Rachel sucked in a soft breath of air. “Were you able to bond with the housekeeper?” She tried to put herself in Ty’s place. Knowing how much she loved her mother, she just couldn’t imagine the psychic and physical damage done to Ty. No wonder he had hated women. But Rachel cautioned herself. Ty’s father had beat him until he stopped his grieving for his mother. Then he’d been brainwashed by his angry father who couldn’t rise above his own sorrow to help his baby son cope with the devastating loss.
“No. Charleen didn’t like kids.” He managed a croak of a laugh. “She was an alcoholic. My father knew it but didn’t care. She was the only woman he could find who would come and live at the ranch. When she was drunk, I knew to hide and be seen, not heard. If I got underfoot, she’d complain to my father and he’d come in and beat me with a strap.”
“My God,” Rachel whispered in disbelief. “It’s a wonder you survived. Didn’t someone turn your father in for abusing you?”
“Who could?” he asked. “I lived thirty miles south of Cheyenne. Our closest neighbor was fifteen miles away, and my father never made friends. He’s a bastard to this day. He’s got a lot of people who fear and dislike him.”
“But,” Rachel sputtered, “surely your school teachers saw you were abused.”
“No. My father made sure the strappings were on my back, butt and legs. No one ever knew.…”
“Couldn’t you have asked for help?”
“I tried to run away once when I was twelve. When my father caught up with me, he beat me within an inch of my life. He warned me to never tell anyone about the beatings. If I did, he said he’d disown me.”
Rolling her eyes, Rachel growled, “Hell, you’d have been much better off with any family but him.”
“I didn’t know that, Rachel.” Ty liked saying her name. It rolled off his lips like honey. “I was raised in a climate of fear. I wasn’t about to say anything to anyone. I didn’t know there was help out there.” And then his voice lowered. “Look, I’d already lost my mom. I couldn’t bear to lose my father, too.”
In that moment, her heart broke for Ty. Rachel heard the little-boy fear in his voice even though Ty was now a grown man. “Our childhood can either support us or tear us apart,” she agreed softly. She found herself wanting badly to hold him against the terrible pain he carried deep within himself.
“It took me a long time to understand what had happened,” Ty said.
“Do you ever go home for a visit?” She couldn’t think that anyone in their right mind would be around an abusive son of a bitch like that.
“Not anymore,” Ty said, sadness evident. He took a deep breath, his heart beating hard with fear. He forced the words out. “Listen, Rachel, I need to apologize for the way I treated you back in flight school.” His voice deepened with feeling. “I can’t undo the past. You were right and I was wrong. You don’t know how many times I picked up the phone to contact you and tell you I was sorry.” His mouth thinned. “It took me three years in that Chinook squadron to come around and realize my father didn’t do me any favors. I couldn’t change him. What I did do is change myself, my attitudes toward women and try to rectify what I did wrong back then.”
Rachel lay there, feeling his sincere words drain away her dislike of him. She reeled with all the information about his youth, his abusive father and an alcoholic housekeeper who doubled as his mother. Tears came to her eyes. She cleared her throat. “Thank you for telling me that. It helps.”
Ty wanted to turn over and slide his arm beneath her neck, draw Rachel to him and simply hold her. Cautioning himself, he knew it would be too much, too soon. “I didn’t have the guts to make that call,” he warned her. “I was too afraid.”
“I think I understand why,” Rachel murmured. “Given your past, it makes sense now.”
Swallowing hard, Ty wished mightily that there was light in the room. He desperately wanted to look into Rachel’s eyes. To see if she really meant it. “I wanted to tell you, because if we don’t get out of this fix alive, I at least want to be square with you.”
Rachel fought back her tears. He was right: the chances of them getting out of this fix alive were very low. “I appreciate that.”
