“I’ve got issues.” I ran a hand through my hair, leaning back and stretching my legs out. The drunken people would probably trip over them. I didn’t care.
“We all do, Dane. It’s how you handle those issues that counts. You can let them consume you, completely dictate your life and control your every move and decision. Or….you can conquer them. Face them, deal with them, acknowledge them, and move forward with your life. You, Dane Davidson, are the only one that can make the decision. You care for Korah? Do something about it. Too scared to do anything? Decide if it’s something you let consume or you conquer.” She stood then, nodding once, and left.
She was right. The sarcastic blond friend of Korah’s told me exactly like it was. She put me in my place. On the side of the street, hanging out beside a bar.
It was time to decide if the Korah situation was something I let consume or conquer me.
Chapter Five-Korah
Valentine’s day…why had I agreed to a date of any kind again? The thought caused dread to surface. I felt nauseated at the prospect of getting ready. And actually going out and being around a bunch of lovey dovey couples, possibly seeing PDA or worse, a proposal?
It made me want to hide with Elle under my bed.
I made my way in to the apartment, flung my bags in the corner and yelled for Leela. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in a day or two and I missed her. I moved through the rooms, finally finding her working out to a Zumba video in her bedroom.
How she did this workout was beyond me. I tried it for a week…then stopped because I couldn’t move the next week. I felt pain in muscles I didn’t know existed. I couldn’t get out of bed without moaning and groaning like a thousand year old woman. It was pathetic, really, but I refused to try it again.
“Lee?” I called from the door. I knew better than to go in when she did this. She would run me over and not even realize I had been in the way.
Panting, she paused it and turned. “Korah,” she said breathlessly. “Almost…done.”
“Ok,” I nodded. Heading to the living room, I flopped down in a chair, staying away from the couch whenever possible. Too many memories of Dane resided there. I scrolled through my phone, checking my Facebook and Twitter while I waited for Leela.
She staggered in the room, collapsing to the ground out of breath. She moved her hands around in the air, which would look crazy to anyone else, but I knew she wanted water. I jumped up, grabbing two bottles from the refrigerator, and handing them over. “You gonna live?”
She nodded once, sitting enough to gulp down the whole first bottle. Her breathing was still rapid, though not as intense. She leaned on the coffee table, resting her head on her elbow, and said, “What’s up?”
“Haven’t seen you in a day or two, I wanted to say hi. I miss my bestie a little bit,” I grinned.
She returned the smile, before downing the other bottle. She sat completely up, finally breathing a normal pace. Her expression softened, then became unreadable. She fidgeted with the empty bottle, not looking me directly in the eye.
“Leela?” I said softly.
“I saw Dane,” she blurted out, jumping to her feet. She moved so quickly I had to jerk my neck to locate her across the room.
“What?” I was genuinely confused.
“I went out the other night and Dane was sitting on the sidewalk outside the bar. He was so wasted, Korah…he just kept talking about you.”
My chest constricted, I felt like a semi was parked on it. “He what?” My statements were lame, my replies practically useless.
I was floored. Dane talked about me? While drunk to my best friend?
She nodded quickly, perching beside me on the armrest. “Yeah, Korah, he was blabbering about you. I think he cares about you and is pretty much terrified. He looked like a little lost puppy. It was endearing, but at the same time I wanted to smack him upside the head.”
“What did he say exactly?”
“He said he’d screwed things up, he’s really upset about this so called date you’ve got tonight. It was sad listening to him…I got the feeling he thinks he’s too screwed up to be with anyone.”
“Cale is just a friend though,” I stressed. “We’re going out just so we won’t be alone.”
“I know. I get it, but it’s making Dane crazy. I think what I said will make him straighten up,” she admitted with a large grin.
Rolling my eyes, I asked, “You gave him the consume or conquer speech, didn’t you?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, what else would I have said to him? He needed it way more than you ever have.”
