Table of Contents
Copyright Page
Title Page
Dedication
CHAPTER ONE - THE COFFIN
CHAPTER TWO - THE RAID
CHAPTER THREE - THE INFIRMARY
CHAPTER FOUR - THE KEY
CHAPTER FIVE - THE BUG
CHAPTER SIX - THE LEMONADE
CHAPTER SEVEN - THE TIME CAPSULE
CHAPTER EIGHT - THE VAMPIRE
CHAPTER NINE - THE MONSTER
CHAPTER TEN - THE ESCAPE
CHAPTER ELEVEN - THE SUMMONING
CHAPTER TWELVE - THE PLAN
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - THE HALLOWEEN PARTY
CHAPTER FOURTEEN - THE CRYPT
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - THE AWAKENING
CHAPTER SIXTEEN - THE BEETLE
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - THE MUMMY
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - THE END?
Acknowledgements
About the Authors
GROSSET & DUNLAP
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To my sons, Joseph, Daniel, Adam,
and David.
—J.G.B.
To my nieces, Elspeth, Claire, Sophie,
and Liney.
—S.F.G.
A Word of Warning to All Disruptive Boys
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you about Splurch Academy for Disruptive Boys, a forgotten boarding school far away from anywhere. Rats fill the cellars. Cockroaches climb the walls. Slime and cobwebs cover just about everything else.
Those are the least of its problems.
That’s where they send boys like you to live, night and day, when they’ve been too naughty for too long, and their parents and schoolteachers decide they can’t take it anymore. They farm them out to Splurch Academy for Disruptive Boys, run by headmaster Dr. Archibald Farley, educator, scientist, inventor, psychopath. He promises he’ll fix bad boys forever.
He takes them away to his school.
They hardly ever come back.
I’ll bet you don’t believe there is such a place.
Neither did Cody Mack.
I’ll bet you don’t think your parents would go that far.
Neither did Cody Mack.
You’d better watch yourself.
Cody’s parents hoped drastic steps could save their son from a life of crime, so they sent Cody to Splurch. It didn’t take long to learn what a prison it was. The kids dressed in uniforms and ate toxic gruel. They were sent to dungeons for minor crimes. They were forced to write essays. And they weren’t allowed to leave the building.
Especially at night.
Leaving the Splurch Academy building at night is extremely unwise.
When the moon rises and the sun sets, the teachers go outside and transform.
Into vampires.
Werewolves.
Frankensteins.
Monsters of every shape and description that want nothing more than children for a midnight snack.
And these are monsters with a plan. Just weeks ago, Dr. Farley and his hench-teachers unleashed a sinister plot to swap the boys’ brains with the brains of trained rats.
Farley’s ego was his downfall. He got cocky. He got careless. He invited his mother, Madame Desdemona Sackville-Smack, the Grand Inquisitrix of the League of Reform Schools, to come see how well the “boys” were doing. He invited parents, too. Farley was sure they’d all be dazzled by the boys’ fake progress.
He overlooked one thing.
Cody Mack.
Cody and his friends, Carlos, Sully, Ratface, Mugsy, and Victor, all inside their rat bodies, sabotaged the show and swapped everyone’s brains back using Farley’s evil machine, the Rebellio-Rodent Recipronator. The party fell to pieces. The parents flipped out. Farley’s mom had to hypnotize the parents to erase their memories. Farley was so furious with Cody, he crossed the threshold of Splurch Academy and tried to eat him.
Which is a big no-no. Farley’s mom got mad.
You don’t want to make Desdemona Sackville-Smack mad.
She sent Farley to time-out in a crypt deep underground, below the school.
At least, down there, he can’t torture the boys anymore.
Or so she thinks.
But you should never, ever underestimate Dr. Archibald Farley.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Grade Five
Possibly the most disruptive bunch of boys Splurch Academy has ever seen.
Cody Mack, age 11
The Master of Disruption. The Sultan of Schemes. The Prince of Plots. The Demigod of Dastardly Deeds. A pint-size Lord of Chaos. The ringleader of the fifth-grade band of brothers, and every teacher’s worst nightmare.
Carlos Ferrari, age 10
Cody Mack’s best friend. Give him a rubber band, a paper clip, and a can of shaving cream, and he’ll turn them into a weapon of mass disruption. It’s not his fault things tend to blow up when he’s around.
