by Martha Carr
Leira bit her lower lip and put the picture back, still face-down. It had been a year since they packed up their lives and moved from Austin to DC, and it had taken that long for Leira to feel comfortable in her new surroundings. She had found the good coffee places in her neighborhood and a place in Rock Creek Park to let Yumfuck loose to play without being seen, but it was still nothing like Austin.
Correk came in and stood next to her in front of the fan, his long silver hair pulled back.
“Are you ever sorry we left Turner’s tricked-out mansion in Foggy Bottom?” she asked quietly.
“Only at night when the fan sputters and I run out of Cheetos to bribe Yumfuck to fan me.”
Leira gently elbowed him. “That would be funnier if it wasn’t true. You know we had to go.”
Correk lifted Leira’s chin and kissed her. “The worlds keep getting more complicated as magic returns to Earth.”
“Everyone has their own idea about how to manage the changes. They aren’t my ideas anymore. I took orders from the government and I took them from Turner. Things weren’t getting any better.”
“I know… I see it every day as the Fixer. Elves and Gnomes turning up missing or dead at the hands of dark magic. Turner understands even if he doesn’t like it.”
Correk still met with Turner Underwood at the old mansion that was part private home and part offices for Turner’s foundation to protect magic. It had only been a year since Correk had taken over the role of showing up just when help was needed for a magical being living on Earth—only lately he wasn’t always on time. “He keeps an eye out for you, whether you know it or not.”
Leira held up the bottom of her t-shirt, exposing the round scar on her belly from battles past as the breeze made her shirt billow. “I know he does. I run into his magic trail from time to time. It’s like a fingerprint.”
They had gotten their own place, even though Correk was still the Fixer. Besides, they needed some privacy; some separation and independence from the stress of work. Especially work that came with the daily possibilities of injury or death.
The three-story townhouse on N Street in Georgetown had been their answer, a fixer-upper they picked up using most of the rest of the money Leira had been paid by Turner’s foundation to keep the dark families in check. That problem was only growing in size.
“This place isn’t that bad.” Leira pulled herself away from the fan and walked down the hallway, ignoring the kitchen, which was layered in dirt from years of neglect by the previous owners. She went into the living room and lifted a frond on the lush potted fern, rubbing the small furry head of the troll napping in the cool dirt. “Yumfuck, wake up. There’s food in it for you.” She smoothed back his green hair and let go of the frond.
“I’m just happy to be able to leave my room in pajamas and not have all the ladies heading to the admin wing staring at me.” Correk followed Leira back into the living room. “The place isn’t bad and it’s really not that old, not in Oriceran terms.”
“That’s because your magical buildings were built centuries ago, and I’m pretty sure magic is sturdier than mortar. This place was originally built in 1788, which makes it a historical artifact in the human world.”
“That makes me a historical artifact in the human world.” Flecks of frosting stuck to the edges of Correk’s lips.
Leira tilted her head and scrunched her nose when she saw the crumbled mess down Correk’s shirt. She reached out to wipe away the crumbs just as Yumfuck came scurrying into the room. He was the size of a small toddler, but he quickly shrank to five inches and scurried up Correk’s front to suck up the crumbs like a mini-vacuum cleaner. Leira sighed and shook her head.
“Let me get dressed and I will do something about this kitchen situation,” she said. “We’ll cook some real food for breakfast, especially since you already hit up Sam’s Club without a place to cook anything.”
Correk smiled. “You don’t need to cook Doritos.”
“Mmmm, Doritos,” Yumfuck chimed in.
Leira pulled a t-shirt and a pair of old jeans from her drawer and paused to look at the pictures set out on the dresser. She picked up the first one and gazed tenderly at Hagan and Rose standing in front of a blossoming rose bush in the forest sanctuary. Rose looked healthier and happier than ever, and even Hagan looked thinner. It must help not having a donut shop around the corner, even if it was still right outside of Austin. I need to go see them. It’s been too long.
