by Sarah Bates
She sighed and shook her head. “I just meant that I’m not the kind of woman you would normally choose to sleep with.”
His lips quirked up at the corners. “I sleep with you every night,” he reminded her.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not the kind of woman you would normally choose to have sex with, then.” When his eyes narrowed slightly she arched her brows. “Well, it’s true.”
“No, it’s not. I happen to recall a very unpleasant cold shower on our wedding night, because you’re the one that said that nothing was going to happen.”
Her mouth dropped open at the heat in his tone and she blinked in surprise. “Would you have really, I mean…Really?” She swallowed hard and shifted. “Really?”
He shifted his shoulders, looking uncomfortable now. “I wasn’t expecting anything to happen, especially after how sick you’d been all day, but I…wondered.”
“You wondered?”
He stared at her for a moment, then turned and went over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. When he came back, he tossed a small package on the duvet in front of her.
Her eyes widened when she picked up the box of condoms, and then she slowly lifted her gaze to his. “These are latex free,” she said in a slightly strangled voice.
He nodded and folded his arms at his chest. “You’re allergic, so,”
“You bought these to use, with me?”
“I just thought that if anything happened, I wanted to keep you safe. I mean, I’ve been tested, but, still, better to be safe than sorry.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then swallowed and looked back down at the small box in her hand. “I don’t know what to say. I guess I never thought that you would want,”
But she didn’t finish.
He frowned softly and reached out to cup her face and lift her gaze back to his. “You never thought I would want what?” he asked.
“Me.”
He could do nothing but stare at her for a moment, then he took a deep, sharp breath. “Well, you’re wrong. I’m not blind, Sami. Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean that I don’t see you as a woman. I do. Sometimes,” he tried to find the right words, but knew he’d never say it right, so he just went with what came to him. “Sometimes it’s agony to be around you. You really have no idea of how beautiful you are, do you?” he said when her eyes widened in surprise. “Well, I do. And I am acutely aware of it every time I look at you, every time I think of you. And there have been times when I have actually wished that we weren’t friends, because then maybe I could be with you. So don’t tell me you’re not my type, Samantha Steel. Because I just may have to show you how wrong you are.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then looked back down at the small box in her hands. The muscles in her belly quivered and she swallowed hard. “I never knew you saw me like that,” she whispered.
He sighed and climbed up to sit next to her, feeling slightly awkward after his impromptu confession. “I never told you before because I didn’t want things to become strained between us. But it’s true. And the only reason why I usually go for woman like Angela is because they’re not like you, because there’s nothing about them that would remind me of you while I’m with them. Of course,” he scowled at the floor, “that just means that I spend most of my time bored out of my mind, and comparing them to you, picking out all their flaws.”
“Until you get them in bed,” she muttered.
He scowled more deeply as he glanced up at her. “No, even then they all get compared to you. I won’t say that it’s always a hardship, sleeping with them, but that’s just physical. There’s never any emotion to it. And most of the time they’re too obsessed with their own wants, that I never have to think about them, exactly. It’s just a temporary satisfaction.”
“And you don’t mind that?” she asked, frowning softly.
“Of course I do. But, I don’t know. It’s complicated.” He shrugged and dropped back until he was staring at the ceiling. “We’ve never talked about stuff like this before,” he murmured.
She shifted so that she could look down at him. “That is strange, isn’t? We tell each other everything else, but this particular subject just always seemed off-limits.”
“I guess, in a way, it has been. I never thought you’d want to hear about my latest,”
“Conquests,” she provided when he seemed lost for a word to describe his love life.
He scowled over the word, but knew it fit. “Sure. I never thought you’d want to hear about my women, and honestly, I really never wanted to hear about your men.”
“I can understand that.” She was quiet for a moment, then sighed and laid down beside him, resting her head on his chest. His heart beat strong and steady under her ear. “I have another confession to make,” she said.
He took a deep breath and sighed. “You’re having triplets and leaving me for a man named Billy-Bob, who you met at a fund-raiser for the rehabilitation of rednecks. Yes, he’s reminiscent of Larry the Cable Guy, but it’s true love.”
She laughed and turned her head to rest her chin on his chest so she could look at him. “You know me so well.”
He grinned and slid his fingers through her hair. “As long as you’re happy.”
She laughed and pressed a kiss to his chest, rested her head there again. “Unfortunately, Billy-Bob just wants to be friends. Somehow, I think I’ll be able to learn to move on.”
He chuckled and snuggled her close. “So, what is it?” he asked. When she hesitated, he gently nudged her. “Sami?”
“I think I’m getting used to being married to you,” she admitted. “And I kind of like it.” She turned her head to look up to him and found him watching her with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension in his bright blue eyes. “I never thought I’d like being married, but it’s nice, being able to come home after working on my fund-raisers all day, being here every night with you.”