Her soft, halting words were laced with tears. He could hear it in her husky voice. Closing his eyes, he clenched his teeth. He couldn’t cry. He just couldn’t. Finally, after several moments of pregnant silence, Ty rasped, “Thank you. You have no idea how good that makes me feel. I was hell on you at flight school. I didn’t know it then, but I was doing the same thing my father did to me. You were a whipping post for all my grief.” And then Ty did something so bold that it even surprised even him. He slid his hand beneath the blanket, sought and found Rachel’s. Giving her hand a warm, firm squeeze, he added unsteadily, “Your forgiveness means everything to me, Rachel. Thank you for your courage.…” He released her fingers.
Rachel was shocked by his hand around hers and felt tears flowing silently down the sides of her face. Quickly, she wiped them away. Ty’s hand was not only warm but gave her a sense of security in a very insecure world. The sincerity of his voice shook loose so much old anger and hurt from those days. Rachel could literally feel the rage dissolving in her heart and flowing out of her like an unchecked flood. Relief began to fill her instead. She tried to think what to say, the right words. She wanted to cry for all the pain he’d carried for so long, unable to give it voice, to sob out his loss for his mother. His young, innocent love had been destroyed. Ty knew no other way. Until life had helped to reshape and change him. Other women had been role models to show him that women were not only strong, but intelligent. And they deserved to be in the military, flying a helicopter right alongside him.
When Ty heard nothing further from her, he added in a pained tone, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m okay with it, Rachel. I just…needed to get this off my chest and try to make amends before something happens.”
Because she didn’t trust herself, Rachel turned on her right side, facing the wall, her hands pressed against her face. The sobs tore out of her whether she wanted them to or not. And she didn’t dare let Ty know that she was crying for him.
Chapter 13
“Are you ready?” Ty had just mounted his gray, part-Arab gelding that Hamid had given them. He was dressed like an Afghan soldier.
“Yes.” Rachel had mounted her bay Arab gelding. Around her, the village had gathered in the dawn light to see them off. Akmal had come and awakened them an hour earlier. Despite last night’s wrenching admissions from Ty, she had finally fallen into a deep, healing sleep. “Yes, I am,” she said. Scared but ready. Smiling down at Hamid and his wife, who had their brown wool cloaks pulled tightly around them, she lifted her hand in farewell to them.
“If we make it to Samarigam, we’ll see that you are paid for the saddles and bridles, my lord.” They had only five horses total in the village, and Rachel knew they relied heavily on each of them for transportation. “And we’ll see what can be done about airlifting these two animals back to you.”
Hamid nodded. “Allah be with you, Captain. It’s a long, dangerous road.”
“Thank you,” she said. Turning her bay around, Rachel pulled the brown cloth across the lower half of her face. She wore a turban of the same color, a dark green, wool cloak over her shoulders. It felt good in the freezing morning air.
Everyone waved as they left the village and rode down the prominent trail. The sky was dark above them, stars faint along the eastern horizon. The breath of the horses as they plodded steadily down the winding, twisting path, resembled jets of steam coming out of their nostrils. There was enough room for them to ride side by side. Rachel pulled abreast of Ty. He was dressed in a brown turban, the cloth hiding his lower jaw. If the Taliban saw him without a beard, they would know he was a foreigner. Her leg brushed occasionally against his as they rode.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked in a quiet tone.
Looking around, Ty kept searching
for possible Taliban on this well-used trail. “If you call freezing your butt off this morning, I guess.” He grinned over at her. All he could see were Rachel’s eyes. The rest of her clothing, which was male, covered up the fact she was a woman. The rifle she carried was slung across her back.
Chuckling, Rachel nodded. “It’s pretty cold.” How badly she wanted to talk with Ty, but they had to remain alert. Hamid had warned them that this trail was used by Taliban and merchants going between the villages. He had made sure they were dressed to look like they came from his village. Each one had distinctive costumes and colors. Earlier, Akmal had put red tassels on the bridle of each horse. That would identify them as being from the village, as well. If the Taliban saw them, then there was less chance of being stopped and questioned by them.
