by Amanda Heath
“Yeah, I think I did.” He attempts a smile, and it looks so foreign on his face.
“Who would have known, being that close to talking to her and you’re already getting better?” I smile faintly. “Do you want to meet with her?”
“Fuck no. I can’t be with her again. I have to get over this funk and move on with my life. I know she might be my soulmate, but I think I’m better off with a normal girl. One who picks up her own shit. One who doesn’t get mad at everything and throw hot little temper tantrums that turn me on. Or have wild beautiful raven hair and seductive emerald eyes that you sink into. Or an angelic smile and a sirens voice. Most of all, one with no emotions that won’t drop me the second life gets too hard for her.”
“Fuck, that’s kind of harsh, there, buddy. I get what you’re saying, though. If I could go back to the beginning of the school year, I would never have said two words to Grace. Now look at me. I’m living with you so I could stay away from the happy couple that was Jaden and Grace. Made me fucking sick.”
“And here I thought you were here for my winning personality.” He smirks and I laugh. The moment feels almost normal.
“You know what? Why don’t we go out to the bar tonight or something?” He asks out of nowhere.
“You want to go to a bar and do what?” I ask right back.
“I want to go to a bar, get stupid drunk, have sex with a girl without learning her name, and wake up with the worst hangover ever. Then, I’m going to pick my life back up off the ground.” He stares at me intently so I know that he’s not kidding around.
“Going out, getting drunk, and having sex with random chicks is not going to help you get over her, Dec,” I sigh.
“It has to work, because I have tried everything else. Nothing else has worked. I’m not saying that I want to become an alcoholic or anything, but one night where I don’t have to think about her is something I need more than anything.” He tells me while looking off into space.
“I know you do, buddy, but you’re going to have to take it one day at a time. Let fun back into your life slowly. I don’t want you to overdose on it.” I reply studying his profile. The poor guy has lost mass amounts of weight and his hair has grown down to his chin. I have never seen Declan without his hair buzzed to his head. Teagan did a real number on him.
“Ha! That is the funniest thing you have ever said. I haven’t lived in months. All I have done is go to class and do my schoolwork. Then I eat and sleep. What kind of living is that?” He looks over at me. He’s right. When was the last time I lived? When was the last time I did something fun and didn’t think about Kayla? A long fucking time ago.
“It’s not. Okay, you’re right. Let’s go to the bar, then.” I get up from the table and head upstairs.
So I’m sitting here drunk and in the men’s bathroom, and what do I do? Call Kayla. I might have told Declan I wanted to forget her, but we all know that isn’t true. Who would want to forget such a beautiful thing? What I have with her is as real as anything I have ever had in my life. I should fight harder for her. I should fucking do something.
“Caden, what do you want?” she asks around a huff.
“I miss you so much, Angel. I want to see your perfect face. I want to feel you against me again. God I just want you here with me.” I say into the phone hoping she feels the same.
“Now isn’t a good time Caden. I’m busy.” she says softly.
All I see is red. “How can you take what we have and throw it away? Do I mean nothing to you? Why are you doing this to me? Please explain it to me because I can’t fucking figure it out.” I think I slurred some of that but I’m not sure.
“Caden are you drunk?” I hear someone, probably Jaden, talk in the background. Her hand makes a noise as it covers the phone. Then she comes back over the line. “Do I need to come and get you? You don’t need to be out drinking Caden. This is going to get you into trouble.”
“Dec and I decided to go out and get drunk and have fun tonight. Something we haven’t been able to do in months because of you and Teagan.” I tell her standing up and banging my head on the stall door.
“Where are you? We will come and get you.”
I tell her the bars name and she hangs up. I make my way out of the bathroom and sit at the booth with Declan. Claire met up with us here and has been all over Declan since she got here. I have a few more shots and I totally forget that Kayla said she was coming to get me.
