by Lucy Clark
‘Everyone needs roots, Sheena.’
‘And that’s what I’m doing for my girls. They’re going to be in hospital for at least the next three months and then I’ll buy a house, put down roots and start my own happy home. I want to have that perfect, fairy-tale family life you often talked about. I want the laughter and silly little squabbles and the making up and the sorting out. I want Sarah and Ellie to have the type of home life I always dreamed of but never had.’
Will pondered her words for a moment, reflecting on the squabbles he’d had with his brothers and sisters—the loud family dinners, the strict rules and regulations his parents had enforced, all designed to love and protect their brood. It was what he’d wanted, that idyllic picture of family, and Sheena intended to paint her own version … without a father for her girls.
He knew she could do it. He knew she would struggle and be severely challenged along the way and the briefest part of him wanted to be around to help and to advise and be challenged alongside her … but he knew that was impossible.
While Ellie and Sarah were indeed gorgeous girls, they weren’t his. He hadn’t come to Australia to play father figure to another man’s children. He’d come as a surgeon, one responsible for leading the team of highly skilled orthopods in the separation procedure of the twins. He looked down at Ellie, who had almost finished her bottle, her face relaxed in contented pleasure, her stomach full, completely unaware of what awaited her.
The next day might well be the biggest day of her young life but she didn’t know it. She was small and helpless and trusting. What if, when she grew up, she trusted the wrong person? What if someone teased her or bullied her at school? What if she fell in love with a boy who didn’t love her back?
Will swallowed over the instant need to protect her—not only Ellie but Sarah as well. These girls had no father figure in their life, not even a grandfather who could step in and provide guidance.
But these weren’t his children. He had to keep reminding himself of that.
Will removed the bottle when Ellie finished feeding, looking over at Sarah who had also finished. She lay there, wriggling her feet and hands a little, her big blue eyes wide open, eyes that were exactly the same shade as her mother’s. He couldn’t believe how much the girls looked like Sheena. Even though they were only six months old, they were both incredibly beautiful—as was their mother.
Sheena looked at him and held his gaze, neither of them speaking but both saying a lot with their eyes. Will could see a mixture of confusion and despair behind her brave front. When she bit her lip, he knew she was nervous and worried about something. Well, of course she would be. The next forty-eight hours were going to be some of the most intensely emotional hours she had faced. He wanted to go to her, to hold her, to reassure her, to tell her that everything would be all right, that he and the team of doctors had successfully separated other sets of conjoined twins who had been even more intricately connected than Ellie and Sarah, but he didn’t.
Sheena looked away, moving to stand in front of the girls, rubbing and gently patting their chests. Ellie stayed asleep and Sarah started to relax even more, her eyelids starting to flutter closed, getting heavier by the moment.
Sheena started to hum a soft lullaby, the sweet melody filling the small private room. Sarah instantly responded to the sound and soon the twins had successfully slipped back into slumber.
Will allowed her song to wind its way around him. She had such a beautiful voice and the words of love contained in the lyrics were sung with such heartfelt intensity. He could recall his own mother singing to him as a child, the sounds strong and reassuring, and he’d been able to close his eyes and fall asleep secure in the knowledge that with his family around him he would always be safe.
Her voice broke as she finished the song, emotion rising to the fore. The room was plunged into silence as she pulled a blanket over the girls and tucked them in. Then she stepped back, shoved her hands into the pockets of her denim skirt and looked at Will.
‘Thanks for your help.’ Her tone was thick, and Will could see her anxiety and concern for her girls was increasing.
‘You’re welcome.’ He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, too. They both stood there, looking at each other, remembering what had attracted them to each other in the first place all those years ago as well as fighting the present attraction, which seemed to weigh heavily about them. ‘I’d forgotten just how lovely your voice was.’
