Then they all froze. They heard a sound. A low, menacing growl, and a hobbling tread.
“I hear ’em, boy.” It was Ivanov, the hall monitor, addressing Pavlov, the Hound of Death. “Students out of bed at night. Let’s get to the dormitories and give ’em a taste of your medicine.”
Cody beckoned to the other boys. “Grab your stuff and let’s go,” he whispered, barely louder than the sound of breathing. “They’re going to the dorms first. It’s our only chance.” And, taking a different hallway, they scurried back to the infirmary, hid their loot, locked up their ankles once more, and threw themselves down onto their bunks and, soon, into an uneasy sleep.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE BUG
Cody’s eyes flew open.
He was in the dungeon, slumped on the dirty floor!
Did he sleepwalk here? He had been asleep. He was sure of it. He remembered settling down to sleep on his cot in the infirmary, after the boys finished their raid of the Academy. Ratface had locked them back into their chains, and hid the keys in his underpants. Rasputin had snuggled down with him like always.
So what was Cody doing here?
And how did he get out of his chains?
Cody had been here before. There was the ancient furnace, wheezing in the corner, with pipes and vents coming out in every direction. It looked like a giant steel amoeba. Rats scuttled along the floor, and bugs! Bugs were everywhere, swarming all over his skin. Ugh! Long bugs, short bugs, bugs with six legs, and bugs with a million. Good thing Cody wasn’t squeamish or he’d be freaking right out of his skin.
Something scuttled in the darkness at his feet. A rat. Rasputin. Cody could tell. He was nosing around in a dark corner, sniffing. Suddenly he hissed and squeaked.
Bzzzrrrrzzz. Bzzzrrrrzzz.
Cody knelt for a closer look. Something was in that corner, making a rattling noise, and whatever it was, Rasputin looked ready to attack it.
It wasn’t another rat. He hoped it wasn’t a rattlesnake.
Rasputin snapped at the thing, and a long, shiny something lashed back. Rasputin backed away, squeaking. The thing waddled after him.
Bzzzrrrrzzz.
Cody’s jaw fell open. The buzzing, rattling thing was a beetle! The hugest bug Cody had ever seen, even bigger than the rat! Dripping with slime, it had thin wings streaked with veins poking out from under its thick black shell of a body. And scaly, menacing pincers stuck out of its head and snapped at Rasputin!
Cody scooped up his adopted pet. “Hey!” he yelled. “Leave my rat alone!”
He raised a foot to stomp on the bug, and wondered if he’d even be able to put a dent in it, much less squoosh it. But before he could slam his foot down, Rasputin nipped Cody’s ear.
“Ow!”
Cody’s yell echoed through the dungeon. Rasputin clambered off Cody and onto the floor, where he watched the beetle from a cautious distance.
Cody bent down for a closer look. Carefully, he took hold of the beetle. It turned its antlered head and glared at him.
“You oughtta be on TV,” he said. “You look a million years old.”
The beetle released a jet of stink.
Suddenly, at the top of the stairs, a door opened. The beam of a flashlight moved around the dungeon.
“Who goes there?” the crackly voice of Ivanov, the hall monitor, said. Pavlov growled a murderous warning.
Cody set down the bug, slunk back into the shadows, and held his breath. Bugs crawled across his feet and up his pant legs. They climbed over his ears and down into the soft tickly neck parts below his collar. He shuddered. He twitched. He caught the scream in his throat before it escaped and betrayed his position to the hall monitor and the Hound of Death, while the flashlight probed the dark corners for dungeon intruders.
The light clicked off.
“C’mon, Poochie,” Ivanov said. “Must have been a rat. Let’s go back to bed.”
The door shut. Cody waited a few seconds longer to be sure it wasn’t a trick. Then he slapped himself all over and shook bugs out of his clothes. Some bugs went crunch against his skin. Blech!
He followed his nose and found the bug jabbing its pincers once more at Rasputin. It still appeared to be surrounded by stinky fumes. The buzzing seemed to come from the beetle pumping its wings. There was no way those flimsy wings could get that beetle off the ground.
