by L. M. Roth
Felix laughed a bitter laugh and flicked a twig into the stream. Together they watched it spin for a moment, then drift away.
“And then, one day I met Tullia. You remember, Marcus, when you traveled with your father and mother to Golida? While you were away, I was introduced to Tullia at a banquet my parents gave to honor her father, who had just returned from a twelve year tour of duty in Moldiva. And I was one of the first young men she met in Valerium.
“And from the very beginning, Marcus, I loved her; and I knew I would love her forever. My heart stopped its beating the moment I saw her, and I was aware of no one else around me, for my eyes saw only her. Never had I beheld such a vision of regal grace, nor seen a maiden of such gracious refinement; a true lady she was! She had dignity without hauteur, charm without silly affectations. And lovely she was, like a swan come to grace us with her beauty. Truly, she was everything I ever wanted.
“And most unbelievable of all, she noticed me. Yes, Marcus, she did! She seemed to seek me out when we met at banquets and dances, and appeared to enjoy my company. She laughed at my wit, and asked for my opinion on matters of the day. She listened to me, she actually listened to me. And so I fell in love, and believed that love was returned in full. My heart was completely, utterly given away.
“And then,” Felix continued, a frown creasing his brow, “you returned with your parents. Almost immediately you asserted yourself over me, and came between us. And I had to stand aside and watch as you captivated Tullia with your handsome looks and stole her heart with your poetry and position as the son of the Commander of the Imperial Army. Oh, yes, Marcus, do not think that it was you alone that turned Tullia’s heart away from me! Your father’s prominence had much to do with winning Tullia’s favor! Witness how you have lost that favor now that you are dispossessed!”
At those words a bitter rage boiled up in Marcus’ heart. How dare Felix, false friend, mock his pain!
“Careful, Felix,” he growled with a face like a thunder cloud, “you go too far!”
Felix suddenly wilted.
“Yes,” he said, bowing his head. “I have gone too far. That is the trouble.”
And he fell silent. Neither spoke for several minutes.
At last Marcus ventured a question.
“How did it happen?” he wanted, needed, to know.
“I was approached as I went home from the baths one morning by a Palace Guard. He addressed me by my name, although I did not know his. As he spoke to me, I became aware that he knew not only my name, but my daily schedule, and the fact that I met with you every morning. He then spoke to me of your father, General Valerius Maximus, and asked if I was aware that in my friendship with you I was guilty of consorting with the son of an enemy of the State.”
At this point Marcus interrupted with a violent objection.
“An enemy of the State? My father is the most trustworthy man in the world; an enemy of the State? How dare he!”
And the eyes of Marcus burned with fury at the insult to his beloved father.
“Marcus, I am telling you what happened. Please, allow me to continue,” Felix explained patiently.
“Go on,” Marcus grudgingly consented.
“Naturally, I was astonished at that statement as well. The Guard told me that your father had long been an enemy of the Empress Aurora, but the lady had to bear it while her father was alive, because he would not hear a word against his Commander of the Army. But now, after his death, and the sudden demise of her own husband, Liberius, she feared some great harm might befall her at the hands of this enemy now that she was defenseless and without male protection.”
“Harm? What harm?” Marcus interjected. “My father would never harm a woman! Oh, how vile Aurora is!”
And he ran his hand in his agitation through the forelock that always brushed his brow.
“Marcus,” Felix sighed. “I am merely repeating what was said to me. Please, this is difficult enough to relate. Must you keep interrupting?”
“All right, go on,” Marcus sulked.
“Well, the Guard then informed me that the Empress had requested an interview with your father at the Palace to answer for his treason, but that he had refused to come.”
Here Marcus’ eyes darkened and he opened his mouth, but Felix raised a hand and he stopped.
Felix continued.
“She asked once, then twice, but no answer. Since she feared to leave him to roam at large she must find another way to seize him.
“I then realized that your movements as well as mine had been watched for some time. Our morning routine became known to Aurora, including the fact that you left the gate in the garden open for me to enter in. And what I was to do, the Guard informed me, was to fail to keep that appointment on a certain day. Instead, it would be the Palace Guards who would appear to escort your father to Aurora to answer her charges in person. If I did not comply with the order of the Empress, she would want to know the reason why. Perhaps, the Guard said, it might be that I too was a traitor, and then I might be asked to accompany General Valerius Maximus to the Palace.”
Marcus could contain himself no longer.
“How could you believe such a false charge against my father? How could you, Felix?” Marcus demanded.
“I did not believe it,” Felix admitted.
“Then why did you do it? Surely, you could have warned me of what was afoot? You are no coward, Felix. You would not have been afraid of the Empress, even if a legion stood at your back! Why did you do it?”
Felix hesitated. He took a deep breath; then let it out in a shuddering sigh.
“Why, Marcus? You are right. I did not fear Aurora, or her Guards. I did it for Tullia. I knew your father was innocent. Yet if even a false allegation was hurled at his name, the taint would spread to yours. If your father was stripped of his command, as I knew he would be, then you would no longer have an exalted position, and Tullia would cease to find you a marriageable prospect. And I was right. She no longer wants you.”
