by Stacy Dawn
Elizabeth cleared her throat and stood. She worried her lip between her teeth and fidgeted with the button on her sleeveless blouse. “Like I said, I didn’t plan any of it, I swear,” she repeated. “I even had every intention of keeping the appointment at the clinic later that month.” After that night, she’d wanted more than ever to have a connection to someone—someone who wouldn’t leave after the weekend rodeo ended. “But I was so sick that morning that I had to call and cancel. I thought it was the flu...it wasn’t.”
She went over and picked up Gretal.
Paige came over and brushed the blond curls. “What happened with the cowboy, Elizabeth?” she asked quietly.
She held Gretal tighter. “The stars died and the sun came out,” she said plain and simple. “The morning set my head on straight and reminded me of everything Mom and Granny had warned me about. Didn’t matter what happened that night, he was a rodeo cowboy and would be gone the next day.” Gretal’s soft curls rubbed her cheek as she frowned. “I didn’t want to hear him say it was fun, that maybe he’d see me again sometime...so I quietly picked up my things and left him sleeping in the trailer.”
Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut, plagued by the vivid images of the sheets riding low on Grey’s back, tanned arms dark against the white sheets, his profile shadowed with stubble and a small smile on his lips. That was the memory she’d wanted to keep, not the chance of an awkward, “Hey, thanks for the ride, babe. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
At least when Gretal eventually asked about her dad, she wouldn’t have to tell her daughter about a sterile room and instead could tell her she was conceived in a beautiful coming-together one starlit night.
“That’s why you made so many excuses not to go to the rodeo with me.”
Elizabeth nodded and kissed her daughter’s temple, speaking against the soft skin. “I was scared of running into him, that our night was already forgotten or worse, that he’d see me pregnant or with her and put two and two together.”
She pulled back and stared at Gretal, her father’s eyes staring back. “But I guess he needs to know, doesn’t he. It’s not right for me to keep him from his child.”
“Whoa, wait a minute,” Paige interrupted, hands up. “I admit, by the way that boy was smiling, he obviously didn’t forget you. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I think it’d be a bad idea to tell him about Gretal.”
Elizabeth frowned. “Why? He’s her father. He has a right to know.” Though she feared it wouldn’t be as simple as blurting out he had a daughter he never knew about. When the whole story came out, Grey would never believe she hadn’t planned the whole thing. He wouldn’t believe that it had all been just a beautiful accident. If he found out the whole story, every precious memory of that night would be warped, her lover’s cherished face turned to anger and scorn.
“I understand where you’re coming from with this,” Paige agreed with a squeeze to her shoulder. “But think about it...you said yourself, after the weekend, he’s gone, off to the next rodeo. Is it fair to disrupt his life? Are you willing to share custody? To have Gretal dragged halfway around the country every other weekend or six months out of a year?”
“Of course not!” Her arms clamped tighter around her daughter. That scenario had never even dawned on her. She could never give Gretal up like that, ever. But if Grey went to court, the sperm bank lie was bound to come out, and no one would believe the real truth—especially Grey. After the way she left him, he would more than likely think she used him for one purpose and one purpose only. Was he the kind of man who would get revenge through their daughter?
She didn’t think so but.... “Oh God. I can’t risk that.”
Paige hugged her. “No, you can’t. It’s best if you just don’t say a word.”
Surely Grey not knowing would be better for his type of lifestyle? Yes, maybe it was selfish, but he would be leaving again after the weekend’s rodeo, off to another bronc...another woman.
“You’re right, if he doesn’t know, then what harm can it do.” Guilt bit at her for denying him his daughter, but her mother’s protective instinct was stronger. Maybe her mother’s breakdown and her grandmother’s strict lectures about rodeo cowboys had happened for a reason after all—to give her the strength to do the right thing now. “He’ll be gone by Monday, so I just won’t go back to the rodeo grounds.”
Paige took Gretal from her arms. “Oh no, you are going back.”
