by Marie James
I do just as he says and we spend every waking and sleeping moment we’re not working together. We laugh, talk, and snuggle up in each other’s arms. We make love more times than I can count. He fucks me hard on the kitchen table, living room floor, and against the wall in the shower. It’s absolute bliss and only interrupted for the hours we’re at work. If this is what our nine days together will be like, I may never want to come back.
My car has been in the parking garage since his driver picked me up from work on Wednesday, so I’m able to go home straight after work this evening and pack, although Ian assures me I won’t need anything but my body and a smile.
Heading home after work I notice red and blue lights flashing as I approach the Happy Suds Laundromat. Police cars are everywhere, and my gut clenches. I park my car if only to allow my nerves to settle before driving home.
I’m decimated at the chaos unfolding in front of me. K9 dogs are resting on the sidewalk while large men in dark clothing, armed to the hilt, are walking around in their NARCOTICS labeled jackets. I see a long table inside the door and right smack in the middle of it is that fucking black backpack Ian carried in there a while back after I spent the first night at his house.
I can’t breathe, I clutch my chest, blinking my eyes knowing no matter how hard I squeeze my eyes shut I’m not able to will that black bag from existence.
Oh God! Not again! What are the chances that twice in my short life I’ve let myself get involved with a man who has involvement in drug dealing? Fool me once, fool me twice…
Shaking uncontrollably but unable to watch the rest of the scene unfold in front of my eyes, I put the car in gear and head for my apartment. I make it inside and behind closed doors before I lose it. My body is shaking so violently I’m only able to slide down my door, my head collapsing in my hands. I cry myself into oblivion, hoping with everything in my soul as sleep takes over, that when I wake Ian will be the perfect man my head has made him out to be. I release one final sob, knowing it isn’t going to happen.
***
“Lorali?” I feel a slight shove against my back, and I come awake and realize I’ve fallen asleep on the floor blocking the door. “Are you ok?” It’s Josie.
I slide out of the way, sitting up I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs, attempting to fold into a small ball. I rest my chin on my knees. I’m no longer crying, I’m empty, destroyed, and utterly broken.
“Lorali! What’s happened?” She has tears in her eyes, having no clue what’s going on or what’s caused this reaction from me. Her mind must be going a million miles an hour, just like mine would if I walked in on her in this situation.
“I’m going to have to break up with Ian.” A sob escapes my lips. She wraps her arms around me and rocks me gently.
“Oh, honey! I’m so sorry! Do you want to talk about it?” She’s only trying to be helpful but this is not something I can do for her.
“No, I don’t want to go into it right now.” I’m shivering and she helps me up and to my bed.
“Your phone was ringing in your bag so I brought it to you.” She hands me my purse which apparently fell from my grasp on the way to my room.
“Thank you. I think I just want to be alone.” She nods her head and walks towards the door.
Stopping just before the threshold of the door she pauses. “Let me know if you need me. I’ve no plans tonight.” She leaves and closes the door behind her.
I reach my shaking hand in my purse, already knowing who was calling me. Ian.
I look and I’ve missed two phone calls and a text.
Ian: I can’t wait to get you all to myself. I seriously need to get out of this town for a while.
I bet, it seems things may be getting a little hot for him here. I wonder how long it’ll take the police to trace this back to him. No way am I going to be wrapped up in some love bubble, God knows where, when the damn police knock down the door and take him away. I have to cancel on him.
My fingers shake as I try to text him. I make numerous mistakes and have to delete and try again several times. It takes several minutes to send the short text.
Me: I’m not feeling well. I have to back out of the trip.
I wish I had the strength and courage to just lay it all out, but I just don’t have the mental strength to do it right now. I do know that as tenacious as Ian is he’ll not take this simple excuse from me and just walk away.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t text back and I slip back into a fitful sleep, exhausted from my breakdown.
I wake up to hear a low, chaste argument in the hall. My back is facing the door, but I can feel his energy when he opens the door quietly and closes it behind him. He eases himself to sit beside me on the bed.
“Lorali?” His voice is strained and I wonder if Josie told him I didn’t want to see him.
I do my best to pretend to be asleep, but my body shivers when he runs his finger down my cheek.
“Please don’t,” I mutter when I can feel his body begin to shift to lay down behind me, silent tears falling down my face.
“Baby?” I can hear his voice quake with just that one word. “What’s wrong?” I keep my eyes closed, afraid if I look at him I’ll cave and just let the cards fall where they may, having no concern for the embarrassment I know I’m sure to suffer when his atrocities are brought to light. The press will slaughter me. What kind of want-to-be investigative reporter spends countless hours around a man and has no clue what he’s involved in, and honestly I can say not me. I’ve chosen to once again ignore the details and the hints at criminal activity, never even questioning him.
“Please go, Ian. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I try to shift out of his grasp.
“This? What do you mean this? Lorali, I’ve no clue what’s going on. Can you please look at me and explain what’s happening?”
Without looking at him I say, “We need to break up. I can’t do this anymore!” My body is wracked by another sob and I attempt to bury my head in the pillow.
