Liam said it best, what was that he said to me, on the rooftop that night?
If you keep waiting for the right moment, you’ll be waiting forever.
A tear runs down my cheek. I got this new job to try and pay my bills, but I feel as though I’m running on a treadmill. If I think I’ll ever be able to follow through with my dream and start my own restaurant, I’m kidding myself. I can’t even pay my rent.
I sigh, and I’m overcome with heartache.
I do miss Liam.
No matter what his past deeds, he’s a good man. A solid man.
Very solid.
Solid body. Solid...other things.
Why did Jade have to go and ruin everything?
I take a beer from my fridge, open it up, and throw on Netflix, because Kimmy Schmidt is calling my name. It’s already past one, and since I’m an opener tomorrow I’ve got to arrive to work at ten a.m.
I pass out on the couch, my student loans, rent threat, and all of my thoughts crumpled together, my life crumbling into itself.
I startle awake in the morning, my veins ice cold at the dream I just had.
Stumbling to the kitchenette in my tiny studio apartment, I turn on the faucet for a drink of water.
Nothing comes out.
I can’t get the vivid nightmare out of my head where I was attending Jade and Liam’s wedding.
I sigh deeply, and glance at the clock on the microwave.
Eight thirty-eight. I’ve already got to start heading to work.
I take a big belly breath and exhale slowly. I’m about to blow, and not in a good way. I take out my phone and call my dad, who’s always been the one to counsel me in tough times like these.
He picks up after three rings.
“Hi Haley! You never call this early.”
“I know.” I admit. “Just wanted to say hey.”
“Okay, well, ‘hey’ yourself, sweetheart. Everything okay?”
“No.” I manage to say. “Things are very not okay at the moment.”
Even at just saying the words, I feel my gut sinking a little bit. Even so, it’s a relief to tell someone.
“Alright, well talk to me. What’s not okay?”
“I’m worried I’m never going to follow my dream. And that I’m going to be scraping for cash my entire life and never get anywhere, just going from one job to the next!”
The waterworks start. I feel bad for my dad to be taking the brunt of this.
“Honey, It’s going to be okay. I have confidence you’ll get there someday. You just have to keep your nose to the grindstone and it will work out.”
I try to take another deep belly breath, and I’m reminded that last month I had to cancel my subscription to Yoga class.
Just another nail in the coffin.
“Dad, I know. I’ve been trying. But I’ve been thinking and…I don’t like my life right now. I don’t like my routine, and I don’t like what I’ve become.”
Long pause. I can practically hear my dad thinking on the other side of the phone.
“Wow..” He finally says. “That’s a pretty big statement.”
“I know.”
“So have you thought about what you’d rather be doing?”
If I tell him that I’m literally thinking about some run down corner property I saw in Blackwell for ten grand, he’ll think I’m absolutely nuts. So I go a different route.
“Dad, why did you try so hard to stay in Boone when we were kids? You always said you could have made more money easily if you’d just up and moved us to New York a few years earlier. But you kept us there as long as you could.”
“Honey, you’re right about that. But money isn’t everything. I wanted to stick it out in the country as long as I could. I loved living in a small town, and our money went a lot farther there. Sure, eventually we had to move to the big city, and maybe, if we would have moved sooner, I would have been able to afford a house that was a little bigger or something. But in the end, I’ll always love my time I spent in the country. Why do you ask?”
I lick my lips, and look out the window of my twelfth story apartment, down at the streets of New York. It’s a beautiful city, sure, but this is one of those times I have to admit my instinct is guiding me somewhere else, if I’m listening to my gut.
“Why do I ask? Well, I have this crazy idea that—”
I cut myself off. My heart starts pounding, and I don’t want to say it. Of course, Liam will be there too if I move. But he’s got nothing to do with the fact that I’m thinking about moving.
“Thinking about what, honey? It’s okay. You can trust me.”
I take a deep breath. “I know this sounds crazy. But you know how when I was a little kid and I used to serve everyone food around the dinner table? And then how Grandmother would take me to brunch every Sunday at that diner?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“So when I was in Blackwell, I saw this property on the corner. It was this foreclosed, beautiful building. I called the real estate company up, and guess how much it cost?”
“Fifty Grand?”
“No.” I swallow. “Ten Grand. That’s it! Can you believe that! Since then, I got this idea in my head that I could…you know. I could start it up there. I’m barely even scraping by. Everything I see reminds me of my ex. So why not go?”
He sighs deeply, and waits a beat. “Haley, if that’s what you think will make you happy, I say go for it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. At some point, you’ve got to do what makes you happy, past aside. I know you’ve liked being a server for a while, but you’re in your late twenties now. It makes sense that you’d want to get a little more serious. And hey, what about Liam? So…he’s not factoring into your decision to go to Blackwell at all?”
Adrenaline pumps through me. “No,” I say staunchly. “Not at all. It’s just a coincidence. Blackwell is a small town in the middle of nowhere USA, and it’s just exactly where I need to escape to.”
“Just a coincidence.” He says, echoing my words.
“Yes. Thanks for being a non judgmental sounding board, Dad.”
