He lets out a soft moan and crushes me to him. He shifts, twisting me around until my back is against the wall— which is the only thing keeping me standing. My heart is racing in my chest and the magic feels wild, loose.
“God, are they at it again?” Connie yells. When did she get here? I should’ve never told her where we practiced.
I hear Ric laugh. “Four days of this, Ric. Four. Am I that annoying with Thomas?”
“Worse. And I’ve made it a new habit to make sure they’re decent before I come into a room.”
They grow quiet and Maple yells, “I’m leaving! Bye, lovebirds!”
Carter pulls away from me slowly and I lean my forehead against his. “I’m going to kill them,” I whisper.
“We can continue later,” he says, placing a chaste kiss to my temple. God, that’s like the sexiest thing ever. “Let me grab my backpack.”
I walk into the foyer. Connie and Ric smile at me—completely large, cheesy smiling—and they both snicker. “Stop,” I say to my sister, strapping my bag on my shoulder.
She shrugs. “I didn’t do anything. Did I do anything?”
Ric’s eyes get wide, a dumbfounded expression on his face. “I didn’t see anything.”
I roll my eyes at them. “Why are you here?”
“I told you this morning: Ric said we could have lunch today. I’m here to rescue you all for food.” Right. I’d forgotten. Connie reaches out and pulls me into a hug, still all smiles.
“It’s cute to see you happy.” She actually bounces in place. If she were a dog, she’d totally be wagging her tail, and probably peeing on things.
I look around the room for Carter, but he’s turning off the lights in the back rooms. Ric looks at Connie.
“I wonder if kissing gives you endorphins? Like exercise?” Ric asks.
“Always makes me happy,” she says back. I groan.
Ric laughs. “We love that you have a boy toy. We have to mock you.”
“Especially such a hot boy toy,” my sister adds.
“Indeed,” Ric agrees, bumping shoulders with my sister. It looks a little ridiculous, since she’s so much shorter than he is. It’s more like shoulder-to-head bump. Carter comes into the room and stands between us. He obviously knows we were talking about him.
Connie clears her throat. “Lunch?”
Connie, Carter, Ric, and I walk in line across the sidewalk on our way to lunch. Ric walks next to me and gives me mocking looks as Carter explains to Connie about the life cycle of an indigenous plant he saw in Costa Rica—and she’s going on and on about the ecosystem. I’m glad that my boyfriend and sister get along. Really, it’s a dream.
Carter’s mid-sentence when he stops walking and puts out a hand to us. He looks over at me, his eyes wide. “Do you smell that?”
I take a second and sniff the air before I nod. “Sulfur.”
“Looks like we’ve got company,” Ric says. He looks at my sister. “You should go on ahead.”
Connie crosses her arms. “Oh, I’m not going anywhere.”
Carter looks from me to my sister and back to me. “She’s just like you.”
“Welcome to my life for the last twelve years,” Ric says.
I shrug, but really, it makes me happy. She is like me, and we’re both like Gran and Mom in how we never give up. The thought makes me pause. Emmaline Spencer seems pretty stubborn too. From what I’ve read from her, which is a lot of her caring about what her family thinks and how she doesn’t live up, she also seems unwilling to change. I guess it’s genetic.
“Follow my lead,” Carter says.
We maneuver our way through Old Town and surprisingly, it’s not that busy today. Carter leads us to the right by a cupcake shop, and when we get around the corner toward the waterfront, there’s a demon waiting for us.
No words are spoken before it launches itself at Connie. I jump between them in time to take the hit in a clumsy attack. Cold, scaly hands grab me. I flip around and it pulls me away by the throat. I knee it, kick it, try to conjure up my magic and as soon as I do Carter pushes me out of the way.
Ric throws a blast of magic at the demon, hitting it square in its maroon face. It falls with a groan. Another one—a blue one—comes out of nowhere and swings its fist in retaliation. It must have been waiting for us. Ric ducks, pulling Connie out of the way.
“Behind you,” I shout as the maroon one gets back to its feet.
