by Lexi Cross
Then came the day when a pink slip arrived. I remembered staring at it in horrified disbelief. I’d heard rumors of layoffs throughout the company—we all had. Up until that day, they were only rumors. I’d worked extra hard to prove myself indispensable. I learned no one was indispensable, as half the investment firm’s employees were let go at one time. I had only been a lowly assistant, entering data and running reports, but I’d made a comfortable living. Enough for our apartment, enough to pay tuition for David’s private school and extracurricular activities. I felt it all slipping away as I realized I had no job.
I’d told myself to buck up. Five years at the firm meant a fairly comfortable severance. I could rely on that, plus unemployment, to carry me through the first six months or so. I hoarded every last penny in those months, desperate to make the money last. But then my car broke down, needing a fix. David had a bad fall in the school playground, resulting in a trip to the ER, an X-ray and stitches to his forehead. When that bill came through, I actually called the hospital to make sure there was no mistake. How could a few stitches be so ungodly expensive?
Before I knew it, I was down to next to nothing in savings. After pounding the pavement every day looking for work, too. Times were tight, as though I didn’t know it after the layoff. The job market was practically nonexistent, except in the restaurant industry. I couldn’t work a hectic schedule, though. I needed something with set hours so that I could create a steady, dependable schedule for David. I couldn’t afford daycare even with a job, not with tuition costs always on the rise.
By the time the heat cut off, my severance had dried up, and the unemployment kicked, too. I had no money coming in. Just bills. Lots of bills.
And my boy. I leaned closer to him, taking a heady whiff of his little boy smell. I hoped he never got too old to mind when I needed to bury my face in his neck and try to capture a little bit of his youth by inhaling that strange scent only little guys seemed to carry. No matter how many baths he got, he always smelled to me like chocolate chip cookies, pennies, and dirt. The dirt I could understand, since he seemed to find it everywhere—even living four floors up. Pennies I could understand, too. He collected change in his piggy bank, hoarding it like an old miser. The cookies were totally him, though. Unless he hoarded them, too.
I couldn’t lose him, but there was no way for us to keep living the way we were. I’d done everything I could to keep our dire circumstances from him, making a game out of all the fun and unusual ways to prepare ramen noodles, cereal-for-dinner night, that sort of thing. I was fairly sure he didn’t know the trouble we were in. A child should never know that. There was only so long I could keep up the charade, however, and it scared me to death to think the state might come for him. God knew I’d told enough bill collectors over the phone that I had a small child to care for. Word was bound to get back to somebody, eventually. Then what would I do?
No way I would let anybody take my boy from me. My arm tightened around him at the thought, stirring him to wakefulness.
“Sorry, honey,” I whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
He rubbed his eyes. “It’s morning, mama.”
“I know, but it’s Saturday. That’s the fun of Saturday, isn’t it? Staying in bed all day?” I was desperate to keep him under the blankets, warm, comfortable.
“Yeah, but I wanna watch TV.” I groaned softly. Of course he did.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we spend the day in my room? We can camp out in bed, watch TV, eat popcorn. What do you think?”
“Can we really?” His eyes widened.
“Yeah! It’ll be so fun! You take all the blankets to my bed and get them ready. I’ll make oatmeal and hot chocolate for breakfast.”
“Breakfast in bed?” He giggled. A rare treat, indeed.
“Yes, sir. What do you say?” He answered by giggling again, jumping out of bed and yanking the blankets from me. I laughed at his enthusiasm, even as I shivered. He didn’t seem to notice—too excited.
That would be the day, then. Watching TV, huddled together in my bed. I knew I’d have to come up with games to keep him occupied, too, since there was no way he’d sit still for that long. Still, it was better than freezing all day.
***
Later that night, I brushed the golden hair back from my little boy’s forehead. He was fast asleep, a day of sugary treats giving him a burst of energy before leaving him hopelessly exhausted. While he had the energy, we played exciting games such as “How long can you run in place?” and “How many jumping jacks can you do?”. Anything to keep him moving, distracted from the bitter chill in the air. He asked once or twice why it was so cold. I told him it was a very cold day, and he seemed to accept my explanation without a second’s thought.
I slid out of bed, tucking him in before tiptoeing out to the living room. It was so cold—colder than outside, probably. I picked up my phone before going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Anything to warm my hands.
While waiting for the water to boil, I called my neighbor in the apartment below. Cindy was always good for a little help when I needed it. She didn’t have money, but she had a warm apartment with plenty of snacks.
“Hey, Jess. What’s up?” I heard voices in the background. She wasn’t home. I could’ve smacked myself—it was Saturday night. Of course a girl in her mid-twenties wasn’t home. When was the last time Saturday night actually mattered to me?
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t think you’d be busy. I’ll call you later.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Really. What’s going on?”