Sheena smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her lower lip began to wobble. ‘It’s nice of you to say so.’ She clenched her jaw and blinked a few times, trying to hold on to her emotions. Why wasn’t he leaving? Why was he just standing there? She was almost at breaking point and a few of the looks he’d given her already had let her know that he had no intention of picking up where they’d left off.
Her breathing rate started to increase and the tears came into her eyes, refusing to be blinked away. ‘I don’t want to hold you up. You probably have a lot of things to do and organise.’ She wiped a hand impatiently across her eyes, sniffing and swallowing over the large lump in her throat. Her chin wobbled again.
‘Sheena—’ he began, clearly seeing her distress.
‘Just … go. Please?’
‘You’re worried about the girls. That much is evident.’ He felt so helpless, standing there with his hands in his pockets. What he wanted desperately was to go to her, to put his arms around her, to comfort her, to help her, as he had so often in the past.
‘Of course I’m worried about them. I know you say that everything is going to be all right but—’ She broke off, the tears and emotions overcoming her. ‘They’re my babies. Mine.’ She looked at him then, tears streaming down her cheeks, lips pursed together between the gasps of air she was dragging into her lungs. ‘I never thought I’d ever have children and now that I do, I want to protect them and keep them safe and do everything I can for them and give them the chance of a normal life and …’ She let the sentence drift off, hiccuping a little. ‘I love them so much, Will,’ she said through her tears, ‘and if they … if something goes—’ She broke off, shaking her head, then whispered between her sobs, ‘I’m terrified.’
‘Oh, Sheenie,’ he ground out, and within the next instant he’d covered the distance that separated them and hauled her into his protective arms.
How on earth was he supposed to resist this woman when she needed him most? He stood firm and held her in his arms, bringing her as close to his body as he dared. Memories flooded through his mind as he breathed in her scents, allowing the essence of Sheena to wash over him. Will closed his eyes, resting his chin lightly on her head as she buried her face into his shirt and continued to cry.
It would be far too easy to slip back into old habits, of thinking about her in a romantic light. That wasn’t why he was here and he had to find the strength to at least keep himself one step removed from her … but it was extremely difficult when she was this upset. He tightened his hold on her.
As her sobs began to subside, her breathing became deeper and she settled against his chest, her hands tucked beneath her chin. She wasn’t exactly sure how long they stood there but even as the hiccuping became less, Will made no move to pull away. Sheena kept her eyes closed, breathing in the fresh earthy scent that always drove her to distraction.
Feeling his arms about her, being so close to his firm, muscled body, listening to his heart beat beneath his chest … these were the little things in life she’d thought she’d never get the chance to experience again. When she’d rejected his proposal, it had broken her heart. The look of surprise, of disbelief, of complete anguish that had been present in his features, his blue eyes changing from sincere to stormy, had been a sight burned into her memory.
Never again had she thought she’d be enfolded in his arms, drawing comfort from him, but here she was, feeling safe and secure and protected. Her breathing was almost back to normal now and still he made no move to pull away.
&nb
sp; Was it the past that was making him stay where he was? Or was it possible that Will had really forgiven her for refusing his proposal and was ready to move on with their friendship? The fact that the underlying attraction between them had never died was clearly evident but she had no idea what it might mean.
She could feel a sneeze starting to build and sniffed, trying to make it go away, twitching her nose to try and get rid of it. She wanted to stay here in Will’s arms and not worry about anything else. She pursed her lips, trying to hold back the building sneeze, but knew it wasn’t doing any good. A shudder began to ripple through her body and if she didn’t pull away from him now and quickly get a tissue … well, it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Jerking back, forcing his arms to suddenly let her go, Sheena spun around and all but lunged for the tissue box. She wrenched out a tissue just in time, sneezed and then blew her nose. She tried to blow quietly so as not to wake the girls, and when she was finished she picked up the tissues and turned to put them in the bin—only to find the room empty.
Will had gone … again.