The ground shakes. I press my hand against the wall so I don’t fall over, try to focus on my magic and get an image, but as soon as do, this yellow-ish demon jumps me. How many freaking demons are here? I crash to the ground. I roll off it and back to my feet, but it’s fast too. It reaches for me, a knife in one hand. A demon with a knife. Asshat.
There’s a screeching on the other end of the alley and when I look, all I see is the blue demon is exploding into bits. Connie stands beside it, her hands shielding her face, blue guts dripping off her. Go sister.
“Pen!” Carter yells.
I look up to see the knife-carrying demon lunge toward me. The magic responds quickly. I send it out toward the demon and the demon strikes the concrete hard, slumping over in the alley. I don’t waste any time saying the incantation. In seconds, all that’s left is yellow goo. It’s like a party with demon guts for confetti.
All that’s left is the maroon demon.
It moves toward Ric and I leap to my feet. I’m ending this thing. Carter’s hand squeezes around my arm.
“We can’t kill it yet,” Carter says.
I meet his gaze. He’s mentioned this to me before in the past few days, about finding a demon that might know what happened in the woods, questioning it. It may know something. That’s what he thinks, anyway. I don’t like the idea of keeping it alive, but I nod.
Carter runs toward it, magic flying from his fingertips. Watching him is sort of incredible. His feet are fast as he corners it, knocks it over, and traps it without blinking an eye. I lead Connie away; she’s staring back at Carter and the demon in confusion.
“Put up a barrier, then go to the restaurant,” I say. She hasn’t taken the tests yet; she can’t be part of this. Connie shakes her head at me, but no words come out. “Connie! Now!”
Connie looks at the demon one more time before running down the alley. She stands at the end of it, putting up the magic barriers. When she’s out of sight, I move to stand by Carter. Ric is there too, staring at the two of us like we are crazy.
“What are you going to do to it?” Ric asks. Neither of us answer.
The demon is thrashing against the ground in pain. I don’t see any iron, so I’m not sure what incantation Carter’s doing to keep it there. I look toward Ric, and he nods. I guess he’s on board with this. I yank my vial of salt from my necklace.
“Why are you after us?” Carter asks the demon. It hisses in response, and I toss a handful of salt on the demon. It howls, cries, and spits at Carter.
“Answer or I will send you back,” Carter calls.
The demon gets quiet. It stares among the three of us, weighing its options. “You smell good,” it says to me. I hurl salt on the demon because I never want to hear that phrase again. Its flesh starts smoking.
“Kill me! Do it!” the demon screeches. It goes on and on, rambling, saying the same thing over and over again. Carter shouts at the demon, but it doesn’t change its tune, just keeps yelling for us kill it. Carter growls and flings more salt on it.
“What are you looking for?” I ask, stepping forward. It jerks toward me, but it can’t reach me.
The demon laughs and screams. “Smells so good. Kriegen would like that.” Then it goes back into its “kill me” mantra. The sound of that name makes the hair on my arms stand on end. Kriegen—that’s the demon they mentioned in the woods. Carter asks it more questions that it doesn’t answer and a new plan hatches in my head.
I grab Carter’s arm before he can heave more salt on the demon. “Expel this thing.”
The demon l
aughs some more. Laughs and laughs.
Ric steps up next to me as we walk away. “Is this the new normal?” he asks.
“It’s definitely becoming more frequent,” I say. We turn the corner and I hear Carter mutter the incantation behind us.
After lunch, Ric, Carter and I leave Connie and head to the library, which is empty as usual. Poncho looks happy when I come in with Carter. We haven’t been here in a few days with all the practicing, so maybe the old guy is lonely.
“What can I do for the fantastic duo?” Poncho asks.
“We’re here on official business,” I say, tapping the side of the desk.
“What do you know about a demon named Kriegen?” Carter adds.
Poncho shakes his head. “Never heard of that one. You can look in the database.”