I see Kayla first and almost fall out of my seat when Teagan walks behind her. “Wa tha hewl, Tea?” I drunkenly slur. I try and get up but I stop before I fall to the floor on my face. “Grace, bab, ya may itd.” I thank the drunken gods I remember to call her Grace in front of other people.
“Yeah, Caden, I made it. You both sounded really gone on the phone so we came to get y’all home so you don’t hurt yourselves,” Kayla says to me, soothingly.
“Otay,” I reply, reaching for her hand. I, of course, miss and nearly fall out of the booth again, but Kayla catches me.
“Whoa, there, big boy. Can you walk to the car? I’ll get you back to Declan’s house and Teagan will drive Declan’s truck over.” She pats me on the back.
“He dontah half tha turck anya moe.” I stare at her beautiful face and I hear Teagan muffle a laugh.
“Okay, well, we will let them figure that out on their own, okay? Let’s just get you home.” She rubs the top of my head and I nuzzle her like a cat. After Teagan helps her get me to my feet, she watches us stumble out the door. Good freaking riddance I say.
Kayla helps me into the car and I can’t help but to get a feel of her ass as she backs away from the door. She slaps my hand away and glares at me. I just smirk. She climbs in on her side and takes off down the road. I get sleepy on the way and before long my eyes are closed. I do something stupid though.
“I love you, Kayla.” I whisper right before my lights go out.
My palms are sweaty. My heart is racing. I can’t believe he just said that. I’ve found that people speak more freely when they’re drunk. Which means he probably means what he just said. I can’t believe he just said that.
Fuck.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. We weren’t supposed to fall in love. I feel bipolar around Caden. I know you’re feeling it too. One second I want to be with him and the next I don’t. I have no idea what to do. My heart and body scream to be with him but my head has other ideas.
He makes me insane. My temper comes out when he’s around. Kayla comes out when he’s around. I have to be Grace here. There is no way around it. What with Daniel being so close to us, I can’t risk being the person I was before. The bad tempered punky girl. I have to be girly and well mannered.
My mind wasn’t on driving so when we pull up outside Declan’s house, I’m a little freaked. I seriously don’t remember how we got here. I look over at Caden and my heart squeezes. His blonde hair falls into his eyes. The light blue covered up by his closed eyelids. His beautiful features are relaxed in his drunken sleep. He smells like beer, which explains the wet spot in his white t-shirt. I don’t want to wake him but I have to get him out of my car. I have to get away from him.
I take a deep breath and push his shoulder with my hand. He slowly blinks until he realizes where he is. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.” He mumbles scrubbing a hand down his face.
I shrug. “Not like I care.” God I’m such a bitch.
His eyes widen and his jaw clenches. “Look Kayla, I get your pissed about how I acted. I’m just so used to Jaden getting everything he wants. I couldn’t stand for you to be with him, knowing you want to be with me.”
I roll my eyes. If he is going to call me a bitch then I’m going to act like a bitch. “You are so full of yourself. You don’t know what I want. Jaden is good for me. You’re not.”
He moves so fast I don’t have time to realize what he is doing. His right hand moves up to go into my hair. He uses it to pull me closer. His lips kiss mine gently. The kiss is soft and sweet and
over before it started. He pulls away and now I’m left blinking. “You can sit there and tell me all you want. You want me and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. That’s what happens when you’re attracted to someone, Grace. If you want to throw what we have away, go ahead. I’m so fucking tired of chasing after you. Mourning the loss of you. I’m done being your second favorite.” His light blue eyes are darker with is anger. His hands are gripping the middle console so hard I’m afraid he is going to break it. “Don’t sit there and tell me you don’t want me. Don’t lie to me. Don’t lie to yourself either.”
He quickly gets out of the car and slightly stumbles up to the house. I lean my head back against the seat. I close my eyes and I cry. I don’t cry very often. Mostly because every time I cried before this was because of Daniel. It makes me think of him and what he put us through. No one should have to go through this. I should be with who I want. I shouldn’t have to turn him away because I’m afraid if I’m with him then I’ll be discovered.
