Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 1
I wonder if they know…
A tired-looking single mother gave me a weary smile as she ushered her three rambunctious children out of my apartment building this morning.
Then, a cabbie literally stopped to give me the right of way as I was crossing the street.
And a man in his mid-40s got up and offered me his seat on the subway. That is nearly unheard of here in New York City at rush hour.
They know…I can tell.
Just one look at me and it becomes obvious that I’ve failed at everything I came to this city to accomplish.
I’m still as fat as I was the day I stepped off the plane from Austin.
I haven’t finished my law degree or my legal internship.
Even my vegan diet failed when I fell off the wagon and decided to drown my sorrows in two dozen ranch-style chicken wings last night.
But, the worst, the biggest failure?
I’ve managed to get myself pregnant by a man who came to this city with his own dreams and aspirations. I’ve ruined my own life and now I have to decide whether I’ll take him down with me.
Suddenly, the Big Apple isn’t so bright and shiny anymore.
The street performers that I usually love so much are beyond annoying this morning as I step out of the subway station at Union Square. The hawkers are way too pushy. And I’m in no mood to flirt with the Wall Street investment banker-types who throw cocky smiles my way.
I’m pregnant. In New York City. By a man I barely know.
And, darn it, I’m scared.
Chapter 2
Nadia shoves a bowl of garlicky dip and vegetables in my direction. “I tried your recipe for homemade hummus, Hails. It’s awesome.”
I shake my head and inch away from her. “No, thanks.” Usually, I’d be all over that hummus, but now, the mere thought of garlic makes me more nauseous than I can describe.
Nadia just shrugs as she passes the container to Ruthie.
“This is delicious, Nadia.” Ruthie chomps down on a slice of celery covered in dip before she licks her fingers. “You’re missing out, Hailey.”
“Nah, I’ll pass,” I say as I take another sip of my water. It’s the only thing I’ve been able to keep down all day. Morning sickness has gotten the best of me. Plus, I’m filled with anxiety about booking a doctor’s appointment. I can’t just ignore this pregnancy and hope it goes away. I have to figure out what exactly I’m going to do.
“Are you okay, Hails?” Nadia asks throwing a quick glance in my direction. “You look a little…green.”
Ruthie looks concerned. “I hope you’re not catching that flu that’s going around. Madison caught it and she’s been in bed for three days.”
I sigh wistfully. I wish I had the flu. The flu is simple. You may feel like shit for a few days but you know that it will pass soon enough. The issue I’m dealing with can alter the entire course of my life.
It’s not a nine-month deal. It’s not even an 18-year deal. It’s a life-changing event.
I just lean my head against the handrail running alongside the stairwell. “I’ll be fine.” I’ll figure this mess out. I know I will.
I’ll be fine.
And then, Ruthie opens her goddamned container and the smell of primavera fills the air. I gasp and jump to my feet as the scent assaults me. I try to run to the bathroom but the nausea comes on way too fast. I find myself crouched down and hurling in the corner of the stairwell.
“Hails, are you okay?” I can see the worry etched into Nadia’s expression as she grabs my hair and pulls it out of my face.
I can’t carry this secret anymore so I just blurt out, “I’m pregnant.”
And it’s like the room freezes.
“Oh shit…” I hear Ruthie mumble under her breath.
Nadia takes a quick step back. “Wait – you’re seeing someone?” she asks looking utterly shocked and reminding me of just how out of the loop she is.
I feel Ruthie’s hands on my shoulders. She pulls me to my feet and hugs me close. And I melt. I dissolve into tears. I feel as afraid as I’ve ever felt. She sways me slightly as she whispers into my hair. “Oh Hailey, what are you going to do?”
Chapter 3
I called Jackson with the intention of telling him what’s going on. It doesn’t feel fair that I have to go through this alone.
I mean – we made this mess together. So, I need help deciding how to go about fixing it.
But he’s over the moon.
His app launch received an amazing reception over the weekend. It’s already been downloaded tens of thousands of times since its official release. Now, several local and online media outlets want to interview him and his co-founder, Andy. They’ve been called visionaries, patriots, even heroes, for developing this app for military veterans. This is everything Jackson dreamed of and more.
“I know I promised that I’d be back in New York as soon as things settle down over here in Austin, but we’re just picking up steam. Spencer wants me to stay out here for a while. I need more time out here, Cowgirl. You understand that, right?” His voice is soft and imploring. He’s already been gone several weeks. He needs to stay away for even longer. He wants me to be okay with that.
This is not what I want to hear him say.
