“Homeland Security?” said Russell.
“No,” I said. “The Inquisition.” We came to another red light, and I stopped.
“Because of all the jobs you did for Morvilind,” said Russell. “They tracked you down and arrested you.”
“Actually, no,” I said. “The Lord Inquisitor knew all about those. He didn’t care. He wanted me for a job. Anyway, they grabbed me in the parking lot of the grocery store, and they brought me to the Lord Inquisitor Arvalaeon.” I left out the part where they had beaten me up, stripped me naked, and left me shivering in a cell for a few hours to break my resolve. I didn’t want to talk about that with Russell. “And as it turned out, Arvalaeon had a job for me.”
“A theft?” said Russell.
“No,” I said. “You remember Baron Castomyr?”
Russell blinked. “I…think so. He was the Baron of La Crosse, wasn’t he? Died in a gas explosion last year. But…it wasn’t a gas explosion, was it?”
“It wasn’t,” I said. “This next part you can discuss with Murdo, but no one else ever, understand?” Russell nodded. “Baron Castomyr wanted to overthrow the High Queen. To do that, he tried to summon a Great Dark One.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” said Russell. “What’s a Great Dark One?”
“I told you about the regular Dark Ones. Lorenz has one in his head,” I said. Russell nodded. “A Great Dark One is like…I don’t know, a prince or a king of the Dark Ones, and it’s incredibly powerful. Castomyr wanted to summon a Great Dark One to use against the High Queen.”
“Would it have worked?” said Russell.
“Not a chance,” I said. “Castomyr didn’t know what he was doing. He would have botched the spell. If he had summoned that Great Dark One, the explosion would have destroyed the central third of North America. Something like forty million humans and ten million Elves would have died. Arvalaeon had tried to stop him, but he was out of time. Castomyr had a magical relic that killed any Elf who tried to approach him. So, Arvalaeon recruited me.”
“But you wouldn’t be able to fight an Elven noble and win,” said Russell. “At least, not back then. You could now, but not then.”
“No,” I said. I eased through another intersection. The van bounced as the edge of a wheel clipped a pot hole, and the suspension made an alarming creaking noise. “Arvalaeon knew that, too. So…he set up something to make me stronger, to make me more powerful.”
I took a deep breath and then plunged into the story.
“It’s a magical device called an Eternity Crucible,” I said. “I don’t know how it works, and I’m not entirely sure how to describe it. It’s like a little pocket demesne within the Shadowlands, but it’s contained within the Eternity Crucible, which looks like this flat little bronze clock about the size of a book. But the important thing is that time runs faster inside of it.”
“Time…runs faster?” said Russell.
“Yeah,” I said. “A lot faster. Like, imagine this van was an Eternity Crucible.” Ghastly thought, that. “An entire day could pass in here, but only two or three seconds would pass outside.”
“How would that make you stronger?” said Russell.
“Arvalaeon filled the Crucible with monsters,” I said. “It was set up like a little rural town, and he showed me where the exit was. I just had to fight my way through the town and force my way through the exit.”
“Like a really crappy video game,” said Russell.
“Suppose so,” I said. I had never really thought about it in those terms. “Once I was strong enough, I would be able to fight my way to the exit.”
“Once you were strong enough?” said Russell. “What…what happened if you failed?”
I looked at him. “I died.”
He stared back at me, and I had to look back through the cracked windshield.
“I died over and over again,” I said. “The anthrophages tore me apart and ate me. The wraithwolves hunted me down and tore me to shreds.” The memories of the deaths flashed through my head, red and dark and drenched with blood. “Or the bloodrats found me. Or the cowlspawn. Or these damn giant beetle things – I never did find out what they were called. Whenever they killed me, the Crucible would reset, and I would start over. Just like that video game you mentioned. Except every time I was a little stronger, and eventually, I was able to fight my way out of it.” I shrugged. “Then I killed Castomyr, and you can probably guess the rest.”
Russell was silent for a long, long time.
