by Carter Ashby
Mattie tried, clearly never having done it. Jayce tried to wrap his mind around the fact that this eight-year-old boy didn’t even know what a jump rope was, let alone how to use it.
Ace, a co-owner with Jayce and one of the boxers who worked out there regularly, came by and smirked. “You need some help, kid,” he said.
Mattie slumped.
“Okay,” Ace said, “don’t get discouraged. Once you get the hang of it, it’s super easy. Here, me and Jayce will turn the rope for you until you get a feel from jumping it.”
It took them a few tries before Mattie started jumping consistently. “You remember back in the day, girls had all those rope-skipping songs?” Jayce asked.
Ace frowned. “Let’s see…Cinderella dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss a fella….”
Jayce laughed. “I got one. Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to hell—o operator, please give me number nine….”
Mattie was actually laughing at this point, which tripped him up.
“Dude, remember double dutch?” Ace asked.
“Shit, yeah. Kellen get over here!” Jayce shouted. “Mattie, you gotta see this.”
“I can’t do it,” Ace said. “Can you?”
“You can’t double dutch?”
“Fuck no.”
“Dude, language.” Jayce jerked his head toward Mattie.
Mattie was grinning between them.
“Sorry, kid,” Ace said.
Kellen came over. Jayce and Ace took the ends of two jump ropes. Jayce said, “Your nephew doesn’t know how to jump rope and that’s on you. Now you gotta show him how to double dutch.” He and Ace spun the two ropes alternately.
Kellen gaped at them. “I can’t do that. I nearly broke my neck trying it when I was a kid.”
Jayce was about to start calling him names until he did it when the front door opened. Zoey, of all people, came in. She was dressed in slacks and a cream colored blouse, a pretty smile on her face. It was unusual to think of Zoey as pretty, but being with Kellen was softening her, some, and more and more she was showing that pretty smile of hers.
She came over, observed the jump ropes, and then beamed. “Oh, double dutch! Let me have a go.” She kicked off her high heels and jumped into the jump rope vortex. She sang, “Jack be nimble, jack be quick….” She did different jumps as the lyrics changed and then she hopped out, panting.
Jayce and Ace dropped the ropes and applauded. Mattie gazed up at her in awe. “You’re awesome, Aunt Zoey!”
“Aw, thanks, baby. Now I’m all sweaty for work.”
Kellen reached for her and kissed her forehead. “What brought you by?”
Zoey sighed. “Maya was worried. I told her she was being ridiculous, but then I got worried, so I thought I’d come see how everyone’s doing on my way to work.”
“We’re all doing fine,” Kellen said. “No mother-hens allowed here.”
She shoved him playfully. “Fine. I’ll go. But now I know you guys just come here to play school-yard games, I might come back.”
After she left, Kellen deserted Jayce again, but this time Mattie was more relaxed. Ace let him climb in the ring and showed him proper stance and a couple of punches. Then Jayce held the punching bag while Mattie practiced. Truthfully, he probably didn’t need to hold it, but there was no sense making the kid feel bad.
“Wait till I try my new skills out on Jared’s face,” Mattie said.
Jayce glanced over at Kellen who was doing arm curls and laughing at something Ace said. He was pretty sure he was supposed to tell Mattie not to use his new skills on this Jared individual. But he didn’t quite know how to say it. “Uh, about that, Mattie—“
“I don’t like anyone but Mom and Uncle Kellen calling me Mattie.”
Jayce frowned, surprised by the remark. “Okay. What do you wanna be called? Bruce? Peter Parker?”
Matthew just glared at him before taking another swing at the bag.
“I got suspended for beating up your Uncle Kellen, once,” Jayce said, not sure why he was confessing it. “I didn’t really beat him up. We just got into a fight on the playground. He never did anything wrong, so he got off with a warning.”
“Same with Jared. Mr. Perfect. He never gets in trouble for anything.”
Jayce tried not to show too much interest. He didn’t want to scare away his first conversation with Matthew. “Easy to stay out of trouble when you get everything handed to you.”
