Instead of dwelling on my sad thoughts, I noticed a sad, haunted look enter Jiraiya’s gold-colored eyes flecked with bits of green. Jiraiya’s eyes are the color of sweet sugar when it is melted at high temperature; the way Mom likes them when making pancakes. He had the kind of eyes that pushed their way through heaps of women’s hearts and made them feel like they were the most blessed women to be in his sight. The sort of eyes that will warm you up on a cold winter night. Whenever Jiraiya sets his potent stare on me, it makes me forget that I am just his private nurse. Damn I hate Gracen Lafleur.
Regardless of his illness, if it were me in her shoes, I would have gladly married him and spent eternity bestowing love and passion into his life. What’s more, I longed for Jiraiya to gaze at me...just once. Me, Karine Banks, a black woman who would love him like no one else could. Me, Karine Banks, not a caretaker who makes him take his medications so that she could get paid.
“I loved her so much, you know,” Jiraiya’s voice brought me back from my thoughts.
It sounded thick with emotion; as if he was trying hard not to cry, the many tears that I was sure he sometimes cried when no one was around. I reached over and took the picture from his hand and stared into the oceanic eyes of the woman he still loved whether he admitted it to himself or not. Her blondish brown hair framed like a halo around her angelic face.
I could see why he loved Gracen—she was gorgeous. Gracen is everything that I am not: She is five feet, nine inches tall, graceful even in pictures. She has the look of one who eats like a bird and indulges in high impact exercises, skiing, swimming, and running. Those were all the things that Jiraiya liked to do, no wonder the couple made every glamour magazine on the newsstands in New York City, and beyond.
I was simply no match for Gracen; I am just an average, girl who grew up in Brooklyn, NY. I enjoy the simple things in life like; surfing the Internet, drinking espresso, watching romantic movies preferably with friends, going on trips to Disney World, walking in the rain, eating pizza with chocolate and writing in my journal. I also enjoy spending the holidays with my mom as well as my sister, Amber, whenever she can visit. I have surrendered myself to loving Jiraiya quietly and secretly, even if it makes me miserable.
“Karine, why don’t you take my black card from my wallet, go out and buy yourself an expensive dress at one of those boutiques? I think I feel like going out tonight and I would love you to join me,” Jiraiya said, as he snatched the picture from my hand. He opened his bedside drawer and placed the image face down before closing the dresser drawer. I really wish he could purge thoughts of Gracen from his heart as easily as he hid the picture from his view.
“We can’t go out.”
His intense gaze met my brown eyes in surprise.
“Huh? What do you mean? Why can’t we go out?”
“I mean—"
“I am your boss and I say we are going out,” Jiraiya’s voice grew stronger by the second and I could see a flame burning in his eyes. “Don’t say ‘we can’t’ to me.” I could tell he really meant what he had said.
Taken aback I noticed that his longish golden hair was still thick and untamed; a golden wavy lock lay rakishly against the base of his forehead. His eyes are still vibrant even though his once tanned skin is pallid; there is a tiny scar on his upper cheek from a childhood accident, the scar only added to his magnetism. What was I supposed to do? I simply could do nothing but fulfill his request.
Later on, while closing the door to Jiraiya’s bedroom, my heart and mind were pounding. Why am I enjoying the thought of going out with him, when his eyes can see only Gracen?
You are just a nursemaid Karine; you are just a nursemaid…Deal with it!
Chapter 10
Jiraiya
The Outing
“Young man, what do you think you’re doing?” my mother, Martha Sampson, asked as I stood in the closet choosing something to wear for tonight’s outing.
“I am going out on the town, Mother.”
“No, you can’t go; I will have to have a talk with Karine. Where is she by the way?”
“Karine is being a good girl and getting dressed so that I can take her out with me.”
“You are not doing any such thing. You will lie down or sit down and put your feet up. You are not in any condition to be tramping all over the place like you did before your--” Mother paused and looked down at the floor as she wrung her hands. Two creases appeared between her brows making her skin look more wrinkled.
“I will have a talk with Karine and put a stop to this nonsense right now.” She looked up to give me a disapproving stare before turning to walk away.
“Mother, you stop right there. That’s the exact reason why I left that mausoleum that you called home. Even though I’m still under your thumb by remaining on the property, I don’t need to be pampered like a baby or watched by the maids that you pay extra to keep tabs on me. So, yes, I am going out and you’d better leave Karine alone. She works hard, and she gave up a lot to come and live here. I feel guilty that she doesn’t have a dating life or any significant friends that I know about. It will be good for her to get out—even better for me. Furthermore, I may be dying but I am not dead yet,” I said and watched the mortified look that formed on my mother’s face.
“Son, why are you saying these awful things to me? I love you and I only want what’s best for you,” she said.
“I know that you are upset, and life doesn’t seem fair. Hell, I was furious, then saddened when we found out you had acute lymphoblastic leukemia,” she continued.
“You were furious?” I asked. “Good thing you don’t have to live with counting down your days on the earth,” I added with a deadpan expression.