Oddly enough, Rasputin seemed to want to make friends with the beetle.
“You’re one strange rat,” Cody said, nudging Rasputin aside. He picked up the big bug once more.
“I’m keeping you,” Cody said. “I found you, so I get to name you. You’ll be . . . The Codius Mackittus Splurchius Beetleus.”
The bug flailed its long scraggly legs. They felt so creepy on Cody’s skin, he nearly dropped his prize.
“I want a better look at you,” Cody said. “Let’s find some more light.” He moved to a patch where the pale light from the outdoors was a bit brighter, and held the beetle closer to his face. A cellar window acted like a mirror, letting Cody see his reflection.
Suddenly, the beetle’s long, snapping pincers grew longer and longer, stretching out like salad tongs to grab Cody’s neck.
“Yee-aagh!” Cody yelped, and tried to drop the bug, but he couldn’t. Maybe the slime made it stick. Its pincers clamped themselves all the way around Cody’s neck and fastened together in the back, until the beetle hung around his neck like a giant, heavy necklace. And the beetle! The beetle itself got heavier and heavier, yet it got smaller and smaller. Its body now glowed with a dull shine. Cody cautiously tapped a fingernail against it. It was hard, and cold.
“Gold,” Cody whispered. “You turned into gold!”
Rasputin leaped onto Cody’s shoulder and leaned down around his neck, sniffing at the golden beetle.
“What do you make of that, Rasputin?” Cody said. “He doesn’t stink anymore, does he? But he weighs a ton.”
Outside the window, the sky began to turn lavender. Morning was here.
“We’d better scoot back to the infirmary before Nurse Bilgewater comes searching for me,” Cody told Rasputin. “I still don’t know how I got out of my ball and chain, but if she finds me missing, we’re toast.”
And, still clutching the beetle, he crept up the stairs and through the corridors back to the infirmary.
CHAPTER SIX
THE LEMONADE
“Anybody got any cheese?”
The boys all turned to look at Cody like he had a hand growing out of his head. It was midmorning, and sunlight streamed through the windows, but Cody was still lying in his bed. He’d just woken up.
“Sure, Cody,” Ratface said sarcastically. “I’ve got a pocketful of cheese. What’s the matter with you?”
“Then give me some,” Cody said, holding out his hand. “I want cheese!”
Carlos snapped his fingers. “Wake up, Cody,” he said. “Snap out of it.”
Cody shook himself. He felt suddenly confused.
“Why are you all staring at me?”
Carlos answered first. “You were fast asleep, then you woke up begging for cheese.” He shrugged. “Weird.”
Cody’s mouth felt dry and sticky. “Cheese?” he said. “You’re joking. I don’t want cheese. I want a big glass of cherry Kool-Aid.”
“The blue kind’s better,” Ratface said.
“Nah, poison green’s the best,” Mugsy said. “Lime flavor, I think. Maybe pickle.”
The door from the office opened, and Nurse Bilgewater filled the doorway like a monument of The Wrath of God.
“Where,” she hissed, “have you hidden my Halloween candy?”
The boys looked at one another. Mugsy’s curly hair quivered. Sully stared at the floor.
Nurse Bilgewater charged through the room, tossing the boys aside like bowling pins. She upended each cot, searching for the missing candy underneath.
Windows rattled in their frames.
“Where is my CANDY?” Nurse Bilgewater bellowed.
“Don’t you dare try to flimflam me, you marshmallow of a boy,” Nurse Bilgewater said. “I know guilt when I smell it. And you’re guilty. You’re all guilty!” She jabbed a thick finger at Cody. “And you’re the ringleader of the whole guilty bunch!”
She turned abruptly and returned to her office. When she reappeared, she had on a hat, coat, and gloves, and carried a purse over one arm.
“Nobody move,” she said in a low voice. “I’ll be back. I’d better find you all here in the exact spots where I left you, or I’ll chop and boil you up into candy. See if I don’t.”
She shut the door behind her.
Cody lay back down on his bunk. His neck itched, and when he reached up to scratch it, there was the golden beetle. He’d forgotten about it! It had seemed like a dream. But there it was, big and heavy and strange.