Elizabeth’s mouth fell open. “What? You just finished giving a very good argument not to tell him about Gretal.”
“Who said you were taking her with you. No, not her, just you. You have to go back.”
“What?” Who was this contrary alien posing as her best friend?
Paige held tight to Elizabeth’s shoulder. “That cowboy came after you. He didn’t forget you like you feared. That boy smiled at you like he’d found the gold at the end of a rainbow—the same smile you had just now talking about him. I can’t let you waste an opportunity like that.”
She shook out of her friend’s grasp. “No way.”
“Yes way.”
“No! Paige, what if you’re wrong? What if when I get there it’s not me he remembers, but just the weekend romp. What if he just wants another round of kinky trailer sex? I couldn’t deal with something like that. Why would I ruin the perfectly good memories I have right now?”
“Kinky trailer sex, huh?” Paige lifted one shoulder in a pompous shrug. “Some things are worth the risk.”
Her friend headed toward the stairs. “Come on, munchkin, let’s go get you packed. You’re going to stay with Auntie Paige tonight while mommy goes and has down-and-dirty sex with her cowboy.”
“Paige! I’m not going, Paige. I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Elizabeth wanted to stomp her foot even though her heart pounded, torn in two both hopeful and fearful—fear gaining by the moment. She stopped her friend on the stairs. “You wouldn’t do that to me,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “You wouldn’t send me out there to get my heart broken.”
Paige turned on the first step and shook her head. “Of course I don’t want to see you get your heart broken, Elizabeth. But I also don’t want to see you at eighty, with your only memories being of Gretal and everyone else’s ledger sheets. Do you really want to always wonder what it would have been like if you hadn’t left the trailer that morning? You’re right, maybe going back will be a mistake—then you simply don’t say a word and go your separate ways. Your heart will be bruised, but at least you won’t be wondering anymore. Regrets are not worth living with, trust me.” She stepped down and looked her right in the eye. “But what if nothing has changed and everything is exactly like you remember? What if he turns out to be that someone special? Do you really want to risk passing a chance like this up? I’m not sending you back to get your heart broken, Elizabeth. I’m sending you out there to live...to find this Lizzie again. I don’t know who the man is who found her, but your whole face changes the moment you think about him. See, there it goes again, pink cheeks, bright eyes.”
A cool hand patted her hot cheek and Elizabeth frowned. “I don’t kn—”
“Well, I do.” Paige winked, turned, and headed up the stairs. “There is one hot cowboy looking for you, and, by God, you are going to let him find you, tonight.”
Elizabeth stared at her friend’s confident strut. Should she really do this? Could she really do this? Did Lizzie even exist anymore?
And what about Gretal?
She was torn between a mother’s protective instinct and a father’s right.
Back in the living room, she collected a few of Gretal’s favorite toys, including the stuffed gray wolf. She held it in her hands, staring down into the plastic eyes. How can I even be considering this?
Then again, the idea wasn’t completely ludicrous—what a perfect way to feel him out before deciding if she should tell him about Gretal or not.
Her heart started to pound
at just the thought. Didn’t she owe Grey at least that much for the beautiful gift he’d bestowed upon her? Worst case scenario, if it turned out that he was truly everything her mother and grandmother had warned her about, then she would steal one more magical memory to hold onto during the rest of her long and lonely nights. Not to mention being guilt-free, knowing she’d done the right thing in keeping their secret to herself.
She added a few books to her arms and headed into the hall to find the diaper bag.
Only one other concern lay heavy on her mind as she stuffed the wolf into the back pouch. There was one other thing she hadn’t told Paige. Though she tried hard to deny it, she’d lost a bit of her heart the last time Grey Wulfsen entered her life. If just seeing him again caused all this inner turmoil, how much more would she lose by spending another night with him?
Chapter Four
This is stupid. Elizabeth put a hand to her churning stomach.
