by Liz Tolsma
Heaven help him, he loved her.
Crickets chirped underneath Horst’s window. Winter had melted into early spring. The farmer planted his crops. Chicks hatched from their eggs. The cow gave birth to a calf. Horst almost dared to breathe a sigh of relief.
David snored in the bed beside him. Though the doctor confirmed the tuberculosis diagnosis, the fresh country air did improve David’s condition. He remained weak, but he played his violin almost every day.
From downstairs came a creaking of the floorboards, then Anna’s soft voice as she whispered to the cat and let him out for the night. Even when she spoke, and though she told him the music left her, her voice lilted.
Unable to resist the siren song, he flung the sheet away and pulled on a pair of pants. He slunk from the room and down the hall, careful to keep quiet. On childhood Christmas mornings, he’d always peek at the tree from the top of the stairs, not able to wait until his parents woke.
Watching Anna was much the same.
How much more time would it take for her to forgive him? To trust him again? He sat on the middle step and observed her through the railing. She turned off all the lights, opened the blackout curtains, and stood in a pool of moonlight with her back to him, her dark hair cascading down her back.
When he went to bed later, he would sketch her, capture her just this way and hold onto the moment forever.
For the longest time, she didn’t move. Then she picked up David’s violin and stroked it. She didn’t lift it to her chin or grasp the bow. She simply caressed it.
He held his breath.
Then she set it on the couch.
“Anna?”
She turned and stared right at him. “You are spying on me, ne?”
He chuckled at the teasing tone in her voice. “You caught me.”
“What are you doing out of bed?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He descended the rest of the steps.
She came to him. “Have you been having nightmares?”
“Yes.”
“Bad ones?”
“Worse than ever, since you stopped playing for me.”
“David doesn’t help?”
“Not like you did.”
“I’m sorry. It . . . it just won’t come.” He’d never heard such wistfulness in his life.
“When this is all over, it will.”
“It really helped you?” She hugged herself.
“Mutti and I went to the symphony every weekend. I listened to masters from all over Europe. Never did I hear one of them play as well as you. I’m sorry the laws forced you to stop your education. When this is over, you’ll have a brilliant career. I have no doubt of it.”
She stepped close, not quite touching him. “Life will never be the same. For any of us.”
“This is temporary. God will not allow evil to win.”
“The Americans joined the fight over three years ago. Táta told me to hold on because they would soon be here. Yes, they are now on European soil. Paris has been liberated. But how much longer do we have to hold out? How long until they slog their way here?”
“I don’t know. I can’t tell you. But I do know that it will end. It has to.” Good would triumph, wouldn’t it?
He leaned over and brushed a kiss against her soft cheek. He whispered into her hair. “I love you.”
Light from a car’s headlamps swept across the wall behind them. Gravel crunched under tires.
Anna stiffened. “Who’s here?”
The moon illuminated the vehicle.
A German transport truck.
Fear slashed across Anna’s middle as the headlights shone through the farmhouse’s big window. She drew her housecoat around herself.
Horst peered outside. “A transport truck. They found us. Or, should I say, Stefan did.”
How much longer would her legs support her? “What do we do now?”
“Get everyone up. Fast. The farmer’s wife will have to stall.”
Anna raced up the stairs to her grandmother’s bedroom. Babička slept on her side, her mouth open as she snored. Anna shook her awake. “Hauptsturmführer Jaeger is here. Grab your coat and suitcase. I’ll straighten your bed. We don’t have time to waste.”
The floors creaked as the rest of the household stirred. Pan Karas had devised a plan for just this scenario soon after they arrived. They’d practiced it several times, shaving off precious seconds, knowing just what to do. Putting the scheme into motion was another thing, however.
Anna pulled up the sheet and blanket on the bed and fluffed the pillows before picking up Babička’s suitcase. They could leave no trace of their presence. Even a hairpin on the floor might give them away.