Marcus clenched his fists as if he would strike Felix again. But his friend quickly moved away from him.
“However, Marcus, I truly did not expect your father and mother to be arrested, your estate confiscated, and you sold into slavery. All I was told was that your father was wanted for questioning, and I expected him to be relieved of his command. That would have happened anyway, with or without my cooperation. Aurora was determined on that.
“When I was told of your parents’ imprisonment, and that you had been killed in the attack on the estate, I was stunned; indeed, I was horrified. And it was my fault. I had betrayed you all. And I have to live with the guilt of that, always. Day after day I had to hide my own complicity, and night after night I wept bitterly after all had retired to bed.
“And it was during that time that Tullia turned back to me. I must tell you, Marcus, that although she was appalled by the news of your supposed death, yet she did not appear to grieve much. Yet perhaps that is just her way. But I can honestly tell you this: her heart did not seem to be broken by your supposed demise.”
Marcus swallowed hard. He longed to call Felix a liar, but some instinct told him that he was telling the truth.
Felix took up his thread of narration again.
“Words cannot express my relief when you returned, alive and whole. What did I feel when I first saw you? Shock, joy, guilt? All three of them. And it has haunted me that I had a hand in all that happened! Please believe me, Marcus. Please do not hate me. Please say that I am your friend still!”
Felix pleaded with his eyes and held one hand out to Marcus.
But Marcus could not bring himself to take his hand. Felix’s eyes filled with tears. He cleared his throat and looked away.
“Well, then. I will ask the innkeeper for a room of my own, so that you do not have to endure my presence.”
And he turned abruptly from Marcus and walked away.
Chapter IX
Brothers of the Blood
&nb
sp; For a long time he simply looked at the river, watching its whirls, staring blankly at the stray objects, twigs, blades of grass, even a water beetle that got caught in its current and swept on at its mercy. Marcus observed the water beetle as its legs flew up, suspended for a few seconds, struggling to break free, then surrendering to a force greater than itself. The river took it and it sped on out of sight.
Oh, how hard life was, and like the water beetle, what a struggle it was to survive! Was it even worth the fight to go on, when misfortune and heartbreak met one at every turn? Such were the thoughts that raced in his brain. What his emotions were, he could not say. At present he was numb, and wondered if after the shocks of the day, he would ever feel anything again.
It was difficult enough to accept Tullia’s rejection, and her matter of fact spurning of his proposal, but to face the betrayal of Felix, knowing him to be the author of the calamities that had befallen him and his family was asking too much to bear! How he had trusted his friend! Only to find that trust misplaced.
His months of bitter slavery, the imprisonment of his parents, and the loss of his home and position had caused suffering enough, but to find that it came about at the hands of one he trusted was a pain intolerable. It tore at his heart; Marcus felt a burning in his chest that would not abate. His throat felt as though powerful hands were strangling him, such was the agony of his unshed tears. Yet he could not cry. Tears would not bring any relief for such treachery.
For Tullia, Felix had said. He had betrayed him for Tullia, who in her turn had rejected him because of his reduced station.
How could he go on? If life was nothing more than this, just an endless mockery of all he had believed, and continual betrayal by all he trusted, how could he endure?
He thought of the water beetle, how it could not withstand the force of the river, and succumbed to its power. For a moment he wished he could do the same. Oh, how easy it would be, how soothing just to jump in and let it overpower him, never to feel this pain again, only sleep, deep blissful sleep, where his heart would never trouble him again. How sweet, how healing it would be…
And then a vision of Valerius rose to his eyes. His father! He depended on Marcus to release him from his prison. His mother also, languished behind those grim walls. Marcus could not give up, he must not fail them.
Nevertheless, it would not be easy to go on, not with this new knowledge of duplicity. How could he undertake the journey home in the company of Felix, knowing that it was due to his treachery that he owed all of his misery? He could not; he simply could not. If Felix had any honor left in him he would return to Valerium by another way and depart from Marcus. For he wished never to set eyes on Felix again!
Unbidden, the words of Xenon came to mind: you will never defeat the kingdom of darkness unless you conquer the chambers of your own heart.
The words fell with a thud on the stone that Marcus’ heart had become. For so he thought it. For was it not stone that could break into pieces if struck with enough force? And had his not endured so many strikes over the past year, so many that it could break into pieces, never to be whole again?
Marcus struggled with the confrontation of his feelings with his faith. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of Dominio, said faith. True enough, and he was as guilty as any of that statement.
Yet his heart cried, I hate Felix for all that he brought on me. I would kill him were it not a mortal sin. Every evil thing that has befallen me and my family has been done by his hand turning against me.
Love your enemies. Do good to those that hate you, answered the words of Alexandros, almost in mockery.
Yet, how could he love Felix ever again? How could he do good to one who had ruined his life?
All through that long night he struggled with those questions. And found no other answer. At last he turned to Logos for final resolution.