“Anytime.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get some water because mine is gone.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Liam
6 weeks later
Blackwell, Middle of nowhere, USA
September arrives, and the leaves start to show the slightest sign of red and orange. Classes are back in session at Blackwell University, and the college kids fill out the town.
And the auto shop.
We hired a kid to help us with the extra business we’ve been getting.
“Ralph. Wrench.” I say from under the car. I’m rolled underneath and working on a woman’s brake pads, de-torquing some screws.
Well, not her brake pads. Her car’s brake pads. You know what I mean.
“Anyways,” the kid continues his story. “I had a big crush on this girl named Rose, but turns out she was hooking up with a professor all along. I didn’t stand a chance.”
“That’s rough.” I say, wiping the sweat from my brow.
September in Blackwell is still steamy. I don’t have the heart to tell the kid I know exactly who Rose was hooking up with, since I’m buddies with the professor in question. He’s young. He’ll recover.
“What about you, Liam? You got a girlfriend?”
I sigh.
“Nah.” I answer simply. “Switch me out for the breaker bar.” I say, handing him the wrench.
Since the shitstorm I endured with Haley and my breakup, I’ve had exactly zero motivation to “get back out there” as the dating gurus like to say.
I’ve put all my mental energy into working and staying busy at the shop.
I fix the rotor in place and twist it in with a grunt, but something’s not right.
“So you just...don’t want a girlfriend?”
I try to re-center the rotor on the screw holes, then push it back in. I can
’t quite fit them, though.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re busy.” Ralph says. Jesus Christ, you’da thought I put ‘personal conversationalist’ on the damn application.
“Fucking screws don’t fit.” I growl through my teeth, and roll out from under the car.
“Do you have the three eighths or the one quarter screws?” He asks.
I sit up, and try to towel some of the grease off my body, but the dirty towel doesn’t seem to do much. “Three eighths.”
“Well, this is a Mini Cooper, so shouldn’t you be using a quarter?”
I look at Ralph, the skinny, gangly college junior.
I clench my jaw. I don’t like being told the right answer about something, especially in my own shop. “How’d you know that?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I checked the specs on my phone while you were down there.”
“Good job,” I say, though inside, I’m fuming. “Give me the other screws. Actually, you want to get under there and have at it?”
His eyes light up. For this entire week, he’s basically just been learning the ropes. He hasn’t even touched a car yet.
I switch places with him, and hand him the screwdriver, and he slides underneath.
“I had a girl,” I tell him. “The thing about women, is that when you meet one who gets you, it goes great. Until it doesn’t. And then, it all falls to shit. Just like a car, my man. You can have a great engine in theory, but all it takes is one of a million possible problems, and bam--your car is done for.”
“So how are you supposed to keep it from falling apart?” He asks, sticking out a hand from under the car. I put four more screws in his palm.
“Maintenance, my man. You’ve got to make sure you’re taking her in all the time, keeping her well lubricated, making that baby purr like she did the very first time.” I sort of drift off into my own analogy, getting carried away, but I think it works.
Ralph pops out from under the car. “Done.” He says, sitting up. “Hey, you doing alright?”
“Alright? Why wouldn’t I be.”
He stands up and shrugs. “You just seem tense. You got a vein popping out of your neck.”
I touch my neck, and realize the kid’s right. My fist is also clenched. I’m basically a ball of tension waiting to explode.
“Not tense at all.” I lie. “Must just be the heat.”
“Hey y’all.” I hear a woman’s voice call from behind us, outside the garage doors.
I spin around, a little too fast, and for a moment all I see is the blur of long red hair, sunglasses, and a white and blue dress.
My heart starts thumping. I walk toward the woman with a smile. I can’t quite make her face out, but this has to be her.
Haley’s been thinking about me just as much as I’ve been obsessing over her these last weeks. All the times I’ve called and texted her, she’s been saving those to surprise me.
My grin dissipates when I get closer to her, and realize this is most definitely not Haley Rosebaum. Whoever it is, they have the same shade of her red hair, and it’s playing tricks on my mind.
“Hi. You must be Liam. I’m here to pick up my brother, Ralph. I’m Delilah.” She pauses. “Are you okay, Sir? You look a little tense.”
My lack of Haley Rosebaum has me dying of thirst, like I’m in the desert. I might as well be, I’m over here seeing fucking mirages.
I clear my throat. “I’m fine, thanks. Nice to meet you.” I stick out my hand for a shake.
“You too. Thanks for having Ralph. I know he’s a little awkward, but he’s a good kid.”
“So you go to Blackwell University, too?”
“Yeah. I’m a senior.”
I nod. “Well congrats.”
She swallows and gives me an up-and-down. Fuck. I realize I don’t have a shirt on, and when I thought she was Haley, I was giving this girl the straight up “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you” eyes as I walked toward her.
I might as well be full on flirting with this broad. She licks her lips, takes off her sunglasses, and shakes her hair out a little.
“So you’re the boss around here, eh?” She asks. I turn my head and see Ralph grabbing his things.
“You could say that.”
