by Unknown
Feeling her grow tense, he whispered hoarsely, "Don't be afraid, sweetheart . . ."
"I could never be afraid of you, Adam."
Knowing he could not wait much longer, Adam touched her velvet softness, stroking the sensitive folds until she knew a wanting, a desire for an end to these searing flames that tormented her.
For one brief, soul-shattering moment, Adam caught a glimpse of Paradise when he lowered himself into her. Stabbing, white-hot pain streaked through her when his masculinity broke her virginal barrier. Her sharp cry was abruptly cut off when his lips quickly covered hers. His tongue shot into her mouth, probing deeper and deeper into that crevice while his manhood slowly filled the other. He started moving again, short, gentle, rocking thrusts. His body screamed for release. He ached to plunge in deeply, to bury himself completely in her sweetness, but he drew from some inner strength and used restraint he did not know he possessed.
Finally, he realized Blair's moans were passionate mews of pleasure. It was only then that he raised his lips from hers and began to climb the road to the ultimate satisfaction. He felt her arms wrap around him when his tempo increased. He plunged faster and faster. Nails suddenly bit into his flesh as Blair answered his desire with passionate thrusts of her own.
Then, their loins began to churn tumultuously, like a mass of swirling storm clouds. It was violent, intense, electrifying, then as brilliantly as lightning stabs across the sky, fulfillment poured forth, drenching their souls with satisfaction.
All was quiet for a moment, then their soft cries of joy mingled with the sound of lips tenderly touching each other.
Chapter 15
It seemed an eternity before Blair could sort through the chaos that had taken control of her emotions and calm the irregular beating of her heart. Now that some form of sanity had reclaimed her mind, doubts began to set in, to twist and turn and torture her. She found it beyond belief that she could have given herself so freely to a man who had not actually professed to loving her. He had not even told her that he wanted her, needed her. He had just opened his arms and she had gone into them willingly. What on earth possessed her to think just because he made love to her, he loved her?
Blair knew she loved him with all of her heart and soul, there was no denying that, but was her love returned? Had she unwittingly exposed her own vulnerability?
Now that she had given herself to Adam with such wild abandon, without commitments, without his declaration of love, without discussion of marriage, would he believe he could mold her like clay and do with her as he wanted instead of allowing her a voice in their future?
When they made love, had his body reacted out of true affection, or just raw passion? Had she merely been available to fill a hunger, to satisfy a raw, primitive need? And why couldn't she have had these doubts a lifetime ago? Why now when it was too late?
Oh, Adam, she silently pleaded. Just hold me close and tell me that you love me. That is all I want. Those three little words will reassure me more than anything else you could say or do. But please ... say them to me!
Feeling Blair stir beneath him, Adam moved from her, though he continued to hold her snugly in his arms. He trailed a path of undemanding kisses across her cheek. Sensing something was wrong, he drew back and studied her features carefully. Her eyes were firmly closed, and her chin trembled from the effort of not crying.
"Sweetheart, look at me," he commanded, gently guiding her face to mere inches from his. Blair opened her eyes but kept her lashes lowered. "Did I hurt you?" he asked softly.
"N-no."
"Are you embarrassed, or ashamed?" '
Blair averted her face, finding it too difficult tc look at him. Why didn't he tell her he loved her? She began to shake violently "N-no . . . please, j-just hand me the blanket." Her skin flushed a dusky rose at the thought of her nakedness. If he didn't love her, her nudity seemed so . . . indecent now.
He wanted so fervently to take her back into his arms and make love to her again, but she was obviously too distressed to respond to any attempts at lovemaking. Swallowing his disappointment, he quickly slipped on his trousers and got the blanket for her. When he wrapped it around her shoulders he frowned when she recoiled slightly from his touch.