Shaking my head, I elbowed her in the side. “You need a new speech.”
Her body bumped me back and she shook her head. “No, you need to give me a reason to make a new speech. Listen to me, though…Dane was sincere. You might wanna tell him this date is nothing.”
I contemplated confessing while aimlessly twirling the end of my scarf around my finger. Leela must have noticed, because she gently tugged until it came open. Her eyes scanned my neck, once again filling with tears over seeing the fingerprints Christopher left behind.
“Have the police called?”
I shook my head.
“Do you have mace? You’re being careful, right?” her lips quivered with each word.
“Yeah,” I whispered, my fingers trailing over my bruises. Christopher was still out there. He would be back if the cops didn’t find him.
Leela hopped up, pulling me with her. “We aren’t letting that asshole bring us down. He won’t find you again. You’re going to go out tonight and have fun. That’s what this whole thing is about, right? Having fun? Well, we’ll make it happen!”
I smiled weakly, trying to muster my enthusiasm to match hers, but it wasn’t happening. The sinking in my gut told me Christopher would be back, soon or later, and I prayed I wasn’t alone when it happened. I barely got away the last time, and a week and a half later still had the bruises to remind me.
Being abused wasn’t something easy to deal with. It ate at your soul, constantly nagging and making you feel worthless. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but at the same time felt like it somehow was. My self-esteem plummeted with each encounter, leaving me feeling weaker and more vulnerable.
I hated the feeling.
Christopher was the true weak one, and I knew it in the deepest parts of me, but I was still terrified of him. I wanted him locked away with no chance of coming back to harm me. Would I ever feel safe again?
“Earth to Korah, get your head back to the present. You’re gonna look adorable tonight,” Lee squealed. She was like that, able to go from serious to fun in an instant. I didn’t know if it was a coping mechanism or if she really could switch gears that quickly, but it made me slightly jealous.
Once again, I sat still while Leela worked her magic on me. I fought with my mind, refusing to think back to Halloween night, the last time she did this. She attempted to cover my bruises with make-up, but I looked more like a clown that anything, so we found a red scarf to match the black dress she loaned me.
Fitted clothing, waved hair with a red flower tucked behind my ear, the red scarf, and pumps to match.
I kinda felt hot.
And my stomach fluttered as one thought crossed my mind. I wished Dane could see me tonight.
Leela always seemed to know what I was thinking. She peered over my shoulder, looking at my reflection in the mirror. “He would drop over from a heart attack if he saw you. You are smokin!”
Turning one edge of my mouth up, I gave a half grin, and continued to inspect my neck. I didn’t want anyone to know. The rumors could swirl and circulate all they wanted, but when it came down to it, I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.
The pity I received after the first time was more than I could handle. It was summer break when it happened, and all my friends back home knew about it. Each time I saw someone, stared into their sympathy filled eyes as they looked me over like I was some small,
homeless child that had nothing, I wanted to puke. I didn’t want their pity.
I didn’t need their pity.
I refused to feel worthless again, to have the need to defend myself to people I didn’t know because they somehow thought I needed their advice, assistance, or worse.
“You ok?” Leela asked. She sat on her bed now, watching me intently.
I nodded. “Making sure my neck isn’t visible. I don’t want anyone’s pity.”
“I know. And most of them mean well, Korah…”
“I don’t care. It’s too much. I can’t deal with it.”
“Ok.”
A knock sounded from the front room, pulling us both to the door. Every time someone came by, I shook all over, my heart beat sped up to unbelievable speeds.
I hated living in fear.
I peered out the peep hole just enough to see Cale on the other side. He was a good friend at this point. We’d had several classes together in the past and always seemed to end up in the same groups. We’d never hung out outside of class, though, so I hoped this didn’t mean more than I’d taken it for.
Opening the door, I smiled and guided him in. “Hey, Cale. This is my roommate Leela.”