“I wish that it was me instead of you,” my mother’s voice trembled as tears leaked from her eyes.
“I already knew you would say that, Mother, and I don’t want you or Father to feel that way. I am not giving up on life without a fight.” I walked closer to her, “It’s your dinner time, Mom, and I know that father is waiting on you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Frank doesn’t mind waiting; besides he needs to learn patience. He continues to treat our marriage like he’s in the boardroom, even after all these years. I am sixty-one years old and it’s now time for him to have to wait for me, don’t you think?”
“Mother, do you really want to hear what I think?” I said looking intently.
“No, Jiraiya. Just promise me that you won’t overdo it tonight,” she said, planting a kiss against my cheek before she walked away.
“I am ready,” Karine said later while the tips of her lips were curved in a smile, waiting to see what else I would say.
“Come on then, the night is waiting for us.” I said and stopped for a second to try to understand the confused look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, not finding a proper source for that behavior.
“Why the need for all of this formality?” She replied while she was standing in her new dress.
“Why not? Come on.” I cut her short and waited for her to walk with me out the door. This will be a night like no other. I took a deep sigh.
*****
“Why do women do that stuff?”
“Do what?” Karine replied taking one last glance in her mirror before replacing it inside her small clutch.
“You look beautiful. You don’t have to keep checking to see if your lipstick is applied properly or not. Better still...take it off.” I reach for my cloth napkin and offer it to her.
“Are you serious?” she looks at me with innocent eyes.
“This is a new lipstick. It feels amazing on my lips and I don’t get to wear it every day, so it stays on,” she stated, giving me a defiant wide-eyed stare.
“Suit yourself; you will be eating it off soon enough anyway.”
“Hmmm,” she muttered but didn’t say anything else.
“What’s that hmmm about?” I reached across the table towards her wine glass, but she snatch
ed it back from my reach.
“You know that you can’t have any alcoholic beverages with your meds,” she scolded me.
“Can’t I just have one little sip?” I pleaded with the most pitiful look I could summon up.
“No, you can’t but I will tell you what my hmmm was all about. I’m wondering... what’s the trouble with makeup? You dated a model for...like two years or three years?” she inquired.
“It was three years ago that I met and fell in love with her,” I replied, feeling a sense of discord rip through my chest. I clenched my jaws tightly at the thought of Gracen. The last time I checked her profile on Facebook, she was hugged up with some new up and coming actor. I tried to fight the painful emotion that ripped through me while I spoke. I had reached across the table pretending that I needed something from the table, just so I could stop looking at Karine. It looked like she understood my point. The conversation about the past was over because the past was over too.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” I asked just to start a new topic.
“Well, I think so. I don’t get a lot of chances to go out.” She replied honestly.
“Be honest, you have no chances,” I said, feeling how boring her life was. In her best years, instead of having a great time, she is stuck with me. Well, it won’t be for long. Soon, everything will be different.
“Maybe but I am still happy. Expensive things are not able to give you everything, the best things are meant to be bought without the money.” She said, and I couldn’t help but turn again to look her. Smart is how I’d describe her. She should be going to college; she should work on her education. Forget caretaker...she should be a doctor.
“Thank you for reminding me. I almost forgot that money can’t buy health,” I added sarcastically. I wasn’t mad...I’m just sick. And I’m sick of being sick. And it makes me nasty.
“Come on, if we are silent about that it won’t go away. The facts are the facts, every person has a predetermined but unknown amount of time on the earth; you happen to know how much. I don’t. Who knows when and how I will die?” Karine was talking about death like it was not supposed to be scary at all.
I was confused by the fact that she wasn’t scared at all. Where was the fear? Why did she make me look like a coward?
“So, I should be grateful?” I asked, focusing on her eyes. I realized that I was making her a bit nervous; I changed my glance to her dress. Yes, I’d given her my credit card and said to pick anything, but this dress was unexpected. She could have gone designer, or jeweled, or whatever. She had opted for a simple little black dress. Yes, it suited her in an amazing way but—
Karine’s voice made me stop thinking about the difference between her and Gracen.
“No, but you could be calmer....” She stopped, realizing that I might take her words in a wrong way.
“I’ll be calmer when I get out of this place,” I whispered and tried not to think about anything else. It was enough; even thoughts can hurt you when you’re not careful.
Karine
Afraid, that’s what I was. Why did he make me come here?
“Hello.” He said to me just to catch my attention.
“Hello.” I answered while the color was returning to my cheeks. Calm down, Karine. After all, you probably won’t have an opportunity to be in a place like this again.
“Remember me?” He said in a serious tone, but the shivers went down my spine still. Maybe because one part of me—the foolish part— thought that he cared.
“Of course.” I said just to say something.
“How do you like the restaurant?” He asked me while his eyes were focused on me, wanting to chat to break the tension.
“It’s fascinating.” I said honestly, while I was still feeling weird.
When the waiter came to take our order, I still didn’t know what to order. He, on the other hand, was speaking freely, without even having to look at the menu.