She pulled her coat tighter around her body and kicked at a loose branch on the road of the nearby camping grounds. Being a Thursday evening, the grounds were rather quiet. Most of the competitors were probably out and about at the Blue Bug Saloon for ladies’ night.
Grey could be there...actually she hoped he was; it would give her a good excuse to go home. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t here.
She’d been around the whole campground now, and there was no little beige trailer. She remembered it distinctly for the gray wolf on the front and matching one next to the rusty door. The Lone Wolf. It suited him and brought to mind once again the serious thought that this was less than a good idea.
Elizabeth kicked the stick out of the way. Why did I listen to Paige? Actually, the answer to that was easier than most. Simple, really. Paige had given her permission to come back, something she could never have granted to herself.
A crisp evening breeze stole down the collar of her jacket. She rubbed her arms and walked the length of the trailers again. Once more around, then that’s it.
Gravel crunched and flew as a beatup Ford with a group of cowboys hunkered in the back zipped by. Pebbles streaked her jeans and she sidestepped to the grassy shoulder. Grumbling, she blew out a breath to the heavens. The stars shone overhead and provided enough light for her to resume her hopeless pursuit—hopeless because there simply was no small beige trailer with rust spots on the rear and a lone wolf near the door.
“Now what?” she asked aloud to the universe in general. Could he have gotten a new trailer? Her stomach twisted. Did he leave already? Had he ever even been here or was it just her overactive imagination?
Though she heard a few of the trailers’ screen doors opening and closing, she couldn’t find the courage to seek out someone to inquire about Grey; the whole thing was too embarrassing. Yes, the not knowing was bad enough, but it was better than finding him with another woman. Her whole body quivered from toe to head—she’d much rather the last memory she had of him be with her in his bed.
And then she heard it, the soft strum of a guitar coming from the end of the row of trailers.
“It could be anybody,” she tried to convince herself as she rubbed her hands on her thighs. “Half of the cowboys probably bring a guitar to goof around with on the road.” Then why is this one calling out to you?
Because she knew that voice, intimately.
The low drawl grazed over her skin like a warm summer breeze. Already her skin tightened and her nipples pebbled at the sound.
Elizabeth swallowed, hard. This was it, the moment of truth. She glanced over her shoulder toward the parking lot. I can still leave. He’d never know I’d been here. And her memories would stay intact. She turned a hard gaze up to the bright evening sky. But I’d never know why he came after me this afternoon; never know if he wanted to know about Gretal...never have the chance to feel his arms around me one more time. Was it selfish to want one more night to feel alive? Is it wrong to be so damned lonely you’d risk your heart for one more night with the one man who could break it in half?
The last trailer was in sight before Elizabeth realized she had been walking toward the music the whole time she argued with herself.
Whoa. This huge trailer was nothing like his previous home on the road. The vinyl surface cool beneath her hand, she followed the grooves and the music around to the other side and paused at the corner.
Grey.
A veil of déjà vu came over her. Eyes closed, he leaned back in his chair, one foot up on a cooler, the guitar cradled like a lover in his arms, his fingers expertly making the instrument hum.
He was so handsome still. She’d known that this afternoon, but without a Stetson and the dust to hide his rugged features, she could more easily admire the solid jaw and narrow sideburns growing into a mass of thick waves. Her fingers remembered the soft texture and trembled with longing.
Her stomach rolled with both fear and excitement. Was this really the right thing to do? Or would it be better to leave now with her fantasies intact? She pulled her gaze away from the campfire light playing across his features. Behind him, a light shone through the screen door. Was there someone in there...another woman? She didn’t know if she could handle that.
A movement darted her gaze back to Grey. His head rose from the back of the chair and his eyes opened. The firelight caught the molten steel of his eyes—looking right at her.
A bolt of lightning entered her eyes and exploded down into her chest.
He smiled a slow tilt of his lips. “I’m hallucinating again, right? You’re just my fantasy come back to haunt me?”
