But she was thousands of miles away, probably never wanting to speak to me ever again.
I took one last look at the letter, rubbed the thick stationary between my thumb and finger as I read Frederick’s words, practically committing them to memory.
Taking my time to fold it back up, I placed the letter back in its envelope and tucked it away. No good ever came from making rash decisions.
Before anyone could miss me, I took a deep breath and slipped back into the fray. A scene was playing out in the ballroom, William was towering over a woman I vaguely recognised. His brow was furrowed, yet her face was set; equally determined as they had an unmistakeable heated exchange.
The woman crossed her arms as William turned from her. Neither looked like they’d won that round. It was interesting to see my big brother’s reaction as he walked away, he looked positively flustered. And it intrigued me. Was William having his own relationship issues with the fairer sex?
“Hey, where are you going? We need to talk,” I asked him, trying to keep up as he bolted out the room. He seemed intent on putting as much distance between himself and the woman he’d been warring with.
“Anywhere but here.”
Goddammit, I wanted to scream at him. Shake him till he stopped being such a bastard. Regardless I couldn’t leave it and followed him, deciding there and then to tell him about the letter in my pocket. It also occurred to me that perhaps I wasn't the only one to receive such a letter from Frederick. Was this the cause of Will’s latest outbursts?
“Slow down. I’ll come with you. It seems like ages since we talked and I do really need to discuss something with you… But first, who was that woman you were chastising? What did she say to make you so angry?”
“Robert, brother, I love you but please just leave it.”
“It must’ve been pretty bad for you to walk away like that. Any other time and you’d be right in there. She’s pretty.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not the time is it? And I don’t want to talk about it.”
Fair enough, I thought as he changed the subject.
“How long has the army given you?”
“They said that’s up to me. I could resign my commission and stay or go straight back after—”
“You’d be a fool if you stayed.”
“It’s not a bed of roses on tour either, you know.”
“Anything has to be better than here.”
“You don’t mean that. Surely?”
“Now more that ever.”
We each paused, contemplating the full meaning of his words and what it meant for our futures, and just when I thought now what as good time to ask if he’d received anything too from our dearly deceased brother, Vicky went sprinting by. Her high-heels were no longer on her feet but hooked over her fingers tips, clattering against each other, making a dull thudding sound that accompanied the fast gallop of Vicky’s stride.
“What the— We go better go see what’s wrong.”
“You go deal with her. I’m not in the mood for Vicky’s antics, not today of all days.”
“We should go together. Besides, two’s better than one,” I said as I tracked where Vicky had disappeared to. I hoped that he’d stick around so I could talk to him more, as well as provide some help with regards to our sister.
“Not anymore,” William shouted as he strode off in the other direction, already a fair distance away. I sighed.
“Remember we still need to have that chat!” I called, but it was pointless, he probably wasn’t even listening to me anymore. Though I could understand his reluctance with not wanting to deal with Victoria. I’d already heard from Charlotte how Vicky had nearly taken William’s head off, throwing dinner plates at him to get him to leave her alone. The little princess had always been a handful, but she’d also always been Frederick’s favourite… He’d doted on her. And to see the disappointment in Vicky’s eyes when William turned up instead of the brother she wanted, well, that must’ve been a stab to the heart.
Me, on the other hand, I could handle her defiant looks. Maybe it was something to do with being he middle child, and not putting up with any bullshit?
I knocked on the seventeen-year-old’s door but didn’t wait to be given permission to enter, or a chance for her to stack up furniture and bar the way.
As soon as I was in the room an object came flying at me. I shifted to my left as it narrowly careened inches away from my head and slammed into the wooden door. I stared at the point of impact. Vicky’s stiletto heel had dented the timber.
“You could have taken my eye out with that thing!” I yelled at her.
She wiped her eyes then threw the other shoe at me in response. “Fuck off!”
Luckily this time I caught the spinning shoe before it could do any damage. My palm smarted from the contact, stinging as I let her weapon drop to the floor. “That bloody hurt,” I said rubbing my hands together.
“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t have caught it.”
“What and let you have another go at putting me into a coma? No danger anyway,” I said with a half-smile, “You have crappy aim.”
“Let me find another shoe and I’ll show you who has crappy aim.” Vicky started to search around her room looking for another missile. She picked up her phone close to wall near her dressing table. From the cracked screen the phone clearly had already been used as a projectile.
“Cut it out will you? I’m not here to fight.”
“Could’ve fooled me. You’re in here without my permission.”
“And? You got something to hide?”
“No,” she said her bottom lip protruding a little. She sat on the edge of her bed and crossed her arms, staring me down.
“Then why were you crying?”
“I thought that would be pretty obvious. Or was a new law passed that I wasn’t aware of? Is it now a crime for a member of the royal family to shed a tear at a fucking funeral?!”
I winced at her mouthy response. Victoria had never been subtle, but she’d always been brave. Yet from the quiver in her voice she was losing that battle.