She set the picture down and looked at the one next to it, a feeling of sadness gathering in her stomach. Ossonia. The Light Elf was standing on the edge of Oriceran’s Dark Forest, smiling. It was from better days, long before she had been sucked into the World in Between. Leira swallowed hard and set the picture down as Correk put his chin on her shoulder. She leaned her head against his, still staring at Ossonia’s smile.
“I haven’t given up,” Leira told him.
“I know, and neither have I, but there is a lot to do—and like your grandmother has said more than once, she isn’t going anywhere. We will get her back. It just has to be the right time.”
“Perrom’s never going to forgive me.”
“Sure he will.” Correk stood up straight. “Like everything else, it takes time. Paris changed everything, and not just for them. Our old lives ended after that battle, whether we knew it or not. Too much death and no real winners...”
“All right, boys,” she said as she walked out into the main area and through the doorway to the kitchen. “This kitchen is going to need a complete overhaul, but first let’s just make it a little less disgusting. I think there’s an actual layer of grease on the walls.”
Yumfuck grew to three feet tall and came up next to her, putting his hands out and pushing up his invisible sleeves. “I can help.” He stuck out his tongue, ready to lick away the problem.
Leira shook her head and put her hand in front of him.
“Hold on, Yoda. I think I can handle this one. Not sure even your stomach could take it.”
“Come here, buddy. Let her show off a little,” Correk told the troll as he leaned against the doorframe.
Leira peered out the kitchen window at the small backyard patio and the rear of the house behind them. The cobblestones were broken but fixable, and she knew they would have to do it by hand since the neighbors would be able to see everything. We’ll get there.
Yumfuck pressed Stop on his new stereo, ending the steady flow of nature sounds coming from the speakers. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes closed as his furry chest slowly rose and fell. He sat perfectly still for a moment, his hands in Vitarka Mudra just like the statue. As he opened his eyes and looked at the Buddha his stomach growled loudly.
“To cure the hunger within one must bite the Cheeto.” Yumfuck smiled as he hopped off his meditation mat and scurried to the neatly arrayed snacks.
Along the wall was his own little snack station where several bins full of his favorite finger foods were stacked on top of each other. He grabbed a snack-sized bag of Cheetos from the bottom bin and opened his mini-fridge to pull out a bottle of grape soda. He licked his lips and plopped down on the floor to open the bag, then tipped it back and crunched down, flurries of orange dust flying from his mouth. The whole bag was eaten in one swallow. He then drained his bottle of grape soda, leaned back, and belched loudly.
Yumfuck smiled and rubbed his belly, streaks of faux neon-orange cheese smearing through his fur as he looked around his new room. Leira had made it a point to focus her magic on his space first to get him out of the dusty living area. It was designed just for him, the furniture perfectly selected to fit his three-foot frame. It was quickly becoming his favorite size. The tables and chairs mimicked the twisted wood of the giant trees in the Dark Forest of Oriceran. The windows had heavy dark curtains to prevent prying eyes, and the bed included a small pull-out with fresh new women’s panties all ready for when he wanted to shrink and take a nap. In the corner was his favorite fern, the dirt piled to
one side where he had created a nook for himself in the moist soil.
Yumfuck looked at his closet and smirked before popping to his feet and rushing to the heavy door, then slid it open and rubbed his hands together. When he pushed on a slatted section of the wall in the back, the sounds of magical locks clicking, and clacking filled his ears and he stood there excitedly as the false back opened. It was Yumfuck’s personal secret weapons cache.
“So many choices,” he murmured, rubbing his hands together. “I am Batfuck.”
To the right was a row of tools. Some he used to wiggle his way out of the house at night, and others to gently pry open various restaurant doors when he was out for a late-night snack. Everything else was for fighting or crime-solving, including a Yumfuck-sized sword with the Oriceran crest on the hilt, a couple of daggers, and a mini bow and quiver full of arrows made just for him by Correk. In the bins to the side were notebooks for his ongoing investigations and a bin of cat toys to help lure cats out of trees. Dangling below all that was the brand new shiny pair of handcuffs Hagan had given him as a going away present. Yumfuck ran his fingers across them, eyes wide, thinking about the retired detective—Leira’s old partner.