As Ty continued to look around, the steep slope of the mountain and the rocks on the trail made the horse pick its way carefully around the objects. Overhead, the sky was beginning to lighten. Everything was silent except for an inconstant breeze that would wind through the yellow, rocky mountains surrounding them. He was glad that Hamid had loaned them two rifles with a box of ammunition. It wasn’t much protection, but it was better than what little they had. He was fearful of meeting a group of Taliban on the trail but kept his thoughts to himself.
“I tried that radio again this morning,” Rachel told him. “It still isn’t working.”
“Our luck. We’re going to have to make it to Samarigam.”
Nodding, Rachel enjoyed the sway of the horse between her legs. The animals were small, tough and hardy. “How far to the well? Hamid said we should reach it midday?” Fondly patting the horse on its shaggy neck, Rachel knew they would need water to keep on going. Luckily, Hamid said there were two wells on the trail. It was forty-five miles between the two villages. They couldn’t trot or run their horses down the steep switchback trail. If a horse stumbled and fell, it could break a leg as well as injure the rider. This would take more time than Rachel had anticipated. She tried to quell her frustration.
“Hamid said ten miles to the first well. He said we’d drop into the valley over there.” Ty pointed to two steep mountain passes they had to ride through.
Rachel grimaced. “I don’t know how these horses are going to go that far without water.”
“They will,” he said. “It won’t be easy on them, but they’ve made this trip before.”
“They’re tougher than we are, that’s for sure,” Rachel said, patting her gelding again.
The trail straightened out for a bit as it headed down the rocky mountain. Ty looked over at her. “I’m glad we had that talk last night. I didn’t know I’d be doing the talking, though.” He searched Rachel’s warm, gold eyes. “I apologized to you last night, but I wanted to do it this morning, too. You deserved to be told to your face.” His heart beat a little harder in his chest, and it wasn’t from the altitude. He wished that he could see Rachel’s face right now.
Rachel swallowed hard. “I accept your apology, Ty. Honestly, I never expected one from you.”
“When I found out you were assigned to me, I knew I had to do it.” Ty managed a half smile. “It was a long time in coming. Frankly, I never thought I’d see you again.”
“That makes two of us,” Rachel said, chuckling. “When I found out I was assigned to your squadron, I was not a happy camper.”
“I don’t blame you for feeling like that.”
Searching his eyes, Rachel said, “You grew up in those five years.”
“Yes, I did. I never thought I’d get a chance to tell you that I was sorry for what I did to you.”
Sadness moved through her. She wanted to reach out and touch his arm, but she didn’t dare. Someone could be watching them, hidden in the rocks and huge boulders, which were everywhere. “I felt so bad for you, Ty. I didn’t know you’d lost your mother. And your father didn’t treat you right.”
“I survived.”
“I can’t conceive of losing either of my parents,” she whispered, brows dropping. “I tried to put myself in your place last night, and I couldn’t go there. I rely on them so much. Even to this day, I do.”
“You’re lucky,” Ty told her. He saw her eyes were fraught with sadness. For him. For whatever reason, it felt good to have Rachel think well of him for once. He’d done so much damage to her and had tried to obliterate her career, yet she’d forgiven him. Ty’s heart swelled with inexplicable joy over that realization.
“I am. But I worry now. I’m sure the Army has contacted my family and told them I’m missing in action. My mom is probably crying. My dad, I’m sure, has contacted Uncle Morgan to see what he can do to find me.”
“I’m sure my father could care less,” Ty muttered.
“That’s really sad.”
“We split five years ago. I haven’t been in contact with him since that day.”
The pain was clear in his voice. Rachel saw it in his narrowing eyes, which became dark with obvious grief. “The Army will tell him, though.”
“I know.” Ty gazed up at the sky. The stars had disappeared, and in their place, a dark blue color remained. “I don’t really care.”
Rachel didn’t believe him, but what could she say or do? Nothing. Compressing her lips, she said, “It’s hard on everyone when we turn up missing.”
