“I’m sorry, if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay. I understand. It’s none of my business, I suppose. But, Penny, please don’t believe everything you read; there is nothing going on between Eugenie and I, it was just the tabloids clutching at straws. I could never have gone from being with someone as perfect as you to her, as nice as Eugenie is. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, not once since I got back. There have been so many times that I wanted to pick up the phone and hunt your number down, if only to hear your voice again.”
She looked up at me, having removed her mask so she could wipe her eyes, and I could see the naked hope in her face that what I said was true. Oh, how it broke my heart to know how much I had hurt her, without ever knowing.
“Penny, I love you. I know I shouldn’t and I know my family will never approve—there’s only so much leeway my father will give his sons. And I think that just about ran out with William. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are the only woman I have ever loved, or will ever love.”
Penny wrapped her arms around my waist and sobbed. I cradled her, still in disbelief that she was back in my arms, that I had her here with me once more. She looked up at me, and I couldn’t stop myself. I dipped my head to hers and stole a kiss.
Her lips were soft, slick with salt from her tears, and I kissed them away, wishing I could take the pain that she’d been feeling away too.
My caress was bold, but gentle, questioning. I ran my tongue between her lips and felt them part at the touch. Her hand was fluttering against my chest, and I could feel myself coming alive again.
A deep pull of desire welled up inside of me. But she pushed me away.
“Robert, I love you too, but I can’t do this,” she said as she pulled away from my arms, her eyes darting all around, and moved discreetly back towards the doors like a thief who was on the brink of being caught out for stealing. “Losing you again would hurt too much. Please don’t follow me. Don’t make me have to say goodbye to you all over again.”
With long nimble fingers she clutched the front of my jacket and shrugged it off her shoulders, then handed it back forcibly to me as if the cloth were ablaze. My surrender had not been accepted or sought after.
I clutched at the jacket as if it were a life raft and I were on a sinking ship. Beneath my fingers I could still feel the warmth of her body still imprinted upon it, the scent of her shampoo around the collar. It was the only clue that our encounter had been real and not imagined.
In moments she was gone, and I knew I would not see her again tonight. But I had to know what had hurt her so badly… I knew instinctively it wasn’t simply our parting. Her pain was too raw, too visceral for that, wasn’t it?
She’d looked like an animal caught in a trap, as if there was nowhere left she could turn to, to find happiness, or joy ever again. And I’d added to that pain, somehow I knew I had. I couldn’t leave her to cope with whatever it was alone. Damn my father and his antiquated rules about what we could or could not do; who we could or could not marry.
William had made a stand and won, and though it wasn’t discussed outright—that wouldn’t be proper—the implication was crystal clear: that his pairing with Sophie was only an exception due to his new rank. Quid pro quo.
But this couldn’t go on.
The unfairness and restrictions were harrowing. No one could in good conscience live like this.
Someone had to cast the die and have the final word. I had to make my father see sense. Show him that tradition didn’t hold the same weight as it used to. The world had changed. The people were more forgiving, but more importantly his children were part of that change whether he liked it or not.
This time, I vowed I would make a stand and fight for what truly mattered.
“Who was that?”
I turned at the voice. “Christ, Lottie you almost gave me a heart attack.”
“Jumpy, much?” my sister asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. “So…?”
“Where have you been? Mother was looking for you earlier,” I asked avoiding her question.
“Around. But stop being elusive. Who was she?”
“Who?”
“Oh, playing coy are we?” Charlotte shook her head and smiled. “The woman wearing that fabulous rose-gold gown.”
Charlotte pinned me with a no-nonsense stare, and I knew if I didn’t give some sort of an answer she’d only keep pestering me. But that didn’t mean I wanted to spill my guts, and reveal my raw stomped on heart.
“A doctor. Someone who works for Medica.”
Charlotte came closer, and studied the view before us. Imposing buildings made of unthinkable amounts of steel and concrete, but peeping through the forest of structures, the night sky twinkled. It was a beautiful night, but it paled in comparison the starry night Penny and I had shared not so long ago.
I could still remember how sweet Penny smelled, the tang of her skin… the same scent that drifted around me now, lingering, settling like a dense cloud around my head that I would never shake. I closed my eyes and breathed it in, attempting to record the essence of the moment before Penny left. Before it was lost and the cloud diffused, leaving nothing behind.
“It sounded like she was much more than that,” Charlotte said quietly.
“You were listening?” I asked, anger bubbling up to the surface.
“Don’t give me that look. I was merely passing, Robert.”
“Spying more like it. Bloody interfering sisters!”
“Interfering sisters? You should be thankful that we do interfere. Bloody foolish brothers,” she said muttering the last bit. “Besides, I don’t spy. I just have a knack of being in the right spot at the right time.”
“So, what exactly did you hear?”
She tapped her nose twice. “That would be telling, wouldn’t it? I have a better question for you: Why don’t you tell me why you didn’t go after her.”