“Guys, look at this,” he said. The others gathered around. He told them about sleepwalking to the dungeon and finding it there, buzzing and stinking, and about how it turned to gold when he held it up to his neck.
“But . . . if you sleepwalked to the dungeon,” Ratface said. “Then you must have sleep-unlocked yourself, too. That’s weird.”
“I know,” Cody said. “I don’t know how I could have gotten the key and let myself out. All I know is, I woke up in the dungeon, with Rasputin with me. He was really the one who found the beetle. It’s so dark in the dungeon, and there are so many bugs, I wouldn’t have seen it if Rasputin hadn’t sniffed it out.”
“I can’t believe that thing was really alive,” Sully said. “It looks like an ancient artifact. A valuable one, too.”
Cody tugged at the beetle. The pincers relaxed and the gold ornament turned back into a living, squirming bug.
“Yee-ikes!” Ratface squealed. The other boys scrambled backward.
“I can’t believe it’s real!” Carlos said. “It’s like something from a weird science show on TV.”
Sully poked its armored shell. “I wonder what species it is,” he said. “Could be something extinct!” He poked it once more, and the beetle released a jet of stinky spray. “Uggh!”
“Pee-yew!” Victor said.
“Geez, Mugsy,” Carlos said, stifling a laugh.
Mugsy flicked Carlos’s arm with his finger. “That wasn’t me, and you know it, ’Los.”
Cody put the bug back around his neck, and gradually the stink faded. The day went back to being Boredom City. Nothing to do but stare at the paint on the walls.
“Those rotten teachers,” Cody muttered. “We’ve got to get back at them for locking us in here and ruining our lives just so they can plan their dumb party.”
“But how?” Mugsy said. “If we let ourselves out, they’ll see us and take away our key.”
Cody ground his teeth. “There must be something we could do.”
“Hey, guys,” Victor said, peeking out the infirmary door’s window. “What’s Griselda doing, across the hall?”
They crowded around the window for a better look.
Across the hall was a room with a fireplace and a fancy table. Through the doorway they could see Griselda setting a table.
“That used to be Farley’s private study,” Ratface said. “Now the teachers use it as their luxury dining room.”
“I’ll bet Farley wouldn’t be too happy to know they’re using it,” Carlos said.
“His bedroom is right next door,” Ratface said. “I know every room in this entire place.”
“Quit bragging,” Victor said. “I don’t want to know any rooms in this stupid place.”
“Farley’s room, eh?” Cody said. “Now there’s a room I’d like to explore. Who knows what kind of weird junk he keeps in his dresser drawers, huh?”
“Maybe a secret map showing all the escape routes out of this place,” Carlos said.
“Maybe the keys to the hidden treasure chests,” Ratface said. “I’ll bet there’s gold!”
“Maybe the codes for the bombs that could blow this place sky-high,” Victor grumbled. “You guys are nuts.”
“I’m thirsty,” Mugsy said. “And starving. When are they ever going to feed us?”
“Griselda’s back,” Sully whispered. “Shh.”
They looked out the window again. She’d placed a tray containing covered plates and tall drinks on a table in the hallway.
“Lemonade!” Mugsy cried. “I haven’t had lemonade since before I came to Splurch!”
“Tough luck,” Victor said.
“Gimme that key,” Mugsy said. “I’m going to get me some lemonade.”
“And get us all caught?” Ratface said. “No way.”
“C’mon, Ratface,” Cody said, “where’s your sense of adventure? I’ve got an idea.” He opened the refrigerator. “We’re all going to have a drink of lemonade. And we’re going to leave a little present for our beloved teachers.”
He loaded up his pockets with pouches. Griselda took the tray into the private dining room and set the glasses around the table.
Then, muttering to herself, she hobbled back down the hall with her tray toward the kitchens.
As soon as she was out of sight, Cody unlocked the door.
“Ssssh!” He put a finger over his mouth to signal to the others. Then slowly, carefully, they tiptoed across the hall.
