“Do you mean with Nathan and Kate?”
“Yeah,” I had a sudden idea and began making another big ball of snow. “It just feels weird, like we’re not all on the same page now.”
“Are you still happy with what you and I are doing?” The snow breasts were getting bigger by the second.
I swallowed. “Of course. It’s fun and uncomplicated.” I was such a good liar when I wasn’t lying to Kate. “Without all the bullshit. I mean, they’re different to us, and I don’t want anything more.”
“Uh, okay.” Only one side of his face was illuminated by the streetlamp, and I caught his lips tightening into a straight line. I realised that I'd unintentionally made it sound as though I'd rather eat slugs than be in a relationship with him. I thought I’d better ease up a bit. “Sorry, I’m, um, fucked up about men at the moment anyway, so I’m certainly not wanting anything serious. I mean you are gorgeous...“ I was beginning to ramble. “Could you please just answer the question now, so I can shut up?”
“Okay.” He gave me an amused grin. “Yeah, the dynamic’s changed a bit, but as long as we’re cool, I don’t think it matters what they do. I think it would be worse if they were fighting.”
“Hmm true. Can I ask you another question?”
“Sure.”
“What happened with Bianca?”
He rounded out the snow-girl’s hips, “She made things really difficult. Hated me spending time with the group, away from her... always asking about other girls... watching me like a hawk at gigs. She was really clingy and insecure. It was just too much hard work, and it was affecting things with the band.”
“Gosh, she sounds like a nightmare; no wonder you’re off relationships."
"Tell me about it."
“How did you break it off?”
“It was after a gig one night, just before we got signed." He started to carve features into the snowgirl's face then shook his head, adding more snow to her breasts instead. "I had to make a decision, and I realised the band was making me happier than she was. So I told her she should go back home and find someone who could give her what she wanted.”
“How did that go?”
“Oh, she was upset, but I think she knew I was right.”
“And then you became a manwhore.”
“I thought you said you’d forgotten that conversation.” He picked up a ball of snow and threw it at me.
“I remembered that bit.” I laughed and threw one back. “By the way, your snow girl is going to topple over if you make those things any bigger.” I turn backed to my statue, moulded a second ball and placed it at the base of the cylinder.
“So are you going to tell me about Josh, seeing as we’re discussing fucked up relationships?” He frowned at my slowly emerging work of art. “Is that what I think you’re making?”
I took a deep breath. “It was weird. Things were going along quite well I thought, and then one day he just tells me he’s taking a job in Sydney. I didn’t even know he was looking for work; I thought he was happy where he was. And the thing is, the new job wasn’t even necessarily better.“ My final and most logical conclusion was that he just didn't want to be with me anymore. I kept this bit to myself. It would hurt too much to say it out loud.
“That’s harsh,” he said sincerely then turned to look at my now finished, four-foot snow penis. “That’s not based on mine, is it?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s not to scale.”
“No, it looks about right to me."
He brushed some snow off the head of his completed snow girl. “So did you break up straight away?”
I stood up after applying some finishing touches. “Yeah, one day I was happy with my boyfriend; the next day he leaves.”
“Can I just say it sounds like you’re better off without him?”
“Yeah, you’re right, but now you know why I’m still a bit gun shy. It hurt a lot. So I think it’s actually best for me if I change the way I have boyfriends; have a bit more casual sex with guys I would never normally have looked at twice before.”
“Like me?” He blew his fringe off his face.
Shit, I'd done it again. “I looked more than twice at you, Scott.” Yeah, me and the whole female contingent of every pub and club you play at. “But at least you know you’re safe; I’m not going to propose to you anytime soon.”
He smiled his sexy, cheeky smile and held out his hand for me to join him while we stood back and admired our works of art.
“Can we go back inside?” I shivered as the snow began to settle on my shoulders.
He pulled out his phone from his pocket and took a photo of our masterpieces. “Only to prove to you that that statue really is to scale.”
Spell for a Safe Car Trip
Before your trip, visualise a blue bubble surrounding your vehicle that stays for the duration of the journey. Nothing can penetrate the bubble, including negative thoughts.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WE ROLLED SLUGGISHLY OFF each other's lack of enthusiasm when Sunday arrived. Still tired because we had spent most of the night talking after spa baths and snow sculpting, we had to get home and prepare for the working week. Scott drove, and I sat in the passenger seat beside him while Kate and Nathan snuggled together in the back. Much of the conversation with Kate was still fresh in my mind. She had brought out my growing feelings for Scott, and talking about Josh again had opened up old wounds.
“Do you want to stay at my place?” Kate asked Nathan
“If you want me to,” Nathan replied.
“Oh God,” I mumbled without thinking and noticed the suggestion of resentment in my tone, hoping no one heard me.
“Of course I do,” Kate whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.
This felt strange. In times past, it had always been me in the proverbial back seat with a boyfriend while Kate was riding shot gun with her good time guy.
I looked over at Scott, his eyes were on the road, and he looked as exhausted as I felt. I wondered what he’d say if I asked him the same thing. He looked a bit distracted. Perhaps it was just tiredness. Perhaps he was worried about the current economic climate. Maybe he was thinking about how he’d just realised how in love he was with me.