“True hero. Mentor. Gonna make him proud.” Yumfuck nodded his head fiercely.
To the right above the tools, his different-colored masks and capes hung neatly in a row. In the front were the tiny ones for when he took on criminals in his smallest stature. They went up in size, with one very large one hanging in the back in case he needed to keep himself shielded during a battle. He grabbed his Ninja Turtle backpack from the shelf and shoved one of the medium-sized capes and masks inside, then paused and tapped his furry finger against his chin. He smiled and put two small cat toys and the handcuffs in the front pouch and zipped it shut.
“It’s been fun, but time to solve some crimes.” He smiled again as he pulled on his red cowboy boots.
Yumfuck had evolved over the past year just like everyone else. He had quickly become Troll 2.0, Zen Master and Crime Fighter. He was part of the team, and he was determined to protect the innocent by Leira’s side and out on his daily perambulations around town. The new city had brought an onslaught of new opportunities and a whole lot of unique food choices that Austin hadn’t offered.
He shut the faux back of the closet and turned to the mirror. In the top corner was a picture of him and Mara Berens, her smiling at the camera and him blowing a raspberry. He took a deep breath and looked at his reflection, pulling his new sunglasses off the desk.
“Gonna save the world today.” He nodded to himself. “But first, lunch.”
3
The cabinet door tilted as Leira pushed another screw into the hole. She struggled with the screwdriver, trying to get the thing on track and balanced at the same time. She bit her bottom lip and closed one eye, lining up the screwdriver with the end of the screw and trying to get the door stabilized.
“Just use magic.” Correk chuckled as he walked into the room with a Dr. Pepper in his hand.
“I was trying to be a human for a little while,” she replied, dropping the screwdriver. “Fuck me.”
Leira bit her lip and tilted her head, giving up on the human home improvements. When she pointed her finger at the screw, the warmth moved up her body slowly and a tiny white light pushed out of the tip and finished screwing in the hinge. She leaned back on her stool and looked at it, loving the white stain they had chosen for the old wooden storage space. The cabinets looked brand-new again, and they had picked out pearled handles to match the floor.
“It’s all very white,” Leira mused.
“It’s bright and happy,” Correk replied. “Looks like someone missed her calling as an interior designer.”
“Yeah, right.” Leira snorted. “I would be bored after the first day. This already makes me want to go out and chase down some perp and throw him in the dirt.”
“Or go wandering off to London in the middle of the night to take on a wizard,” Correk replied. “How is that burn on your chest doing?”
“Okay,” she said, looking down at the barely-there scar. “I learned a couple of things about healing while I was with Turner. There will still be a scar, but at least it doesn’t pulse with dark magic anymore.”
“Things are definitely getting worse,” Correk declared. “One of the dark families must have something up their sleeves. It’s the third time they’ve sent someone after you.”
“The shifters came.” Leira wiped off her hands. “I still really want to talk to them. They saved my butt last night.”
Correk opened his mouth to protest Leira going out alone, but the buzz of his phone from the table drew his attention. Duty calls. No one except Turner ever called him, but now that he was the new Fixer he had to be ready to jump at any minute.
“Speak of the devil.” He held it up. “Gotta take this.”
“You’re like a magic fireman. Bell rings, you go.” Leira turned back to the cabinets, ready to take on some serious renovating. She wanted to feel at home there, something she really hadn’t felt since she’d left Austin and everyone she loved.
Yumfuck went out the front door and jumped down in the bushes. Don’t attract attention—a Leira rule.
He squinted up at the bright sun and pulled his sunglasses on, tilting his cowboy hat forward as his stomach rumbled. He walked down the line of bushes, keeping his eye out for any signs of crime. He might be on his way to lunch, but crime-fighting never took a meal break.