In the other room, David coughed. Anna’s hands trembled as she led Babička to the hall. The SS patrol rang the bell and butted their rifles against the door.
“I’m coming, I’m coming. Give a woman a chance to get decent.” No fear marked Paní Karas’s words.
Horst met Anna, Babička, David, and Patricie at the bottom of the stairs, his sketchbook in his hands. “Ready? Move as fast as possible. Make no noise.”
The farmer stood in the middle of the kitchen, ready for action. He took charge. “Let’s get Paní Doubeková and Pan Zadok into position first.” He slid open the hinged china cabinet, revealing a hidden door. The tiny space allowed only Babička to hide in there.
Anna kissed her grandmother’s cool, wrinkled cheek. “I love you. No matter what happens, always remember I love you.”
Babička patted her face. “And I love you, my beruško. God be with you.”
“And with you.” Anna fought back the tears that threatened to fall. She forced herself to remain calm. If she got upset, she might make a mistake and give them all away.
While she bade her grandmother farewell, Karel moved the table to the side and lifted the worn rag rug, exposing a trap door. Conditions in the little hole under the floor were not ideal for David, but what could they do? He had to hide.
David coughed once more. “I promise not to do that down there. Whatever it takes, I will remain silent.”
“God go with you.”
David didn’t echo her prayer. That cut her to the quick, maybe even more than the news that tuberculosis ravaged his body. When he did leave them, where would he go?
The farmer dropped the trapdoor into place. At the front, the Gestapo continued to demand entrance.
“Hurry, hurry. My wife can’t hold them off much longer.”
Horst, Anna, and Patricie slipped out the back door and tiptoed across the dew-moistened grass like stealth undercover agents.
The barn door creaked as Horst opened it. Anna held her breath, expecting the Nazis to sprint around the side of the house at any moment. Instead, they shouted from the front. “Open up now, or we will break down the door.”
Her pulse throbbed in her neck. She couldn’t swallow. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t even think.
They rushed by the cows who chewed their cud as if the world had not gone mad. Horst held the ladder as first Patricie, then Anna, ascended to the hayloft. He came behind them.
Once at the top, he kicked the ladder over. “Under the hay. Let’s go. They might come in at any second.”
“Horst, I’m frightened. Hauptsturmführer Jaeger won’t send us to Terezín. He’ll shoot us. You know he will.”
“We have to trust the Lord to blind his eyes.” He brushed her cheek. “I meant what I said before. I love you, Anna.”
Could a moment be so beautiful and so horrible all at the same time? Yet, she held back.
“Now, go.”
Anna scrambled under the haystack. The straw scratched her arms. Sweat rolled down her cheek. She pulled her little suitcase with her.
Wait. She hadn’t grabbed everything. “David’s violin. I left it laying on the couch. It’s out there in the open. They’ll see it. They’ll know someone else was here.”
Horst crawled in beside her. “It’s fine. Don’t worry abo
ut it.”
Patricie moved beside her. “We train those who host ponorky, the submarines, what to do in such situations. Paní Karas is a savvy woman. She has a quick mind. She’ll come up with some explanation.”
But the assurances did nothing to calm Anna. How could she have been so careless? It wasn’t only her life on the line. Six others depended on her to get it right. She’d let them down. “I’m so, so very sorry.”
Horst squeezed her hand. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Like Patricie said, Paní Karas will think of a reason for it to be there.”
Dear Lord, don’t let them spot it. Avert their eyes.
Below them, the big barn door squeaked open. The guttural reverberation of German voices filled the air. Their words grated. Anna shivered. Her stomach heaved.
“Search everywhere. I know they’re in here. They aren’t that crafty.”
Was that Hauptsturmführer Jaeger’s voice? Anna couldn’t be sure. It should be seared into her brain, but she couldn’t bring it to mind.
No matter. Anyone could take them away.
Thunk. The ladder going into place? Yes. Boots creaked up it. Anna curled into a ball. As if that would do any good.