“I’ve got it,” Carter says before he kisses my cheek. He and Poncho go to the computer. I take a seat at one of the tables and pull out Emmaline’s journal. I might as well do something while I wait.
25 September 1841
Will this life ever be one I am proud of? I fear not. It is far too difficult to pretend to be joyful. With each passing day the pretending feels more and more as though it is slowly killing me. “Be happy, Emmaline.” “Smile, Emmaline, the day is a glorious one.” Surely I see no glory in it. I see merely a moment of someone else’s glory.
“Learning things you desired?” Poncho asks me, his eyebrow raised.
“I’m not sure how helpful this will be. But it’s good to know. Thank you.”
Poncho places a book on the shelf and I glance back down at the pages and back up. “Poncho, ever heard of a demon named Azsis?”
“The one who loved Lucifer, they say.”
I put Emmaline’s journal down. “Do you know if it’s still alive? Or how to find it?”
Poncho rests his hands on one of the shelves. “Azsis is a powerful demon, dangerous. Hard to find. It is not one who’s sought out, but one who seeks.”
Great. I stare back down at Emmaline’s journal when I feel Poncho sitting near me. “Sometimes the things you see are not what they seem,” Poncho says.
I chuckle. “Are you a fortune cookie?”
Poncho shakes his head. “Make sure your eyes are open to more than what you see.”
A chill runs down my spine as Poncho leaves me again. Why do people keep telling me that? I stand, about to ask him, when Carter returns. I manage to pull my gaze away from Poncho, who is petting the cat, and look at Carter.
“What happened?” I ask.
“There’s nothing,” he says. “No record of any demon named Kriegen.”
I peer over his shoulder at Poncho. He whistles, picks up the cat, and disappears down an aisle. There’s nothing on Azsis or on Kriegen. Not to mention Alfie and Emmaline Spencer. That seems a little too convenient. Limited information is one thing, but none?
“We’ll find something,” Carter says, kissing my forehead as we sit in our spot overlooking the city. “It doesn’t make sense how there is no record, at all, of that demon.”
“Yeah,” I start. Except it’s not weird. It’s not the first time. It’s got to be all connected. Someone’s hiding something.
I sit straight so I’m facing him. “You asked me once why I wanted to be an Enforcer, but I wasn’t completely honest with you,” I say and then pause. Carter doesn’t take his eyes off me, and I wish he would. I’m not sure what to say next.
“You said it was about your magic,” he says.
“It is.” My fingers twist around my salt necklace. “I wanted to be an Enforcer because it’s the only way I could get into the library. And the library was the only way I could gather information.”
“About?” he asks softly.
“The demon that killed my parents. I’ve been in the library researching that, because I have to find it first.” I tell him how the search for the demon led me to Alfie Spencer and the increase in demon attacks, which lead me to Emmaline Spencer. I tell him about the journal that Poncho found. “The weirdest part is that there has been no information on anything. Just like now, with this demon.”
Carter nods. “And you don’t think that’s random?”
“No,” I say.
“How does the journal lead back to your demon? What connection does Kriegen have to all of this? ”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Not yet.”
Carter is quiet, and I can tell he’s thinking about all of it. It’s too much to be random. It has to be connected.
“Why do you want to find it?” Carter asks, his voice low. He looks past me, out over the city. “Is this all about revenge?”
“No,” I say. “No, it’s not revenge. It’s all about getting my magic back. I know it sounds crazy, but I found a ritual.” He looks at me when I say that word. I take his hand reassuringly. “I can do it, but I need my demon. That’s where it’s all coming up short. There’s nothing.”
Silence falls between us, but Carter hasn’t let go of my hand. I study his face, looking for some clue about what he’s feeling, but he keeps his gaze ahead and his jaw taut. I look over the city, too, in case there are answers in the horizon. Carter places his hand over mine, and I look at him.
“Demons are good at hiding when they don’t want to be found,” he says. “Luckily for you I happen to know a great demon tracker.” His eyes dance. “I’ll help you. If you want me to.”
“You’d do that?” I ask.