Matthew snorted. “That’s what I told him. He thinks he’s so much better at basketball than me. Well screw him. He’s got a dad who practices with him. I gotta figure shit out on my own.”
Jayce wondered if Maya knew how well her son could curse. “The worst is when they come to school every day with their perfect white-bread sandwiches and carrot sticks and homemade cookies.”
“God, I hate guys like that,” Matthew said.
Jayce nodded, really feeling the kid’s pain. “Screw them, right?”
“Right. Screw them.”
“And hey, you get a free vacation from school. So what’s the big punishment?”
Matthew shrugged. “Big punishment is I still have to do all my school work and my mom’s disappointed in me. I’d rather she be mad than disappointed.”
Jayce studied him. “It’s good you care about her.”
Just then, Matthew snapped out of friendly mode. He stepped back and narrowed his eyes. “You’re just trying to make friends with me so you can screw my mom.”
Jayce stiffened, not sure whether this kid was understanding the words he was saying. He was only eight. He tried to remember what it was like, being eight. He’d been pretty savvy, back then, thanks to his old man. He supposed maybe Matthew was similar. Jayce had no idea how to talk to a kid like this. So he decided to just go with honesty. “Let me tell you something, kid. I don’t need your friendship in order to get to your mom. She already likes me. Kisses me, like, all the time.”
Matthew’s expression darkened.
“Yeah, so don’t think I’m going out of my way to make friends with you. You obviously already hate me.”
“I hate you because you’re kissing my mom.”
“How’s that affect you, huh? What’s it to you whether I kiss your mom?”
“Because you’re just another bastard like my dad, that’s what. She’ll end up shacking up with you, just like Stuart Becker’s mom did with Old Man Crowley, and you’ll end up beating on us just like dad did. She promised we were leaving so we could have a better life, but now I’m thinking she’s only leaving so she can find herself another loser.”
Something in there triggered Jayce’s attention. He’d said, “beating on us.” Us. Jayce had heard Maya say that Damon had never hit the kids. “Did your old man hit you and Sophie, too?”
Matthew looked away. “Not Sophie.”
Jayce suddenly wished he had a cigarette. “Does your mom know your dad hit you?”
Matthew shrugged. “I never told her. Don’t know if she knows.”
Jayce had to fight to keep from fantasizing about beating Damon’s face in. “Are you angry?”
“Hell, yes, I’m angry.”
“At your mom?”
Matthew’s eyes went wide. And then they filled with tears and he looked away.
“I think she’d understand if you’re angry at her.”
Mattie shook his head. “Sometimes I get mad that she didn’t notice him hitting me. But then I feel bad because what he was doing to her was way worse. And now she’s doing her best to take care of us, but sometimes I’m mad that she didn’t do it sooner.” Tears were pouring down his face.
Jayce knelt next to him and turned his back to the room so no one would see him crying. He patted him on the back. Mattie didn’t push him away or flinch. So Jayce kept his hand there. “Did Jared deserve to get socked?”
Mattie dragged his hands over his eyes and shook his head.
“I get angry
a lot,” Jayce said. “Just at all the injustice in the world, you know? All the things that aren’t fair that I can’t change. I come here and use this punching bag so I won’t hurt anyone. I punch that bag instead of the person I’m mad at. I don’t do it to get good at hitting so I can hit someone. You understand?”
Mattie shrugged. “Are you a boxer?”
“No. Though I help a couple of boxers here. I sort of stand in the ring and let them hit me.”
Mattie laughed. “That sounds dumb.”
“Yeah, well, I try to hit them back. They just need someone to practice on. It’s pretty fun.”
“Maybe you’d be smarter if you didn’t let people hit you.”
It was said without malice, so Jayce laughed. “Maybe, kiddo. Come on, I’ll show you how to use the speed bag.”
#
Maya didn’t tell the children about her plans to visit their father. She’d made the appointment for that Wednesday. After getting the Sophie off to school, and Mattie working on his homework, she got in her beat up little clunker car and drove to the St. Louis county jail.