My phone rings pulling me out of my pity party. The screen flashes Jaden. I groan. What the hell does he want? I sigh before answering. “What’s up?”
He chuckles over the air waves. “I’m your boyfriend for six months and that’s all I get?”
I roll my eyes. Seems I’m doing that a lot at these twins. “We aren’t together anymore. Why are you calling?” I snap.
“Calm down. I was hoping you could come over. I think we need to talk about some things.”
“Fine. But if you try to blackmail me I will kick you in the balls.” I hang up before he can reply. I back out of Declan’s driveway. I refuse to think about anything on my way over to Jaden’s apartment. I blare music until Pink’s ‘Try’ comes on and I shut it off. Yeah I don’t need to hear how I gotta get up and try. Fuck that.
Jaden opens his apartment door when I knock. His hair is wet and hanging over his forehead. He hasn’t gotten a hair cut in a while. He usually doesn’t let it get that long. His white wash jeans hang low on his hips. The blue t-shirt he is wearing brings out the color of his eyes. It also shows off all the hard earned muscles.
“Glad you could make it.” He says softly looking at me from under his thick lashes.
“Well I didn’t have anything else to do.” I reply smirking a little bit.
Regardless if I have stronger feelings for Caden, Jaden has been my official boyfriend for six months. If he wants to talk about what happened, then we will. If he needs closure then I will give him that too. I was completely Grace for him. Not Kayla. It’s nice to be Kayla around him now. It’s really hard to hide that part of myself.
He chuckles and opens the door wider. “Come in and have a seat.”
I pass him, taking in his expensive cologne. It’s nice but it has nothing on Caden’s. God I have a freaking problem. “I really don’t like being ordered around.” I tell him even though I’m doing what he ordered.
“I know. Doesn’t mean I won’t stop.” He winks and sits across from me.
I roll my eyes yet again. I really need to stop that shit. “Well spit it out. I have places to go and people to see.”
That earns me a grin. “Look I know you have real feelings for Caden. I see the way you look at each other. I’m not blind.” He pauses looking me over. “The thing is I have real feelings for you too.” He clears his throat, which makes me think he’s uncomfortable. Which means he’s telling the truth. “All I want is for you to give me a chance. Try with me please. I can give you so much more than Caden. I really want to be with you. For real this time.”
Why is this new life so fucking complicated. Jesus I have a pair of twins throwing themselves at me. I’m not that special, trust me. “Why the hell are you throwing this at me now? What about Ava?” I ask crossing my legs. I can’t seem to stop tapping my foot though.
He shrugs. “Nothing would ever happen with Ava. She wants nothing to do with me. As hard as it is to let that love go, I have to. I have to move on. I want to really move on with you. Not that fake shit we had before.” He gets up from his seat and crosses over to me. He gets down on his knees in front of me and grasps my hands. His dark blue eyes bore into mine. “Please Grace, be with me. Let my brother go. I promise to give you everything he could and more.” He places a soft kiss on the back of my hand.
“Okay.” I whisper before I can stop myself. I know it’s stupid and I know you’re mad at me, but I have to do something. I can’t destroy what I have in this place. If I make too many wrong steps Daniel will find me. Find my brother and then we would be shipped back to that life. It’s a prison and I refuse to be kept locked away like that.
I just want to live my life and if that means I have to choose the lesser of two evils then I will.
Jaden’s smile is infectious. I feel myself returning it. He lifts up on his legs and kisses me. It’s gentle at first and then it gets hotter, more intense. I find myself breathing harder and tingles start running through my body. Jaden kisses like a pro and I feel my toes curl as he lays me back on the couch.
I won’t bore you with what happened because you aren’t reading this to find out about sex with Jaden. You’re reading this to find out what happens between Caden and me. Well before you think this is the end, just keep reading. I promise you that you won’t be disappointed.