He nods. “It may take some time. I have to find commonalities, and figure him out before I can start asking around. I want to know what I’m getting into, but I won’t let you do it alone.”
I kiss him softly, and he wraps his arms around me. “What about this Emmaline woman? Why do you think she’s connected?” he asks.
I bite my lip. I’ve wondered too. She seems like a distraction, but the fact that Gran won’t talk about her, and that all the pieces I’ve found led me to her, I can’t walk away from that. Not until I know why. There’s something about her that I can connect with. Something lost and lonely, and deep inside, that’s the one thing I don’t want to let myself feel.
“I just do,” I say.
“Then I hope she leads you somewhere,” he says. He smiles, but it’s not the same as usual. He doesn’t like any of this, just like Ric didn’t. And I understand their concern, but getting my magic back is all I’ve ever needed. Finally, for the first time, it feels like I may be close to doing exactly that.
Chapter Twenty-Six
We had our last training session with Ellore the next day. She made us do a full practice test simulation, and we passed. Barely. She made us do it again. After the third time, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, “That’s what I expect my trainees to look like out there.”
Carter assures me that was a compliment.
He’s been at my house since then. My head is resting in his lap while I read Emmaline’s journal. I’m hot and tired, but the appeal of Emmaline’s story keeps me moving forward. The test is tomorrow, and Carter’s been shifting through my demon research so he can set up a tracker while I read.
I’ve been ripping through this journal in every spare second I have. I only have like ten pages left, and there’s still so much I don’t understand. Nothing I’ve learned about her explains why our family would write her out of history.
“Want some ice cream?” Carter asks.
I nod but don’t move my eyes from the journal. I think Emmaline and I are connected somehow. The more I learn about her, the more I see myself. She didn’t want to be forgotten, but that’s exactly what happened.
Carter’s hand touches my cheek. “You’re quiet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Her?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Emmaline,” I say, closing the journal. I bite my lip and he nods. “She’s so sad, you know? I get it, Carter. That’s the scary part.”
“So, tell me, then. What do you get about her?”
I scan my room.
A place filled with mementos of my childhood, pictures of my family, a board covered in quotes and things that I love, my favorite books. All of these things are part of me and if I was gone, could people just pretend they weren’t part of me anymore? That’s what they did to Emmaline.
Carter is staring at me, his eyes soft and comforting. I touch his face. “Remember when I took you to my parents’ house?” He nods, his movements slower than usual.
“Emmaline wrote that she had a cousin who died in some kind of fire. Her life was so miserable that she wished it had been her. And I can’t help but think that I’ve felt the same way forever,” I say softly.
“Pen—”
“I did. I hated everything I was, Carter, because I wasn’t normal. I work so hard to be this other thing and that’s what Emmaline did and I—”
“You what?”
“I have a feeling that working to not be different destroyed her somehow,” I say. Carter’s fingers twine with mine. I lower my voice to a whisper. I need to say it, but I don’t want him to hear it. I want to be strong, and this isn’t strength. But I still feel it as strongly as I feel anything. “I don’t want it to destroy me, too.”
“It won’t,” he says. “I won’t let it.”
“What if this secret that I’m working so hard to find is horrible?”
“Then we’ll deal with it. Together,” he says. He pulls my chin to face him. “You’re not Emmaline—whatever she went through is the past. Everyone feels invisible sometimes, Pen. Everyone. You are not invisible and you are not powerless.”
I shrink away from him a little. I’m only powerful because he’s around. What happens if he leaves? If we find out my family’s secret is too big, too breakable? Then I’m just me again.
“I see you, Pen,” he says, his hands holding firm to my cheeks. “You’re the sun and the moon and the stars—impossible to miss.” His gaze roams my face until he finds my lips, and my heart beats out of my chest. “I love you, Penelope.”
I pause while his words dance around in my head, and in my heart. He loves me. He looks at me like he’s seeing all of me, even the things I’m afraid to notice and all the stuff I don’t want to see. I believe him. I believe him more than I believe in magic.
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