I want to hear him say that he’ll be on the next flight back to New York City. That he and I will build a family and that everything else – our careers, our ambitions, our dreams – will have to take a backseat.
But he won’t say that because he doesn’t know that I’m carrying his child.
Chapter 4
“Are you sure you want to do this? You can still change your mind, y’know.” The apprehension on Ruthie’s face is evident.
“I’m sure,” I say in a small, quivering voice.
The truth is, I’m anything but ‘sure’.
I keep my head down to hide my tears as I continue to fill out the paperwork that the receptionist handed me when we walked into this packed Brooklyn Planned Parenthood clinic nearly an hour ago. Ruthie rests her hand on my fidgeting knee. She’s worried about me.
“Hailey, you don’t have to make this decision right now. You can take some more time.”
She’s wrong.
I can’t take any more time. I never thought that I’d ever be in the position to have to decide whether or not to have an abortion. But now, here I am.
I have to do this now. Now or never.
I can’t allow myself one more minute to fall in love with this child and with the fantasy of what life would be like if Jackson and I could live happily ever after with our baby.
I look around the sterile waiting room and wonder about the women sitting here.
What are their stories?
Did they find this decision as difficult to make as I did?
…Are they bad people?
That’s the question I keep asking myself – am I a bad person for deciding not to keep this baby? Or would keeping it even though Jackson is about to get his big break be the selfish decision to make?
Just then, a petite nurse with salt and pepper hair and a painfully unpleasant face walks into the waiting room carrying a clipboard and wearing flower-patterned scrubs. She says my name. “Hailey Lundeen?”
I lift my hand feebly to get her attention even though I wish I could hide under a rock.
“Hailey, foll
ow me please,” the nurse says gruffly.
Ruthie stands and gathers her coat and mine but I sit, immobilized. I feel like bricks have been tied to my feet.
“I’m not ready…” I mumble quietly.
The nurse pauses and throws me a quick glance. “It’s your turn, Hailey,” she says impatiently.
“I’m not ready,” I whisper again, this time with tears running down my cheeks.
Ruthie sinks back into the worn plastic chair beside me and puts an arm around my shoulder. “Hails?”
I look into my friend’s face. “I’m not ready.”
I see compassion in her eyes as a soft smile comes to her lips. She turns to the nurse. “She’s changed her mind for today.”
The nurse grumbles audibly but I don’t look up at her face. Instead, I let Ruthie help me into my jacket and usher me towards the door.
Chapter 5
The light is dim and the curtains are drawn. I’m tentative as I approach the bassinet. I don’t want to wake the sleeping baby.
He lies there, swaddled tightly in a blanket decorated in various shades of blue. His tiny chest rises and falls rhythmically.
So small. So precious.
I gently stroke the palm of his hand and his little fingers close around mine. I feel tears come to my eyes.
I glance back at his beaming parents.
“What’s his name?” I ask softly.
“Aiden,” Spencer whispers grinning widely as Amber wraps her arms tightly around her husband.
They look so happy. So radiant. And for a brief moment, I imagine that it is me and Jackson staring down at our own baby, introducing him to the world.
I begin to sob uncontrollably. Amber and Spencer exchange confused looks. “Excuse me,” I say as I rush out of the room.
Amber she follows me down the hallway into the spacious living room. “Hailey, what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting strange lately.”
I look over at her and all my emotions rise to the surface. “I’m pregnant, Amber,” I announce.
The expression of shock on her face is quickly replaced by excitement. She takes me gently by the shoulders. “Honey, that’s amazing,” she says softly.
“I’m not sure that it is,” I confess feeling ashamed of myself. I’m carrying a life inside of me. I should be elated. I look at my friend who is absolutely beaming at the birth of her child and here I am trying to run away from the opportunity to be a mother.
“What did Jackson say when you told him?” she asks pulling her thick cardigan tightly around her shoulders.
“I haven’t told him,” I say refusing to meet her stare.
“Wait – it isn’t Jackson’s baby? Is it Matt’s?” He eyebrows rise with disapproval.
I almost hurl. “It’s not Matt’s baby. It’s Jackson’s, of course,” I say defensively.
“So, what’s the problem?” she asks naively.
“The problem is that neither one of us needs a baby right now. I haven’t even finished law school or my internship at the law firm yet.”
Amber interrupts me. “Neither have I. But this is the twenty-first century. Having a baby doesn’t mean the end of your career.” She looks seriously offended by my point of view.
Before I can defend myself, Baby Aiden begins to cry. Amber throws a glance over her shoulder in the direction of the nursery.
“I’m sorry, Hails, but I’ve got to go take care of the baby,” she says.
