by Sara Beaman
Julian nods.
“Do you have your cell phone?” Haruko asks.
“Yes,” he says. “Really, I don’t think there’s any reason for concern.”
“We’ll see,” I mutter under my breath.
Mask
{Kate}
Julian and Matthew leave us at a car rental place near the Chicago-O’Hare Airport. Standing on the curb outside the entrance, Jennifer pulls the hood of her sweatshirt over her head and reaches into her backpack. She pulls out a wad of twenties held together with a rubber band. Haruko takes it with a nod and heads inside through a pair of automatic doors. Feeling edgy, I look around for security cameras as we wait for her to return.
“It’s fine,” Jennifer says. “They can’t watch everything.”
“Then why did you pull up your hood?”
“You know. Just in case.”
“Right.”
“So, Kate,” Jennifer says.
“Yeah?”
“Adam really shot you?”
“Uh-huh. He really did. Of course, at the time, he thought I was… you know. Someone else.”
She shakes her head.
“What?” I ask.
“I just can’t see him shooting anyone,” she says.
“Not even… you know?”
“Not even her.”
“Why not?”
“He’s just not like that,” she says. “He’s a pacifist.”
I think of all the ghouls Adam shot straight through the heart. More often than not he got them on the first attempt. I don’t know much about guns, but he seemed to me like he must have spent a lot of his free time at the firing range. How else could he be that competent?
“I just can’t figure out why he didn’t tell me what was going on,” she says. “We work together for four years, trying to bring down SpiraCom, and then he goes in without even asking me if I want to be there.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe he was trying to protect you.”
She shakes her head and sighs angrily.
“Sorry,” I say. “I don’t want to make you feel worse...”
“It’s all right. I shouldn’t be unloading this on you,” she says. “I just wish I could talk to him, you know?”
“Yeah,” I say.
She looks down, pulls her lips between her teeth.
“Did he ever… you know, mention me?” she asks.
I don’t know what to say. Of course he didn’t ever mention her, but do I want to tell her that?
“Haruko did,” I say. “She said she didn’t know where you’d gone, or even whether or not you were still alive.”
Jennifer nods. She’s looking at Haruko through the sliding glass doors, frowning.
“Were he and Haruko…?” She doesn’t finish the thought, nor does she need to.
“Uh, no,” I say. “No. Most definitely not.”
“Sorry,” she says, looking embarrassed.
“You know Haruko said the mission wasn’t Adam’s idea,” I say, just to change the topic.
“It wasn’t?”
I shake my head. “It was Desmond’s.”
Jennifer frowns, looking like she’s got questions she wants to ask, but then Haruko returns, carrying a key on a tag in one hand and a thick brochure in the other. We follow her out to the parking lot, where we find the car she rented, a smallish sport-utility vehicle. I sit in the back, they sit in the front, and we drive into the city in silence.
***
Less than an hour later, we’re opening the door to a room we’ve rented at a Best Western. Once we’re inside, Haruko opens the larger of her two bags and pulls out a set of long, wide curtains. She pulls out the chair from under the little particle-board desk; standing on it, she hangs the curtains over the windows, using several layers of duct tape to hold them up. Jennifer puts the Do Not Disturb hanger on our doorknob and tapes off the edges of the door.
I don’t need to ask what they’re doing; I figure they must be sealing out all daylight from the room. It’s better than the van, I guess, but it still makes me feel claustrophobic. The air in here smells like they’ve used air freshener to try and cover up the smell of cigarette smoke. It’s cloying and a little nauseating.
Sitting cross-legged on the king size bed, Jennifer pulls out her laptop from her backpack and pulls off her earbuds. She plugs a pocket-sized device into the laptop. Muffled, unfamiliar voices stream out from the laptop’s speakers. It takes me a few seconds to figure out what I’m hearing—Julian and Matthew must be listening to the van’s radio. Some financial news, it sounds like. For several minutes, I don’t pay the broadcast much attention, but then I hear the words ‘Spira Communications’ and suddenly I’m all ears.
“The media giant infamous for its high-profile mid-90s antitrust lawsuit has suspended all activity at its corporate headquarters in Atlanta,” the female reporter says. “All employees at the Atlanta branch have been put on one week unpaid leave. SpiraCom has yet to release an official statement as to why they have suspended operations. SpiraCom stock closed twenty-one and a half points down, from two hundred ten at the opening bell.”
Haruko snickers under her breath.
“Next,” says the reporter, “we have our weekly segment on personal finance. But first, a few words from our sponsors.”
My attention wanders as brash advertisements start to play. Just a minute or so later, the radio cuts out.
“It’s time,” Julian says. “We’ve given them enough time. Take us to the estate.”
Matthew starts up the van.
Haruko, Jennifer and I crowd around the laptop, listening intently, but for the next ten minutes or so all we hear are unintelligible bumps and engine noises. At last, we hear Matthew cut the engine. Julian opens the car door.
“The lights aren’t on,” Julian says. “I hope she’s here.”