Something made him ask, “Do you have a significant other?” He hoped not, but there was no way Rachel wouldn’t be involved. She was too beautiful, poised and intelligent.
“No, thank goodness, I don’t.” Rachel looked over at him. “What about you?”
“No one,” he said.
“You’re not married? Have kids?”
Hearing the teasing in her voice, he smiled a little. “No, I haven’t been very good in the relationship department. It’s taken me five years and a lot of hard knocks with women to get straight about what makes a relationship run or not.”
“You were sorting out your father’s view on life from your own?” Rachel guessed. Why did she feel a soaring happiness when Ty said he wasn’t involved with another woman? She secretly guessed that his hatred of women would cause all kinds of hell in a relationship. And until he got rid of that perspective, no woman worth her salt would put up with Ty’s antics or behavior.
“Yes,” he said. “I began seeing the way he treated my mother. Not that I remember much, but he was always yelling at her. Even as a young kid, I knew that was wrong.”
Rachel shook her head. “He was a parent out of control. You don’t yell at someone you love. You try to work it out.”
“It sounds as if you know something about a good relationship,” Ty said.
Pain moved through her heart. “Okay, confession time,” she told him.
“Your secrets are safe with me.”
Rachel smiled. “A year ago, I was engaged to be married. I met Garrett in Afghanistan. He flew with an Apache squadron out of Helmand Province.”
Ty could tell by the roughness in her voice that something had happened. He remained silent.
“There was an attack on his base and he was killed,” she finally admitted. Giving Ty a quick glance, she saw the worry in his exposed face. “I loved him so much. We were the best of friends.”
He had to stop himself from reaching over to touch the hand that rested on the saddle. “I’m sorry. I really am. He had to be one hell of a man to get your attention.”
“He was.” Rachel closed her eyes for a brief moment. “Sometimes, it seems like it was just yesterday. On other days, it seems years ago, as if it was a dream, not reality.”
“I remember when my mother died, I had days like that, even at three years old.”
Her heart broke for Ty. She gazed over at him and thought he was as lost in the past as she was. “My parents always told me that life wasn’t easy. It consisted of ups and downs. As a kid it was a concept, not a reality.”
“And being here, we lose people nearly every day,” Ty agreed. “Good friends…”
“Yes
,” she said. “This last year has made me realize I have to grab life and live. I can’t think about a future. I have to be here. Now,” she said, pointing her index finger at the ground.
“I’ve learned to hide,” he admitted. “No love life.”
Giving him a confused look, Rachel asked, “What do you mean by that?” Ty Hamilton was a brazen, courageous pilot. He was a man who dripped with leadership and intelligence.
“My track record with women is bad. Each one took a little bit more of my father’s attitude out of me. But it was wearing on them, too. For the last year, I’ve been without a relationship. I didn’t want another bruising round with another woman. I kept hoping for a good connection, but it never happened.” Until now, a voice whispered to him. Ty shook his head. “I’m not exactly the type of man any woman is looking for.”
Rachel disagreed but said nothing. “We’re all in the learning mode, Ty. And we all make mistakes. All the time.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, “but not mistakes you could drive a Mack truck through.” He managed a derisive laugh.
Knowing he’d been through a rough five years and was trying to turn himself around, Rachel said, “In my eyes, you’re making good changes, Ty. Getting rid of your father’s crap and then trying to discover who you are instead takes time.”
“It’s been five years,” he said, smiling. “That’s a lot longer than I ever wanted it to take.”
Laughing, Rachel understood. As they crested the trail, they halted their horses. The next mountain looked even steeper. “If you think you’re done changing, you have another think coming. My mom always said that we’re a work in progress. The shaping, carving and trimming are never finished.”
Ty sat up in the saddle to give his sore rear a break. He couldn’t see anyone on the trail. Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned to Rachel. “A work in progress? That definitely fits me. Ready for the next mountain?”
His Duty to Protect Page 13