Will continued to scrub his hands, his mind focused on what lay ahead. Doing his best for his patients was what he’d always done, but this time it was different. This time it was personal and he knew he wasn’t the only one in the operating suite who felt the same way. Both Miles and Janessa were here, along with a lot of the other Adelaide Mercy theatre staff.
Of course, there were also staff who had only arrived the day before, such as Marta von Hugen, a colleague from Philadelphia, with whom both he and Miles had worked with on several occasions. Marta would be in charge of the second team of specialists as surgery of this magnitude meant that staff worked on a rotating basis. Ensuring the health and alertness of all involved with such extensive surgery was of paramount importance.
Will looked at the scans that were up on the viewing box in the theatre room. He’d studied them so completely that he felt he knew every inch of them. As far as the operation went, he’d been faced with far more complicated surgery and had been successful with all of them.
‘It looks good,’ Miles said, coming to stand beside him at the scrub sink.
‘Clean,’ Will agreed. ‘Parapagus twins are the most straightforward when it comes to separation.’
‘Should only take somewhere between fifteen to seventeen hours.’
Will nodded, both of them knowing that they’d been in surgery far longer with other conjoined twins over the years. With Ellie and Sarah being conjoined in the lower body, side to side, and given that they didn’t share any major veins or arteries, the surgery should indeed be straightforward.
Still, that didn’t stop Will from being concerned about Sheena.
‘You’re frowning,’ Miles pointed out. ‘What’s wrong? Have you found something the rest of us have missed?’
‘Do you know what Sheena’s planning to do all day while we’re in surgery?’ He looked back down at his hands, using the special nailbrush to ensure all dirt was definitely gone.
‘As far as I know, she’s going to fill in at the paediatric clinic and then work on the ward.’
‘She’s going to work?’ Will was instantly concerned.
‘She’s a fully qualified—and might I add completely brilliant—paediatrician, and as quite a few of her colleagues are here working with us, offering to hold the fort is her way of helping and keeping her mind busy so she doesn’t dwell on the girls.’
Will pondered that for a moment then nodded. ‘I guess I’d want to keep busy if it were my daughters undergoing extensive surgery.’ He elbowed off the taps and turned with his hands held upwards to receive a sterile towel from one of the nurses. He didn’t want to be thinking about Sheena at this time, or her well-being, or how she was coping, or anything else for that matter. Of course he was concerned about her, just as he would be about any other parents of conjoined twins, but right now he needed to keep his head in the game. ‘Time to be completely focused,’ he murmured.
Miles nodded. ‘It’s never easy operating on someone you know and love. Those little girls are my goddaughters and I love them very much.’
‘There is something special about them,’ Will agreed, a small smile tugging at his lips. It had only been a matter of days since he’d met Ellie and Sarah but he knew that both girls had already infiltrated his heart. He’d tried telling himself that they were just another set of conjoined twins, that they were the same as all the other twins he’d operated on over the years, but he knew he was lying to himself.
As he continued to gown and glove, the theatre nurse tying his mask in place, Will looked to where the six-month-old twins had been anaesthetised and were waiting for their surgeons to start this operation.
Soon he stood beside Miles, the two men so in tune with each other that they were able to communicate with simple glances and looks. Right now, both of them seemed to be wearing the same expression, that of complete focus on what was about to happen.
‘It’s just the same as any other operation,’ Will remarked, and Miles nodded.
‘Switch off the personal, switch on the professional,’ Miles agreed.
They stood there silent for the next minute, waiting for the go-ahead from the anaesthetist. The little girls looked so tiny with tubes and leads coming from them, their radiographs up on the view boxes around the room. On either side of the central theatre were two smaller theatres, which would be used once the girls had been separated.
Paul, the anaesthetist, looked at them and nodded, indicating he was ready. Will looked to Miles. ‘For Sheena,’ he said softly, and Miles gave an imperceptible nod of agreement.
