"You can't lose me," she said fiercely. "So don't even try. I've got you, and I'm not going to let go."
Crash kissed her. "And if I ever leave you, it won't be because I want to."
Her eyes filled with fresh tears as she kissed him again.
"I don't know where I'm going from here," he pulled back to tell her bluntly. "Even if the Navy wants me back, I'm not sure the SEAL Teams will want anything to do with me. I know the Grey Group won't touch me after this. Too many people know my face now. And I also know I can't handle some backroom Navy desk job, so..."
"You don't have to decide any of that right now," she told him, smoothing his hair back from his face. "Give yourself some time. You haven't even let yourself properly mourn Jake."
"I feel like I..." He stopped himself, amazed at what he'd almost revealed, without even thinking. But now that he was thinking, he knew he had to say it. He wanted to say it. "I feel like I can't ask you to marry me without making sure you realize that right now my entire life is kind of in upheaval."
"Kind of in upheaval? That's kind of an understatement, don't you..."
Crash knew the moment when she realized exactly what he had said.
Ask you to marry me...
She started to cry again.
"Oh, my God," she said softly. "I know about the upheaval. So you can. Ask me. I mean, if you want."
"You're crying again," he pointed out.
"This doesn't count," she told him. "Tears of happiness don't count."
Crash laughed. "Ouch!"
"Oh, God, I've got to stop making you laugh."
He caught her chin, holding her so that she had to look into his eyes. "No," he said. "Don't. Not ever, okay?"
"So... you love me because I make you laugh..."
Crash lost himself in the beautiful blue of her eyes. "No." He whispered the words he knew she wanted to hear, the words he could finally say aloud. "I love you... and you make me laugh." He kissed her, losing himself in the softness of her lips. "You know I'd die for you."
She fingered the edge of his bulletproof vest. "I know you'd live for me, too. That's much harder to do."
"So, do you want to..." his lips were dry and he moistened them "...marry me?" He realized how offhanded that sounded and quickly reworded it. "Please, will you marry me?"
Nell made a noise that sounded very much like an affirmative as she reached for him. He held her tightly, aware that she was crying. Again.
He tasted salt as he kissed her. "Was that a yes?"
"Yes." This time she was absolutely clear.
Crash kissed her again as the shadows finally shifted, as the sun finally cleared the mountain, bathing them in warmth.
And he knew that the next leg of his journey—and he hoped it was going to be a long, long stretch—was going to be made in the light.
Chapter 17
"Where are we?" Crash asked.
The driver didn't answer. He simply opened the door and stood back so that Crash could climb out.
He snapped to attention, and Crash realized that there was an admiral standing by the front door of the building. An admiral. They'd sent an admiral to escort him to his debriefing...?
Crash was glad Nell had made him wear his dress uniform. The row of medals across his chest nearly rivalled those the admiral was wearing.
The admiral stepped forward, holding out his hand to shake. "Glad to finally meet you, Lieutenant Hawken. I'm Mac Forrest. I don't know why we haven't met before this."
Crash shook the older man's hand. Admiral Forrest was lean and wiry, with a thick shock of salt-and-pepper hair and blue eyes that looked far too young for a face with as many wrinkles as his had. "Is this where the debriefing is being held?" Crash looked up at the elegant architecture of the stately old building as the admiral led him inside. He took off his hat as he looked around. The lobby was large and pristine, with a white-marble-tiled floor. "I don't think I've ever been here before."
Forrest led the way down a hall. "Actually, Lieutenant, not many people have been here before. This is a FInCOM safe house."
"I don't understand."
Mac Forrest stopped in front of a closed door. "Hold on to your hat, son. I've got an early Christmas present for you." He nodded at the door. "Go on in," he said as he turned and started down the hall. "I'll be back in a bit."
Crash watched him walk away, then looked at the door. It was a plain, oak door with an old-fashioned glass doorknob, like a giant glittering diamond. He reached out and turned it, and the door swung open.
He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see on the other side of that door, but he sure hadn't expected to see a bedroom.
It was decorated warmly, with rich, dark-coloured curtains surrounding big windows that made the most of the weak December sunshine.
In the centre of the room was a hospital bed, surrounded by monitors and medical equipment.
And in the centre of the bed was Jake Robinson.
He looked pale and fragile, and he was still hooked up to quite a few of those monitors, with an IV drip in his arm, but he was very, very, very much alive.
Crash couldn't speak. Tears welled in his eyes. Jake was alive!
"Let me start by saying that I wanted to tell you," Jake said. "But it was a week before I was out of intensive care, and nearly another week before I was even aware that you didn't know I was still alive. And then you were gone and there was no way to let you know."
Crash closed the door behind him, fighting the emotion that threatened to choke him, to make him break down and cry like a baby. Detach. Separate. Distance...
What the hell was he doing?
This was joy he was feeling. This was incredible relief, heart-stopping happiness. Yes, he wanted to cry, but they would be good tears.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that thinking that I was dead," Jake said quietly. "Mac Forrest made the decision to release the news that I'd died. He thought I'd be safer that way."
