by Paloma Meir
She wanted to take him into her arms, hug him until the end time and tell him everything was going to be okay. She restrained herself knowing that would be a lie, people like him never truly recovered. The best his life would offer would be a brief periods of peace.
“Nick… you need to go home, find your father—
“Brian wasn’t my father—
“I know that Nick,” Her hand hovered over his arm, She so much wanted to comforted him, “Brian was the man who took care of you. You’ll never do well without roots. You need your family, even if it’s only him.”
“Fuuuucccckkk Faye, you’re bossy,” He laughed through his veil of tears, “You’re going to think I’m a baby, crying like this. I don’t do tears.”
“I know that, Nick.” She ran her hand across his arm in a robotic way, not wanting to send mixed messages to him. Guilt filled her, she knew with a sick certainty that she should never have allowed their relationship to progress to physical intimacy. “Your life doesn’t have to be so hard…”
He shook his head in much the same way Faye had done moments before, “I’m sorry Faye. This isn't going to happen again. I’m going to head home. I really did hit my head,” he shrugged and smiled, his confident charm regaining its place, “I did kind of exaggerate it for you though.” He laughed.
“You once said you would never lie to me.” She returned his laughter, hoping to keep the mood light.
“In my world exaggeration isn’t a lie.”
“You have interesting rules, what was the other one?”
“Selective, I’m selective in what I tell you.”
The speed with which they had moved back to casual conversation baffled and comforted Faye. She never wanted him to have a moment of sadness. Her maternal feelings for him drowned out the feeling of being a wronged lover. This relieved her greatly.
“I’ll see you later, Faye.” He said as he turned to leave.
She watched him shamble down the alley, a swagger in his steps. She knew it was as fake as the smiles she offered to strangers and called out, “Nick, let’s get something to eat. It’s almost dinnertime. We could go to Gjelina. It shouldn’t be too crowded right now.”
Nick turned to her, silent, looking her up and down. The crush feeling ran against her motherly feelings. He was a beautiful boyish man, more a Greek God than a human. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were chilled.
“Okay,” he stared directly at her, the two of them lost in an unshakeable gaze and he walked slowly back to her.
“Should we go get my car or walk?”
“Let’s walk, it’s not too far…” He took a deep breath, “Why did you call me back? Ask me to go to dinner?” He spoke as if it were hard for him to ask.
“You seemed sad… I only ever want you to be happy. I want to take care of you,” The words poured uncontrollably out of her mouth, “If anyone ever bothered you, I would hurt them.”
He nodded his head as if he understood. Faye wondered if that were possible, because she herself did not, nor would she ever understand.
…
Their relationship fell back into what it had been before, minus the gentle touches. No more did he lead her through crowds with his hand on her lower back, and she didn’t allow her head to fall upon his shoulder when he made her laugh. Both of them were very aware of the new physical boundaries of their friendship.
They spent the next day at her new house in Laguna overseeing the delivery and placement of the furniture. He asked her several times how Adam would take the news of her having set up a new home. She was evasive with him. A bizarre sense of propriety filled her as if the concerns of an older couple’s marital woes were inappropriate to discuss with someone his age.
She felt she was doing well establishing boundaries with him. It wasn’t easy for her. What she had liked best about their relationship was the unabashed honesty they shared.
They went downtown the following day. They spent the morning at MOCA, and then on to a Japanese spa, where they soaked in mineral pools and had long massages. Hungry and relaxed, they had dinner at Bottega Louie, a trendy Italian restaurant filled with the wealthy hipster set that lived in luxurious lofts in the area.
A couple across from them in the restaurant were impatient with their order. The food was taking too long. They had tickets to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and were worried they would miss the first act. Nick mentioned that he had never read the play or seen the film.
Faye was shocked and insisted they go the performance. After dinner, they rushed out of the restaurant, tagging along behind the disgruntled couple. She worried for a moment as they approached the ticket booth that the show would be sold out. Luck was on her side for the price of 350.00 per seat.
They sat in the third row, not more than fifteen feet away from Kathleen Turner, an actress Nick had never heard of before. She felt a motherly pride that she was broadening his cultural worldview. He was mesmerized by the heightened antics of George and Martha, sitting on the edge of his seat, his body tense.
Faye couldn’t concentrate on the play. She found herself staring at his profile, wanting to stroke his defined cheekbone, run her fingers through his hair. The source of the impulse eluded her. Were her feelings maternal, or romantic? She did not know the answer.
Sleepy and serene, she dropped him off at his apartment a little before midnight. She floated home and went straight to bed. Her movements jarred Adam awake, and he asked where she had been. She didn’t answer, pretending she was already asleep.
She purposely slept late the next day to avoid his questioning, popping out of bed in a mad rush when the front door slammed with his exit for the day. The time on her phone read 9:00 A.M, an hour until Nick would be waiting outside on the tree stump. She flew through the morning, showering with jasmine scented soaps and shampoos, singing a poppy love song she had heard on the radio the night before while driving Nick home.
“What shall we do today?” She practically sang to him as she approached, her diaphanous and long white cotton dress trailing behind her in the light spring wind.