“How many times were you killed?” he said at last.
“Um,” I said. “Fifty-seven thousand eight hundred and nineteen. That would have been about…”
“One hundred and fifty-eight years,” said Russell, his voice quiet.
“About that,” I said. “I suppose tomorrow is technically my one hundred and eightieth birthday. That’s a lot of candles.”
I meant it as a joke, but it fell flat.
“After you got out and killed Baron Castomyr,” said Russell, staring out the windshield. “What did you do then?”
“I…wasn’t right,” I said. “You were there. You knew something was wrong. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t relax. I saw anthrophages in every shadow. When I blasted the door off its hinges and almost killed you, I thought I was still in the Crucible and that the anthrophages were coming for me. That’s when I knew I had to go, that I had to break up with Riordan. I knew I was a danger to everyone around me. I thought I would just disappear and go somewhere and try to get my head together, but then Morvilind summoned me and told me about his deal with the Forerunner…and here we are.” I shook my head. “Hell of a year.”
We drove in silence for a while. I felt tired, drained, emptied. It was the first time I had told the story to anyone except Morvilind, and he hadn’t cared, other than to wonder if the experience would make me more valuable to him as a shadow agent.
“I’m really sorry,” I said. “I should have told you more, I…”
“No,” said Russell. “It’s okay. I…”
His voice broke up a little, and I looked over at him.
And I was so surprised that I almost went off the road.
He was crying.
I hadn’t seen him cry since he had been a toddler. Boys weren’t supposed to cry. They were supposed to become strong, stoic soldiers for the High Queen. The Department of Education even occasionally ran videos comparing the strong, capable human men of modern America to the weepy, effeminate, cowardly men of the pre-Conquest United States. I didn’t know if the comparison was true or not (the Department of Education had every reason to lie about it), but the effect was the same. Men were not supposed to cry in public, or in front of anyone.
And now Russell was crying in silence, and I hadn’t seen him cry in at least thirteen years. Or one hundred and seventy-one years, depending on how you counted.
“Russell?” I said.
“This is my fault,” he said. “You had to die fifty-eight thousand times.”
“It was more like fifty-seven thousand eight hundred and nineteen times,” I said.
“And it’s my fault,” said Russell.
“Russell…”
“It’s my fault!” said Russell. “It’s because of my stupid disease. If I had died before that, it would have been better.”
“Don’t say that,” I said.
“It would have been,” said Russell. “You wouldn’t have had to go through all that. Lord Morvilind wouldn’t have made you work for the Rebels.” He gave a vicious shake of his head, sniffled, and wiped his eyes. “You could have had a normal life and not been a shadow agent. Instead, they tortured you for a hundred and fifty years so you could save your stupid useless little brother…”
“Russell!” I snapped.
He fell silent and blinked a few times.
“I made my choice,” I said. “I don’t regret it.”
“But a hundred and fifty-eight years,” said Russell. He took a shaking breath. “A
hundred and fifty-eight years. That’s just…that’s just insane. Humans don’t even live that long. I mean, half of that is a long life. And you spent that entire time getting killed over and over again. And it was my fault you had to go through all that.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I said. “And it was my decision. What, did you walk up to me, put a gun to my head, and force me to do it? No. Arvalaeon did that, not you. And it wasn’t your fault you contracted frostfever.”
“No,” said Russell. “But it was because of me.”
I let out a long breath, and something clicked in my mind.
“Russell,” I said, “if I hadn’t done it, you would have died anyway. But not from the frostfever.”
He stared at me, his gray eyes bloodshot.
“You would have died when Castomyr finished his spell,” I said. “The Marneys would have died. The Valborgs would have died. Vander would have died. Everyone in Milwaukee would have died. Everything from Denver to Cincinnati would have been ashes. All those people would have died if I hadn’t done it. I…”
My voice trailed off as I spoke. I had been trying to calm Russell down, but I realized that I believed what I had been saying. I had died and gone to hell. I had died again and again, and it had broken me…but it would have been far worse if I hadn’t gone to the Eternity Crucible and known a century and a half of torment.