Maybe not.
Instead I turned around to see Kate and Nathan cuddling close together on the back seat. I gave them a wink. “Lapping it up while it lasts, hey guys?” I giggled and turned back. Scott looked in his rear view mirror then shot me a sideways glance. His look was unsettling but not moreso than the absence of Kate's usual retort.
I turned around again, smiling, only to have it wiped away by her silent scowl.
“What?” I asked her. “I was just joking.”
She responded with an icy grimace and stared out the window. I met Nathan’s eyes as he raised his brows and gave me a half smile-– an unspoken, “uh oh.”
Oops.
Shit.
I stared longingly at the fields and trees as they rushed past, feeling suffocated by the tension inside the Tarago. The acres of flat land would offer no place to hide anyway. All of a sudden Scott excitedly turned the radio up, and I recognised a familiar guitar riff. He beamed at me as one of their more popular live songs filled the cabin. From the corner of my eye, I saw Nathan mimic his drumming while Kate did a sit down dance in her seat. Taking the opportunity, I turned around again and smiled apologetically. Still nothing. What the hell was up her arse?
When the song was over, Kate addressed Scott, again ignoring me. “Scott, can you please stop off at the supermarket coming up? I just need to grab a few things.”
Scott pulled into the car park, still wearing an ear to ear grin. We sat in the minivan and waited while Kate and Nathan picked up their supplies.
“I think Kate’s pissed off with you.”
No shit, Sherlock. “It was a joke. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, and she knows it. I guess it's just, this thing with Nathan is so different to her usual style," I sighed. “I�
�ll sort it out when we get home. Hey, is that the first time you heard yourselves on the radio?”
“Yes,” he bit his lip excitedly then turned to look out the windscreen. “It’s surreal; we did all the internet stuff, got it all out there, but to have something we’ve worked toward for ages just be played like that, kind of gives us a bit more validation.”
I studied his gorgeous profile, his green eyes dancing. “So why’d it take so long?”
“The lineup wasn’t working until we got Dan and Nathan in.” He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and turned back towards me, one arm resting on the steering wheel, the other one on the seat. “Also a lot of the stuff we did up till now was just too limited to get the airplay we needed. I think it just took that long for all the pieces to fall into place, and we really needed to work out what direction we had to take to make our music more popular. “
“Oh, so you sold out?”
“Do you even know what that means?” He narrowed his eyes, frowning at me. This wasn't good. What the hell was wrong with me today? “I think we just matured and got better.”
“But you had fans back then. You were played on youth radio, weren’t you? Your old stuff's great!” Most of this knowledge was thanks to Google, not to mention the amount of times I’d seen them play in the last few weeks. I swore I was trying to compliment him here. It just wasn’t quite coming out that way. "I thought it was better, artistically, to be indie."
“Yes, but we have need to expand the market.”
“So is your music you’re writing for you or for the fans?”
“What? Both I guess.”
“I like that song, but it’s nothing like the other stuff that you’ve been playing—the stuff that you guys really come alive with when you play. Are you just going to keep writing commercial stuff or do what you really enjoy? I just don’t think that song’s really you. And the stuff that is, is so much better.”
“We have to earn a living. I don't want to be working casual shifts at the music store for the rest of my life.” Now he was scowling at me.
“You're university educated, surely there's something better you can do, that would earn you a living without sacrificing your creativity.” Again, I was trying to be helpful, but when he looked at me again, his eyes were cold and dark. His hands clenched on the steering wheel. "All I mean is, what happens if you do everything because you think you should, not because it's what you really want, and then it doesn't work out? What else are you going to do?” Just shut up, Abby. You're making it worse.
“Look, Abby, can you drop it now? What the fuck would you know anyway? I was happy a few minutes ago; now you’ve fucked up my day. Thanks a lot.” He turned away from me and looked out his window.
“Scott, I wasn’t... I didn’t...” It hadn't come out the way I wanted it to. What I was trying to say was that Reckless Choice was good; they were good without resorting to current trends. I ended up making it sound as though I thought he was a dickhead for making all the wrong decisions. But Scott was right; what the fuck did I know?
The back door slid open, and the other couple climbed in. The tension that had dissipated just moments before had returned so gelatinous I would have needed a spoon to get out of there. I was really messing it up today, big time. It was true that Kate got bored with guys easily, but she seemed to be extra sensitive to any kind of criticism towards this particular relationship. Maybe it really was serious. As for Scott, well, it was his life, his career, and frankly none of my business. I wished I'd remembered that before I opened my fat mouth.
We finally made it to our block after the most excruciating fifteen minutes of my life. Kate thanked Scott for driving, grabbed her bag, and headed straight up to her unit, Nathan following behind slowly. Scott lifted my bag out of the back and dropped it down on the ground.
“Scott... wait,” I pleaded as he got back into the car and drove off without saying a word.
I caught up with Nathan at the bottom of the stairs, a lump forming in my throat. After such a nice weekend, I had managed to mess it up in the space of a car trip. He gave me a warm smile, and I felt like hugging him, but instead a tear overflowed.