“You look really pretty today, Faye,” He stood up and leaned forward as if he were going to kiss her on the cheek. They both pulled away before connecting as if shy with each other.
“I dig that play we saw last night, but I need a man movie today. I’m not going to let you turn me into one of your girlfriends.” He laughed, and she laughed, and her world never felt so right as in that moment. She wanted to stand by the tree with him for all eternity, suspended in time in their unshakeable gaze until the universe tumbled into itself.
“I would never want you to be one of my girlfriends… I tell you that all the time. Okay, what do you want to see?”
He replied with the name of a big budget superhero film that Faye would have never gone to see on her own, ever, ever, ever.
They had a leisurely breakfast at an outdoor café not far from her house. The conversation flowed, and they fed each other bites of their breakfasts. Faye felt joyfully and didn’t even mind the judgmental stares from the waiters. Finished with their meal, they rushed off to the Third Street Promenade to catch the first showing of the day.
The film was worse than Faye had imagined. Cardboard characters, implausible plotlines and loud explosions, she quickly fell asleep. She woke-up as the credit rolled to find her head on his shoulder, his fingers aimlessly playing with her hair.
She shot up in her seat, reestablishing their boundaries. She did it for his sake, not hers. There was noting more she would have rather done than rest in his arms, with or without intimacy. A pain shot to her heart as the bleakness of his future unfurled in her mind.
Nick would never know what so many others took for granted, the ability to love without fear. He would push and push those that cared for him away, until it all became a self-fulfilling prophesy, and he would be alone. His greatest fear, and his greatest comfort.
She squinted her eyes
shut, grateful that the theatre lights hadn’t gone on yet. “What shall we do now?” She asked with false cheeriness.
“How about if we just go down to the beach?”
“Okay,” She murmured.
“I’m guessing you didn’t like the movie?” He asked as they stood in front of the theater, stretching in the bright sunlight.
“No… I liked it, it was…”
“You fell asleep, Faye.” He laughed.
“No, I didn’t,” She playfully poked his belly and recoiled instantly.
“You can poke me, it’s okay.” He laughed again.
“I don’t think so.”
“You know we slept together, right? You can touch me.”
“That we did….” She looked down at the ground and felt herself blushing.
“Yeah, we did, and you know what? You snore, and you snored through the whole movie too.”
She looked up to him, meeting his eye, and saw he was joking. “I do not snore,” She opened her eyes wide and said through a bright smile.
“Yes you do, like this,” He leaned into her and made a loud snoring sound into her ear, causing her to collapse into giggles.
“Faye?” A voice she recognized called out. She jerked backwards and hoped her mind was playing tricks on her. It was not to be. She turned and looked down the promenade to see Dario approaching her, a quizzical look on his face.
“Dario…” She looked back and forth between the two of them, desperately trying to think of a reason why she would be standing in such a friendly way with a man half her age. “Hi… What are you doing here? This is my friend… Nick. He’s going to model for my handbag line. I’ll be running a big ad in Vogue at the end of summer.”
She knew instantly that her lie was ridiculous. Why would should hire a male model for a purse line? She hung her head low, avoiding Dario’s piercing and paternalistic stare.
“Hi Dario, nice to meet you,” She sensed they were shaking hands, but didn’t look up to see, “Well Faye, good to bump into you. See you around…. I have to go get some new running shoes, heading over to Nike.” He over-enunciated Nike, signaling for her to meet him there. In all her time with him, she had never heard him lie so poorly. He had been smooth before. She wanted to kick him in the shin.
“Bye...” Her voice trailed off.
She took a deep breath and looked confidently at Dario, “I’ll see you later, have to get home now… Make dinner for Adam.”
“I was in New York last week, and I went into Bergdorfs. They’ve never heard of you Faye. They’re not carrying your handbags.”
“Of course not, Dario,” She laughed shrilly, “The order was for fall. I’ll be shipping them at the end of July.”
“You’re lying. And who is that boy? He should be for Anja or Ines, not for you.”
“I don’t know what you mean Dario,” She said very seriously as if he had lost his mind. “He’s a model I hired for my ads, and I just ran into him. I was out shopping.”
“I know you and Adam are having troubles, but this isn’t going to help. You’re only making things worse.”
“We are fine, and the boy, who is actually a man, he’s twenty-four, is just my friend. You worry too much.” She crossed her arms and looked down at the ground again.
“I’ll give you a week because I love you like a sister. Tell Adam what you’re doing. If you don’t, I will.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” She jerked her head up and shouted.
“I know he hasn’t been fair to you, and maybe he deserves this, but he’s my brother. He saved me from the rabid dogs, many times.” He laughed as if trying to lighten the mood, “My loyalty will always be with him. You have a week Faye.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.
Faye stood for a moment, her body stiff, ready to crumble as he walked away. Adam would make her cut Nick out of her life. She had always known in the back of her mind that it was inevitable that their time together would come to an end. Still, the finality of it, the end date so near and clear, pained her in a way that would have been unimaginable just a few weeks before.