“Why the fuck would we break up? What the fuck has happened?” I cower away from him but turn my head to look at him, trying to gauge his next move. When he realizes my fear he looks completely broken. He lowers his voice. “Baby, I can give you space right now, but eventually you’ll have to explain what’s gotten you so upset. I’m not just going to walk out of here and give you up. I can’t. You’re a part of me.”
He leans in and brushes a sweet kiss to my forehead, stands, and heads towards the door. I wait to hear the door open but it doesn’t I look in that direction, his back is to me.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Lorali. I love you.” I do my best to hide my sobs at his declaration, knowing that he just walked out carrying my entire heart with him.
Chapter 43
Lorali
If it weren’t for the rise and fall of the sun, I wouldn’t have had any idea that time has continued. I’ve spent days damn near comatose it seemed, my heart so empty I’d no hope for rehabilitation or even resurrection for that matter.
Alexa and Josie have been great. They check on me, make sure I have something to eat and drink, and they reassure me I’ll be fine, letting me know they’re here for me should I ever want to talk to them. There’s been nothing on the news or in the paper even hinting that Ian Hale has been busted in a drug ring, and it makes me inwardly wonder if he’s paid his way out of it.
I’ve attempted to watch TV in the living room with the girls, but I can feel their stares on my face and I can hear their whispers when they think I’m not listening. I know they’re concerned but so far they haven’t really pushed me for details. Ian continues to call them and check on me. I can tell from their half of the whispered conversations that he doesn’t have the faintest of clues as to why I called the trip off, why I left him, and why I refuse to see or speak to him.
He texts several times a day telling me he misses me, pleading with me to talk to him, and expressing feelings he never said out
loud to me. He keeps it sweet and heartwarming, which honestly surprises me because he was so sexual with me, I’d have expected some very vulgar, very Ian-like texts. They never came which I’m glad for, because even though my heart is broken, my body still hums and misses his touch.
I do my best to block out the memories we made in the few short weeks we were together, but the dreams have a mind of their own. They slide through my head and manipulate me into believing I made the whole situation up and I’m only torturing both of us by ignoring him. I’ve almost convinced myself I’m crazy until I see a tiny little blurb in the newspaper about the drug raid at the Happy Suds Laundromat. That’s when the sobbing began again, and I’ve cried a river full of tears since Friday evening.
It’s Tuesday and the girls have apparently taken shifts to watch over me. Alexa stayed home yesterday, saying she just needed an extra day, and today Josie is feigning an upset stomach to hover over me. I’ve no idea what they think I’ll need, but at least they keep to themselves mostly. In an attempt to avoid interaction, I’m once again in my room, laying on the bed and staring at nothing in particular.
I hear a knock at the door but I ignore it, knowing she’ll just walk right in anyway, so I save the energy.
“Lorali? Are you awake?” Josie queries quietly. I roll over on my back and look at her, I know I must look frightful by the wince she doesn’t even attempt to hide. “Someone is here to see you.”
“Tell them I’m not feeling well I don’t want to see them.” I roll back over, not giving a shit who it is.
“I can’t send him away, Lorali. It’s a police officer.” She responds gingerly.
I bolt upright in my bed. “What?!” I look around my room and for the briefest of seconds contemplate running. Fuck! Why would I think to run? I’ve never broken the law or been in trouble.
Oh God! What if they think I’m involved, or they arrest me for not coming to them with what I know?
“Tell them I’ll be with them shortly.” I say, unable to hide the shake in my voice.
She leaves the room and I do my best to drag a brush through my unkempt hair. I opt for a very messy bun when I discover there would be no helping it without a shower. I don’t want to go to jail half naked so I put on a bra under my t-shirt before heading to the front of the apartment.
The first thing I notice is Josie’s smile and her eyes are glazed over like she’s looking at the biggest ice cream sundae, savoring it with her sight before taking the first amazing bite.
My eyes follow her line of sight, and even in my darkened state of depression I can appreciate the man standing in front of her. He’s tall, well-built and his flawless tan skin seems to glow under Josie’s appreciation. His green eyes are shining, surrounded by Latin features.
My admiration is cut short once my eyes land on the gun and badge that are hooked onto his belt. I can tell he senses me in the room but struggles to pull his gaze away from Josie. Maybe she’s charmed him and I can just back out and he’ll forget why he came. I take a step back and his eyes shift to mine.
“Lorali Bennett?” He takes a step towards me and extends his head when I nod. “Kaleb Perez, Denver Narcotics Division.”
I’m certain he can feel the wave of apprehension run through my body, and I’m unable to hide the tremble in my hand when it makes contact with his.
“I was hoping for the opportunity to speak with you. Do you have any idea why I’m here?” He drops my hand and his right hand automatically rests on his firearm. I can tell it’s more out of habit than fear of the situation.
I cut my eyes to Josie. Fuck! I don’t want to get into this here. I nod my head and respond. “Yes, I think I do.”
He tilts his head, surprised at my answer and I can’t tell if he’s impressed that I answered truthfully without provocation or if he’s astounded that I’d have any clue why he’s here in the first place.
“Ok, well I’m hoping you’ve time to come down to the station so we can discuss…” He sees my glare and watches me cut my eyes to my sister. “A few things. There’s something I need you to clear up for me.”