He turned the corner and stopped, glancing at a passing car with a small child plastered against the window. His big brown eyes were wide and he held a small plastic pistol, his own cowboy hat tilted to the side. Yumfuck nodded at the boy, who pretended to shoot his gun into the air as he laughed loudly. His mother reached back from the front seat to try to get him to sit straight in his seat. When the car stopped at the stop sign the little boy wound down his window, waving at Yumfuck.
Yumfuck waved back, touching the brim of his hat. “Safety first, little pardner.”
The boy nodded and quickly straightened out his seatbelt as the car pulled out of view. Yumfuck smiled to himself, hooking his fingers in his backpack’s straps like suspenders. “Public safety.” He nodded. “All in a day’s work.”
He walked two blocks to the nearest Starbucks and shrank before scurrying through the door as someone exited, then weaved between the chair legs as he made his way back to the bathroom hallway. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of chocolate and coffee that wafted toward him. The wall at the back shimmered and undulated, but only he could see it. He ran straight through the magical wall and out onto a metal platform with tiny arrows dotting the different staircases.
Witches, wizards and magical beings of all kinds hurried up and down the different stairwells. When he located the green arrow he grew taller, grabbing the railing as he made his way down. There were five flights of stairs to that particular railway entrance, but they split into dozens of others, twisting and turning into the dark. When Yumfuck reached the third metal platform he hurried forward, looking down at the small arrows below his boots. As he skirted through the crowd he slammed right into a pair of legs as he stopped and slowly looked up, pushing his glasses over the tuft of green fur on the top of his head. A tall silver-haired wizard scowled down at him.
“Watch where you’re going, you furry little maggot,” he grumbled, swishing his coat and moving around Yumfuck.
Yumfuck took a step back, thrown off by the aura of dark magic surrounding the wizard. He watched as the man stomped off in another direction, following orange arrows into a dark tunnel. Yumfuck shivered and rolled his shoulders, knocking off the icy feeling the wizard had left behind.
“Dark magic is everywhere.” A shudder ran down his spine.
By the time he reached the bottom the train doors were getting ready to shut. He ran through the crowd that was waiting for the next train and squeezed through the sliding doors as a bell rang in the background. He wiped
his forehead and took his backpack off, pulling it in front of him as he jumped into one of the empty seats. Yumfuck had gotten pretty good at using the magical railway system and it was a lot easier than walking everywhere, especially with so many people living in the capital.
Living on N Street meant he was in close proximity to all kinds of restaurants, which was exactly what he needed to feel at home. When he had first arrived in DC he had been sad to have left Austin, but when he found that DC had an underground network of foodies and plenty of places to eat he had settled right in. He missed his friends and Leira’s grandmother Mara, but he had already started to put a plan in motion to ride the trains to Charlottesville, Virginia where she was the Headmistress of the School for Necessary Magic.
Yumfuck looked up at the flashing magical sign, the symbols moving across it signaling the next stop. The next stop was his and led him directly to Astro Doughnuts and Fried Chicken, cattie-corner from the Metro Center—which was where the exit from the underground railway was tucked inside another Starbucks.
Yumfuck hurried out of the train and up the stairs, making sure not to take the wrong ramp. He popped out of the wall in the Starbucks and shrank, scurrying back outside and along the curb. He put his glasses back on and hurried across the street, barely missing a bike messenger’s wheel, and through the door to Astro. A man walking out stopped and looked down at the Ninja Turtle backpack pushing past him and shook his head.
Maybe it is time to take that vacation, he thought.
Yumfuck scurried along the wall and up over the counter, staring wide-eyed at all the food. Donuts were lined up in the showcase with little black chalkboards naming each one. He blinked and drooled when he saw the freshly-cooked chicken wings on a platter in the back. He couldn’t believe his luck. Donuts and chicken in one place.
“Look at that adorable little dog!” One of the women in line giggled.