“And for the lady?” The waiter asked, somehow realizing that I was different than the rest of the guests or that was just what I was thinking.
“I’ll take the same, thank you,” I said just to finish this torture while my heart was beating faster than it should. The waiter nodded and left us alone, while I was praying that my ‘company’ for tonight wouldn’t say anything about that topic. Luckily, he didn’t. Maybe he realized how I was feeling. Maybe not. I felt a few drops of sweat were rolling down my forehead. What was I doing in a place like this with a guy like this?
“I hope you enjoy tonight,” Jiraiya said in a bid to start a conversation but in his eyes, I saw a wealth of sadness “Are you okay?” He asked me softly.
“I am not fine, okay? What other answer would you expect? For me to behave in this place like I belong here; that an expensive dress would buy me sophistication and everything else you rich people have?” I was completely calm, not wanting to make a scene but my eyes were looking at him, judging his decision. Yes, I was feeling elegant but no, I didn’t like that feeling. Jiraiya looked confused.
“But every woman would be more than happy to be in a place like this. You don’t need to be rich to behave like you are rich. Look at yourself...maybe that’s not the most expensive dress but it’s still better than any other which can be seen every day,” he explained slowly.
“You mean, better than any other I can see every day…” I whispered, not knowing why I am even holding on to that.
“Karine,” he sighed.
“Sorry… I am just trying not to do something stupid here. I want to go home…” I said while the tears were collecting in my eyes.
“It’s okay. Let’s go. Whatever you want to do is fine with me,” he consented slowly, feeling sorry for causing these emotions in me.
“But the food hasn’t arrived….” “Don’t worry, put that on my bill,” he said to the waiter as he fulfilled my request.
“Are we going home?” I asked once outside the restaurant, feeling guilty about the money wasted on the dinner. Jiraiya signaled the valet to bring up his car.
“Nope. I have been waiting to escape that house for too long to return there so fast,” he replied with a mischievous grin on his handsome face.
“Where are we going then?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Somewhere quiet,” he said. We drove off and, a few minutes later, we reached our destination.
Near the small lake, he exhaled a deep breath and switched off the engine.
“Come on, you said that you wanted to leave and now I say I want to sit,” he stated while he gazed out towards the shimmering lake. The moon was full, giving the lake a perfect glow.
“You’re right,” I agreed and sat next to him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?” Yes, I am poor and no, I don’t like standing out in a crowd. Call me the Queen of Irony; I am a wanna-be nurse but instead I’m a nursemaid of probably one of the richest men in the country.
“Don’t do that. Never put yourself down, Karine. You are perfect and I’m grateful to have you here taking care of me. I’m sorry for making you spend time in a place that you weren’t comfortable,” he said causing a smile to appear on my lips.
“It’s okay.” I replied. “I’m a simple woman; an Applebee’s or Red Lobster type of woman. The less flash and frills there are, the more comfortable I am,” I added for clarification.
“Got it,” he looked at me and grinned. My heart dropped in that moment and my breath caught midway in my chest. “Well, while we are here, let’s use the time in the best way we can. Suddenly he faced me and asked, "Tell me more. About who you are, Karine,” he added startling me in the process with his statement.
“I am your nursemaid, Karine Banks. One day soon, I hope to go to college and become a registered nurse," I answered, still confused.
“Nice to meet you, Karine Banks. My name is Jiraiya Sampson,” he replied in good humor. “Tell me more,” he chuckled.
“Come on… you know who I am,” I responded, bar
ely controlling my laughter.
“I don’t. All I know is that you are my nurse. That’s boring. You’re young, I am guessing that your life hasn’t started the moment you became someone’s nurse,” he said.
“No, but...” I paused.
“So, let’s start again. Who are you?” He asked again.
“Karine.” I said.
“Tell me something about yourself, Karine…” He continued to ask questions...maybe he had had more than just one sip of wine I had never seen him like this, laughing and having fun, if this can even be considered as fun.
“Well, I am your caregiver...” I started but his facial expression became fake serious, so I stopped while I was laughing.
“Okay, okay. I’ll play your game. I am in love with chasing rainbows, reading books, walking in the rain, smiling, being happy, walks on the beach. Oh and I love chocolate," I said while I was trying to say the first things that came to mind.
“Okay, very well. If you love to be happy, like any other person on the earth, do you also love to be loved?” He asked.
“I don’t really trust in love anymore—well, not the romantic kind anyway,” I answered carefully, not wanting to make this conversation feel even weirder than it was.
“How come? Isn’t that a paradox? You don’t trust in love, but you love various things. That’s a double use of the same word but in drastic cases,” he stated.
“Maybe I’ll tell you the story one day,” I said in a lower tone.
“What if maybe that day is now?” He tried to persuade me, one last time.
“Maybe I don’t know who you really are,” I used his tactics and he sure wasn’t expecting that.
“Okay, you win. I am ill, and I am going to die soon. Is that simple enough for you to understand?”
Goodbye To Tomorrow Page 8