Much, much worse.
God, did I really believe that?
I did.
“Russell,” I said at last. “I’m really sorry.”
He looked at me in astonishment. “Sorry? Why on earth are you sorry for anything? You’re the one Lord Morvilind has coerced. You’re the one who had to go into that horrible Eternity Crucible thing. You’re the one who had to work with those Rebel terrorists. All that happened to you…and I’m sitting here blubbering like a big baby.”
“I should have handled things better,” I said. “I shouldn’t have disappeared like that, and I shouldn’t have broken up with Riordan.” I shook my head. “I…thought it would have been better if I went off by myself. And I did need to do that for a while, I think. I spent a lot of time harassing the Rebels, and that was good. It let me get my head mostly together. But I should have at least told you where I was going, or that I needed some time alone. I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”
We drove in silence for a while.
“It’s okay,” said Russell. “Really, it is. I’m just glad to know that you’re…well, that you’re alive.” He sighed. “I suppose I can’t say safe or healthy.”
“I’m functioning,” I said. “That’s probably good enough.”
“And you shouldn’t blame yourself,” said Russell. “I mean…after all that, it’s a miracle you were as coherent as you were. I just wish…I just wish I had understood and been able to help you.”
I snorted. “Come on. There isn’t a manual for this kind of thing. What, you think the Department of Education puts out a video on how to deal with someone who just spent twice a normal human lifetime inside an Eternity Crucible? Vander told me that humans aren’t usually put into Eternity Crucibles because we tend to go totally insane. I wouldn’t hold myself up as a model of mental stability, but…well, I’m not totally crazy. I guess the point is that this has never happened before, so we have to play it by ear.”
“Okay,” said Russell. “What can I do to help?”
I hesitated. “Maybe…hell, maybe we should just be honest with each other, you know? No more secrets. I did all this stuff behind your back to help you, and you did all this stuff behind my back to help me. Maybe we should just level with each other.”
“Okay,” said Russell again. He paused. “Okay. But I’m still sorry…”
“I know,” I said. “And I’m sorry, too. We’re both sorry. Couldn’t we just, you know…forgive each other and move on? Because we do have a serious problem just now.”
“Lorenz and his necromancer buddy,” said Russell.
“Yep,” I said. “Tell you what. We’ve both had a bad year. Why don’t we take it out on them?”
Russell laughed. “I suppose that’s one way to feel better.”
I grunted and shifted in my seat. “Works for me.”
We lapsed into silence again.
“I do have a suggestion,” said Russell.
“What is it?”
“We should pull over and get some fast food,” said Russell.
“No, we shouldn’t,” I said. “That stuff is terrible for you. I’ve got some protein bars somewhere in the back. Plus, Lorenz is still chasing us. I don’t want to get ambushed while we’re sitting in the drive-through line at that one burger restaurant with a weird clown for its mascot.”
“Yeah,” said Russell, “but you’d get the senior discount.”
I blinked and looked at him. “What?”
“You’re a hundred and seventy-nine now, right?” said Russell. “And you’re going to be a hundred and eighty tomorrow. You definitely apply for the senior discount at a lot of places. Think of all the money we’ll save. You could buy dinner for everyone, and we’d save a ton of money…”
“For God’s sake,” I said.
“And they have those early-bird specials for seniors at restaurants,” said Russell. “We could get free pancakes. A lot of pancakes, and…”
“For God’s sake!” I said, but I started laughing, and I couldn’t stop for a bit.
I suddenly felt better than I had in a long time.
“You’re teasing me,” I said once I had calmed down.
“Well, yeah, a little,” said Russell. “It’s a younger brother’s solemn duty to tease his older sister.”
“You’re a teenage boy,” I said. “All you think about is food.”