“Because unlike some people I don’t act on my impulses. I respect people’s privacy.”
“Oh come on—”
“No, she asked me not to follow her. So I didn’t. It’s pretty fucking simple. I stayed here, like a gentleman. Respecting her wishes!”
“Boy, do you have a lot to learn about women. I thought William was bad, but jeeze…” Charlotte tutted.
I sighed. I couldn’t win. Charlotte clearly thought I should’ve gone after Penny, and performed some sort of romantic gesture. But what was the point when Penny clearly didn’t want me to? She wasn’t the type to play head games, or say what she didn’t mean. Penny told me not to go after her as it would hurt her even more and the last thing I wanted to do was cause her more pain.
“You don’t know her like I do,” I finally replied.
“Obviously not, but the tension between you two, I could still feel it after she’d left. Why aren’t you fighting for her?”
“I am… I will…”
“When?”
“Charlotte, I know you mean well, and you probably think that I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do. I need to do this the right way. And the right way is going to take time, patience. Which is severely lacking in this family!”
“Yeah, well, don’t take too long or you might lose her—whoever she is—for good. Now, how about you twirl me around the dance floor before I have to leave.”
“Why, where are you going?”
“Brother, dearest, we all have our secrets…”
Dawdling like a child who didn’t want to go to school, the rest of the evening dragged slowly by. I found myself constantly searching for that dusky pink dress, her golden tresses, but I knew she’d left long ago. Penny was not one for showing her emotions in public. I had learned that in Chad. She did her grieving for what we saw every day behind closed doors, rarely letting her colleagues, Angel and Amy included, know how much everything affected her, never mind the rest of us.
Penny, I was learning, was a bundle of her own secrets. There appeared to be so much pain and grief trapped
in her tiny body. I wished she would let someone, hopefully it would be me, in enough to take on that burden for her. She deserved a wonderful life, full of love and happiness. She had the most generous spirit of anyone I had ever known.
As the clock struck midnight, I moved to where I saw my mother and Malcolm Lindbergh talking. Their fervent conversation could be heard over everyone else.
“Of course the camps are terrible. I’m sorry you missed getting to talk with Dr. Hawkins, she had to leave early, wasn’t feeling too well,” he said. “She has only just returned from there very recently, and the difference that the equipment you funded has changed things dramatically.”
“I would have loved to have met her,” Mother said diplomatically. “But, remember my son was out there too. I have heard all about it, trust me. Sometimes it’s hard to shut him up. It is why I agreed to become your patron after all.” She chuckled and Malcolm did too.
“Of course, of course. You will forgive an old man his lack of memory!” he twinkled. I almost laughed, my mother could be such a terrible flirt when it suited her and it looked like she may have met her exact male opposite. Kindred spirits.
“Mother, let the poor man be,” I joked as I moved to her side. “Your car will be here shortly. Shall I escort you?” I offered her my arm.
“Indeed. Goodnight, Malcolm. It has been a wonderful party, a great success,” Mother said breathily.
“All the better for your presence,” he said as he bowed a fraction, then gallantly kissed her hand.
“Where is your sister? I swear she barely stayed for an hour at most,” Mother asked as we followed the leaving crowd.
“Charlotte retired early and said she’d make her own way back to the hotel. With the proper security, I assure you.”
“Oh, I wonder why that is. She could have informed me. But you children do like to make your mother worry all the time.”
We swept through the lobby and I ushered her into the back of the large limousine.
“The Americans can be so crude sometimes,” she said looking at the stretched out vehicle with disdain, “but that was a delightful evening. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Shame your father had other obligations, but Malcolm was fine company. You too, my dear.”
“Goodnight, Mother, you really should pick on a man more your own age next time!” I said as I kissed her gently on the cheek. She patted my face affectionately.
“But Malcolm is charming, age is no indicator of how well you will get on with anybody, my boy. Now, what about your evening?” she said perceptively. “You have that look back in your eye… the same one when you came home for dear Frederick’s funeral. There is something you are not telling me.”
“Don’t worry so much, Mother.”
“Oh, I know that look,” she sighed woefully, but then a gleam in her eyes shone. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you? Who is she? Was it the countess from Switzerland? I heard she was here and that she’s quite lovely. Would make a fine match. Why ever didn’t you introduce us?”
“You are incorrigible. No it’s not the countess, just someone who stole my heart,” I said sadly as I shut the door. My mother frowned, and the car pulled swiftly away, leaving me standing on the pavement alone.
Back on English soil, the drizzle coated my face as I waited. An overwhelming earthy tang, with an undertone of mustiness, as well as the smell of wet soil was abundant in the air. It reminded me of my old school days, playing rugby as my cleats squelched in the thick mud on a field that was stripped bare, not a blade of grass in sight.
But here the ground wasn’t waterlogged. Instead the grass and flowers were perfectly maintained.