I nod my head again. I seem to be doing it so much lately I feel like a bobble head. “Now?”
“I’ve another stop before I can head back to the station. Can you meet me in an hour?” More nodding. He pulls two cards from his back pocket, hands one to me. “This is the address.” He cuts his eyes to Josie. “It has my cell phone number on it. I’ll see you in an hour Ms. Bennett.” He hands the other card to Josie, and winks at her before he turns and leaves the apartment.
I’m in a daze when I hear Josie. “Oh. My. God.” On a long exhale. She fans herself with his card. “Did you hear his accent?” She leans against the wall like she’ll fall down if it weren’t there to support her.
My shoulders tremble causing her to snap out of her Detective Perez fantasy. She puts her arms around me and pulls me to her side. I cry even harder when I realize I’ve ruined her moment of infatuation of the sexy cop.
“Lorali, you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on! I’m terrified. You’ve been out of it for days and now the cops want to talk to you. What’s going on?” By now I’m standing in front of her and she has one hand on each of my shoulders.
“I won’t go into any detail, but I’m sure they want to talk to me about Ian being a drug dealer.” She suddenly pulls both of her hands from my shoulders and they slam against her mouth, catching half of her gasp.
She’s stunned into place. I make brief eye contact with her and turn to go back to my room. I have to shower before heading down to the police station.
When I step out of the shower all hell has broken loose. I hear Alexa yelling into the phone.
“Quit fucking calling here! She doesn’t want to talk to you! And to think I felt sorry for you, but now I find out you’re a fucking drug dealer?!?” There’s a slight pause in her rant. “Bullshit! The goddamn narcotics detective was here, Ian. She has to go to the fucking police station because they need to talk to her!” Another pause. “I don’t want to hear it! She’s fucking devastated. Nothing you can do can make it better. Just stay out of her fucking life!” I hear Alexa slam the phone down as I step into the hallway.
“Fuck! Lorali, I’m so sorry. I feel like I shoved you at him. I’d no clue!” She pulls me into a deep hug. She was with me in high school when I suffered after Seth was arrested, she helped me deal with the rumors that I was either a drug addicted whore, or just a fucking idiot since I claimed I knew nothing about it.
“What are you going to do?” She’s lightened her grip on me but still has her arms around my back.
“Right now I’m going to go to the police station and answer their questions.” I sigh and pull away from her.
She notices the look in my eyes and I know she can tell it’s different from the last time. “You knew?” She’s shaking her head like she doesn’t understand.
“I had some suspicions. He’s done some questionable things. But once again I ignored them.” I shake my head as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“You’ll be ok. I don’t think he’ll call again. I lit into him pretty good.” She wipes the tear from my face and takes a step back.
“Yeah, I heard.” I walk to the kitchen and grab my purse off of the breakfast bar and make sure I have the card with Detective Perez’s number and address on it.
“Do you want us to come with you?” Josie asks with a hopeful look on her face.
“Can you drive me?” I look at Josie, knowing she’ll jump at the chance to run into Kaleb again, and I know she’s the least likely of the two to grill me for more details before I’m ready to give them.
“Sure.” She grabs her cell phone and puts her jacket on. “Which precinct is it?”
I glance down at the card in my hand. “The one over on Industrial.”
We head out to my car and I hand her the keys. The ride to the police station is silent. By the time we make it there I’ve all but chewed a hole through my bott
om lip, nerves controlling my nibbling.
We trudge to the front entrance of the police station, our shoes crunching over the snow and I let my mind wander, wondering if Ian had planned on taking me somewhere tropical this week. Sure would’ve been much better than dealing with this shit. I curse his name again, but I’m still unable to bring myself to wishing I’d never met him, knowing he’s changed my life.
“Series of heartbreaks.” I mutter under my breath channeling my late Granny Bennett. I’m hoping that the evening doesn’t end with me in a jail cell, because that would be a whole other kind of heartbreak.
***
It only takes minutes before the armed woman at the front desk leads me into an office down a long hallway. It’s so much better than an interrogation room, and I take a seat across from a cluttered desk. There are no personal effects in the office, and the windows are covered with closed blinds. It makes me feel isolated and on edge. Even when Detective Perez came in with a smile on his face, my nerves are not set at ease.
I knew before I came here I’d tell one hundred percent of the truth, that even my love for Ian wouldn’t protect him from his crimes. I didn’t have that in me. It’d break my heart to have to do it; I’d take no pride in telling the police about my knowledge of his involvement with the drugs, but I won’t stand behind a criminal either.
I do inwardly hope that if he’s arrested that he’ll not only understand that I had to do what was right, but selfishly I also hoped that I’d not suffer consequences of his actions.
I’ll tell the truth even if I lose my job because I’ll undoubtedly be dragged through the mud for being his ‘girlfriend’ and a journalist. There’s the chance that I’m more of a story behind all of this than Ian himself.
“Thank you for coming on such short notice, Ms. Bennett.” Detective Perez takes a seat behind his desk and shuffles a few papers.
“Lorali, please, Detective Perez.” I say, hoping that things would be easier on me if he called me by my first name.