“That’s not all I think about,” he said. “If you want, I could start thinking about Mrs. Ross in exercise clothes again…”
“Don’t be gross,” I said, but I laughed. “You really have a crush on her, don’t you?”
“A little bit,” said Russell. “But she’s a good woman. And Captain Ross is a nice guy. But it helps that he’s kind of a scary dude.”
“That’s good,” I said. “Tonight, we want a bunch of scary guys on our side.”
“Like Mr. Murdo,” said Russell.
“He’s not scary,” I said. “Well, I suppose he is…but he’s really looked out for me. Even saved my life a couple of times. He didn’t have to, but he did.”
“Huh,” said Russell. “So, you and Mr. Murdo, did you ever…”
“Ever what?” I said.
“You know,” said Russell. “Go out. You seem like you kind of have a crush on him.”
“I do not,” I said. Russell waited. “Okay, yes, I kind of do. But it doesn’t matter. Murdo's got kind of the same problem I do. The Rebel Overseer has his girlfriend captive, and the Overseer is using that to compel Murdo to work for him. He infiltrated the Rebels at the command of the Knight of Grayhold, but his real reason was to save the woman he loves.”
Russell stared at me.
“Seriously?” he said. “You didn’t realize…”
“Realize what?” I said.
“Never mind,” said Russell. “Mr. Murdo just seems like your type. Tall. Scary. Can kill a bunch of people without working up a sweat.”
I started to protest, but then I remembered that I had been with exactly two boyfriends in my life. Nicholas Connor and Riordan MacCormac had both been tall, scary, and entirely capable of killing a bunch of people without working up a sweat.
I guess I really did have a type.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I like Rory a lot, yeah…”
“Rory, is it?” said Russell.
“Don’t be snide,” I said. “I like him a lot, but it doesn’t matter. Once my deal is done, I’m going to hand over the Rebel leaders to the Inquisition, help Rory rescue his girlfriend, and that will be that.”
“Yeah,” said Russell. “Sure. That’s exactly how it will go down.”
I eyed him. I had the odd feeling that I had just missed something significant, but I had no idea what it was.
“You know,” I said, “I had forgotten just what a smart-aleck you are.”
He grinned. “I learned it from you.”
“Mmm. That’s probably true.”
We turned a corner, and the Ducal Mall came into sight.
It was a huge building, the biggest mall in the Milwaukee area. Come to think of it, I think it was the biggest mall in the state of Wisconsin. It was a huge sprawling pile of polished white stone and gleaming glass, though right now fully half of it was covered in scaffolding. Vast acres of empty parking lots surrounded the mall, and right now the only vehicles there were various trucks and several parked trailers adorned with the logo of a construction company.
THE DUCAL MALL proclaimed a sign by the entrance. GRAND REOPENING IN NOVEMBER. JOIN US FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON! Below that was a web address, no doubt where Jill Rusk had gone in search of coupons.
A lot of old, dark memories went through my head. Russell and I had nearly gotten killed there, and we had barely gotten away with Lydia Valborg. I had stolen a car from the mall’s parking ramp to escape, though I had to run over a few orcish mercenaries in the process.
Come to think of it, I had run over a lot of orcs and anthrophages in my life. Maybe that was where Russell had learned it.
“Hasn’t changed much, has it?” said Russell.
“No,” I said, turning into the deserted parking lot and heading for the ramp. Best to keep our vehicles out of sight. “Hey, question.”
“Yeah?” said Russell.
“Wanna go to the mall and kill orcs?” I said.
Russell took a deep breath and grinned, though I saw the tension around his eyes. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter 11: Tripwires
We parked in the first level of the mall’s parking ramp and got to work.
The first thing I needed to do was to disable the security systems. The mall was empty and closed for business, but that didn’t mean it was unguarded. A big empty mall was an ideal target for, say, Rebel terrorists, or a bunch of people planning to ambush some Rebel terrorists. For that matter, it would be a great place to do a quiet drug deal or something. To prevent that kind of problem, there were security cameras everywhere.
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