Her pulse jumped double time and she couldn’t help a small smile. “No, not even close.”
Grey set the guitar down next to his chair and stood, not taking his eyes from hers as he drew closer. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Probably a lot truer than you think.”
Her chin rose higher to accommodate his locked gaze. Though she heard the slight brush of his denim jacket, she startled at the warm finger which grazed down her cheek. Pure adrenaline infused her from the touch. What was it about this man that sent her body soaring and her mind free? She leaned into his palm, absorbing his energy, reawakening the woman deep inside.
His smile grew and he brought the other hand up to hold her face, gently, tenderly as his gaze broke its hold to roam around her face. “Definitely real.”
In one fluid movement, his lips consumed hers. Elizabeth almost cried out at the momentum of memories thrusting through her mind and body. Her hands gripped his opened jacket, both for stability and to pull him closer. As he held her face and feasted on her lips like a man starving, not one regret remained for coming here tonight.
The scent of strong, fresh soap invaded her senses as she rose on tiptoes and claimed her fair share, reveling in the full lips and taste of him.
Grey pulled back slightly, stealing another kiss or two, but not releasing her. From mere inches away, his rapid breath fanned her face as he grinned into her eyes. “Definitely real. And definitely Lizzie. No mistaken identity there.”
She cringed at his tease. “I’m sorry,” was all she could get out of her tight lungs. When she tried to duck her chin, he wouldn’t let her.
Grey held the contrite chin of his mysterious muse and chuckled. He didn’t know what had been up this afternoon, and, truth be told, didn’t even care. She had come back, she was real...and she was here. “Just tell me you won’t be disappearing any time soon and I’ll forgive you anything.”
Her smile lit right through her blue eyes as she covered her hands over his. “I’m here tonight.”
The words drew him back down to her lips in a fervent need for her, the need changing to hunger as Lizzie’s delicate fingers wove into his hair and held him firmly against her mouth.
Hands on her shoulders, Grey slowly stepped her backward until she bumped up against the trailer. He captured her giggle with his lips and eagerly followed as she held his lapels tight and inched her way across the white surface.
A scraping sound c
aught his attention and he released her lips only long enough to see her hand at an awkward angle behind her in a failed attempt to open the door. Damn. His muse read his mind and his blood rose another degree in hunger.
Grey grabbed the handle and swung the screen door open. Lizzie’s tongue darted out to wet her lips and he bent to capture them as she stepped backward up the two metal stairs.
She smelled of spring rain and...milk? Odd mixture, but a heady one, especially when combined with the hands taking free reign over his shoulders and up through his hair.
Lizzie paused on the top step, smiling beneath his lips as she took full advantage of the new height change. Her lips became ravenous over his. Grey growled, bent, and wrapped an arm around her waist, lifting her as he hurried up the steps and into the trailer. The need to have her in his bed was all-consuming and he left her lips to graze his way down her jaw line and feast at the base of her neck. The hitched breaths panting next to his ear spurred him on and he fanned one hand against her firm backside, holding her tight against him.
“Wait...wait,” she gasped, her grip on his shoulders tight, but making no effort to get out of his grasp.
“What?” he mumbled against her sweet skin. “What is it?”
“I don’t know...it’s just...been so long. Shouldn’t we, you know...start out with small talk or something,” she asked half-heartedly between kisses to his brow.
He dropped his forehead to her shoulder, and heaved in a breath. She was right; what kind of animal was he to attack her like that? His brain had gone straight to his belt the moment he realized she wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Touching her had shot the last of his common sense to hell. Yet even now, knowing that, he couldn’t bring himself to set her down.
Grey adjusted her in his arms, tried for a normal breath and a bit of sensible thinking—both came out ragged, especially when the small spot just below her ear beckoned to be kissed. “Sure, right. What do you want to talk about?” he asked between nibbles on her ear. Her head turned slowly as if looking around and his lips fell of their own accord to his favorite remembered spot.