"You must be freezing, come on over here and sit by the fire and I'll add more wood." He shook the coffee pot. "It just about boiled dry, but there might be a cup left." He emptied the coffee pot into the cup and handed it to her. "It's a little strong, but you sit there and drink it while I’ll make another pot,"
Although Blair was slightly chilled, her violent shaking stemmed from her ragged emotions, but she did not protest or object to Adam’s ministrations. She wanted to give him every opportunity to speak the three little words she desperately longed to hear.
Adam walked over to the pond and filled the pot with water, grateful to be out of sight of her accusing eyes. He knew that was contradictory because Blair was doing everything to avoid looking at him—still, that's why he felt she was accusing him. She was beginning to worry him. Never before had he made love to a woman who behaved like this afterwards. But then, he'd never made love to a virgin before, and he'd never made love to the woman he adored. He saw how she sat huddled miserably under the blanket and his heart wrenched. It was time to put a stop to this nonsense right now.
Setting the water on to the fire to boil, he then knelt on one knelt beside Blair, and gently began stroking the back of her hair. He knew he could not touch her too intimately — not and keep his sanity. "Look, sweetheart, I know you must feel awkward or . . . embarrassed, but you shouldn't be. What happened between us has been happening between men and women since the beginning of time. It isn't anything to be ashamed of. It all fits into the order of things, it's a natural part of life."
Observing no reaction, he gripped her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Blair, damn it . . ." Her expression stopped him stone cold. He stared forlornly into her shattered features. He saw the haunted expression in her eyes, the tears welling in them. The damp tracks down her cheeks testified she hadn't been able to contain all of them. Her lips were swollen and her cheeks were red-roughened from the scrape of his beard. She was frantically clutching the blanket as though afraid he would snatch it away and take her again.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, letting his hands fall away. Adam was not apologizing for making love to her, only that he was sorry for hurting her in any way.
I’m sorry. Dear God in heaven, he couldn't say he loved her. He couldn't admit to feelings he did not have. She had given herself to him bodily and soul and he did not love her!
Clenching her hands into tight fists, Blair took a deep, shuddering breath. She had to pull herself together. Some gunmen notched their gun butts for each man they killed. She could suddenly visualize Adam doing the same to the trail of broken hearts he undoubtedly left behind him. She had too much pride to be added to his list of conquests.
"I'm sorry too, Adam," she spoke softly. "I have no idea what came over me. I don't know how I could have been so ... so reckless and . . . immoral." Her cheeks blazed from the memory of I responding to him so wantonly.
"There was nothing immoral about what we did.As I told you, sweetheart, lovemaking is a natural order of . . ."
"I know what you told me, Adam," Blair spoke a bit too curtly. "I agree with you ... it is the natural order, but only between the right two people. If we were not meant for each other, though, all of the trite little sayings and trying to ; justify our scandalous behavior will change nothing. I always assumed I would come to my husband on our wedding night, pure and innocent. Now that can never be. But I have to share the responsibility for what happened between us. I should have stopped it ... I simply . . . don't know what came over me." She laughed but it sounded bitter and harsh. "I know this sounds insane, but part of my regret is that in all likelihood, our friendship will never be the same." She closed her eyes and pulled the blanket more tig
htly around her. "If only we could forget this ever happened," she whispered sadly.
Adam felt as though he had been kicked in the stomach. The way she was talking, it sounded like she loved someone else. Who? That man back east who jilted her for her best friend? She had told him Albert hadn't meant anything to her, but apparently she'd had too much pride to admit her true feelings. Sometimes women didn't have much sense when it came to picking men.
He walked over to the pool, lit a cheroot, crammed his hands into his pockets, and stared at the water rushing over the falls. He felt like a fool, not by what Blair said, hell, she couldn't help how she felt. He thought it was ironic that the only woman he had ever cared for was in love with another man. If he could not have her, why torture himself by hanging around? His best bet was to go over to the horse, mount up and ride until he felt like stopping.
