Their gazes held, and for a moment, Brian thought he’d gone too far. This was not the Jake Harkner he knew or had ever known. He’d never been around Jake when he was a man wanted for bank robbery and gun running and God knew what else. At the moment, he couldn’t imagine that his mother-in-law had seen through the man he was looking at now. He’d only known the Jake that Evie worshipped as her father, the Jake who loved with great passion—almost too much passion. That’s what had brought him to where he was now, a man devastated by the possibility of losing the son who was his life’s blood.
Jake sank back into the chair beside Lloyd’s bed. “Go ahead and send her in.”
“I don’t want her to see Jake the outlaw when she comes in here, Jake.”
Jake reached for a cigarette on a table beside him. “I’ll do my best,” he told Brian with obvious sarcasm in his voice. He lit a cigarette, and Brian moved an arm around Randy. “Come on, Mom. Get out of here for a little while. Get cleaned up and change. Pepper is out in the hallway. He wants to talk to you.” He looked at Jake. “In case you hadn’t noticed, your wife also needs you. Lloyd is her son, too.”
“Brian, don’t,” Randy protested. “I’ll be all right.”
“No, you won’t—not without Jake’s support. You’re suffering, too. You need each other.”
“We’re all suffering,” Randy told him wearily. “Let it go for now. I’ll go talk to Pepper.”
Brain cast Jake a warning look and started to leave.
“Randy.” Jake spoke her name with a tone of agony. “I’m…sorry.” He didn’t look at her. He just sat there staring at his .44. “I know…” He didn’t finish. “I just…can’t right now. Lo siento. Favor perdóname.”
“I know, Jake. I’m here. You come for me…or you send for me. I’m here.” Her voice choked, and she hurried out.
Brian glanced at Jake once more. “You be careful how you talk to Evie,” he warned again. He left to get Evie.
Out in the hallway, Randy found Pepper and Cole waiting for her, both with obvious sincere concern in their eyes.
“I’m going to get Evie,” Brian told Randy. “Will you be all right?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me you will go into your own room and clean up and change. I’ll bring you something to help you sleep.”
“I shouldn’t leave Lloyd—or Jake, for that matter.”
“Your son needs you healthy and rested, and Jake can make his own decisions. Lloyd needs him healthy and rested, too. I’m hoping Evie can make him see that. He usually listens to her.”
“I hope so, Brian. I want him to get out of there for a while.”
Brian left her with Pepper and Cole, both of whom stood there in the hallway, looking a bit lost. Pepper nodded to Randy. “Ma’am? We, uh, we got rid of a couple of reporters who were still hanging around.”
“We came by to see what you want us to do, Mrs. Harkner,” Cole added.
Randy walked up and hugged them. “Thank you for coming,” she told Pepper with the embrace. “Right now it makes me feel better to see someone from the J&L.” She spoke the words brokenly. “I wish we could just go home and have all of this behind us.”
When she embraced Cole, he gingerly hugged her, as if not quite sure if he should, considering the mood Jake Harkner was in. He looked at Pepper with wide eyes. Both men looked at her a bit sheepishly when she pulled away.
“Ma’am, I just… I mean, me and Cole was wonderin’ if you want us to go back to the ranch and tell everybody there what’s happened,” Pepper told her. “Them kids back there will be awful upset, especially the oldest ones. They might have already got the news.”
Randy glanced at the door to Lloyd’s room, then pulled Pepper farther away, motioning for Cole to follow. She thought how strange it was to be relieved to see men who were likely from the outlaw world, just like Jake was. It was even stranger that she felt she could trust them implicitly. “Just the thought of the grandchildren helps my heart.” She wiped at tears with a shaking hand.
“Ma’am, you look so tired,” Cole told her. “We heard what happened and what Jake did and… God, we’re awful sorry, Mrs. Harkner, for what you’re goin’ through. We waited a couple of days to let things calm down, but the gossip outside this hotel is pretty wild. A lot of people keep millin’ around to find out what’s going to happen next, and if Jake is gonna go on some kind of shootin’ rampage or somethin’. Is it true, how bad Lloyd is?”