Matthew grunts.
“All right,” Julian says. “Come inside if you need anything.”
Julian shuts the van door and walks up the steps to the door of Markham’s estate. He gives three sharp knocks. We all wait for a minute, breathless, before I hear the front door open on rusty hinges.
“Master Julian?” Markham says in Aya’s voice, timid and contrite.
“Aya,” Julian says. “I’ve been worried sick.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Are you all right?” Julian asks.
“How did you find me?”
“It was the first place I thought to look,” Julian says. “I was worried you’d come back here, looking for your—your benefactor.”
“I’m sorry,” Aya says. “I’m sorry I came back. I shouldn’t have.”
“There’s no need to apologize,” Julian says. “I’m simply glad to see you’re alright.”
“You look tired, Master Julian,” Aya says. “Please come in.”
Floorboards creak under Julian’s feet. The door closes behind him.
“Do you need something to drink?” Aya asks.
“No. I’m fine. My dear, you know this is a clean city,” Julian says. “It’s forbidden to feed here, save from redlisted.”
“I—I forgot,” Aya says. “Will I be in trouble? Will you get in trouble?”
“I’m sure, whatever you’ve done, I can ask the Wardens to overlook it,” Julian says.
“Are you upset with me?” Aya asks in a small voice.
Julian takes a moment to respond.
“I must admit I am confused,” he says. “I was worried sick wondering where you’d gone. And why.”
“I left… I left because I thought you’d be angry with me.”
“But why?”
“Adam and Haruko asked me to help them with something,” she says. “Something I probably shouldn’t have done. They said you told them it was okay for me to do it—Adam said you wanted me to go—but later I figured out they were lying, and… and…“
“Calm down, dearest,” Julian says. “What was it they asked you to do?”
&nbs
p; “They said Mirabel had stolen Mnemosyne’s head from you,” she says. “And they were right, in a sense, but Desmond stole it first. Stole it from you! But they never told me that part. I never would have helped them get it back if I had known!”
“What happened?”
“We snuck into Mirabel’s company, into the basement, where we stole the head from a safe,” Aya says. “Then we brought the head to Red Hook. We went all the way to Desmond’s compound out in the swamps. Desmond had Mnemosyne’s body, there, too. He had her stone coffin, see, and she was inside…” Aya trails off.
“Go on,” Julian says.
“Desmond said he wanted to destroy Mnemosyne once and for all. But Adam and Haruko didn’t want to let him. And Adam wouldn’t give Desmond the blood he needed to open the coffin.”
“I see,” Julian says.
“I tried to help Desmond. I wanted to help him destroy Mnemosyne. She did so many horrible things to you—she deserves to die. But Adam and Haruko tried to run away and take the head, so… I attacked them. I attacked Haruko.”
“You attacked Haruko? How?”
“With… well, with a pickaxe,” she says. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was right. But Adam and Haruko lied to me, and Adam… I think Adam was working with Mnemosyne the whole time.”
Julian doesn’t say anything.
“I’m so sorry,” Aya says in a tiny, frightened voice.
“It’s alright,” Julian says. “You did your best, my dear. But why, after all that—why didn’t you come back to Savannah?”
“I was scared of what you might do to me,” she says.
“Now Aya,” Julian says. “Have I ever punished you?”
“No…”
“Have I ever so much as raised my voice with you?”
“No, sir.”
“Then what did you have to fear?” he asks tenderly.
She says nothing.
“Come,” Julian says. “Let’s go home.”
“I—I can’t. Can I? Won’t the Wardens be angry with me?”
“If they press charges I will petition for clemency,” Julian says. “Besides, you’re at far greater risk here in Chicago than you would be in Savannah.”
Aya doesn’t reply.
“You look troubled,” Julian says. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to be a burden on you,” she says.
“You have never been a burden on me, Aya,” he says. “Not in the slightest.”
I hear muffled sounds of weeping.
“Please don’t cry,” Julian says.
“Julian…”
“Yes?”
“The Wardens gave me to you to protect me from Zenas Markham, didn’t they?”
“They did not discuss their reasoning with me,” Julian says. “But yes, I presume as much.”
“In that case, I don’t need your protection anymore.”
Julian takes a moment before asking, “Why?”
“He can’t hurt me any longer.”
“What do you mean?”
“I…”
“Is he dead?”
“No…”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Julian says.
Aya says nothing.
“Aya, whatever happened, it doesn’t matter,” Julian says. “Don’t you want to come home?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” he asks. “Would you really rather stay in this awful place?”
“I need you to tell me something,” Aya says.
“What?”
“Do you love me?”
Julian laughs. “Of course I do—“
“Not as a daughter,” Aya says. “Not as a friend.”
“Aya…”
“What would it take for you to love me?”
On the bed beside me, Haruko cringes. Jennifer shakes her head.
“Aya, please,” Julian says. “You know my answer.”
“Do I?”