“Drink up, men,” he said, grabbing for the first glass. “Just leave an inch in the bottom of the glass.”
“Huh?” Ratface said.
“Trust me.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE TIME CAPSULE
That night, after they were sure the teachers had gone out for their moonlight romp on the grounds of the Academy, Cody and the boys helped themselves to sacks of candy from Nurse Bilgewater’s hidden stash (she kept on buying more), then let themselves out of the infirmary and tiptoed to Headmaster Farley’s bedroom. They had decided that was where they would plan their party and make their costumes. After all, no one would disturb them there.
The room smelled like mothballs and bad breath, but looked pretty much like a normal bedroom—Splurch style, that is. All the furniture had carvings of gargoyles.
“Ugh, did Farley ever actually sleep here?” Carlos said. “Gross!”
“No, stupid,” Sully said, waving his copy of Dracula in his face. “Vampires sleep in coffins. You know he went out every night hunting for . . . whatever he hunts for.”
They searched through his drawers, but all they found were old black socks and boxer shorts with pink hearts on them.
“Ew,” Ratface pinched his nose. “Farley’s undies? Too much information.”
Carlos dumped out the bag of art supply junk they’d collected the night before. “Time to plan our own Halloween,” he said. “Let’s make costumes.”
“We’ve got more to do than just costumes,” Victor said. “We’ve gotta make booby traps and get back at those rotten teachers for locking us up so they can have their crummy party.”
“I saved a bag of dead bugs,” Mugsy said. “From when we were eating the candy before. They’ll make a great booby trap.”
“Good thinking,” Ratface said. “Our eggs should be getting good and rotten by now. We’ll drop ’em from the upstairs windows.”
“And I’ll dump the bugs into the punch,” Mugsy said.
“No, wait,” Carlos said. “I’ll make a spring-loaded booby trap launcher. Then we can shoot the bugs and eggs and stuff out onto the party.”
“Speaking of bugs,” Sully said, as he poked at Cody’s neck. “You’ve got a rash or something on your neck that looks pretty bad.”
The boys all crowded around to see.
“Looks like some kinda bite,” Mugsy said. “Like when I get bug bites at summer camp—when I used to go to summer camp—they’d swell up and get gross.”
“Bug bites,” Cody repeated. He tapped his golden beetle thoughtfully. “Suppose this beetle thing is bi
ting me?”
“Do necklaces bite?” Carlos asked.
“It’s not always a necklace,” Cody said.
“I wouldn’t wear it if I were you,” Sully said. “Some huge hocus-pocus like that’s gotta be bad news.”
Cody shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe it’s a disease called Splurchivitis.”
“Anyway,” Carlos said, peeling open a candy bar, “what are we going to be for Halloween?”
“Simple,” Cody said. “We need to dress up as monsters. It might turn out to be a useful disguise if we’re going to booby-trap their party.” He fingered the rashy spot on his neck. “I’ll be Farley. I’ll bet he’s got a spare cloak in his closet I can borrow.”
Cody turned the knob and pulled open the door to Farley’s closet.
“Yeah, but this one has a hat and tie-thingy,” Cody said. “Makes it more creepy somehow.”
“I call the skeleton,” Victor said. “I can use it for my costume.” He grabbed an arm and began moving the skeleton like a puppet, using the bony fingers to mess up Mugsy’s hair. “What a nice little boy . . .” he said in a Farley-style voice.
“Knock it off,” Mugsy said, swatting the hand away. “Cody, what’s the matter?”
Cody was down on his hands and knees, crawling over mothballs in the dark closet. “There’s something else in here,” he said. “A box. It says TIME CAPSULE.”
“Cool,” Ratface said. “Is that like something you swallow so you’ll have more time?”
Sully rolled his eyes. “Nope. It’s a container you put things in. The idea is, it’ll be found by future generations and they’ll learn about what your life was like. Didn’t you ever make one in school?”
Carlos peered over Cody’s shoulder. “This is Farley’s time capsule? Bust it open!”
They dumped the box onto the bed. At first it didn’t seem like much. There were old black-and-white photographs, a book, faded bits of pottery, and some beads.
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