They stared at each other for a long time, neither greeting, neither moving. Finally, he extended a hand and shook hers slowly. Suddenly, I felt like a third wheel. Uncomfortable didn’t even begin to describe it. I think things would have been less awkward if I’d walked in on them having sex.
I cleared my throat, smiling to them both. “Do you two know each other?”
Leela jerked her hand back, giving me a wild look. “No.”
Cale shook his head. He seemed to have lost his voice.
“Well….” I started, realizing they obviously weren’t going to make any moves without me. “Why don’t you go get dressed and we’ll all go out, Leela. Is that ok with you, Cale?”
He nodded, barely moving his head enough for me to see.
If I couldn’t be with the person I thought I wanted to be with on the holiday, the least I could do is set my friend up.
Chapter Six-Dane
Sobering up had been nothing short of the most painful experience of my life. Was I hungover? Nope. The moment I realized what all I’d admitted to Korah’s best friend, my world spun out of control. Korah had to know how I felt by now. Chicks talked about all kinds of shit, especially guys. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. I did the first thing that popped into my dumb head.
I asked a girl out on a date.
A real date. On Valentine’s Day.
She was from our sister sorority, nice to look at, interesting enough I thought I could handle an hour or two of my time with her. I knew nothing about dating, so I anticipated a disaster on my hands. Luckily, Shawn was a friend. She wouldn’t expect me to woo her, just as I didn’t expect to get laid. It was a nice, comfortable unsaid understanding.
Damn Korah and the things she did to me.
I picked Shawn up and headed straight to the restaurant. It was packed with people, most of them hanging all over each other or staring lovingly into each other’s eyes. We hadn’t been seated for five minutes when I spotted her. It was like my body knew when she was in the vicinity and reacted accordingly. I sweated, my heart raced, I felt nervous. My palms actually got damp.
The sight I laid my eyes on was unexpected. My blood boiled and my chest felt heavy. Korah, looking as gorgeous as ever, was sitting in front of Cale. My best friend Cale.
He didn’t know I had some sort of feelings for the girl, so I really couldn’t be mad. And in all honesty, he was a much better match. Cale was a good guy. He didn’t view women and relationships the same way I did.
Did that mean I wanted him kissing her? Touching her? Loving her? No.
“Dane?” Shawn’s voice clouded my thoughts, pulling me back to the present.
“Yes?” I asked. She caught me staring, ignoring her. I was a real douchebag sometimes.
“Do you know that girl?” she questioned. Her eyes were soft, understanding, and her smile friendly.
“Kinda.”
“Listen, I know you didn’t ask me out because you like me. You’re Dane Davidson. I know your rep. So why don’t you tell me what’s really going on and I’ll see if I can help in some way.”
“It’s nothing,” I lied, picking up the menu to glare at.
“Dane,” she said, pulling it from my hands. “You seem a little helpless at this whole feelings thing. Let me help you.”
Sighing, I signaled the waiter to bring us drinks and an appetizer. This was probably going to be a long night. “Shawn, thank you. I don’t know. It’s weird. I care about her. I never care about women. I don’t allow myself to do that.”
“I know. And there has to be some underlying reason for that, but continue about the brunette over there.”
“Korah, her name is Korah,” I said wistfully, glancing over to see her friend had joined the table. The same one I bared my soul to the night before.
Things kept getting better.
“I met her and she made an impression. Then I did what I always do and ran for the hills. She had some problems with her ex-boyfriend and it made me realize she’s different,” I admitted. Saying the words was terrifying, yet freeing. I continued. “I tried to tell her, but I failed and she has a date. She deserves better than me.”
She snuck a look at the table, then gave me a curious smile. “That doesn’t look like a date. Are you sure she wasn’t trying to make you jealous?”
I moved my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I looked again, seeing Leela and Cale talking intently while Korah sipped her water. I finally found my words. “That little vixen. It worked, too.”