“I’ve never kept that part of my life a secret,” he says. “You know I can’t change who I am. Nor do I wish to. And I wouldn’t ask you to change for me—“
“But I can,” she says. “I can change who I am. And I would, for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t have to look like this anymore,” Aya says. “I could be a boy, if you liked—“
“No,” Julian says. “No, that isn’t what I…”
“Why not?”
“I came here to find you,” Julian insists. “You. Aya. As you are. And I do love you, as you are. As you’ve always been. You can change your appearance, but…”
“But what?”
“You are who you are,” Julian says. “You cannot change your true nature.”
“Can’t I?”
Julian doesn’t respond.
“Do you think you know me, Julian? Do you think you know who I really am?”
Julian laughs, uncomfortable. “We’ve lived together for decades—“
“The girl you’ve been living with is a mask. A shell.”
“What do you mean?” Julian asks, his voice full of apprehension.
There is a long silence as we wait for Aya—or Markham—to answer. I realize I’ve been digging my fingernails into my palms. Jennifer’s eyes are closed; Haruko is staring dead ahead, eye glazed over.
And then, a new voice speaks: Markham’s clear tenor.
“I never wanted to deceive you, Julian,” he says. “She was a lie I was made to believe.”
I can’t see what Julian sees, but I imagine him looking over Markham’s shoulder into the sitting room with the hundred portraits of Mariah hanging on the walls.
“I… I see,” says Julian with what sounds like genuine surprise.
“I’m sorry,” Markham says. “Truly I am.”
Julian says nothing.
“I still love you,” says Markham, his voice shaking slightly.
Again there is a long silence.
“What will become of Aya now?” Julian asks.
“She’s still a part of me,” Markham says. “She always will be. There was truth in the lie.”
“What will you do now?” Julian asks. “If you won’t come back with me—“
“You would let me return with you?”
“Yes.”
“Even knowing who I am? Knowing what I’ve done?”
“Yes.”
“I… I would love to. But…”
“But what?”
“I don’t want to put you in danger,” Markham says. “If the Wardens find out—“
“If what you tell me is true, they already know who you really are,” Julian says. “But they think you don’t. How will they know any differently, if you don’t give them evidence to the contrary?”
“You’re right,” Markham says, laughing a little. “Of course. As long as I stay hidden behind the mask…”
“They will never need to know,” Julian says.
“You are too kind to me,” Markham says.
“I just want you to come home,” Julian says. “I’ve missed you.”
“Julian…”
“Yes?”
“Will you always see me as Aya?”
Julian takes a breath.
“Give me time,” he says.
“I understand,” says Markham, sounding relieved.
“Come,” Julian says. “We should leave. Matthew is waiting.”
“Just a moment,” Markham says. “Let me put my face on.”
Soon I hear the front door open and close, and footsteps as the two of them walk down Markham’s front steps towards the van.
Haruko lets out a sigh. “Christ. I wasn’t sure that would work.”
“I don’t know,” Jennifer says. “I wonder if it worked too well.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Julian sounded awfully sincere,” Jennifer says.
“You don’t think he was lying?” I ask.
“I… can�
��t tell,” Jennifer says.
“He hates Markham,” Haruko says. “He’s just a good actor.”
“What makes you so sure?” Jennifer asks.
“Markham tricked him,” Haruko says. “Back in 1893. He pretended to be Lucien Verlinden to get near Julian, and then he put him in an ecstatic trance and brought him to Mnemosyne.”
Jennifer looks at Haruko sideways. “How do you know about that?”
“Adam told me.”
Jennifer’s eyes narrow.
“What?” says Haruko. “Look, it’s not like I was sleeping with him. He just told me. Because he trusts me.”
I get off the bed, walk away, and sit down on the desk chair, hoping to wall myself off from the blowout argument that seems just about inevitable right now.
“Are you implying that I got close to Adam to get information?” Jennifer says.
“Oh, no,” Haruko says. “I’m sure whatever information you got out of the transaction was just a nice bonus.”
“I see,” Jennifer says. “Right.”
“Come on. You can’t tell me you didn’t have any ulterior motive,” Haruko says.
“I didn’t.”
“Sure.”
“Unlike when you slept with him to steal his sepulcher card,” Jennifer mutters.
“He told you about that?”
“Of course he did,” Jennifer says. “Why wouldn’t he?”
“Seriously?”
“He trusts me,” Jennifer says mockingly, pointing to her chest.
Haruko shakes her head. “Christ. What the hell is wrong with him?”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“That was in ninety-two! I didn’t even know him at the time! I’d just met him. I was just following orders.”
“Following orders?”
“Don’t,” Haruko says. “I don’t need a lecture.”
“I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine Carlyle telling you to do that,” Jennifer says. “Or Desmond, for that matter.”
Haruko’s unpatched eye shifts sideways.
“No,” Jennifer says. “Did he? Really?”
“Did he what?”
“Desmond told you to sleep with Adam?”
Haruko sighs nasally.
“I knew your relationship with him was screwed up,” Jennifer says. “But I had no idea—“