He slowly slid a hand up her back and brushed his fingers through her hair. “I like having you here when I get home from work, too. It kind of makes me wonder why we never thought of it before.” He smiled at that last part, then leaned up and kissed her softly.
She sighed against his lips, then rested her head on his chest again when he lowered back down. “I know why we never did. Neither of us ever wanted to get carried. And you’ve never wanted children.”
He hesitated at that, then slowly nodded, as he knew it was true. “I know, but you would think we would have known it would be different being married to each other. And as far as the never wanting kids thing goes, I haven’t freaked out about the one inside you. Much. I’m actually starting to get used to the idea now, I think. It wouldn’t be so bad, having another you around,” he murmured when she turned her head to look at him again.
“But what if it’s a boy?” she asked.
He shrugged a shoulder, rubbing his hand up and down her back. “I don’t know. Military school?” He chuckled when she rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I guess I always pictured you having daughters.”
“You wouldn’t want to have a son someday, to carry on the Steel family name?”
“I guess I never thought about it that way,” he admitted.
She frowned softly at that. “I’ve always thought that you would be a good father,” she admitted.
“Really?”
She nodded and absently traced the shape of a heart over her chest. “I know, you never wanted children. I guess I just always thought that it was such a waste. You have such a good heart, Alex,” she said, pushing up onto her forearm so she could look at him. “You don’t think so, but you do. You’ve got so much love to give.” She frowned softly again when he looked away from her. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” he asked.
She reached up and gently touched his cheek, waited for him to look at her again. “Why do you always pull away at the mention of children and love? I’ve never understood it. You’ve never told me why you d
on’t want a family.”
He hesitated, then took a deep breath. “It’s nothing.” When she arched her brows he sighed. “Look, it’s really not that big a deal. It’s just that babies, kids, they’re so small, you know, and they depend on you. They expect things from you, and if you screw up, it’s not always as easy as saying I’m sorry to make it up to them. If you’re not careful, you can be responsible for screwing up the life of another human being. And honestly, I know myself well enough to know that I’m too selfish to be a parent. At least, that’s what I’ve always thought.”
“And now?” she asked softly.
He shrugged. “Now, I don’t know. Like I said, I’m getting used to the idea with this little one on the way.” He rubbed her belly affectionately. “Besides, with you for a mother, the kid doesn’t have much to worry about on my end. If I screw up, he or she will always have you.”
She slowly shook her head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know.”
“You make up for it.”
She sighed and rested her head back on his chest. “Someday you’ll see what I see,” she murmured.
There was a long moment of silence, then she sighed. “Alex,”
“Yes?” He slid his hand up to stroke her hair again.
“That’s our side.” She couldn’t stop from grinning when he rolled his eyes and sat up, shaking his head in exasperation.
“So sorry.” He shifted to make more room for her to move over onto her side, then rolled down to the spot where she had been lying. He slipped his arm around her when she snuggled against him and slid his fingers into her hair when she rested her head on his chest.
“Good night, Alex.”
He sighed and shifted a little closer to her so that he could feel the curve of her belly against his side. “Good night, Sami.”
He was awake for a long while after she fell asleep, his thought moving in a direction he wasn’t sure he wanted them to go in.
Every time he reminded himself that she was his best friend he came back with, she’s also my wife. All that did was confuse him even more.
Chapter Six
Two weeks later, despite his extreme work load, Alex, true to his word, cleared his day completely. When Samantha tried to protest, telling him he didn’t have to come, she knew that he was busy, he simply reminded her that he had promised her that he would go with her on this most momentous of days.
That day, at two o’clock p.m., she was going to find out whether she was going to have a son or a daughter.
He had expected to find her excited, but instead she was a bundle of nerves. He watched helplessly as she went from closet to bathroom, then from bathroom to closet, having decided that the blouse she’d chosen was right. She’d been doing this since early that morning and it was already noon.
When she made another trip, this one back into the closet, he sighed and stood from his perch on the end of their bed. “Sami. Sami,…Samantha,” he stepped into her path when she didn’t respond and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, Sami.” He took a deep breath to illustrate, then smiled when she weakly mimicked him. “Relax. It’s a happy day, right? We’re going to go find out if you’re having a boy or girl. Yay.” When she merely stared back at him nervously he rubbed her shoulders and bent to press a quick kiss to her brow. “Everything will be okay.”
She sighed and nodded, looked down at the blouse she was holding.
Then all of a sudden he understood, and he reached up and slid a hand into her hair. “You’re afraid you’re going to be disappointed, aren’t you? I didn’t think that you had a preference.”
She hesitated and lifted her gaze to his. “I’m terrible, aren’t I? I’ve been trying not to hope for one over the other,” she said, pulling away from him to sit on the end of the bed. “I just want my baby to be healthy and strong. It shouldn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Which do you want?” he asked, coming to stand in front of her, this time sliding both of his hands into her hair.
