ROCK NOTES
Book One of the Heartbeat Series
By
Renee Lee Fisher
Credits
Rock Notes Copyright © 2012 by Renee Lee Fisher
Kindle Edition
All Rights Reserved. This edition is copywritten. No reproduction or utilization of this edition without written permission from the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and scenarios are a product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.
Book cover design by: SelfPubBookCovers.com
Edited by: Meredith Bowery
Formatted by: BB eBooks
Dedication
To my one and only Love
You’re the music that makes my heart beat…how do we keep the music playing?
A note for Jeff:
One needs not to see the music to actually feel its impact. Life is sometimes like the Blues.
To a wonderful Author:
A very special “thank you” to Kallypso Masters who has clearly taken me under her wing. She has guided me, educated me, and assisted me on many avenues of writing. A thank you seems a small token for all her generosity.
Chapters
Title Page
Credits
Dedication
Prologue – Empty
Chapter One – Meeting
Chapter Two – Traveling
Chapter Three – Bejeweled
Chapter Four – Heartfelt Friends
Chapter Five – Ashley Revealed
Chapter Six – Thomas’s Return
Chapter Seven – A Love Lost
Chapter Eight – Old habits never die
Chapter Nine – Turkey Day
Chapter Ten – Where We Began
Chapter Eleven – Joyous Occasion
Chapter Twelve – New Year’s Rocking Eve
Epilogue – Starting Line
Author’s Notes
Definitions
Follow the “Heartbeat Series”
Prologue – Empty
Oh my god, sinking to the hardwood floor beneath me, I can’t breathe, just a slight breath is escaping me, my chest hurts, my head is ringing, pounding and banging inside. Tears are running from my eyes stinging and stinging, this cannot be happening. I cannot move, frozen in my body and pain is taking over a hurt so deep and so raw. God I cannot stop hyperventilating, I hurt so bad, I hurt so badly. I am shivering and shaking and my chest is pumping in and out in a nervous motion as I think or try to think. I reach my quivering hands up to my face to wipe the streams of tears that will not stop.
“Oh god help me,” I repeat over in my head or aloud unable to be certain…I cannot stop shaking, I cannot stop the dull ache in my belly, I cross my arms and rock back and forth and drop my head to bob it up and down, while I whimper… What have I done so bad, he was my rock, my safe haven, what have I done wrong, why is this happening to me after all this time, not me, not after all these years…what we had is gone, I am empty, all my love has drained from my body, I am so empty, my heart is completely broken, broken forever. I am so alone…
Chapter One – Meeting
I am in a new part of my life, driving through an early spring day, air thick with falling petals swirling about. I think back to where I was months ago and I remember my marriage ending. It was a horrible cycle of emotions for me, first came so many tears and pain. Then I had so many questions as to why was I suddenly replaced with a woman that he hired to work in his office. I thought we had a solid and secure relationship. His walking away from me was staggering. I then suffered loss of self esteem and later I found anger which was hard for me to release, I kept so much inside. I still carry with me a self-doubt. I’m not sure I can rely on my judgment enough to trust any future partner. My husband ending our marriage knocked me down, but each new road I travel, I will get stronger. I turn on the radio to hear something to sway my mood. The music immediately takes me away on a journey as I travel briefly from traffic light to traffic light through town. Seems like the changing of the light pattern is in a sequence of musical themes like the chorus repeating over and over, red – yellow – green. Go – it is now time for me to go and begin my journey writing about the band. Conveying through my words their passion, their singing, and their playing to becoming seasoned musicians. I follow all the traffic to the concert this evening.
This is my story Rock Notes.
“Max, Max, Max Rand excuse me, do you have a moment to talk to me?” I closed in on the far corner of the stage. I had purchased a front row ticket to this evening’s local concert to take in tunes and set myself up for the possibility of conversation. “I know you don’t know who I am so let me introduce myself. I am Madison Tierney, call me Madison or Maddy. I am a freelance creative writer, once a columnist and now I’m writing a book titled, “Rock Notes” which I follow a band in depth, and I’d like that to be your band “Rolling Isaac’s.” I didn’t want to intrude on his time, so I simply said, “I know you have so many young ladies wanting you to sign autographs and their bodies,” I smiled and continued to talk in a confident manner, “but I just wanted to give you my business card in case we can speak in the near future or have your band representation contact me.”
Looking up at Max and his combination of youthful and mature yet awesome, truly awesome good looks, I shouted out “Oh and I thought the show was great.” I beamed about it trying to remain calm, as I was more mature, rather than getting all flustered by a mere young band playing.