Though I pass through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
The clomp of boots drew nearer.
How long, O Lord, how long? When would she see His face?
“I can smell them.”
She had no doubt.
Hauptsturmführer Jaeger.
Feet shuffled.
“Under the hay.”
Ne, ne, ne.
Hauptsturmführer Jaeger’s words rang in Patricie’s head. “I know they’re here.”
He would never rest, never give up his search. Even if he left today, he would be back tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after. Until he nabbed them.
Not them. Patricie doubted he would put this much energy into finding a couple of Jews. Ne. She and Horst were the prizes. Anna and her grandmother were the bonuses.
The straw prickled Patricie’s skin. The stiff grasses cut her cheek. Hauptsturmführer Jaeger’s boots shuffled on the wood floor.
“Stab at the straw until you hit something.”
They would be killed. All of them. And if he found Horst or Anna, he would assume the rest hid here, too.
She couldn’t do that to them. Couldn’t let him take them all away.
“It is better that one man die than for the nation to perish.”
Was this what the Lord was asking of her? Was this what He wanted her to do?
“Sirs, you are upsetting my cows.” Karel. God bless him for trying to distract the Gestapo. “The milk will sour.”
“Shut up.” Venom tainted Hauptsturmführer Jaeger’s words. “Get this man out of here before I arrest him. Or worse.”
She had never heard him angrier. How could he be so cruel? So heartless? Did he even have a soul?
Her stomach quivered. Blood whooshed in her ears. She labored for each breath.
If he caught them, he would show them no mercy. None at all.
God, what is the right thing to do? Please. Reveal Your will.
“Better that one man die . . .”
There had to be a different route.
“This cause might require your life.” Georg had spoken those words as she’d sat at his petite kitchen table at the beginning of the war. She had watched, helpless, as Eliška fell into the Gestapo’s grasp. Vanished into thin air. One day they’d laughed, sang, and played music together. The next, Eliška was gone, her breakfast cold on her plate. Her blood staining the ancient, cobblestone street.
“If my life is required of me, so be it.” The words had flowed from Patricie’s lips. “I’ll be careful, Georg. You know me. You can trust me. I want to work with you. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me about this before. We’ve been best friends since we were children with the same music teacher.”
Georg had leaned forward, the lines around his eyes and mouth changing him from a twenty-three-year-old man into a wise, old soul in an instant. “This isn’t a game. I understand you want to help, but even knowing my secret puts you in danger. I never wanted to do that to you.”
“I’m stronger than you give me credit for. And I will never, never give you away. No matter what they do to me.”
“Don’t you understand? People’s lives depend on us. One wrong move, one slip-up, and it doesn’t cost just us. Two, three, four, or more might lose everything. Can you do it? Take a long, hard look at yourself, Patricie, and tell me if you can do it.”
“Do what?” She’d whispered, afraid to say the words aloud.
“Give your life for someone else.”
“Find them. Find them now.” Hauptsturmführer Jaeger’s harsh words snapped Patricie out of her memories. “I smell Jew blood. I smell traitor blood.”
She moved. Anna grabbed her. Held her in place.
Patricie shook free. Before she lost her nerve, she wriggled from under the hay.
“Hauptsturmführer Jaeger.”
“Patricie.” He focused his steely gaze on her. “I knew you were here. You stupid, insolent, filthy Jew lover.” He slapped her across her cheek.
She stumbled backward. “You caught me.”
“And where are the rest? I know you aren’t alone.”
“Would I be so foolish as to stay with them all this time? To put myself in more danger? Ne, I sent them across the border months ago. They’re in Palestine now. Far, far out of your reach. And for that, I am glad.” If he was about to shoot her, she might as well tell him her mind.
He withdrew his pistol. “I could kill you on the spot. I should.” He raised the weapon.
“Do with me what you will. Soon I’ll be with Jesus. Away from the pain and suffering of this world. But what about you? Do you have that assurance?”