To say I’m ashamed of myself is an understatement. What I wouldn’t give to take it back. What I wouldn’t give to never have done that. I feel sick to my stomach the next morning. I want to crawl to the bathroom and blow chucks everywhere. That’s not possible though. Jaden has his big meaty arm over my waist and I can’t think of moving it.
Then Aiden saves me the trouble. He starts banging on the front door right after I wake up on Jaden’s couch. With him cuddled to my side. Aiden doesn’t wait for an answer but barges in and grimaces when he sees what I’ve done. “We have got to go now.” He whispers.
I don’t care where I have to go as long as I get to leave this couch with my dignity still intact. Oh wait I left my dignity in the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Seems a gremlin ran off with it.
I shake my head to let him know I’m coming. I ever slowly crawl out from under Jaden’s arm. I’m sure I look comical twisting my body into different awkward positions to get out from under him. I know Aiden finds it funny. He is still standing near the door with his hand covering his mouth while he laughs. I flip him off.
Jaden groans once I get all the way to the floor but he doesn’t wake up. I quickly put on the clothes from last night and cringe. Forget slut, I’m a fucking whore. I seriously loathe myself right now. How could I have done that? Really though. Caden tells me, drunkenly I might add, that he loves me. I throw that love in his face and sleep with his twin brother. I’m going to hell.
When I’m completely dressed I follow Aiden out the front door. I make sure to lock it and not slam it in frustration at myself. “What’s going on?” I ask once I see the coast is clear.
Aiden becomes serious when he faces me at the bottom of the steps. “Daniel found his way here.” He looks down at the bottom step and clinches his hands on the rail. “I saw him walking around campus, showing our pictures. It’s only a matter of time before someone identifies us.”
All the blood has drained out of my face. My palms are sweaty and I don’t think I can hold myself up right now. Aiden makes it up the stairs to me before I face plant. “What does this mean?” Fear courses through my body making me shake. I think my teeth my shatter.
“We have to leave. There’s no doubt about it.” He helps me stand and we quickly make our way to his apartment. “I have IDs and other paperwork for us to go to Arizona.”
Seems I’m up rooting my life again.
2 years later…
She was just gone. No word, no warning, just gone. Jaden called me early that morning after my drunken confession, asking if I had seen her. But after that conversation I don’t think I could ever speak to her or him again. Listening to your best friend, your twin brother tal
king about how he slept with the girl you love, well that can make anyone angry. I think I got a little more then angry.
I remember going over to his apartment. I remember trashing the place. I remember Declan and Chance showing up to pull me off of Jaden. I wanted to kill him. He slept with her right on his fucking couch. I took a knife to the damn thing and ripped it to shreds. I don’t want to remember that day.
I got arrested for destruction of property. Jaden refused to press assault charges. Damn right he better have refused. Mom came and bailed me out. Then she told me to get my act together or she’s cutting me off. I told her to shove it.
It was also the day Grace Breadfield/Kayla walked out of both of our lives. I would be so pissed off at Jaden if he didn’t seem as upset about it as I do. It’s been two fucking years. Two years with no word, no nothing. The only thing my twin and I have agreed on in those two years is that we had to protect her. So Jaden told everyone she got accepted as a Dallas cowboy cheerleader. Which isn’t that much of a stretch. He still tells everyone he is with her. They just have long distance relationship. It makes me fucking sick.
“Caden!” Teagan yells from the first floor of the house. I jerk my head up at the sound of her voice. I still smile to myself every time I see her here. She did the right thing. She picked up the pieces of her life and put them back together. I only wish I could do that.
“What?” I holler back. I hear her stomping up the stairs. She wants my attention, so she will have to come to me.
“Have you seen my keys?” she questions me stopping in the doorway of my bedroom.
I shrug my shoulders and go back to my painting. This one isn’t a nude. Though nudes are my favorite, I figure I need to be painting stuff my mom could be proud of. “Really? You’re going to ignore me right now?” she huffs putting her hands on her tiny hips.