It was a comfort knowing Mattie had his Uncle Kellen to spend time with. But after Mattie had come home yesterday talking about how he was going to be a boxer when he grew up, Maya felt even more at ease. Her boy now had two male role models. Kellen had a character beyond reproach. And, though she was only just starting to really see him, Maya was coming to realize that Jayce was also worthy of her trust and respect.
Knowing she had such a grounded network of friends helped Maya to walk out of the parking garage and into the jail visiting area with confidence. She’d been to this jail on a couple of occasions, both for her father and husband, so at least it wasn’t an unfamiliar place.
The visitors were separated from the inmates by windows of glass with a speaker system so that they could talk to each other. Maya sat in her chair and waited for Damon to be brought in.
When he was ushered in, hands cuffed behind his back, draped in an orange jumpsuit, Maya’s breath caught in her throat. He looked haggard. He was rail thin, his face hollowed out and almost skeletal. His nose was slightly bent from where it had been broken a couple months ago. That was when Maya remembered that Jayce had been the one to break it.
Damon smiled and, for a moment, looked like her young, thirty-two year old husband and not the wasted, prematurely aged convict he’d been a second ago. “I’m so glad you came,” he said. “Where are the kids?” He looked behind her as though they might magically appear.
“You thought I’d bring the kids?” Maya asked incredulously.
“Well…yeah. I thought they’d want to see their dad.”
“They don’t even know where you are, Damon. I just told them you left.”
Damon’s smile faded until it was vanished. He slumped in his chair. “I guess that’s for the best.”
Maya just stared at him. Through all the changes in her life, lately, she hadn’t realized how much stronger she was becoming, physically. She was getting all the food she needed for a change. She was working out, working a job, and having hard, passionate sex with a much stronger, healthier man. And she hadn’t even noticed the transformation happening. As she looked at Damon, Maya felt in awe of the weak woman she’d once been, because wouldn’t she have had to be truly weak to fall under the power of such a pitiful being as this Damon before her?
“Listen,” Damon said, “I don’t know why you came, but I’m glad you’re here. You look so beautiful, Maya, and I swear to God I’m never going to mar that pretty face of yours again. We just have to get through this year and then I’ll be out and we can be a family again. God, I miss the kids so much.” And then his face twisted up, he covered his eyes with his hand, and wept.
Maya sat back and waited. She felt compassion for sure. But she wouldn’t put her children or herself in danger, no matter how sorry she felt for someone.
When Damon calmed, Maya leaned forward. “I don’t want you to contest the divorce,” she said.
He turned his watery, blue eyes up to hers.
“They’ll bring you to the courthouse and I want you to just accept it. My lawyer says even if you decide to fight for reconciliation or, God forbid, custody, you won’t get it because of the way you violated the protection order. You assaulted your brother and then you kicked in my friend’s door and threatened her life. You’re not getting me back and you’re not getting the kids. So please, make life easier on both of us and don’t put up a fight.”
“You—you still want a divorce? After all we’ve been through together?”
Jesus, was the man delusional? “Yes,” Maya said calmly. “All I came here today for was the chance for us to say a civil goodbye.”
Damon leaned back in his chair and shook his head. “I still love you, Maya. When I get out, I’m gonna come back to you and we’re gonna be a family again.”
Maya sighed. “Is there anything else?”
“Yeah,” he said, his sorrow morphing to bitterness. “Yeah, there is. You seem different. Been spending too much time around that bitch, Zoey. She’s got you dressing all fancy acting like you’re better than me.”
Maya glanced down at her jeans and t-shirt.
“And you’re all cocky and full of yourself, now. I don’t like it, Maya. I don’t like you like this. And you know what else? I think you’ve been screwing around. I can see it in your face. You think you found someone who treats you better than me. Well let me tell you this, you ungrateful little bitch…no one’s going to treat you better than I did and you know why?”
Maya held her chin up and refused to drop eye contact. But in this moment, she was remembering why she submitted. A bully might be weak and pathetic in terms of character, but they still have the power of a bully.