Shawn laughed loudly. “Yeah, it did. Maybe you should go talk to her.”
“Shawn, I asked you out. The least I could do is eat with you.”
“I’ll take it to go. You can get me a cab and we’re good. I’m glad I could help. Dane, I can see you truly are a good guy deep down. You only need to find a way to let him take over and stop the playboy ways. I have faith in you. I always have, even though you’ve slept with way too many of my sisters.”
Smiling widely, I gave her enough money to order half the menu and get a ride home. I apologized and thanked her more than I’ve ever thanked anyone in my life and headed in Korah’s direction.
Leela saw me first, her grin wide and mischievous. I stopped inches from Korah, clearing my throat. “Korah, can I talk to you privately?”
Her large brown eyes looked like a deer frozen in lights. Her beautiful, full mouth fell slightly open and oh, how I wished it was an invitation. “Dane?” she stuttered finally.
“Yeah, now can we talk?” I questioned again.
She looked to Leela, who nodded profusely, and stood. She looked good enough to eat. Her dress hugged in all the right places, and the red set off her dark features. She looked like a goddess. She wearily watched me, finally grabbing her bag and told me to lead the way.
I waved to a dumbstruck Cale, but I had no concerns that he would stay that way. Leela was already leaned in, whispering in his ear as her hands moved wildly about. Wasn’t sure how those two met up, but they seemed to be hitting it off.
We got outside, the wind nipping and biting our skin as it attacked us, so I led her to my vehicle. With the dress she was wearing, I didn’t want her to catch pneumonia or something.
“Why are you here, Dane? Are you following me?” she asked once we were securely inside.
“No, of course not. I had a date after you lied and told me you had one,” I snapped at her. “Why did you do that? Three people doesn’t equal a date unless you’re one of those people on that weird TV show with all the wives.”
“I didn’t lie. Cale and I were going to go out as friends, then he and Leela hit it off, so I invited her,” she scoffed.
“Did you know Cale is my best friend?” I quizzed.
Her head snapped to face me, her eyes blazing. �
�What? Did you set me up?”
Huffing, I gripped the steering wheel. “You have no right to be mad. You led me to believe you had a date, and now you’re accusing me of setting you up? Why in the hell would I do that, Korah?”
She rolled her eyes, looking attractive even with that childish motion. I cupped her cheek, pulling her to me faster than she could protest. She resisted until my lips met hers, the electricity boiling over. I kissed her deeply, getting lost in all that was Korah, and she finally melted into me. Her soft mouth felt deliciously sinful on mine. She hesitantly worked her way to being aggressive, her tongue delving deeper into my mouth.
She pulled away just as quickly, covering her mouth and staring at me wide eyed. “Why did you do that?”
“Because you look so beautiful,” I managed to croak out. This girl literally took my breath away.
“Don’t. It confuses me.”
“Korah,” I pleaded. “Please. I know I’ve messed up and I know I’m a jerk most days, but something about you really does make me feel different. It’s not a line. I’ve already been in your pants, so I have no need to try again.”
Her mouth fell open, her eyes narrowed into slits. “What did you say?” she growled.
I held my hands up in surrender. “Not what I meant, Korah. I said I don’t need to try again, not that I didn’t want to. You’re all I think about. And it’s not only sexual.”
“You’re unbelievable,” she whispered.
“Korah,” I said softer this time. My thumb found her cheek, tracing her jawline. Her skin was smooth, silky. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never say or do the right thing. I’m sorry I’m an ass most days. I really hope you can find a way to believe me. I do care about you. And I have no idea how to change, to be better, but for you I’m willing to try. It terrifies me, but I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone. When you told me you had a date, I thought I would go insane.”
“How do you know you care? You said you’d never cared before.”
“I haven’t. I know it’s different because I can’t get you out of my mind. I think about you more often than not. I want to get to know you, not just your body. It’s different with you. I promise.”
Intoxicating Passion Box Set Page 9