“I wondered what you were doing tomorrow. If you’re busy, I totally understand. I just need a few hours to get out and run some errands.”
“Of course! You know I love it when my favorite guy hangs out with me.” I closed my eyes and thanked whatever higher power brought Cindy into my life. She didn’t have money to lend me—not that I would have asked in a million years—but she had a giving heart and was always happy to watch David when I needed to go out.
“Thank you so much,” I murmured. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes. Emotion colored my voice.
“What’s wrong? Jess, do you need me to come home? Do you need to talk?”
“Oh, God, no. Don’t come home on my account. Please.”
“What is it, though?” The noise behind her abruptly cut off. Her voice echoed. She’d escaped to a bathroom.
“They shut off the heat today.”
“Jesus Christ! Why didn’t you call me sooner?”
“I didn’t want to bother you. I managed, anyway. We stayed in bed and watched TV. It was warmer there, you know? He didn’t seem to mind.”
“Of course he didn’t. You’re raising an awesome kid. You’re an awesome mama.”
“I don’t feel that way. I feel like a failure. I hoped I could go around and put a few applications in tomorrow. Retail, that sort of thing. I need something.”
“Honey, bring him over first thing. Jeez, I wish you had a key to my place, I’d have you go down there right now. I’ll be there in a few minutes, I’m only a cab ride away.”
“You’ll do no such thing. We’ll be fine tonight. I promise.”
She made a sound which told me she didn’t believe me for a minute. “Fine. Bring him over first thing in the morning, then. He can stay all day. You, too. I’ll make dinner for us. It’ll be a good day. And we can talk it over. All right?”
“Are you sure?”
“Abso-freaking-lutely.”
I couldn’t help it. Tears spilled onto my cheeks. “Thank you so much.”
“We’ll find a way out of this. Okay? Don’t worry about it. Get some sleep.”
“Will do. Have fun.” I hung up, wishing I were out there, having fun along with her. Twenty-seven years old, and I felt like I’d lived twice that long. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection off the window above the kitchen sink. Who was that old woman with the messy bun, bulky sweater, haunted eyes? I tucked a strand of straw-colored hair behi
nd my ear, then turned my attention to the tea. I couldn’t think too much about everything I’d missed out on.
Besides, I wasn’t exactly missing out. I had David. The light of my life. We’d done a lot of growing up together. Funny how I’d seen myself as such a grown-up before I found out I was pregnant. Twenty years old and full of myself. I was jaded, not grown up. It took years of hard knocks to learn the difference.
I didn’t regret my decisions, not for a minute. Even if they left me in a freezing apartment with a growing boy and an increasingly bare cupboard.
I hoped Cindy had an idea for what I could do to get by, because I certainly didn’t.
***
David jumped on me within three seconds of my walking through Cindy’s door the following evening.
“Mama! Me and Cindy had such a great day!”
“You did? What did you do?” I picked him up—it wouldn’t be much longer before that wasn’t an option anymore. The kid was growing like a weed.
“We colored and watched cartoons and ate soft pretzels with cheese. Did you know they sell them in boxes at the store? You can just put them in the microwave.” His eyes were wide, as though he’d made a major discovery.
“No kidding! I’m glad you had such a nutritious lunch!” I winked at Cindy. She stuck her tongue out at me.
“He enjoyed it,” she informed me. “He also enjoyed the hot fudge sundaes.” For a girl so slim, she ate like a pig. At any given moment there was a veritable smorgasbord of junk food in her kitchen just waiting to be devoured.
“Careful now,” I said to my son, “or you’ll end up with a tummy ache. Like you did the last time you spent the day with Cindy.” I cast a doleful eye in her direction, raising my voice for emphasis. She blushed, turning back to the stove.
I put David down, telling him to watch some more TV while I talked with our hostess. She was fixing roasted chicken—I could smell it in the oven—and pasta. A big salad sat on the table, ready for us to dig in.
“This really is too much,” I protested. She answered by handing me a glass of wine.
“Shut up. You know I love helping you when I can. I only wish I could do more.” I knew she wasn’t much better off than I was. Rent was no joke, and she was up to her neck in college loan debt. Like so many people our age. One of the perks of not going to college, I thought bitterly before taking a healthy sip of my wine. It went straight to my head, my empty stomach putting up no resistance. I sank into a kitchen chair.
“Where did you go today?” she asked.
“Everywhere. My head is killing me. Four supermarkets, five drugstores, four retailers. I filled out applications with all of them. The only problem is I’m limited to the morning shift. I can’t work nights. I got the feeling most of them were looking for somebody with a little more flexibility.”
She sat down across from me with a sigh. I could tell she had something on her mind before she even opened her mouth.
“How much money do you need? I mean, immediately. To get the heat turned back on and keep the wolves from the door.”
I did the math in my head, estimating. “Five thousand dollars?”