My brother stepped forward from behind the headstone and I raised my hand in greeting. He footsteps faltered and I thought perhaps he’d caught his shoe in a divot, but the astonished look on his face, which was directed at me told me otherwise. He began to walk again.
“I hear congratulations are in order, brother,” I said with a smile, ready to embrace him. “Shit, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”
“You could say that.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to disturb you, so I waited here. Didn’t think.”
“Don’t worry about it. I nearly had a heart attack, but I guess that’s what little brothers are for. What are you doing here anyway?”
“I told you before. We need to talk,” I said and pulled out the blasted letter I’d been carrying around for months now. “I presume you got one too?”
Fine droplets of rain misted on to the envelope, starting to sink into the paper.
“Lets go to my car and talk.”
“So you don’t deny it then?” I asked and followed alongside him.
He didn’t need to answer. He pulled a worn, but matching letter out from his jacket. It looked creased and haggard, as it had been through countless readings and handled a good many times.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said. “What did yours say?”
“Does it really matter?” William responded as he slid into his car and closed the door. I was forced to join him.
I shook the excess from my hair and settled into my seat. William did not turn the ignition and we sat in silence for a moment. The windows began to mist up.
“It matters to me.”
“Look, I’ve gone over it in my head a thousands times and you coming here and confirming you got one too doesn’t make anything any easier. It only proves my worst suspicion; that Frederick did this on purpose.”
“That he killed himself?”
“Yes!” William slammed his hands against the steering wheel. “And it breaks my fucking heart!”
I nodded and looked away. It hadn’t been my intention to come here and upset William. But the letter had been like an anchor hooked into my soul, I was unable to be free of it.
“But why?” I asked pensively. “He was happy… wasn’t he?”
Will leaned back, head cushioned by the headrest. “I thought so. But maybe appearances can be deceptive.”
“Shit.”
We were silent again and it was becoming difficult to see through the opaque windows now, our breath fogging up the insides.
“Frederick said, in my letter, to follow my dreams regardless of the…” I paused trying to find the right diplomatic word. “Difficulties.”
“He said as much in mine. And you know what? He’s right. I practically followed his advice to the T and look how my life has changed. Granted it got pretty fucked up along the way, what with him—”
“Yeah.”
“—But it turned out okay. More than okay.”
“You’re telling me. Groom and father to be,” I agreed with a grin.
“Add scared shitless to that and that pretty much sums up my life right now… but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
“But what if I’m not that lucky?” I asked, more to myself than William; voicing what had been bugging me all these weeks. What if I go after my dreams, go after the girl, and fail?
“Rob,” he said drawing out my name, “what are you not telling me?”
“You better keep this close to your chest for now, okay? I’ve already had Charlotte and Vicky poking their noses in.”
“I can’t promise that I won’t let something slip to Sophie… but I’ll do my best.”
“Your best will have to be good enough.”
“Well then?”
“I met someone,” I responded and couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face, showcasing my teeth. I probably looked like a nut-job.
Will snorted.
“It’s not funny!”
“It’s a little funny. Let me guess, is this someone the reason you abandoned your family right after Rick’s funeral?”
“I did not abandon—”
“Relax, brother! I’m messing with you. I did wonder why you scarpered so quickly though. Couldn’t bear to be away from her?”
“Something like that.”
“So what’s the lady’s name? Or are we about to have a whole different conversation?”
“I’m not gay if that’s what you’re implying.”
“Wouldn’t bother me if you were, Rob.”
“Penny. Her name is Penny. She’s a doctor I met in Chad.”
“Is she a pretty Penny?” William snorted, and dissolved into a fit of chuckles.
“Real mature, Will. Anyone would think you were the youngest. But to answer your question, yes. Yes and so much more.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Do I really need to lay it out for you?”
“Well duh, I’m playing catch up here. This is the first I’ve heard of this Penny from heaven.”
I rolled my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees. “For starters she’s American.”
“Oh, boy.”
“See! Thank you!” I said raising my hands in affirmation. “Also right now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“You mean you fucked up?”
“Royally.”
“Then what are you doing talking to me? Go find her and fix it. Do what Frederick no doubt told you to do; take life by the horns, don’t roll over and be crushed by it.”
“But Father… I have a meeting with him soon.”
“Blow it off and go after her. Easier to ask for forgiveness… And I say this with the greatest of respect, but fuck Father. He and mother are stuck in the past and they aren’t likely to budge—”
“They did for you when you and Sophie got together.”
“They did it because I demanded it. If this woman is who you want to be with for the rest of your days, then you have to do the same. Besides, one day I’ll be king, and you’ll have my full blessing. So off you trot, go get your girl.”
“They’re going to be so mad. Mother already has it in her head that I should be marrying someone with a title.”
“She’s a doctor right, well there you go. She already has a title.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do, but now you’re just making excuses. Either you want her or you don’t. Either you fight for her or you don’t. Your choice is pretty damn simple if you asked me… or Frederick. Read your letter again and tell me I’m wrong.”
Royal Daddy Page 17