Crash laughed, but it sounded kind of crazy, more like a sob than real laughter. "This is so unbelievably great." His voice broke. As he crossed to Jake, he pulled a chair over to the bed and clasped the older man's hand in both of his. "Are you really all right? You look like hell, like you've been hit by a truck."
If Jake noticed the tears that were brimming in his eyes, he didn't comment. "I'm going to be fine. It's going to take a little while, but the doctor says I'll be up and walking in no time. No permanent damage—a few more scars."
Crash shook his head. "I should have known. It was so easy to escape after the hearing. I should have realized I was being let go."
"They gave you a little bit of help, but not much. There were only a few people who were allowed to know I was alive." He squeezed Crash's hand. "Good job with Garvin. That was one hell of a tape you made."
"I'm lucky I had Alpha Squad there to back me up."
"Speaking of Alpha Squad—you met Mac Forrest on your way in?"
Crash nodded.
"Alpha Squad's under his command. He asked me to let you know that there's been a special request made for your reassignment. Captain Joe Catalanotto's asking for you to be placed on his team. He sent a personal note to Mac along with all the paperwork. These guys really want you to work with them."
Crash couldn't speak again. "I'm honoured they want me," he finally said.
"I'm glad to see you finally got a haircut. The pictures they kept flashing of you on the news were pretty scary-looking."
Crash ran his hand back through his freshly cut hair. "Yeah, Nell likes it better this way, too."
"Nell." Jake said. "Nell. Would that be the same Nell who used to work for Daisy? Pretty girl? Great smile? Head-over-heels in love with you?"
"Don't be a jackass."
Jake grinned. "That's Admiral Jackass to you, Lieutenant."
"Jake, I can't tell you how glad I am that you're not dead."
"Back at you with that, kid. I'm also glad you finally opened your damn eyes and saw what
you had right there in front of you, ready to fall into your lap." He paused. "You did manage to get yourself straightened out about Nell?"
"Actually, I haven't," Crash admitted. "I'm totally tied in knots when it comes to her." He smiled ruefully. "But I'm loving every minute of it. She's crazy enough to want me, and I'm sane enough to know that I'd be an idiot to let her get away. You know, she's marrying me on Christmas. Will you stand up for me, Jake—be my best man?"
Now there were tears in Jake's eyes, but still he tried to joke. "I'm not sure if I'm going to be standing by then."
"Can we have the wedding here? There's no law that says the best man literally has to stand."
Jake held his hand more tightly. "I'd love that. It would be an honour."
It had only been a year since Crash had done Jake that very same honour.
"Daisy always knew that Nell was perfect for me," Crash said quietly.
"Daisy was...extraordinarily good at seeing the truth, even when it was hidden from the rest of the world's view." Jake looked away, but not before Crash saw the flash of pain in his eyes. "God, I still miss her so much."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."
Jake looked up at him. "Shouldn't have what? Said her name? Remembered how much we both loved her? Are you kidding?"
"I don't know. I just thought—"
"Twenty years," Jake said. "I had her for over twenty years. I would've loved forty or sixty, even. But twenty wasn't bad. Twenty was a gift." He looked up, pinning Crash with the intensity of his gaze. "Make every minute count, kid. Pay attention and really make sure you experience every step of the dance. You never know how many times you'll get to go around the floor."
Crash nodded. "I'm glad you didn't die."
"Me too, Billy. Me too, kid."
It was supposed to be a private wedding.
But when Nell's father opened the door to Jake Robinson's hospital room in the FInCOM safe house, there were so many people there, he and Nell almost couldn't fit inside.
Lucy and Blue McCoy were there. Harvard and his wife, P.J., were there, too. Even Captain Catalanotto and his family had come. Bobby and Wes and Lucky were present, as was Crash's swim buddy Cowboy and his new wife. Cowboy was holding a baby who was his exact spitting image—and he was holding the little boy comfortably, as if the kid were an extension of his arm. It was a pretty amazing sight to see.
But it wasn't half as amazing as the sight of Nell, walking into that room on her father's arm. She was wearing a beautiful antique gown she'd found downtown in a secondhand shop. Although it was a traditional-style wedding dress, with long sleeves and a high collar, it looked incredible on her. Even Daisy would have approved.
"I thought this was supposed to be a wedding," she said, still looking around at all the extra guests with a smile, "not a surprise party."
"I called Blue to see if anyone was going to be in town, because we needed another witness," Crash told her. "Turns out everyone was in town."
Nell looked around, and Crash knew she realized that each and every one of his friends had come here purposely to support him. Like her parents, they'd changed all of their Christmas plans to be here today.
Her father raised her veil and kissed her before giving her to Crash.
"I'm so glad all your friends could come," she whispered to him as she squeezed his hand.
The ceremony passed in a blur. Crash tried to slow it down, tried to pay complete attention to the promises he was making, but the truth was, he would have promised this woman anything. And he would fight with his last breath to keep those promises.
The pastor finally told him that he could kiss his bride, and as he kissed his new wife's sweet lips, he tasted salt.
She was crying again.
He looked at her questioningly, touching her cheek, and she shook her head.
"Tears of joy don't count," she whispered.
He laughed and kissed her again, holding her close and knowing that no matter how long they had together—one year or one hundred—he would cherish every moment.
END
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear Page 21