He turned about on his heel and the sight of Blair stopped him cold. He was the type of man who only loved once in a lifetime, so how could he ride off without fighting for her? She might not love him now, but what about tomorrow? Or next week? Or next year? He'd be damned before he gave up so easily!
Then another thought crossed his mind. Striding urgently toward Blair, his steps slowed when he drew near. She was attempting to dry her clothes while still clutching the blanket tightly around her.
"Here, since it's my fault you fell in the pool, let me dry them for you." Taking each garment from her and giving them hardy shakes, he spread them over willow branches and quickly turned back to Blair. He placed his hands on his hips and shifted uneasily on his feet. "I don't claim to know much about such things, but I do know sometimes it takes only once to make a baby. I'm willing to do the honorable thing by you."
Blair's mind struggled in turmoil. There was no voice of wisdom telling her what to do, to explain the tempestuous depths into which she seemed to be spiraling without control. The man she wanted was within her grasp, all she had to do was reach out for him. But at what future costs? How long would it take for him to grow to hate her? It was with a heavy heart that Blair realized what she had to do. "Thank you, Adam, that is very sweet of you . . ."
"No, Blair, it isn't sweet!" he spat the word with contempt. "I happen to have a conscience, I know when I’ve done wrong. There is nothing I can do to erase the past few hours—if there was, I would. So I’m more than willing to make it as right as I possibly can —and that is all I can do."
Fiery sparks flashed from her eyes. "You did not let me finish, Adam! I was about to add, I don't have much experience when it comes to men and women spending torrid afternoons together. It i seems to me, most men would walk away from such tawdry affairs without a twinge of regret."
"Well, I’m not most men! I have to look at myself every morning in the mirror when I shave."
Her voice softened along with her features, and all enmities were momentarily forgotten. "I know :you are not like most men. That's why even though I appreciate your offer—much more than you'll ever know —I feel I must refuse . . . unless it becomes necessary. God forbid, if there is a child, it shouldn't suffer because of us. But Adam, you know as well as I, we are so much alike. If we were trapped in a loveless marriage ... it would destroy us. So, please, let's not do anything hasty, let's just wait and see."
"Maybe you're right," he said slowly. He knew it would be hell on earth for him if there was a child. How could he ever live with Blair as she grew large with a baby, knowing she was yearning for another man? He didn't know if he could take such torture.
Raking his hand through his hair, he stared at her like a man possessed. "Blair, there is one other detail I want to make clear. Whatever you do, don't try to hide your pregnancy from me. I could never forgive a woman for that, not even you."
It was almost dark by the time they reached the Bar 4. Lamps had already been lit and warm, amber lights shone from the house and bunk-house. Muted voices and occasional laughter drifted out into the twilight and mingled with crickets, and the distant lowing of a cow.
Blair was too nervous to feel the peace that had settled over the Bar 4. Instead, she was like a coiled spring, tense with wondering what her family would do when they saw her. What would they say? Could they tell something had happened just by looking at her? Was her sin burned into her forehead like a scarlet letter?
"I’ll stable your mare for you," Adam offered as they dismounted and walked the horses into the barn.
"No, thank you, I’ll do it."
"I don't mind."
"I know, but . . . well, I dread going to the house." She tried to smile but it was a feeble attempt. "I have this strange idea that everybody will be able to tell what happened today just by looking at my face."
"Just act normal, it will be all right." Although he tried to reassure her, Adam had wondered the same thing. He had noticed whenever Blair was troubled, she was not too good at concealing her emotions.
"Maybe so, but I’d still rather not go in alone," she stated adamantly. She just knew one look from Warren and he would immediately sense something was wrong.
Adam knew when he would waste his breath to-argue further. "All right then, you put out their feed and water and I’ll unsaddle them."
"Adam, Miss Blair," Jake called from the doorway. "Warren sent me out here to put the horses up. Adam, he said he needed to see you right away."