“I’m so sorry, Nathan,” I said, barely managing to control my voice. Above me, I could see Kate’s shadow as she walked along the balcony to her door.
“It’s alright,” Nathan said, loudly enough for her to hear. “Kate will never get bored with me. I have a secret weapon.” Kate’s head appeared over the railing, Nathan continued, “It’s my naked gorilla dance.” He put his bag down and stood back far enough for Kate to see him and proceeded to take off his shirt.
“What are you doing?” Kate ran back down the stairs and stopped short beside me, laughing as Nathan started running back and forth in gorilla pose. I couldn't help myself and started laughing, too.
"You can stop now!" she yelled at him. "No really, please, stop now." She turned to me and met my eyes.
"Abby, it isn't all about you, you know," she said firmly. "I deserve to be happy, too."
I gaped at her, but she was right.
“I’m really sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to trivialise it.” You're welcome for the spell, too, I said silently. I’m glad someone can benefit from it; it doesn't look like it's going to be me.
She gave me a hug. “Me, too.”
Nathan stopped as soon as he saw that we had made up, and we walked, arm in arm, back up the stairs.
“So what happened with Scott?” Kate asked, putting the kettle on as we settled in around her small table.
“Oh god.” I put my head in my hands. “Nathan, you’re going to hate me now, seeing as you didn’t before.”
“Abby, what did you do?” Kate pulled my hands away.
“All I said was that I thought the song was too commercial and it didn’t really reflect what you guys really were, in a roundabout sort of way.”
Nathan gave me a shocked look then surprised me when he started laughing. “Holy shit, you’re game.” he exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” Oh god, now what had I done?
“I admit, I have to agree with you about the song. I guess we all do, but this is our little way of getting our foot in the door, so to speak. Scott hates the idea; he argued with Silas for months. All he could think of all weekend was how to do the next one better." So that explained why he was so quiet on the way home. Kate was right, I did have an 'it's all about me' issue.
Nathan continued, "Scott's kind of the glue that keeps it all together. We’re all here for the same thing, but the band really is and always has been Scott’s baby, even more than Luke’s.”
“So you’re saying I’ve said that Scott’s baby is ugly or something?” I was having a hard time understanding why Scott was so pissed off with me about something we both agreed on.
“No, it’s more like you’ve questioned his parenting skills and pointed something out that he was already sensitive and unsure about.” So that was it. “Trust me, he takes it all very seriously, and everything is all planned out. I slept through a rehearsal once. Fucking hell, I’ll never do that again. ” He started chuckling again and shook his head.
“Stop it.” Kate scolded him. “It’s not funny. Abby’s devastated.”
“I’m sorry. Look if it helps, I’ll put in a good word for you, okay? Give it a few days. He’ll cool down; he always does.”
“Thanks.” I said, realising there wasn’t much else I could do.
Kate rubbed my arm soothingly. "Want to have dinner with us tonight?"
I shook my head, "Thanks, but I might have an early one." Picking up my bag, I walked sadly up to my flat.
CHAPTER TWELVE
AVALON IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN a more boring place to be when, to my great displeasure, Monday dutifully arrived. I tapped absentmindedly at my keyboard, trying not to think of the last shameful moments of the weekend as Bronwyn scurried around me, busily organising —or rather, making me organise —a three week overseas business trip she was to take th
e following month.
I kept thinking back to the look on Scott’s face, his eyes ablaze with animosity and his mouth a thin line; Kate’s silence; and the overwhelming feeling of shame and dread in the last few minutes of the trip. That urge to rewind and start again, thinking before speaking. I wished there was a spell for that. Thank god Kate understood. As for Scott, I ignored Nathan’s suggestion to leave it for a few days and immediately tried to call him when I got home. My call went unanswered, as did the text message I sent.
“Has my itinerary arrived yet?” Bronwyn broke into my thoughts and placed a pile of handwritten letters in my in-tray. "I need to go out for a couple of hours; just put everything on my desk."
After my hands were sore from typing, I found Sean in the photocopy room a few hours later, reading the itinerary Brownyn had been anxious about.
“You look tired. Big weekend?” he said when I approached.
“Yeah, went away with friends.” I pointed at the sheet of paper, “And that's mine.”
“Looks like Bron’s got a busy few weeks coming up," he observed, taking no notice of my outstretched hand. "It’ll probably be pretty quiet for you without the boss here.”
“Ray’ll still be here, and he works me harder than Bronwyn does, but yeah, I’ll be a bit less busy.”
He took a step closer, his fresh, masculine cologne waking my senses. “I think you’ll find Ray has got the last week here off, too.” He pointed at the dates before handing the itinerary to me. “Maybe I can whisk you away for a long lunch?”
“Hmm, that would be lovely. Your shout?” I coughed when I caught a hint of flirtatiousness in my voice.
Rachel suddenly appeared at the door, causing us to instantly step away from each other. “Oh, sorry, guys.” She looked suspiciously from Sean to me. "I think I left my pen-– oh, there it is.” She retrieved it then turned to me, “Bron just got back. I told her you were getting the itinerary now." She discreetly cocked an eyebrow at me as she walked out, then turned around. “Are you guys coming down to the pub tonight?”
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