She gave him a look a shame. “It shouldn’t matter. But, truthfully, I’ve been thinking about a little girl. My hair, your,….I mean, oh, I don’t know what I’m talking about.” She closed her eyes and leaned forward to press her face to his chest. “It doesn’t matter. As long as he or she is healthy, it doesn’t matter.”
He held her close, surprising himself by wishing that she had finished what she’d been about to say before she caught herself.
A little girl with her hair and his, what? His eyes? His mouth? What part of him did she wish her child would share?
All too suddenly he was faced with the unsettling thought that, deep down, a part of him wished that her child carried a part of him in him or her. He closed his eyes and tried to push away the question that he’d begun to secretly ask himself every night for the last few weeks. Why hadn’t Sami asked him to be the one to father her child? Of course, he already knew the answer. She hadn’t asked him because he had always said that he didn’t want children.
The problem with that was, now that she was already pregnant, he had begun to rethink that decision.
“What time is it?”
He pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked down at his watch. “Almost twelve thirty.” He tipped her head back and studied her, then leaned forward and kissed her softly. “We should get going or we’ll be late,” he said when he pulled back.
She nodded and stood when he helped her to her feet. “Thank you, for coming with me today. It means a lot to me.”
He smiled and kissed her again, then stepped back so she could go finish getting ready.
Knowing that she didn’t have much time, she simply carried the blouse she already held into the bathroom, and stripped out of her robe. “I love you,” she said softly, stroking her fingers over her belly. “It doesn’t matter to me what you are, because I love you.”
Then she closed her eyes, her hand resting over her child, and took a deep, calming breath. “Alright.” She looked at herself in the mirror and nodded, then began to dress.
When she came back out a few minutes later Alex stood from his seat on their bed and held out a hand to her. “Alright, Mrs. Steel. Let’s go find out what the little one is.”
She smiled and took his hand and he lead her out of their room.
“Good luck.” Rosa called out to them as they came down the stairs. Her dark eyes sparkled as she watched them. Such a surprise it had been to her, and the rest of the staff, when Alex had married so soon after his grandfather’s death. But then the new Mrs. Steel had started to show. She knew that Mr. Gregory would have been so happy, and she hoped that he had known before the end came. It would have been such a comfort to him.
Alex turned to look at Rosa when they reached the bottom of the stairs and smiled. “We’ll celebrate when we get back. All of us,” he told her, then, his arm around Samantha, he lead her out the door.
The drive to Samantha’s doctor’s office seemed to take forever, but then they arrived and Samantha gripped his hand tightly as they walked across the parking lot.
“If you’re so nervous, why don’t you just wait and be surprised,” Alex said, coming to a stop just outside the door. “We can go somewhere and just relax,”
She shook her head and straightened her shoulders. “I’m ready. I want to know,” she said when he opened his mouth to ask if she was sure.
He studied her for a moment, then nodded and opened the door for her. She lead him in and went to the receptionist’s desk to check in.
“Ah, yes, Mrs. Steel.” the nurse smiled up at her. “Dr. Evans will be with you shortly.”
“Thank you.” She went and sat down, and leaned against Alex when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“What do you think of Serena for a girl?” he asked.
“Serena?” She thought it over, then smiled and nodded. “I like it,” she said.
“Me, too.”
They only had to wait for a few minutes, then the d
oor opened and one of the nurses stepped out. “Samantha,” she called.
Alex gave Samantha a quick squeeze then helped her to her feet and they followed the nurse into one of the exam rooms.
The nurse left them to settle in and Samantha sat on the end of the examination table, folding her hands in her lap.
Alex watched her for a moment, then reached out to take her hands. He smiled at her when she looked at him, and she smiled nervously back. “Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded, and only jolted a little when the door opened.
Dr. Evans walked in with a bounce in his step, and smiled when Samantha and Alex turned to look at him. “Hello, Samantha,” he said cheerfully, then he turned his attention to Alex. “And you must be Mr. Steel.” He extended his hand to Alex. “I have to admit, it surprised me when I found out that Samantha had gotten married so soon after,” he trailed off when Alex’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Well, it was just a pleasant surprise.”
Alex nodded and lowered his hand after shaking the other man’s.
Samantha looked between them, then smiled up at her doctor. “Well, you know when you know,” she said brightly.
He nodded as he pulled the monitor closer to the table. “Very true. Now, if you would just lie back and pull your shirt up, that’s it,” he said when she laid back and tugged her shirt up.
Alex looked away when she tugged her pants down a little as well, and wondered how long it would take. Hospitals and doctors’ offices always made him feel anxious, ever since the car accident that had taken both of his parents from him. He’d only been ten when that had happened, but the memories were still far too vivid for him to ever be comfortable with the sickly sterile scent of such places.
Taking a calming breath, he held Samantha’s hand.
“This will be a little cold.” Evans warned her just before he squeezed some clear gel onto her belly.
Samantha let out a soft gasp and Alex automatically tightened his grip reassuringly, but he continued to stare at the wall.