Mugsy, aka Percival Porsein, age 11
This kid will eat anything as long as it has ketchup on it. Don’t tease him about his teddy bear or he’ll sit on you. He has a habit of accidentally breaking things, like other people’s ribs, but really, he means well.
Ratface, aka Rufus Larsen, age 10
The one kid at Splurch Academy who felt perfectly at home in a rat’s body. He’s whiny; he’s annoying; he has weird ideas. Nothing is safe from this light-fingered little thief.
Sully, aka Sullivan Sanders, age 10
Brave as an earthworm. Athletic as cooked spaghetti. Minus his glasses he’s as blind as a mole. Still, being a genius has its advantages. This bookworm won’t speak to adults. Period.
Victor Schmitz, age 11
Anger issues got him sent to Splurch, and nothing’s changed so far. A good pick for a tug-of-war team, but you don’t want to challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. If you do, it’s safer if you lose.
The Teachers
Dr. Archibald Farley, Headmaster
The egotistical mastermind behind the torture of innocent disruptive boys. With his vampire strength and his mad science cunning, this evil headmaster is never without a plan to make Cody and his friends suffer.
Nurse Bilgewater
Strong as an ox and as kind-hearted as a feeding shark, Beulah Bilgewater is Splurch Academy’s medical specialist. Whatever you do, don’t get sick. Once this evil nurse gets her tentacles on you, there’s no escape.
Mr. Fronk
A lumbering carcass of a fifth-grade teacher who sleeps like a corpse through every class. His two fears: fire and boys who prefer comic books.
Griselda, the Cafeteria Lady
The only thing worse than her cooking is her complaining about her aches and pains. Wait. Never mind. Her cooking’s worse.
Mr.Howell
Go ahead. Try to run away from Splurch Academy. This mangy fleabag will even give you a head start. He sprints like a wolf and gnaws on bones for lunch. Better steer clear when the moon comes out . . .
Ivanov, the Hall Monitor
This jack-of-all-trades does the dirty work of keeping the Academy clean. Sort of. He’d rather do the dirty work of tattling on kids.
Librarian
Does she have a name? Does she ever speak? Whose side is she on? No one is sure. But don’t raise your voice in her library. Not if you want to own your own tongue.
Miss Threadbare
This bony, spindly, scraggly bag o’ knuckles and teeth is Headmaster Farley’s secretary by day—a bat-winged hawk-monster by night. Don’t be slow when she tells you to stand for the pledge.
CHAPTER ONE
THE COFFIN
A crescent moon hung low over the topmost towers of Splurch Academy. Across the windswept grounds, wolves howled and night birds moaned.
Inside the school, all was dark. Dozens of boys slept uncomfortably on ancient mattresses in the gloomy dormitories, dreaming of ice cream and swimming pools and life the way it used to be, long ago, before they were sent to this nightmare school.
Cody Mack was one of them. But he wasn’t alone.
Someone tapped his shoulder.
Cody sat up in his bunk, rubbing his eyes. He couldn’t see anybody in the dark room. But someone, he knew, was there.
A flash of lightning lit the room.
It was Headmaster Archibald Farley, the psychotic vampire who ran this evil school.
He lit a candle and gestured for Cody to follow him. They walked slowly down a long, dim corridor to an ancient elevator. Cody wanted to resist, to fight, to turn and run away from his sworn enemy, but some unseen force prevented him. He had to do what Farley said.
They got into the elevator, and it began to descend. Second floor. First floor. Dungeon. But the elevator kept plunging down, down, down, growing faster by the second.
The elevator stopped with a clang and opened into a room lit only by a flickering torch. Inside the room were several long boxes. Coffins! Cody lifted their lids and found them full of dirt and old bones. He shuddered. Farley pointed to another coffin, and, reluctantly, Cody threw back the lid.
Inside the coffin lay . . . Dr. Farley! Cody blinked and took a step back. There were two of them! The one who brought him here, and the one inside the coffin, whose eyes were closed in sleep and whose teeth gleamed in the candlelight. Clutched in his long fingers was a strange device that Cody knew only too well—the Rebellio-Rodent Recipronator, Farley’s evil brain-swapping invention.
“But we broke the Recipronator!”
Cody yelled. “We smashed it to smithereens!”
And that was true. But here was Farley—two Farleys, in fact—and a perfectly whole Recipronator. Not good.