Her eyes bulged. “That much?”
“I’m two months behind on rent, too.” I stared into my wine glass. “Vinnie’s been a gem about it, though. I know he’s going to want his money eventually. And that also covers a few weeks of groceries and David’s tuition payment. It’s all going to come to a head, very soon. I feel the noose tightening around my neck.”
“I guess so.” She drummed nervous fingers on the tabletop.
“What are you thinking about? I know you don’t have that kind of money,” I said.
“No. But I might know of somebody who does.”
I cocked my head to the side. “What would I have to do for it?”
“Nothing, really.” She held up a hand. “This isn’t prostitution, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I wasn’t, but now that you mention it, I’m glad that’s not involved.” I gave her a wry smile, finishing off the first glass. My head felt a little buzzy. I welcomed the feeling.
“All you have to do is ask the guy for the loan.”
“What, a loan shark? Oh, jeez. I don’t know.”
Cindy stood, pouring me another glass. “Hey, you’re bound to find something soon, right? It would erase your immediate debts. You’d have heat, food, David would still be in school.”
“Yes, school is non-negotiable.” The public schools in our area were dismal, to say the least. I wanted my boy to get an education, not get beat up and mugged every day.
“And you’d still have a roof over your head. I know something is going to come through for you. I feel it in my bones. You know how I am.” I smiled indulgently—yes, I knew how she was. For all her worldliness, my friend thought of herself as an amateur psychic. Her grandmother allegedly had the gift and passed it on to her granddaughter.
“I know how those men are, though. I don’t need somebody coming around, threatening to break my kneecaps if I don’t pay up.”
“He won’t. My friend borrowed money once to help him get through a tough time. He said Joe Green is totally above-board, very professional. He’s not a scummy knee breaker.”
I thought it over, biting the inside of my mouth the way I always did when something was on my mind.
“All right. I’ll go see him first thing in the morning.” I couldn’t help loving the thought of getting the heat turned back on, of not fearing the power and water getting cut off. No eviction. No pulling David from school. We could eat, for heaven’s sake.
Cindy called David in for dinner, and the three of us got down to the business of enjoying the evening. I felt much better than I had in a long time.
Chapter Two
Jess
I looked up at the nondescript brick building at the edge of town, then back down at the address Cindy had sent via text. It was the right place. It didn’t look like it, though.
I walked up to the front door, knocking tentatively. It seemed abandoned. People did business there? I didn’t see a car parked outside, or any signs of life aside from weeds sticking up from broken concrete.
“Yeah?” I looked around, startled at the sound of a gruff voice. I cleared my throat, wondering where the speaker sat. I couldn’t see it anywhere, though I heard the voice loud and clear.
“I’m here to see Joe Green.” I finally spotted a tiny camera above the door, and made a point to look straight up into it. I wasn’t threatening anyone.
“Who sent you?”
That one threw me. “Uh, nobody sent me. I came on my own. I heard he could help me with some financial trouble I’d been having lately. Maybe I got the wrong information. I’m sorry.” I was ready to leave and never return. Who sent me? That question alone made me question how professional the man really was, and how shady his business was.
A buzzer sounded. “Come in.” A split second’s hesitation, in which I questioned my sanity before remembering why I was asking for the money, before opening the door.
My eyes widened in disbelief when I saw the inside of the building. It was a total shock, like stepping through a portal into bizarro world. If I hadn’t known better, the tastefully decorated room would’ve led me to believe I was in the waiting area of a prestigious law firm. Even the expertly lit artwork hanging on the walls told me Joe was not a man to be trifled with. Who was he?
“Hello.” The man belonging to the voice I’d heard through the speakers greeted me. He sat behind a desk, but I had the feeling he was no secretary. More like a bodyguard. Though he wore a suit, I could imagine him getting his hands dirty. Very dirty.
“Hi. My name is Jess McKinley. A friend of mine recommended I come here to see Joe. I’m in big trouble, and I might lose my apartment if I don’t pay up.”
He held up a large, calloused hand. “I don’t need to hear the sob story, lady. You need money. I get it. That’s what Joe does. Plus some other things.” He smiled nastil
y, and it wasn’t lost on me that his eyes inspected me like I was a prize piece of meat. I felt exposed, though I was fully dressed.
“Can I see him?”
“Nobody just walks in to see the boss. Almost nobody ever actually talks to him.”
“I see. How do people get money from him, then?”
“He has his ways.” The man gestured to a camera above his head. I realized Joe—if that was his real name, which I doubted—could see me, wherever happened to be.
“Oh. Okay.” I smoothed a self-conscious hand over my hair, then straightened out the skirt and blouse I wore beneath my coat. If Joe was that mysterious, he must’ve been a very powerful—and potentially dangerous—person. Once again, I had second thoughts.