“Can I sit?” I asked pointing to the spot beside her on the bed.
Vicky shrugged and sniffed. “You’re going to do it anyway.”
Taking that as a yes I joined her and angled myself towards her.
“I need your advice, I have a problem,” I started, which clearly surprised Victoria. By the expression on her face it was as if I’d just grown horns and a tail. That or I’d been transformed into an alien being.
“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” Vicky’s sharp green eyes narrowed.
“I’m still me,” I said with a chuckle, “though I can’t deny these last few weeks, this one especially, has had a certain effect upon me.”
“Can’t disagree with you there. So… what advice do you need from me, of all people? Is Charlotte not available?” Vicky said scornfully.
I ignored her jab and wondered if I was doing the right thing. “You have to keep this between you and me, okay?”
She was intrigued now, and her tears had evaporated. Vicky motioned a cross over her heart.
“I think I met someone…”
Vicky pulled a face, cocked her head to the side and rolled her eyes. “You think? You either did or you didn’t, Robert.”
“Okay then, I did.”
“So… what’s the problem?” She leaned back resting her weight on her forearms and studied me. Then her eyes went wide with horror. “Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re a virgin… coming to me for advice?” She pretended to gag then burst out into a fit of laughter, holding her stomach as tears streamed from her eyes and down her cheeks.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I scanned the room waiting for her to stop. I hadn’t exactly followed Vicky with a plan to have her giggling uncontrollably, maybe put a smile on her face, yes, but not this. But I couldn’t help but join in and playfully pushed her off the bed. She collapsed in a heap on floor, still clutching her
sides, and gasping for breath in between the laughter.
“Just the thought… of you… asking me…” Vicky couldn’t quite finish the sentence as another round of giggles took her over.
I slid down next to her, my back against the bed and extended my legs.
“When you’re quite done,” I said, the grin still on my face.
She waved her hands close to her face, batting the air. “Oooh dear, I haven’t laughed like that since…” Vicky trailed off and the giggles died. Though a partial, but sad, smile still remained.
“Certainly tickled your funny bone. But if you must know, the answer is no, I’m not.”
“Thank fuck for that,” she said and fished in her nearby clutch purse for a tissue to wipe the corners of her eyes. “And thank God for waterproof mascara.”
“When did you get such a mouth on you?”
“I learned from the best… my brothers of course.”
“Not from me. William maybe.”
“Maybe.”
“Why aren’t you speaking to him?”
“Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to, Robert?”
“Fair enough. But don’t take it out on him, okay?”
She shrugged and waved my suggestion away. “Changing the subject… back to you. You have me curious now. What’s she like? Or he?” Vicky said wiggling her perfect eyebrows.
“She… She is… there’s no words for how special she is.”
“You got it bad!” Vicky’s shoulder nudged into mine as she smiled up at me.
“Maybe I do but what with everything going on, it doesn’t seem right or fair, or even appropriate that I pursue it.”
“Fuck fair! Life’s too fucking short for all that bollocks.”
“Christ, Vic, that mouth… are you about to join the Royal Navy?”
“Hadn’t considered it, actually. Like father would let me… Anyway, I say go for it.” Vicky paused, a seriousness came over her. She caught my eye and held it. “What would Frederick want you to do?”
My mouth parted, lost for words.
All the questions I wanted to ask tangled themselves up like unruly electronic cables. Why had she asked it like that? In such a way that implied she knew about Frederick’s letter. Was it merely coincidence, in light of the day we’d gone through? Attending a funeral was top of the charts, demonstrating how fleeting life was. Maybe I was reading too much into her question.
“Bertie! What would he want you to do?” she asked again, this time prodding me in the ribs.
“Ow. Stop it. And quit calling me that. You know I hate it.”
“Answer the question, and I will.” She jabbed me again.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“ERRK,” she squeaked doing a fine impression of a buzzer on a tacky TV games show, “wrong answer. Don’t be such a bloody coward.”
Trust my seventeen-year-old sister to show me the error of my ways and lay down some truths.
“You know exactly what he would want you to do. So stop bugging me and go do it. Go on.” Vicky smiled and pushed me hard and kept doing so until I was forced to stagger to my feet. “Out!”
“Fine!” I said laughing. “But what about you? I came to see if you were alright.”
“Right as the English rain, big brother.”
She followed me to her door, but I wasn’t about to leave that easily. “Are you sure? You can tell me anything and no matter what it is it won’t leave this room. That I can assure you.”
Vicky patted my arm. “I was just upset is all. You know what cousin Amelie is like, she can be a such a bitch. She caught me off-guard and I let it get to me. I’ll be fine, promise,” she reassured me.
I studied her face for any sign of deception, but either there wasn’t any or Vicky had become a master at lying.
“Want me to have words with her?”
“No, Bertie. You should know this by now, I take care of myself and those that wrong me.” Her eyes twinkled with a look of revenge.
“Well, if you ever need help hiding the bodies, you know the doctor to call,” I said as I matched her mischievous grin and pulled her into a hug.