I nod understandingly. “Okay. I’ll let myself out.”
She offers me a tight smile before she pads off down the hallway, off to tend to her crying son.
Chapter 6
“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me…” Jackson’s voice is soft and imploring over the phone. I don’t know how to respond to his statement so I don’t say anything.
The truth is that I have been avoiding him but only because I don’t know how to address the fact that I’m carrying his child.
“Hailey, are you seeing someone else? Are you fucking your boss again? I deserve to know.” He sounds frustrated now.
“Jackson, now isn’t a good time to talk,” I say as I roll over between my sheets and run my hand across my belly. I feel nauseous tonight. Making it through the day was a real challenge. The fact that I had a tax law exam didn’t help at all. Then, I had to go to the office with my game face on and pretend that everything is all right. So, I really don’t have the energy to deal with Jackson’s barrage of questions.
“So, you are fucking your boss!”
Now, I’m annoyed. “No Jackson – I’m not fucking my boss,” I say impatiently.
“So, what the heck is the problem? I know I’ve been gone longer than I should have been but is that all it takes to completely turn you away from me?”
I push a deep breath past my lips. “We need to talk, Jackson. But it has to be face to face. When exactly will you be back?”
He sighs heavily. “You know what? I love you so I’m going to find time for this. I’ll be back in New York on the weekend.”
I feel my stomach flutter nervously. It’s only then that I realize I’ve actually enjoyed the fact that I could hide behind the geographic distance between Jackson and me as an excuse to not tackle the issue of my pregnancy.
“Hailey,” he says snapping me away from my thoughts. “I’ll be back in New York on the weekend. Does that work for you?”
My tongue darts across my bottom lip. “Yes, that works for me.”
Chapter 7
I wore my best dress tonight.
A black sleeveless shift dress with a scoop neckline. It’s already started getting tighter around the waist as my baby bump begins to take shape. I pulled my hair back into a low bun. I put small studs on my ears. My makeup is impeccable.
I want to look good for Jackson.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen him and so much has changed in that time. Not only is he an overnight success story ever since his app was launched, but now I’m pregnant, growing his child inside of me. He probably has groupies now. Meanwhile, I have swollen ankles and nonstop heartburn. I feel insecure about meeting with him and I guess this outfit is a clutch meant to make me feel a little more confident.
The cab pulls up outside of the upscale Greenwich Village high rise where Jackson has been staying since he got back to New York City in the wee hours of the morning. Spencer owns the building and is allowing Jackson to stay here in one of the condos.
On one hand, I’m disappointed. I wish Jackson would be with me, warming up the other side of my bed tonight. On the other hand, I’m relieved because things could go very badly between us once I tell him I’m pregnant. It’s probably for the best that he’s not spending the weekend at my apartment.
A doorman rushes to open the door for me as I approach the modern glass and concrete entrance. I thank him with a small smile. I feel my heart pound harder and harder as the elevator makes its way to the 12th floor. The doors slide open and my palms become clammy as I take the short walk to suite 1203.
From what Amber tells me, the units in this building are all fully furnished and Spencer usually rents out the unsold units for thousands of dollars per month, but since 1203 is vacant, he’s letting Jackson stay there for free while he works on promoting the app.
The door to the condo is open slightly as I approach, so without knocking, I take a tentative step inside.
“Oh Jackson, that’s perfect. Absolutely perfect,” I hear a woman say in a breathy voice.
My attention goes to the living room where I see Jackson standing near the beige tufted couch with his hands fisted on his waist and his eyes are fixated on the mirror a few feet away, failing to make contact with the pretty blonde positioned on her knees in front of him.
Chapter 8
My head is spinning.
My knees feel weak.
I reach out and grab hold of the doorframe for support.
The sudden movement catches the blonde’s attention and she startles.
&
nbsp; “Oh! Hi!” she says in a bubbly tone, jumping to her feet. “You must be Hailey.” She rounds the couch and thunders towards me. “I’m Kelly, Jackson’s personal assistant.” She thrusts an enthusiastic hand out at me. I stumble backwards as if I’ve been attacked by a snake.
“Hailey.” My name is a rumble out of Jackson’s mouth as he approaches me. He turns to the blonde. “Kelly, we’ll have to finish this later,” he says nodding towards the living room. That’s when I notice the pile of neckties strewn across the couch, the rack of business suits rolled into the corner, the different styles of loafers kicked off across the carpet.
Moments with Hailey - The Esquire Girls Series - Hailey's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set (featuring Tender Moments , a brand-new Valentine's Day novelette) Page 13