Max looked me over from his vantage point above and smiled a kind brim and nodded. I drank in all his chiseled features and his dark chocolate, delicious hair that had tousled all over during the concert, looking very sexy like he had been rolling in bed for hours. It was then that he turned slightly to jump down and he placed his stunning, well built arms on the edge of the stage and the tattoo under his sleeve peeked briefly through. He was wearing a tight white long sleeve tee pushed up onto his forearms, and he was completely soaked with his sweet sweat from singing to the crowd. I wasn’t certain what was inked on him but I knew it drew me in. It was colorful and his tee shirt sleeve was stuck to him. I could see his firm, fit stomach also as the tee clung to his torso. I looked up, startled to see he was now standing in front of me and still smiling tenderly. He took my hand gently and slightly slid his finger over my fingertip as sensation ran through me, it was only for him to take the business card but it left me sort of out of breath, scattered my thoughts for a moment. His eyes pulled me in like an inviting Caribbean ocean, they were a deep tropical blue and his dark eyelashes swept over them. I had to rethink and tell my body to blink as I was captivated. I thanked him and hoped to hear from him and as he walked back I stood and stared at his tall frame and truly awesome body…he did not turn around. I went to finally leave when my feet would allow me to move them and I glanced back to take in the entire empty, darkened stage only to see him leaning on the far side and sending a smile and wink my way. I looked around to see if it was meant for someone else and then back to him where he laughed and nodded his head to me.
I walked to my car and thought about Max Rand and our brief meeting and I was concerned about my attire for some odd reason…as it took me hours to decide earlier what to put together which was very unlike me. It was like taking time to prep for a date. I kept reselecting pieces from my closet to make me look a bit more hip and trendy. Finally I had chosen simple jeans, black boots and a black top with open shoulder areas. The appliqué on the shirt was a striking detailed cross with hearts that seemed to dance across the top and wrap to the back, almost like a hug, I added a black gem b
elt. Checking my look in the mirror, I was content and headed to the concert. I was just about to take hold of the car handle when my cell phone sounded, its timing making me think I set off my car alarm. I reached into my pocket and was surprised to read:
I watched your nervous smile, and caught a glimpse of the top you wore, one of my inks looks like it. I sing yes, but I am also believe it or not, involved in the band’s representation…can we continue our conversation at a quiet space tomorrow? Max Rand
I fumbled for a reply to him, could this actually be happening, he was contacting me in mere moments? I sent him a voice text as a reply –
Yes, sure. Under my breath I said absolutely.
That was so stupid of me, an adult to say yes, sure, and he probably heard me say absolutely…what was I thinking, I had to be in control of this proposal for my writing and I should not feel like a school girl, shy and nervous, my phone sounded again.
I can meet you in Philly. There’s a coffee house there. It’s the 2nd Street Coffee Café. I began in the biz there and I hang out there upstairs. Meet you at two o’clock. The address is the name. I got the first cup.
Wow was this really happening, I decided to take control of my life for once and go after the stories I wanted to write and now I was going to possibly have my foot in the door per se. I replied:
Sounds great…I’ll be there
Of course I would be there. That is all that I could say to him without sounding too over anxious. I smiled to myself and opened my car and positioned myself behind the wheel ready to start to take control of my life.
I drove out of the city skyline to my townhouse. I had just begun to make it my new home over the past few months. The collapse of my marriage was devastating. My husband of ten years, Thomas, came to an epiphany that he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. He had taken me to bed and poured his heart out about how we were soul mates and destined to be together in the end, but there was something missing for him. As we made love that evening trying, I thought, to save or recapture what he felt he was lacking, I was unaware that this was his goodbye to me. He held me in his arms until dawn, but when I awoke he had left and moved out. I broke down and since I was always the one in the shadows of him, I had no real confidence to stand alone or walk tall. I was lost and lacked all confidence in my ability to love another. I didn’t find out right away, but the dark, ugly truth eventually made it out into the open. The fact was that Thomas found someone else, but apparently did not want to come right out and tell me that himself.
We met in college, as I was deciding to be an English Major to write or do something like that with my degree; he had all his ducks in a row and set goals and was heading for the big business world. He had followed in his family’s steps and was soon interning with a leading financial company and heading for the top. Great pay, high-rise condo in the city, convertible automobile of the latest year and me as his wing person, just along for the ride and always in the shadows. He loved me I know but I always felt he could do better with someone showier, someone that wanted the life that he sought after. For me hanging in sweatpants and cami tops all day and writing different poems and stories was pure satisfaction. We had been in love and enjoyed so many memories together for ten years. He kept striving for the top so we put off any plans of starting a family and I was content with that as I had come from a slightly dysfunctional family that the peace and calm of just him and I was perfect.
We had a beautiful over the top wedding with all the trimmings. Thomas’s family planned it all and the only say I got was that I loved crème tea roses with dark pink edges and so on my wedding day the only thing I remember smiling at was that there were a few of my favorite flowers. I really just wanted it simple but he wanted to show the world that he was getting married, only for me to find out later that the company he was working for wanted their employees married to show a secure status and responsibility. Now I wonder if he was really in love with me or was it a business tactic.
Pulling into my driveway, I was finally reaching a comfort level in my life that took so long to get to after my breakdown. My townhome was quite comfortable with several extra rooms. One of the rooms held my desk and all my writings strewn about and another was filled with music for me to enjoy as I wrote. It also contained various art pieces, treasures I carefully selected. These rooms became a source of comfort for me, it became my tiny slice of heaven, a safety net for me to be in and feel secure.