Nine
Penny
Amy ran up to me in the medical tent and almost knocked me off my feet. A few of the instruments I was sterilising clattered to the floor. Dust particles coated the steel.
“Dammit, what did you do that for?” I said, my mood getting darker.
For over a week my mood had increasingly soured, like milk left out too long, it had become revolting and even I did not want to be around myself anymore. Angel and Amy had tried to shake me out of it; cracking open an extra bottle of wine or attempting to force feed me fried goods, but the more they tried the more it only reminded me why I was feeling so down. So lost.
I barely knew Robert so why was he having this effect on me? Either way it was obviously clear that I was not cut out to have short flash in the pan relationships where sex was the only thing on the menu. I tried it, took a chance and look where it got me? Alone and bitter… and hungry.
I hated feeling like this. It wasn’t good for me, or my patients or my friends who worked with me. I had to accept that he wasn’t coming back, that I meant little in his world, and move on. Forget that I’d ever met him and concentrate on why I came here in the first place: to save lives.
“Shit, sorry, I’ll clean them up. ‘Cause you have more important things to attend to.”
“Like what? It’s my turn to run these through.”
“I guess you haven’t heard then?”
“Heard what, Amy?” I snapped losing my patience. I didn’t want to snap at her, but the tiredness as a result of countless sleepless nights thinking about him were taking their toll and making me cranky.
“He’s back,” she whispered.
I stiffened, my eyes popping. I froze for a beat, processing the information. My heart filling with hope and anticipation. But I frowned and shook my head. It didn’t matter that he was back… I’d already made up my mind. Besides I would be leaving in a few days anyway. Angel insisted I take a time-out and spend some time with my mom. There was no point complicating things further.
When I didn’t react Amy said, “Penny? I thought you would be pleased?”
“Pleased?” I replied, raising my eyebrows. “I don’t care either way,” I lied and turned back to my work.
“Well, he asked after you…”
“What did he say?” I asked in spite of myself.
A slow smile spread across Amy’s lips. “I thought you didn’t care?”
“Dammit, Amy. Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
She leaned closer. “He asked how you were… testing the waters I expect.”
“Yeah, well, the waters are positively glacial. And indifferent!” I added.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” Throwing down the tools, I turned my back and walked away from her.
The way was clear but that didn’t stop me from double checking, glancing right and left to make sure he wasn’t there. Keeping within the shadows I stepped closer to the canteen’s entryway and studied the faces within the darkened tent. Only after being positive that he was not inside did I contemplate going to get some food. My stomach growled as if berating me for leaving it so long after the regular meal schedule to go eat.
Days had passed with me successfully avoiding Robert, I’d become quite a skilled little ninja; sneaking around, checking corners, and not letting myself stay too long in areas with no escape. Maybe I’d missed my calling as a spy or assassin, I thought with a wry smirk.
“What are you doing?” a voice inquired behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin and bolted back to my quarters. So much for my second career option.
I imagined turning around to find Robert standing there, and how I would easily crumble like a poorly constructed sandcastle under his intense scrutiny.
Thankfully though the voice was female and I spun around.
&
nbsp; “Nothing,” I said, feeling the fire in my cheeks ignite.
“Mmhmm,” Claire replied, clearly unconvinced. “So are you going to stand there all day or are you going inside? If I don’t eat within the next minute I’m likely to start gnawing my arm off. Maybe yours too.”
“Sorry,” I said as I stepped inside, then followed her and picked up a tray.
I took a few items and found the nearest seat. Claire was over by the kettle making herself a hot beverage but soon enough she was standing near me again.
“Join you?”
“Sure.” I hoped she didn’t expect riveting conversation, because there was no way that I was up for small-talk.
I prodded at my food, but forced myself to eat the baked potato and beans.
“That good, huh?”
I shrugged and avoided eye contact, concentrating on staring at my plate. Claire never made a habit out of sitting with me and I wondered why this time was different. There were plenty of other tables with people she knew, including those from her squad. There could only be one reason and I braced for her to bring the topic up.
Well that was if she could bring it up before I finished. With new enthusiasm, I started shovelling the food into my mouth a little faster, not too quick to make it obvious, but fast enough to make a small clearing on my plate.
Claire put her knife and fork down.
Please don’t, I wanted to say. Don’t mention his name, don’t bring him up. Just let me eat in relative peace.
My wishes went unanswered.
“So, I’m just going to come out and say this.”
I groaned but Claire ignored me.
“You need to speak to him. You can’t keep avoiding him.”
Playing it cool, I responded with, “Who?”
She snorted. “Really, we’re going to play that game?”
“Claire, I’m not playing any games. I’m just trying to eat my meal.”
“Look, just hear me out. Then I’ll leave you alone—”
“Did he send you? Are you his errand-girl?”
She shook her head. “Nope. He doesn’t know I’m here, in fact he’d probably kill me if he knew.”
Royal Daddy Page 9
