as burning tears fall slowly down my cheeks. My heart is pummelling my chest, and even though the thought of Tyrell hurting Nikita kills me, he shouldn’t have died for it. And the fact that it was at the hands of my boyfriend, or whatever Steel is? I can’t handle that.
“What’s your real name?” I ask and he furrow his brows and shakes his head slightly like he’s confused.
“What?”
“I mean, it’s a simple question. We’ve been together for a few weeks now, and you’d think I should know something as simple as your fucking name!”
He exhales and steps up to me placing his hands on my arms trying to calm me. “Only three people in this entire club know my real name.”
I furrow my brows and shake my head scowling. “What! So because I’m not one of your beloved brothers I’m not privy to that top secret information?”
He exhales and frowns. “What I’m tryin’ badly to say is that not many people know it. Only the people I truly trust. The people I deeply care about, or who deeply care about my family and me.”
“Okay, I get it, you don’t want to tell me. Whatever! That just makes this even easier,” I say and shrug away from his hold.
He stiffens his body and furrows his brows at me. “Makes what easier?”
“I have to leave.” My bottom lip quivers at my suggestion as my chest tightens so tensely I feel like I can’t pull in any oxygen.
He breathes fast through his nose and his eyes are darting all around the room. “Okay, but when are you coming back?” he asks and I shake my head.
He slumps his shoulders breathing heavier and runs his hands through his hair. “My name is Dylan… Dylan McNamara,” he says looking me right in the eyes. I clench my eyes tight trying to stop the sudden rush of salt water from escaping them.
It doesn’t work.
Tears rush down my cheeks and he moves forward taking me in an embrace and pulling me against his body tight. I don’t fight it. My mind is made up, and this will be the last time Dylan Steel McNamara holds me. I nuzzle into his chest and cry silently holding onto him. His chest is rising and falling so fast, the sound of his heavy breathing is all that can be heard in the room beside my occasional sniffling.
I pull back and look at him, his eyes are glistening and I know he’s just as upset by me wanting to go as I am. But this is for the best. I don’t belong in this world. I thought I could try, but murder… that’s too much.
I lean on my toes and gently press my lips to his. He kisses me back, and as I pull back a small smile pulls at his lips, but when he notices my frown his smile falls too. I bring my hands up around the back of my neck and undo the necklace he gave me for Christmas. His eyes droop as I step out of his arms and put some distance between us.
“Flame?”
“I can’t do this anymore.” I grab his hand and open his palm dropping the necklace into it. His entire body slumps as his eyes glisten with unshed tears.
“Flame, please. Don’t do—”
“Goodbye, Dylan,” I say and walk past him toward his door.
“Flame…” The sound of his broken, cracking voice makes me hesitate at the door, but I open it and walk out.
“Willow!” he calls out. I wrap my arms around myself as my heart thumps so ferociously hard that I think it might burst while tears stream down my face. I stride down the hall toward the clubroom. The sound of ‘Babe I’m Gonna Leave You’ by Led Zeppelin rips at my heart as the words chew through my soul eating me alive. How fitting this should be playing as I walk away from Steel for the very last time. Shattering my heart into a million tiny pieces all over the Satan’s Savages’ clubroom floor.
It’s been twenty-eight days since she walked out on me. Six hundred and sixty-three hours, fifteen minutes and forty-three seconds exactly, since I last saw her beautiful face. On New Year’s after she left I drowned myself in booze and passed out before midnight even hit.
Some New Year that was!
I desperately wanted to go after her. But in reality, I knew I’d killed a man, and that wouldn’t sit well with her. She’s better off without me. I knew that all along. This was always going to be the outcome from the first day I met her at the child care centre. This is how it was going to turn out. But I can’t stop moping and spending all my time in my room listening to sad music like a lovesick teen. It’s depressing, nothing like the tough Vice President I’m supposed to be.
I’m naked in bed with Cassius cuddled into me with a bottle of bourbon next to me for comfort. The creak of my door warns me to someone coming in, but I ignore it and take another swig of the bourbon relaxing back on my bed. The mattress dips beside me as Cassius moves his head from my legs to look up at whoever it is and he greets them. I don’t bother turning my head to see who’s there—some mother
fucker to give me yet another pep talk I bet.
“Right you! You need to get out of this funk.” Lunar’s voice softly echoes through the room, as her hand comes to gently rest on my shoulder.
I take a deep breath and sigh. “I don’t know how.”
She exhales and pulls me to face her. Her eyes are stern as they stare at me. “You need to move on, or go and get her back. But either way, you stink, and you’re supposed to be a tough biker and the VP of this club. Right now Steel, you’re losing the respect of your brothers by sulking like a child in here.”
I scoff and push her hand off my shoulder. “Fuck off, I don’t need your advice.”
She exhales and a serious look crosses her face. “Look Steel, we’ve had our ups and downs. I always saw myself heading down a path with you. It went skewiff when Willow came on the scene, then Danger showed up too and things are changing. But Willow’s gone, and now we both have to make a choice. Steel, I’ve always wanted to be your Old Lady. Deep down you know that—”
“Lunar—”
“No, let me finish. Steel, I know there’s something here. You need to make a choice and you need to make it now. I’m here, I’ve always been here. I love this club and I don’t want to leave, so being with you seems like the right choice for me. You’re who’s right for me, Steel. Just tell me you love me and we can move through this together.”
Clenching my muscles together as a knot forms in my stomach, I shake my head slowly. “Lunar, darlin’ you’re a good friend. You always have been—”
“But?”
I exhale. “But I want Willow. I’m sorry she’s the woman for me. I can’t get her out of my head. I’m sorry if I’m hurtin’ you. I know you want more from me, but I just can’t give it to you. You’re better off with Danger.”
“You’re right! You’re so pathetic right now anyway lying here all pussy whipped and rotting away while your brothers talk about how you’re losing the plot.”
I scoff knowing she’s just getting defensive because she’s hurting, but still. “Lunar, I’m sorry.”
“Whatever! Willow deserves better than you. You’re weak, Steel. I don’t even know who you are right now. You’re certainly not Vice President material.”