Something moved near the sleeping Farley’s shoulder. It was Rasputin, Farley’s old pet rat, nibbling on a huge chunk of cheese. He scampered over to Cody and handed him the cheese.
“Thanks, Rasputin, old pal,” Cody said, and he took a big bite of the cheese. Dee-licious.
The Farley in the coffin opened his eyes and sat up. Both Farleys leered at Cody. They seized him and then pinned the Recipronator suction nozzle against Cody’s ear, attaching the other nozzle to Coffin Farley’s ear. A third nozzle appeared on the Recipronator, attached to a helmet on Rasputin’s little rat head. Wait, there’s not supposed to be three of them, Cody thought.
They were going to suck his brain out one more time! Only instead of swapping him with a rat, they were going to swap him with . . . Farley? And Rasputin?
CHAPTER TWO
THE RAID
Cody’s eyes opened. It was dark. Pitch-dark. No torch, no candle.
And no Farley.
It was only a dream. Of course it was! He’d watched with his own eyes, weeks ago, when Madame Desdemona Sackville-Smack banished Farley to a crypt deep under the school. The ground had opened up like an earthquake! There was no way Cody could get down there.
Then the dream faded from his mind. Rasputin, Farley’s old pet rat who once had Cody’s brain in his skull, lay curled up on his pillow, soft and warm and comforting. He’d been hanging around Cody ever since Farley was banished. Cody figured the rat felt closer to him than anyone else, since they’d once shared each other’s brains. It was kind of nice having a pet share his bunk. Especially in a spooky, creepy place like this.
Cody had forgiven Rasputin for biting him on the hand back on that fateful night when Farley tried to eat Cody. That bite was sure taking a long time to heal. It was still sore, but Cody was used to that by now. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
The next morning, before the breakfast bell rang, Cody and his disruptive classmates tiptoed down the dark stairs leading to the cafeteria. Ratface, the master thief (diagnosis: totally obnoxious) led the way, while Sully, the brainiac (refuses to speak to adults), Cody’s closest friend, Carlos, the inventor (blows things up), Victor, tough athlete (anger management issues), and Mugsy (zero motivation) followed.
“Are you sure this will work?” Mugsy said. He was practically drooling. “There better be good eats.”
“Trust me,” Ratface said. “The pantry’s loaded.”
“If it isn’t,” Victor grumbled, “I’ll bust your head.”
“If the teachers catch us stealing,” Sully whimpered, “they’ll use our heads for bowling balls.”
“This isn’t stealing,” Mugsy said. “It’s survival. The school is supposed to feed us. Real food, not cockroach raisin bran.”
“So, Cody,” Carlos said, “what’re you gonna be for Halloween?”
Sully butted in. “Halloween doesn’t happen at Splurch Academy, Carlos. Not for kids.”
“Yeah, but if it did,” Carlos said, “what would you dress up as?”
“A kid stuck in a prison school, I guess,” Cody said. “I’ve already got the costume.”
“I’m serious!” Carlos said. His eyes got a sad, faraway look. “Last year, I was Lord Galactitron.”
Ratface got excited. “I was a brain-sucking alien zombie. I had a plunger sticking out of my mouth.”
“My granny made my costume,” Mugsy said. “I was a super-size order of fries. I squirted myself all over with real ketchup.”
“Gross!” Ratface said.
“Yeah, Granny wasn’t happy about that.”
They reached the kitchen door. Ratface twisted the doorknob, listened, then stuck an unbent paperclip into the lock and listened some more. There was a click, and the door swung open.
“Bingo,” he said. “We’re in. Come on!”
They closed the door to the kitchen.
“Welcome to the best thing about this lousy school,” Ratface said. “Griselda’s pantry. Feast your eyes.”
He
threw open the door to a long, skinny room full of shelves.
Their eyes gradually adjusted to the dim light. On one wall, the shelves were stocked with dusty, cobwebby cans and bottles labeled INSTA-GRUEL and FORTIFIED BEET STEW and DEHYDRATED CABBAGE NUGGETS. But on the other wall were . . .
“Doughnuts!” Carlos whimpered.
“Not just doughtnuts,” Cody said as he ripped into a box. “Store-bought Doopy Powdered Doughnuts!”
Curse of the Bizarro Beetle #2 Page 1