Randy broke down, and Cole and Pepper looked at each other. Pepper took her arm. “Come over and sit down on this bench here,” he told Randy, indicating a bench in the hallway. He sat down next to her. “Ma’am, Lloyd is a big, strong kid with a lot to live for. Just think of all the things Jake has been through. Lloyd is just like him, maybe even stronger, because he’s got a wife and kids and a big ranch to run. Jake didn’t even have them things when he was Lloyd’s age.”
Randy nodded, blowing her nose into a handkerchief that was already overused. “I have to hope you’re right.”
Cole folded his arms, leaning against the banister. “Mrs. Harkner, your family is one of the tightest and strongest I’ve ever seen. That boy will be fine. We just wanted to tell you we think we should go back to the ranch and make sure things are okay there—tell them there what’s happened, and keep things goin’ while Jake and Lloyd can’t.”
“Yes. You should go and take care of things. You know what to do.” Randy glanced up at Cole, thinking what a good-looking man he would still be if not for his hard life and his drinking. “Cole, Jake is in a bad way. I hope Evie can get through to him.” She wiped at her eyes. “He’s in such a dark place right now.” She struggled against more tears. “I think it would be good for him to see the grandchildren. It will help him remember what he has to live for even if…the worst happens.” She grasped Pepper’s gnarled hand. “I want you two to go home and bring the grandchildren back here. Stephen has a right to be with his father, and it might be good for Jake to see Ben…and especially good for him to see Little Jake. I suppose the little girls should stay at the ranch. They won’t understand what’s happening. Teresa and Rodriguez can stay there with them. Explain everything to the other men and give them orders on what to do while we’re gone. And…I can give you a note to take to the bank where Lloyd put the money from the cattle sale. He paid you and the other men, but the men at the ranch should get paid, too, and Teresa and Rodriguez. I want you to take enough to pay all of them when you get there, and leave some money for supplies. In fact, get some supplies to take back with you. I’ll give you a list.”
Pepper frowned. “You’re trustin’ us with that much money?”
“Of course I am. Besides—” She glanced at Cole. “Do either of you really want to test Jake’s wrath if you run off with his and Lloyd’s money?”
Cole grinned, and Pepper chuckled. “You’ve got a point there, especially considerin’ the mood Jake’s in now.”
“I am going to clean up and change, and I’m sure Brian is bringing me something to help me sleep. Come back in the morning, and I’ll give you the list and a note for the bank so you can get started. The sooner you get back here with the grandsons, the better for Jake…and for Lloyd. I’m praying that by then, Lloyd will be awake and able to talk to them. And we all have to pray he’ll be able to move his legs. Right now he’s still unconscious, but you can tell he’s in a lot of pain. It’s so hard to watch. He groans almost constantly. We’re trying to keep Katie in bed for fear she’ll lose the baby, and we’re so afraid Lloyd might be paralyzed.” She rose again. “Do the two of you have a place to stay?”
The men glanced at each other, looking uncomfortable. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Are you at Gretta’s place?”
Pepper visibly reddened. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You tell Gretta I’m grateful for her offers of help.”
“I…ma’
am… You know Gretta?” Cole asked.
Randy managed to smile a little through her tears. “Cole, who am I married to?”
“Jake Harkner.”
“And Jake generally knows every prostitute in every town he’s ever been to. Yes, I know Gretta. Back in Guthrie it was Dixie James. It’s too long a story to explain, but it’s all right to talk in front of me about Gretta.” She wiped at more tears. “At any rate, yes, bring the grandsons here. Little Jake will be a bit difficult, but he’ll mind us if we tell him it’s what Grandpa wants. I am thinking that wild little boy would be good for Jake. Maybe seeing him and Stephen and seeing his own son, Ben, will bring Jake out of this darkness and remind him how much he has to live for.”