She found him in the running shoes department, a pile of sneakers lay by his feet. Two shop girls holding more boxes of shoes giggled, clearly smitten with him. Faye stood out of sight from them, watching their interaction.
The girls were a bit younger than him, and vying for his attention, elbowing each other to get closer. Nick reveled in their ardor, smiling coyly, joking about the selection of footgear. Still, she could see a trace of contempt in his eyes, his worldview was so corrupt that he couldn’t see the innocence behind the girl’s very apparent crush.
“Hey Faye,” He turned to where she was standing behind the display of socks, “You up for some reckless spending? I need some new running shoes.”
“Of course… You should get some socks too,” She mindlessly grabbed a stack of them off the tiered structure.
“Is that your Mom?” One of the girls innocently asked.
“If you mean hot momma, then yeah.” He laughed and reached out to pile of socks she carried with her.
“Oh…” The girls scattered.
“Nick… They weren’t rude, you shouldn’t have said that.” She gently admonished him.
“Whatever,” He bent down and organized the shoeboxes into a keep and reject pile. “It’s gets annoying. Girls get so… Anyway, that’s why I like being with you, you were never like that.”
“That’s not what you said the other day,” she mumbled, hoping he wouldn’t hear. The words still stung even though she knew they hadn’t been real and came from a place of pain inside of him.
“Huh?” He stood, boxes in hand and with a head gesture led Faye to the checkout area, “What happened with you and Dario? That was a close call. Do you really think I could be a model?” He flexed his body into the style of 1950’s bodybuilder and pouted in an exaggerated way. Faye couldn’t help but laugh.
“You’re getting a bit old for that career choice. You’ll be twenty-five in August,” She teased, hoping to distract him from asking more questions about Dario.
“That’s a cold one, Faye.”
“New shoes will cheer you up,” She handed her credit card to the distracted cashier.
He looked toward the total on the register display, “It’s only 495.00, sorry I didn’t spend more. I know how much you hate money.”
“I’m meeting with Serge, my lawyer, tomorrow. I think I have it all squared away now. Hopefully it will all be dispersed by the end of the month. That also means no breakfast for us. Lunch instead? 1:00, at Figtree Café?”
“Yeah 1:00 good, but does that mean no more spas and shopping? What will we do all day?” He smiled mischievously to her.
“It’s not like I’m going to be broke. Although, I am going to have go back to work again. My assistant must hate me by this point.” She shrugged as they walked out the door of the store. “You know what? All my lies about Bergdorfs? I would actually like my bags to be in that store. I should pursue it, maybe I’ll get a publicist.”
“Are you giving me the brushoff?” He looked away and asked.
“Stop,” She placed her hand on his arm, and held him firm, “I’ll always be here for you, okay? No matter what happens. Do you understand?”
“Like I always tell you, I’m just along for the ride.” He shook free and continued walking.
“I’m not afraid of my feelings like you are, and I mean it. No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you. Tell me you understand.”
“I understand,” He muttered.
Chapter Fifteen
She marched into her home in the early evening. Nick had wanted to go to dinner in Chinatown but she told him she had a headache. Her head did ache but not with pain. It was the whirling thoughts of what she had to do that were troubling her mind.
She glanced at the time on the cinema screen as she sat down at her computer table. Adam would be home in an hour, more than enough time to make things rig
ht. Making dinner for him was not part of her plan. She was sure he would feel as sick to the stomach as she did, a meal would not be wanted or welcome.
First task, call her daughters and let them know of the lottery winnings. She was sure the news would only be met with excitement and that they wouldn’t ponder her concealment of the newfound fortune. She ran her fingers through her hair, took a deep breath and set up a video chat.
“Mom,” Anja called out from her bed. She was bundled up under the covers and had dark circles under her eyes, “I have a cold, and it’s so hot out. It’s making it all worse. I wish you were here to make me soup.”
“Oh sweetheart, I wish I were too. Do you have anyone to take care of you? Bring you juice? You need to keep hydrated and take some Aspirin.”
“Lolly said she would bring me back soup from the Thai restaurant in town. But she’s taking so long. She did bring me a big bottle of Mango juice from the dining hall before she left.” She reached beside her and held up a half empty bottle.
She had never liked her daughter’s roommate, Lolly. The girl had multiple facial piercings and a giant tattoo of Aphrodite on her back. Faye suspected that she was overly experimental with drugs too. “That’s nice of her. I’m sure she’ll be back soon—
“Mom,” Ines suddenly appeared in the chat window, “I’m in a rush. Is everything okay?” She held her phone in a way that Faye could see the background behind her. It looked as if she were walking by a creek, but Faye couldn’t be sure, the image was fuzzy.
“You’re sister’s not feeling well, and that’s not okay,” She laughed, “But that’s not what I’m calling about.” She paused, dreading the thought of telling them about the money.
“Okay girls,” She sighed and shook her head for courage, “I’ll get to it… A few months ago, I was out on a walk and…” She paused again, and considered whether or not it was important for the girls to ever know. She didn’t want the money to curse their lives.