"All right, thank you, Jake," Adam said without 'so much a tremor to his voice. He took Blair's arm, conscious of how badly she was trembling, and after they were out of hearing range of the barn, he said softly, "Take it easy now, Warren won't hurt you. Just remember, even if he suspects something ... my offer is still open." The tensing of his jaw revealed how much he dreaded facing Warren, too. "If he wants to stick a shotgun in my back and direct us to the nearest preacher, I’m willing to make an honest woman out of you."
"Hey, you two," Warren called from the porch. "I was about ready to send out a search party. I was beginning to think you had gotten lost."
"No." Adam shrugged nonchalantly. "We just rode farther than we thought. As I told Blair earlier, the two of you were definitely right. That's mighty rough country out there. I saw several places that reminded me of the Kiamichi wilderness, and you know how rugged that country is." Stepping up on the porch, he hit at some dust on his pants with his gloves. "Jake said you wanted to see me. Anything important?"
Realizing this was an excellent opportunity to avoid being questioned by Warren about the day's events, Blair hurried to the front door and glanced around. "Excuse me, gentlemen, it has been a long time since I've spent the day in a saddle and I'm tired . . . and I'll even admit to being a little sore. I’m going on inside and soak in a hot tub of water, then I plan on turning in early. Good night, Warren, Adam." she added softly.
Once inside the house, she pressed her ear to the door to listen.
Warren reached inside his vest pocket and handed Adam an envelope. "Tom Bastrop stopped by again today. Seems he was in town and overheard the postmistress mention your name while she was putting up the mail. He told her he knew you . . . and I suppose he thought he was saving you a trip into town by dropping it off here at the ranch —although, some folks might consider that being a bit too nosy."
He walked over to the porch railing, scratched his cheek and chuckled. "I think it was just an excuse, though, to come by and see if you and Blair did go riding today. This is the first time I've known him to be interested in a woman since Megan went back east ... I guess it's been five, maybe six years ago. Megan was his fiancee, and it's strange, I had forgotten her name until he mentioned it yesterday. She and her mother came out here for a visit before the wedding — don't know whether it was mama or Megan who hated it out here, but they high-tailed it back home within a month. Then yesterday when Tom mistook Blair for Megan —I suppose it was the way she had her hair pinned up on her head, or maybe even the way the light was shining on her, but Tom sure did a double-take. It wouldn't surpris
e me if he asks permission to come courting . . . and I'd hate that because I don't like the man. And I like it even less to think he might want to be my brother-in-law. Now, I know it's not any of my business, but if someone else was interested in Blair, then he ought to speak up . . . Adam, are you listening to me?" he asked when he turned around and saw Adam reading the letter from the
"Huh?" Adam glanced up.
Annoyance edged into Warren's voice, "Were you listening to me?"
"No, excuse me, I wasn't paying any attention. I was reading this letter from Judge Parker." He leaned against the doorframe and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "This puts a different slant on things."
"Anything that concerns me or the situation in this area?"
"Yeah. Seems the Chickasaw Indian Council has petitioned Judge Parker, requesting the presence of federal marshals until and for two months after the land is opened. He granted their request and put me in charge of it. He told me in this letter to use my own judgment as to where the marshal's office should be opened. From what Coy was saying the other day, Doughtery sounds as good a place as any."
Warren beamed his approval. "Good! That makes me feel better already! How many marshals is he sending?"
Adam gave him a lop-sided grin. "You're looking at him."
"Just you?"
"Yeah, but I can deputize some men if I need to."
They continued to talk, but Blair tuned away. She felt as if all of the blood had drained from her face. She had deliberately waited inside the hall in hopes of overhearing what Adam and Warren had to say, but this was the last thing she expected to hear.
Numbly, she made her way to the bathing room and built a fire in the small heater that was expressly used for heating bath water. Waiting only until the water was tepid, she poured it into the tub, refilled the kettle and set it back on the stove to heat. She quickly undressed and climbed into the rounded-back, brass tub. After a moment, she buried her face in her hands and wept silent tears.