“It’s because you don’t deserve no better.”
There it was. Damon had always had hold of that fear and he’d always exploited it for all it was worth. Maya couldn’t stop the tears from stinging her eyes.
“You’re nothing but a worthless little cunt,” Damon said. “You were lucky I picked you up that night when I found you on the street and you’ll be lucky when I come back for you. Because mark my words, this asshole that you’re fucking, whoever he is…he’s going to start hurting you, beating you, telling you the truth of what you are, and you’re going to wish you’d stayed by my side.”
Maya sucked in a breath. “Goodbye, Damon.”
She stood and left, his shouts and curses echoing behind her.
#
Jayce went home and showered after his workout. He’d spent another morning with Mattie and Kellen. Mattie had gone from all-out hatred towards him, to accidentally calling him “Uncle Jayce.”
The memory warmed him. Jayce dressed and went to the living room in his small apartment. He had a desk against one wall where he sat, pulled out his laptop, and started an order to his supplier for the extra liquor he’d need for Maya’s big Ladies Night.
There was a knock on his door and he stood, tearing his eyes from the screen. He opened the door to find Maya standing there, her eyes slightly red-rimmed, but otherwise looking vibrant and healthy.
“I’m not here for sex,” she said.
He grinned. Those words could only mean that she actually was there for sex.
“I’m really not,” she said in answer to his thoughts. “I’m here for friend stuff.”
Jayce took in her unwavering expression and stepped aside to let her in. Maya plopped down on his sofa with a heavy sigh. “Can I get you a drink?” he offered.
“Do you have wine?”
He laughed. “I think I could probably find some. I’ll be right back.” He jogged downstairs to the bar, grabbed a bottle of sweet red that he’d seen her drinking on occasion, and ran back upstairs. After pouring her a glass and himself a cup of coffee, he took it to her and settled into the armchair next to the sofa. “So what’s up that you’re having a glass of wine before lunch?”
“I went to visit Dam
on.” She swallowed half the glass.
Jayce went cold. “I wish you hadn’t,” he said without thinking.
“Yeah? Well I wish I hadn’t either.” Then she dropped her head back and closed her eyes. “I guess I’m sort of glad I did, because if I hadn’t, I would have always wondered whether I should have. But now I see it was a waste of time. Gave me more stuff to unload to my therapist, though.”
His hands itched to touch her, not in a sexual way, but just to be physically connected. He was afraid to move, though, lest she think he was trying to come on to her.
She sighed and gave him a look, almost like she was annoyed. Then she patted the couch next to her. Jayce wasted no more time. He moved to her side, slid his arm along the back of the couch, and rested his free hand on one of hers. “What happened?” he prompted.
With another sigh, she leaned into him and said, “He looked terrible. Like a light breeze would knock him over. I couldn’t believe I’d spent all those years afraid of him. But then he started saying stuff, telling me that any man I chose to be with would eventually start hitting me because it’s what I deserve. That’s when I remembered why I was afraid. I was afraid because I believed I deserved the punishment. I’d spent my whole life being told how worthless I was and how everything bad that happened was my fault. So when I moved in with Damon, he just kept building on that foundation.”
Jayce rested his lips in Maya’s hair and closed his eyes. There was nothing he could say. He knew what she was feeling since he’d felt it too. It never really went away, but he knew she would overcome it as well as anyone could.
Her breath was coming in bursts and her body crumpled against his. She sobbed in his arms, talking through her tears. He could barely understand her, but he he got the gist of it. She was afraid of her children blaming themselves for the bad things in their lives. Jayce just held her, rocked her, and stroked her hair.
Early on in his experiments with women, he’d gone through a cougar phase. He’d been very attracted to older women because not only did they know what they were doing in bed, they’d also known how to baby him. There was one woman who’d even taken to packing him lunches for school. Looking back, he realized it was pretty sick and fucked up, but at the time, it had sure felt good to be taken care of. He didn’t want to be a replacement parent for Maya, but he did want her to feel taken care of in this moment.