Cole tipped his hat. “We’ll head on out then and come back in the mornin’ for your list and that bank note,” he told Randy. “You and the women take care of yourselves. And if anybody can bring Jake back to the here and now and pray Lloyd back to health, it’s that daughter of yours. I swear she’s right up there with the angels.”
“Thank you. I hope you’re right.”
Both men left just as Evie came out of her room, Brian holding her arm. Evie flew into her mother’s arms, and both women wept.
“Evie, you be careful how you approach Jake,” Randy warned. “Are you sure you’re up to this?”
“I just want Daddy to come back from that awful place he’s in,” Evie sniffed. “I just have to get through to him. He can’t give up, and he has to be strong for Lloyd and for… Oh, Mother, I heard they want to arrest him! They want to take Daddy away like they did all those years ago!”
Randy hugged her close. “People will see that he had reason for what he did. We have to pray for that, Evie, but it won’t help Jake’s cause for him to stay in this mood, especially if there is a trial. He has to show people the wonderful man he really is. You can bring that out in him.”
“I’m going in there with her,” Brian told Randy. “I need to check on Lloyd, and I’ll otherwise stay out of the way, but I’m not sending Evie in there alone—not in her condition. She’s still shaken from seeing Holt in the first place.”
“I understand how you feel,” Randy told him, “but when it comes to Evie, Jake is a pushover, even when he’s like this. She’ll be fine.” She looked at Evie. “Try to get him out of there for a while, Evie. Send him to our room. I need my husband back. He has to understand we are in this together. He’s got to share this with me and not keep it all to himself.”
Evie nodded. “I know.” She wiped at her eyes and took Brian’s hand. Randy watched as they walked to the door to Lloyd’s room. Brian knocked.
“Jake, its Brian. I have Evie with me.”
When there came no reply, Evie opened the door and marched inside.
Twenty-one
Jake turned from the window as Evie rushed over to kneel beside her brother’s bed. She took his hand and bowed her head and began praying, while Brian moved to the other side of the bed to get out his stethoscope and listen to Lloyd’s heart. He checked the bandages for bleeding and felt Lloyd’s forehead for fever.
“I changed the towels,” Jake told him, “and that pad underneath him. His bladder is still working okay. That’s good, right?”
Brian checked under Lloyd’s closed eyelids. “Anything that appears to be working right is a good sign.”
“You tell Katie that,” Jake told him, more in the tone of an order rather than a request. “For a while, taking care of him is going to be a lot of work, some of it backbreaking because of his size. The best thing she can do is stay in bed and hang on to that baby. I know she feels like she should be in here doing some of these things, but if he comes around and finds out she lost that baby, it’s going to take him twice as long to recover…if he recovers.”
“I think she understands that, Jake.” Brian faced him. “But Dr. Cook and I will continue to help, and Gretta said her Sam can help, too. You can’t keep doing this around the clock. It’s going to catch up with you, and you’re going to go right to the floor and be no help at all. You’re killing yourself, just like you almost did when you rode like a maniac going after Evie, and you were nearly four years younger then.”
Jake looked at his daughter…his beautiful, precious daughter. “I couldn’t save my mother, and I almost didn’t save Evie. In fact, I didn’t save her from those bastards before they—” He turned back to the window. “At least she lived. Lloyd might not. Either way, I can at least be here for him.”
Brian sighed. “How’s that shoulder?”
“I’ll live.”
“Well, whether you like it or not, I’m changing that bandage tomorrow. For now, I’m going to leave Evie alone with you for a while, because that’s what she wants, but at the moment, being around you is like being around the loveless, hardened, wanted man you used to be, and she’s not designed for that. She only knows the Jake who raised her, the Jake who loves almost too much.” He glanced at Evie as she rose from the other side of the bed and came around to sit on the edge of the bed closest to where Jake’s chair was.
“You sure you want to stay here?” Brian asked her.