“I’m warning you, woman. Do you think God will save you now? Do you think your talk will save me? Try again. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
Hauptsturmführer Jaeger cocked his gun.
“God have mercy on your soul.” Peace, joy, longing filled Patricie. Music flooded her.
She was ready.
Ice ran through Anna’s veins. What was Patricie doing? Thinking?
Oh God, protect her life.
Beside her, Horst stiffened. Coiled, as if about to pounce. She grabbed him. Ne, ne, she refused to let him give himself up. This had to stop.
He quieted.
Thank You, Lord.
“You can call off your dogs.” Patricie’s voice was strong. “No one else is here. And don’t harm the family who lives here. They knew nothing of my presence on their property. I’ve been on the run and stopped here to sleep tonight. I never approached them.”
“We’ll see about that.” Stefan clipped each word. “Arrest the farmer.”
Patricie cried out. Had Hauptsturmführer Jaeger struck her? Anna clung to Horst and waited, not even daring to breathe.
“I knew,” Hauptsturmführer Jaeger growled. “From the moment I met you, I knew. Carrying that heavy bag. Popping up in strange places around the city. Holding tight to the car door’s handle. All of it gave you away. You are careless. Not a trait I admire. And now, I’ll teach you a lesson. One you soon won’t forget.”
“Let go of me. I’ll come with you willingly.”
“Never. I don’t trust you. I never did. I could have made you something. But you’re nothing more than a vile, Jew-loving pig yourself.”
The clomp of boots and the softer footfalls of oxfords sounded on the ladder. Voices faded. Time ticked away. Anna sweated, then shivered. Her back ached. Her legs ached. Still she didn’t move.
The truck engine roared to life. Gravel crunched under the wheels. The world fell silent. Eerie. Strange. Frightening.
Did an eternity pass?
Horst stirred. He grasped Anna by the hand and helped her from under the haystack. He brushed her off and kissed the top of her head.
&n
bsp; They descended the ladder and, after checking to be sure Hauptsturmführer Jaeger had left, returned to the house. Paní Karas stirred the fire in the stove, dried tears streaking her face. David and Babička sat at the table, each with a mug of fragrant rose hip tea.
“Paní Karas.” Anna approached her.
The farmer’s wife stilled, a single tear shimmering on her weathered cheek. “They took Karel.”
“And Slečna Kadlecová.” Horst’s voice cracked.
Then she spied it on the counter. The smashed violin. Hauptsturmführer Jaeger had destroyed it.
Anna collapsed into a chair and rested on the table. Tears refused to come, unable to provide her release. She couldn’t think about what had transpired in that barn.
Horst rubbed her back. Babička set a mug beside her, but she couldn’t lift her head to sip it. The cuckoo announced the hour. One call.
Oh, that she might sleep and find this was a bad dream. To have Máma and Táta back, to not fear for her life, to not be hunted like an animal.
What had Patricie done? Why? If she could just understand.
But she couldn’t.
More time slipped away. David cleared his throat. “What happened in the barn?”
Horst stopped his gentle rubbing. “Just as Stefan was about to stab at the straw, Patricie crawled out.”
Anna sat up. “She gave herself up and told him to call off the search. Risky. Daring. But it worked. He came back in here, ne?”
The farmer’s wife shook her head. “Ne. We watched through the window. They brought Slečna Kadlecová out, and my husband.”
“Paní Karas told us what was going on.” David stopped and swallowed. “I thought for sure the next words from her would bring news of your arrest. And that it would be our turn after that.”
“I waited for them to come for me.” Maria rubbed her arms. “How did they not take me away for hiding her, only my husband? That I don’t know. I can’t answer. But she must have persuaded them.”
Anna sipped her tea. “She did. She told them she didn’t have any contact with you. That she’d only stopped here for the night and you didn’t know. Hauptsturmführer Jaeger arrested your husband out of spite.”
“He is an evil man.” David coughed.