“That’s...very cool.” The corners of her lips curve upward in a flirty smile. “Look. I know this might be a little forward. But here’s my number...if you ever want to grab a drink or something.” She says. “I could help you relieve some of that tension you are experiencing.”
She jots her number on the back of a scrap of paper, then hands it to me right before Ralph gets to us.
“See you later, Liam!” He says cheerily. They walk together to her car, and she turns and winks at me over her shoulder.
“Later.” I croak.
They pull away. I look at the number in my hand, crumple it and toss it into the the trash.
As I hear her car pull away, I realize there is one thing she’s right about. I am very tense these days, much more so than I used to be.
I thought an adventure with Haley away from Blackwell would be the antidote to the stress I’ve been feeling.
Instead, almost two months later, I’m dreaming up ways in my head that I could possibly get Haley Rosebaum back.
I take a deep breath as I turn off the lights to the shop, and my phone lights up with a text from my buddy Cole, who is also going through a rough time right now, given his employment situation.
Cole: Drinks at The Watering Hole tonight?
Liam: You bet your ass
I haven’t been drinking in almost a month. And you know what, it’s time to relieve some of that tension everyone keeps telling me I have.
It’s a typical Friday night at The Watering Hole. My boy Mason is behind the bar, hooking me up with free drinks, and my buddy Cole sits with me as we proceed to get shitfaced. It’s guys night. Except, of course, for the girl who has inserted herself right next to me, between mine and Cole’s barstools.
“So like, if you’re not doing anything later, I’m trying to get some perspectives on a photo shoot I did for my secret tumblr blog.” The pretty brunette says next to me. I’ve known Francine for some time. She’s always been a good girl, and I’m surprised that she’s propositioning me like this.
“Look, no offense, but I’m just not interested.” I reiterate.
“Why?” She scoffs.
“Leave the lovesick man alone!” Cole barks from behind in a sarcastic tone.
“Liam, I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not even looking for anything serious.”
She sways a little, clearly buzzed.
“Well maybe I am,” I growl.
Her eyes bulge a little bit and she scoffs. “Asshole.” She mutters under her breath as she walks away.
Mason shakes his head as he fills a pitcher of beer behind the bar. “Dude what has gotten into you lately? She’s hot. I don’t understand what your big deal is. You’re Liam fucking Blackwell. You crush puss. It’s kind of your thing.”
“So? I’m not in the mood for a one night stand tonight. What’s the big deal?” I shrug.
Mason chuckles. “Dude you haven’t been ‘in the mood’ for a one night stand since you got back from that crazy road trip or whatever you did with that girl. What’s her name? Haley? Dude she’s not coming back. You just need to get over yourself. And Francine’s a nice girl. She’s very experienced. You just have to get over this girl, man. And the best way to get over her is standing in the corner. Ironically, I bet she wants you more now that you turned her down.” Mason finishes filling the pitcher and turns to Cole. “Can you explain that one, Mr. Harvard Professor of attraction? Why do girls want guys they can’t have?”
“Ex-Professor,” I correct with a smirk.
“Dude, fuck you. Too soon, man.” Cole shakes his head, still a little salty about his current work situation. “And now I’m not even going to explain the theory of attraction, and thus the reason for that.”
“
Aww, come on,” Mason chides. “It’s not Liam’s fault you decided to sleep with a student.”
Cole rolls his eyes, then shrugs. “Worth it, asshole.”
“Oh, is that because you are in looove?” Mason draws out the L-word, and Cole’s jaw clenches up a little bit.
“What, you’ve never been in love, Mason?”
Mason’s a smooth operator, but when Cole says that, he gets a little flushed.
I know why, too. Mason has been in love. Once.
Just it’s been with Cole’s little sister, who is incidentally back in Blackwell now.
And incidentally just got hired as a hostess at this very bar.
And incidentally, I’m the only who knows this.
“I fall in love with every girl I see at the bar.” Mason says, deflecting. “How about you, Liam? Mr. Heart of Stone.”
I smirk. “I don’t know man. I thought I was in love when I was nineteen, but I don’t think I even knew what love was, back then. The girl fucked me up pretty bad though.”
“So you’ve never been in love with anyone since then?”
I bite my lower lip. I honestly thought what Haley and I had was love. But if she wasn’t willing to give me a shot because of something in my past—something I had no control over—was it real love in the end?
“I don’t know.” I say, a little hoarsely, and take another sip of my whisky straight.
“Whoa, getting all serious on us.” Mason quips, then heads to the other end of the bar to attend to a customer.
“So you were in love with this broad? Dude, you fall so quickly. It’s really quite an accomplishment, if you ask me,” Cole comments.
“Nah,” I say, swallowing. “I wasn’t in love with the girl. I just wasn’t.”
When I say the words, I’m trying more to convince myself than just trying to state a fact. Just thinking about Haley’s deep red hair, those blue eyes, the way she looked in the dress on her sister’s wedding day, damn near activates me between my legs.
“So you weren’t in love with her, yet you won’t go and hang out with Francine, and, in fact, you just told her off.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” I argue.
Mechanic with Benefits Page 15