Evie watched her father, who stood with his back to her. “I’m sure.” Jake was wearing a pair of Lloyd’s denim pants and Lloyd’s favorite blue-paisley shirt. He’d refused to go back to his room to change into his own clothes. “I’m fine.” She turned to look at her husband. “It’s okay. You can go.”
Scowling, Brian walked to the door. “I’ll be in the next room, Jake. I’m going to give Randy something to help her sleep, but her best medicine would be getting her husband back. She needs holding, and not by any of the rest of us.” He spoke the words with the hint of an order, then started out.
“Brian,” Jake called.
Brian hesitated.
“Thank you.” Jake faced him. “I can’t recall seeing you truly angry before, and I don’t blame you. There were times when you were the one who held this family together, and right now you’re doing it again. You’re a hell of a doctor and a hell of a son-in-law…and a hell of a husband.”
Brian managed a hint of a smile. “I have a hell of a wife. She’s behind pretty much everything I do.”
Brian left, and Evie covered her face with her hands. “Daddy, he’s so good to me,” she said, softly crying.
Jake sighed deeply and sat down in the chair beside the bed, facing her. He set his gun on a table beside the bed. “Evie, I’m sorry for what you saw the other night.”
She wiped at her eyes and studied him, his dark eyes stricken with grief and anger. “I’ve never seen anything like what you did to that man. I know it was awful—him coming there to kill Lloyd. But when you shot him—” She shook her head. “I’ve seen you angry…but I’ve never seen the Jake you were back when you met Mother—the man you became when you put your gun to Mike Holt’s head. I’m not even sure how Mother saw through that man, but I’m glad she did. All I know right now is that I don’t like that other Jake. You still have so much rage down inside, Daddy, and I wish I could help you get rid of it.”
Jake rested his elbows on his knees. “Evie, sometimes that man has to come back in order to protect those he loves.”
“But you weren’t like that after…after you found me at Dune Hollow.”
“Baby girl, I was exactly like that! You just didn’t see the things I did before I got there. And after all the shooting and I grabbed you up, you were in too bad of shape to see the real Jake who’d come after you. The only thing that stopped me from killing every last one of them was you begging me not to, but I wanted to, Evie. I wanted to! When things like this happen, the old Jake immediately turns off all feeling. That’s the only way I know how to survive the hurt.”
Evie reached out to take his hands, but he pulled away. She studied him sadly. “Daddy, the only way I survive is to forgive. You’ve still never learned how to do that, e
ven though God has forgiven you for everything you did before Mother came along.”
Jake shook his head, the dark bitterness still there in his eyes. “When I was a little boy, I quickly learned that loving and forgiving didn’t work if you wanted to survive, Evie. Hate and self-defense and learning not to care about anything—that’s all that helped me.” He rose and walked to the window again, lighting a cigarette. “The old Jake is still down inside, Evie. He’ll never really go away.” He took a deep drag on the cigarette. “You have to stop seeing me as perfect, because I am far from that. I can’t let myself care about anything or anyone. This is what happens when I do.”
“But that’s the whole point. You do care. It’s okay to care, Daddy. And sometimes love does hurt, but God can—”
“Evie, don’t! I can’t…allow myself to think about it.”
Lloyd let out a deep groan. Jake turned and looked at him, then faced Evie. “Do you hear that? My son is in so much pain—pain he shouldn’t be suffering! It rips my heart out every time I have to hold him down because of that pain. I can’t stand seeing him suffer! I failed him, Evie! I failed my son! All those years we rode together and had each other’s backs…and then we go to a simple, civilized affair, and he’s gunned down right in front of me! That man took my precious son in cold blood, and I killed him in cold blood! The old Jake came roaring back, and he put a gun to that man’s head and pulled the trigger! So now you know the man who fathered you, and you see why I can’t believe something as good and beautiful as you even came from my seed. I am what I am, Evie, and everything I touch gets hurt.”
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