After addressing the theatre staff, Miles began the slow and careful process of making the first incision. This operation was not about speed, it wasn’t about a quick fix. It required a methodical and painstakingly perfect process. No mistakes. Will stood back and watched as his friend and the rest of the team set to work.
When it was time for him to step forward, he looked again at his friend and could see that Miles was smiling beneath his theatre mask.
‘All yours,’ Miles remarked, his voice upbeat.
‘Thanks. Good to hear that tone in your voice, mate.’ The staff shifted around, the orthopaedic theatre nurses coming forward while the others took a much-needed break.
‘Let’s just say there haven’t been any unwanted surprises.’
‘That’s the type of news I like to hear.’ Will checked with the anaesthetist. ‘Status?’
The anaesthetist rattled off his statistics before smiling brightly at Will. ‘Both Ellie and Sarah are doing remarkably well,’ came the jovial reply.
‘Excellent.’ Will straightened his spine as he looked down at the draped little bodies in front of him, the large conjoined pelvic bone neatly exposed. Separating the girls meant that they would be able to lead normal, healthy, happy lives. Two little dark-haired girls and their dark-haired mother. Three beautiful ladies … all on their own.
Will felt a surge of protectiveness pierce his heart at this thought but quickly dismissed it. He wasn’t a part of Sheena’s life any more and yet he’d already come to care deeply for her little girls. He wanted the best for Sarah and Ellie; he wanted to make sure they had every advantage growing up; he wanted them to know how precious they were.
Although he and Miles had told themselves that this surgery was just like any other, that there was nothing different about these babies as opposed to the others they’d operated on, they’d also known that they’d been lying to themselves.
Will paused as he looked down at the girls, a brief moment of panic and fear gripping him. What if something went wrong? What if a problem arose that they’d been unable to anticipate? Would Sheena ever be able to forgive him? The last thing he wanted to do was to cause her pain. After talking with her the other night, he’d come to realise that he was as much at fault for their break-up as Sheena. If only he’d asked her more questions, taken a real interest in her rather than simply ass
uming her life had run a similar course to his own. He’d been blinded by love, blinded by the fact that he’d found his happily-ever-after and had assumed that, because Sheena had admitted her love for him, they would be together for ever.
He’d bought the engagement ring, barely able to contain his excitement at the promise of a rosy future with the woman of his dreams. Then, when she’d turned him down, he’d plummeted, stunned and shocked when she’d confessed she couldn’t have children.
For the first time in his life the perfect fairy-tale family picture he’d always had firmly in his mind had started to shake, the foundation of imagination and anticipation nowhere near as solid as he’d thought.
Now, as he was about to perform this intricate surgery on Sheena’s beautiful girls, he couldn’t help but ponder that if things had gone differently between Sheena and himself, if he’d been less pushy and she’d been more open, these little darlings might have been his daughters.
Having always longed to be a father and with those dreams having been cut off with Sheena’s rejection, his hopes and dreams had been pushed aside while he’d focused on his career, knowing that medicine was absolute and something he could control. Until he’d met Beatrice, he hadn’t realised how much he’d locked his heart away, but being back near Sheena made him realise that what he’d felt for Beatrice paled into insignificance when he was around the mother of these gorgeous twins. She’d allowed him to spend quality time with Sarah and Ellie, and seeing the way they were coming to recognise him when he walked into the room, loving the way they would smile and gurgle and make cute little noises, had unlocked those dreams of parenthood from his heart.
Two little girls—without a father.
Was it possible that if he returned to Australia, if he came home to Adelaide, if he and Sheena could find a basis for a solid friendship, he might be able to fill that void? Surrogate father? It wasn’t picture perfect, it wasn’t what he’d always dreamed of, but for some reason these two angels had well and truly captured his heart. Even in the short amount of time he’d spent with them during the past few days, watching the way they interacted with Sheena, smiling at the way Sarah always seemed to be the one causing a ruckus while Ellie preferred to keep things calm, Will had been captivated by these twins.