“By this we know love, that while we were yet sinners, Alexandros died for us.” “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other…”
He could not escape it. He saw only two choices before him. Either he must forgive Felix and could thus go on with his journey as a believer. Or he could reject Felix yet be rejected himself, and his journey with Dominio ended right here in Lycenium.
Then Marcus remembered Felix in tears: when he accepted Alexandros and prayed for mercy, and when he confessed what he had done to Marcus. He could have lied and said that he was prevented from keeping the appointment, that the Palace Guards had waylaid him. Yet he did not. He chose honesty and confession. Did Marcus have the right to judge Felix and withhold forgiveness?
The answer was no, he could not. For in their newfound faith they were no longer merely friends. Their bond was deeper than it had ever been, even in the days before Felix betrayed him and he was his favorite companion and most trusted confidante. They were now family, bound together by the blood of Alexandros shed on their behalf. Blood brothers, indeed.
And yet, how could he forgive Felix for all the suffering his betrayal had inflicted on him and his family? How could he trust Felix ever again?
Chapter X
Farewell To Lycenium
There was no reason to linger in Lycenium. Having had a few nights rest and replenished their food stores, they set out to continue their journey on the fourth day after their arrival.
For Marcus, the departure could not come too soon. After the rejection of his proposal by Tullia, and the revelation of his betrayal by Felix, he felt he could face any punishment meted out to him by the Empress for the failure of his quest. Surely, she could only inflict punishment of a physical nature, which must be far easier to bear than this heartbreak that robbed him of all joy in living. The worst she could do was to execute him, and then his earthly suffering would be over, and he would live forever in the Kingdom of Heaven.
He would, however, insist on seeing his parents one last time, that he might share with them the Good News of the Kingdom, and the blessed hope held out to them by the One who loved them more than any other could. Still, Marcus could not predict how Valerius would receive such news. Long had he stated that for him the heavens contained only stars. Unlike the devout Honoria, he believed in no gods. How then would his father react when Marcus informed him that he had enlisted in the service of Dominio, the One true God, and to be a soldier advancing the Kingdom of Heaven, a messenger proclaiming the love of Alexandros? What lay in store for Marcus when he proclaimed his new mission to Valerius?
They loaded their newly restocked provisions of food and water into the little boat. Dag released the rope from the dock, and they slipped from the pier. Slowly, then with gently accelerating speed, they departed from Lycenium, that great city of stone bridges and sacred books, of theaters and theology, where culture and commerce met.
They had enjoyed their short stay in Lycenium, and such was its power to transform that even the rugged Trekur Lenders left it slightly more polished than they entered it. Young Cort had new clothes of an infinitely better quality than the ones he outgrew, and relayed to Marcus with great excitement details of a classic play that Kyrene had taken him to see in the amphitheater, even acting out the various roles to the amusement of the others.
Dag had availed himself of the access to the great library, spending hours with Felix browsing parchments on philosophy, theology, and literature. To the surprise of Marcus, Dag could read, although his command of letters was not great. Dag sheepishly admitted that young Cort, whose education had been a cut above Dag’s, had taught him how to read and write while on the voyage to Gaudereaux. Dag had proved an eager pupil, and hungered for more knowledge. He did not want to remain an ignorant wild man if he was to wed Fanchon, he explained privately to Marcus.
Marcus found this admission touching, and Dag’s humility and desire to improve himself only deepened his respect for the rough-hewn Trekur Lender who proved himself to be noble on better acquaintance; frequently more so than certain aristocrats that Marcus knew in Valerium.
Kyrene had savored the opportunity to listen to glorious music, such as she had not heard even in the Isles of Solone, while Fanchon had indulged herself in the rich bazaars, where luxuries of every description were imported into the city daily by way of the great river, and the cloths she purchased served as mementos of the grandeur of that splendid metropolis.
Marcus alone had found no joy in the city that he once loved to visit with his family. For him it would forever after be the city of treachery, where he discovered the duplicity of the two he loved the most. He reflected on the irony that both betrayals had taken place in a garden where the aroma of roses permeated the air.
His father had explained to him once the custom that prevailed of a carved rose in the ceiling of the dining hall of every Valerian home. It literally meant that they sat under the rose, where all confidences were held sacred. Thus it had been from time immemorial, the custom having originated when the first Emperor of Valerium had given a rose to his bride upon their marriage, committing himself to her and no other. Not for Marcus, though. The rose, that flower that signified loyalty and trust, would always be an emblem of betrayal.
The boat passed under one of the pillars of a majestic bridge. The little band of friends looked back on the city, taking their leave of its delights and distractions. Fanchon sighed in longing for the lavish bazaars, and Kyrene smiled with fond reminiscence of its refined entertainments. Cort recounted wistfully the joys of the amphitheater and quoted a line from one of the comedies he saw with such a perfect imitation that the others laughed. Dag smiled, but was already looking ahead to the next part of the journey. Felix looked grim and did not look back.
As for Marcus he did not care if he never saw the city again.
Chapter XI
The Forest of Forgotten Delights
The River Zoe swept them on, taking them where she willed, as she sped on the course that she determined.
