That’s not to say that all sex should result in orgasms every time for both. Sometimes people are tired, or thinking about some problem at work, or the starting lineup for the 1992 Chicago Cubs (ha ha), but people should be able to expect to orgasm at least a good part of the time.
If the reason for the failure to orgasm is because your partner is doing something wrong, or that turns you off, or that hurts, for goodness sakes, tell them. Sure, couch it in words that don’t hurt, but tell them, or expect that the problem never will be corrected – because the problem probably never will be corrected, until it becomes so big that even bigger problems develop.
Help your female partner to feel secure that she can tell you if she doesn’t orgasm, and especially so if it happens to be because of something that you can correct. In the long run, that’s a much better solution for the health of your relationship, than trying to cover up a problem.
If you suspect that she’s faking it, but doesn’t tell you so, please do not be an Inspector Clouseau, and grill her about your suspicions. Just let her know that if she ever has concerns in your relationship, she doesn’t need to fear about letting you know about them. And always try to be alert to the little signals that a woman gives when she has a problem, and wants you to know she has a problem without telling you. Listen, pay attention, hear what she’s saying, and eventually you’ll be talking about it, and she’ll reach a solution – she usually just wants you to listen and empathize, not necessarily solve!
Inability to Orgasm
Some women are unable to orgasm. This condition is called "anorgasmia." And some women can orgasm while masturbating, but not during intercourse. If that is the situation, it’s best, first of all, to be completely sympathetic, non-judgmental, and assistive where you can.
It may be best to replicate the conditions that she sets for herself while masturbating, for instance, lowered lights, candles, soft music, even porno if she uses that. If she can relax while you’re there, even forget you’re there, it’s all to the good. She can show you the techniques that she uses to excite herself, ie, fondling her breasts, caressing her clitoral area, squeezing a plush toy between her thighs, whatever. Many masturbation techniques come from our childhood, and may seem juvenile, even childish, but who cares? They work, right?
She may use toys, a vibrator or dildo. Whatever works for her is great. After she’s cum a few times with you in bed with her, ask her if you can try those techniques on her. With luck and practice, you can substitute as the pleasure giver in her mind, and you’re on your way to being at least one of her sources of orgasms.
Other reasons for anorgasmia are likely beyond your abilities as a lover, but patience and sympathy never is. Help her to reach out for professional sex therapy or counseling to set her on a solution to the absence of orgasms in her sexual life. Sometimes the solution will be medical – again, if you can be there for her and support her, that will help her in so many ways.
Sexually Traumatized Partner
Some women have experienced an event, or a series of events, in their lives that caused them trauma related to experiencing sex – some of those events are what most of us would consider horrific, such as rape and pedophilia. Others perhaps less so, but they all leave their scars on a woman’s psyche and make it difficult or impossible for her to experience sex, ranging from any aspect of sexual relations to merely being unable to achieve orgasm. But what they all have in common is the need for a partner to support and be there for the victim, and to encourage them to seek out professionals to help them conquer their pain, and to heal and to grow into their life.
I had a pretty sheltered life growing up, so I really can’t approach the issue with the insight of experience or of a professional therapist. I encourage you to support a woman who has experienced a traumatic sexual experience - trust and communication are the best things that you can do for her on the personal level.
Conclusion
In order to be sexually successful with women, you have to give them what they want and need. There are many ways to a woman’s heart, but the surest way is through cunnilingus, the art of pleasing a woman with your mouth. The estimated 100 hundred million American men and 10 million women who have tried and no doubt enjoyed the taste of pussy can’t be wrong!
And what looks and tastes more delicious than this? Enjoy!
Books by Melinda Holmes
Blow Her Mind
50 Shades of Better Sex
Blow His Mind
www.amazon.com/author/melindaholmes
About Melinda Holmes
Melinda Holmes is the author of numerous award winning fiction and non-fiction erotic stories and books. She writes about the relationship issues of sex and love that tantalize and excite men and women throughout the English speaking world. Her fans number in the millions, and can be found in all levels of society. Her breezy, light and easy take on the pleasurable battles of sexual combat charm thousands of readers daily.
A 1990s graduate of a religious college in the State of California in the United States, Holmes has come a long way from her restrictive upbringing to blast apart the strictures and bonds that prevent lovers from reaching their greatest sexual potential. Her writing, both humorous and hot, will leave you laughing even as you find your libido buzzing.
She has made numerous friendships in the erotic entertainment community, as well as intimate relationships with many of the men and women there, giving her unique insight into successful methods of achieving the pleasurable heights that each of us deserves.
Besides the plaudits of her many fans, her achievements in related fields include training in interpersonal relationships, marriage and relationship counseling, the psychology of fetish sex, and many professional writing awards. Her writing displays the insight, wisdom, experience, scholarship and most importantly, the innate sense of fun that make her works hard to put down and an entertainment whirlwind that you’ll be telling all of your friends about!
One Last Thing...
When you turn the page, Kindle will give you the opportunity to rate the book and share your thoughts on Facebook and Twitter. If you believe the book is worth sharing, would you take a few seconds to let your friends know about it? If it turns out to make a difference in their sex life, they'll be forever grateful to you. As I will.
Melinda Holmes
Copyright © 2012 Melinda Holmes
Images and Cover by Sensual Science Publishing
Atlanta, Georgia USA
Blow Her Mind: His Illustrated Guide to Orgasmic Oral Sex So Good She'll Tell her Friends About It! Master Advanced Cunnilingus Tonight Page 8