I threw my keys on the table in the entranceway and entered my bedroom and saw all the clothing choices I picked through earlier for the evening all over the floor. I laughed at my mess and climbed up onto my bed. I reached for my notebook, tucked my knees comfortably and began to write a handwritten note for Max Rand.
Max Rand:
As I sat this evening in the front row of your Philadelphia Concert, I was all too captivated by you. I am not certain in my lifetime that you will ever read this, my first love letter to you, nor have the opportunity to read my words as I write them. I just knew that something touched me deep inside as I sat below the stage and watched you and the band begin to perform. As the show progressed I could not take my eyes from you, not in a star struck way, but I felt I was pulled in by some force to you. I know this is crazy as I had just met you but I felt I knew you for such a long time.
My heart is not in a good place right now, I still feel something tugging inside and I knew that you started that pull. Let me tell you that your blue eyes are so warming, they searched the crowd and landed on mine and I felt them envelope me. So many fans were on their feet tonight dancing and singing all the words to your songs. I sat firmly in my seat, mostly because I felt if I stood that my legs might weaken mainly due to how your passion was coming through in your music and it made me crumble.
Max, as I handed you my business card I wondered how I could love you and fall for you. It was almost love at first sight. I guess this is pretty sappy for me writing about you like this, and it feels as though I am gushing with my first never to be read love letter. This will be added to my Love Notes and be like my secret diary. For now I will await our next encounter and see what feeling comes to me at the sight of your face or the sound of your voice.
Maddy xo
My eyes tired from writing and I drifted into thought. I am not sure if I’m still awake daydreaming or if I have actually fallen asleep. I was again at the concert from this evening and as they announced the band, Rolling Isaac’s I was looking and searching to connect with Max’s eyes and there they were. He sought me out and winked and never took his deep blue eyes from me…he reached out on one song, his hand stretching toward me and almost touching me as I reached toward him. Wanting that touch, wanting that feeling…wanting a brief passing of his igniting sensation. He got on his knees and his hands were clasped around the microphone as if in prayer. He was deep in a ballad and pouring his heart into it. He looked at me and I sank, it was so very crushing, it tore at my heart.
I was all wrapped up in the sheets and woke to music coming from my programmed ring tone on my cell phone, a tune from Tenth Avenue North called Love is Here. I exhaled and for that moment in my dream, love was there. I was still in my clothes from the concert, twisting in the sheets. Who was calling me now, and what time was it? I glanced at the clock it was already after eight in the morning. I slept through and Jillian called. I missed meeting up with her at eight to head to the gym. I reached out and dialed her back, and told her I was so tired and slept in but would meet her later in the week.
Jillian had become my rock over the past months. She was the first to enter the door to the high rise condo my husband and I shared after he left me. She had to pick me up, carry me and take care of me for many days. She taught me to lean on myself and take control and never be so dependent on another that I would lose myself. We shared so many girl talks and girl days together. My phone now sounded with a text that she would catch me later and hoped my tiredness was because I met someone and had fun and a late night.
Although she knew that had not happened over all these months and she knew that I was not seeking that she asked anyway. I had been so deeply hurt that I didn’t think I could go that route ever again.
Now that I was up I stripped down and decided to take a shower and see what was ahead of me for today as I had to meet Max Rand. Just then while in thought for the afternoon my phone sounded and a text came through. I thought Jillian was reaching out again to make the gym a little later but it was from Max.
Good morning Madison, hope you’re free later tonight. I have rehearsal and if our conversation goes well, you can come meet the band. It’ll give them a chance to decide about you writing about us. Hope you slept well.
Wow, I stood there, completely nude, reading this and the water in the shower continued to run, if only he knew how great I slept. I dreamt of him. This was chilling to my naked body, but in such a good way.
The rest of the morning seemed to drag; it is always like this when you want to be someplace. I caught up on cleaning since my clothes were all over and also prepared an outline for my writings in hopes my project was approved.
Soon it was time for me to leave to meet him. As I was driving into the city it took me back to Thomas and me living there before. I was happy and in love then. Thomas still lived downtown, and still almost like it was written on his calendar, would call me and leave a message of how he was thinking of me each month that has passed since he left and since the divorce. Each time he would leave in the message that he knew that we would be back together sometime in the future but he needed time to find himself, or he’d say he wasn’t there yet. He never admitted to me that he left me for another woman. I heard he moved on real quickly with a new office intern, that he handpicked for the position but I heard it wasn’t all that wonderful lately and there was trouble early on in their new paradise. I never took his calls because as angry as I felt inside, I admit I was weak and I would have broken down and taken him back. I would have liked closure, to hear him tell me his side of what happened. After all the time that has passed, I still felt something for him for all those years together as man and wife. We all make mistakes or wrong decisions and I always believe in second chances. I think he may have been convincing and I would have crumbled.
Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series) Page 1
