Puz danced around our feet as we made our way back into Jake’s house, but even his excitement at seeing us after a week was dimmed by our solemn moods. After going outside and doing his business, Puz was stuck to Jake like glue. There was no missing his concern over Jake’s dark mood.
“Why don’t I make us something to eat?” I headed for the fridge before looking through the contents.
“I think you should go, Maddie.” His voice was even and sure.
“I don’t have anything to do tomorrow. I can stay here.” I didn’t look at him, but continued to rummage through the food. If I looked at him, I might break into a million pieces. I didn’t want to be sent away. Especially not when he was so desperately hurting.
“No, Maddie.” He closed the refrigerator door.
I turned away from him and opened a cabinet instead. “Maybe soup? Or I think you had some of that nasty canned stew you like. I could make rice to go with it.”
“Maddie, look at me.” He sounded so confident, so sure in what he was about to do. “I want to be alone.”
“I don’t want to look at you, Jake. I don’t want you to see whatever is on your face.” I pulled the rice out of the cabinet and moved toward the stove. “I just want to be here with you.”
“You have to go.” He barricaded me in a corner with the cabinets and lifted my chin.
“No.” I narrowed my eyes and fought to control my racing heart. “I’m staying.”
“I don’t want you here.” His eyes were so dark, so full of pain that I’d have given anything to touch him, to hug him. “I want you to leave.”
“You don’t mean that, Jake. Being alone isn’t the answer right now.” The bag of rice I was holding shook. “You’re hurting and I can help.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You can’t help me. Having you here, moving around in my house just irritates me. I want you out.”
“Jake,” I whispered. That had hurt. “You don’t mean that.”
“Stop telling me what I mean,” he snapped. “I know what words I’m using. I mean exactly what I’m saying. I don’t need you here and I don’t want you here. I want to be left alone.”
“You’re hurting me.” I raised a hand to my chest in an attempt to soothe my heart. He wasn’t touching me any longer, but I felt as if he was crushing my heart. “Don’t say that, Jake.”
“Go.” He took a step back and pried my fingers from the rice bag.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Please, don’t push me out. I love you, Jake. I love you and I want to be with you.”
His face froze for a half a second as if my words had shocked him back to reality, but then a black cloud filled his features.
“You don’t love me, Maddie. You don’t even know me.” He slammed one of the cabinets shut and turned around. “Now, get out.”
“Jake, you love me too. I know you do.” I touched his shoulder.
He jerked away from my hand and whirled to face me with angry eyes. “You know nothing about me. Nothing. You don’t know what I’m capable of or what I’ve done. You don’t know how I feel right now or why I feel that way. You don’t love me. And I don’t love you. We had fun, but time is up. Move on and get over it.”
I stepped back as if he had hit me, tears forming in my eyes. Puz whined in the background, his head going between me and his owner.
“That’s not fucking fair, Jake. Not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“No, it’s not.” I choked on a sob. “You’re hurting. You don’t know how to handle all of those emotions. I get that. But I don’t accept that you don’t love me. I’ve seen it in your eyes and I’m not giving up. I’ll give you your space, but I’m not going away, Jake. What we have together isn’t going away. I will be here for you.”
I set the can of beef stew on the counter and walked out of the kitchen. Those few short steps were some of the hardest I’d ever taken. Walking out quietly was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to scream and throw things until Jake saw sense, but I knew that was the last thing that would work.
I went straight for the door, picking up my jacket and purse as I went. I opened the door and ran into the back of one of the agents.
“Mr. Simmon has asked to be left alone.”
“I’m his mother,” a woman explained. “And if that’s not good enough then I’m the Vice President of this country. Now get out of my way.”
I pushed the tears from my face before stepping around the agent. “He doesn’t want to see anyone, Virginia.”
“I see.” Her eyes ran over my bag and jacket. “He’s finally gotten you out of his system and you assume that means he doesn’t want to see anyone.”
“I’m not assuming anything. He made it very clear that he doesn’t want to be bothered.” I set my bag down and pulled my jacket on.
“Family isn’t a bother. Family is there for you when your world falls apart. Family helps make the tough decisions.” The older woman stepped closer and lowered her voice. “You aren’t family. You’re a distraction, a waste of time. You’re nothing more than that slutty reporter I gave your story to. You just lasted a little longer than she did.”
“You leaked my arrest to Veronica?” I hissed the words wishing that her comparison didn’t hurt.
“Yes, I did. As soon as I saw Jake look at you, I knew I needed to get ahead of the damage you would wreck.” Her smile made my stomach rebel and I thought I’d lose it on the sidewalk for everyone to see. “I’d hoped when he went home with her I wouldn’t have to deal with you at all.”
“You threw me under the bus. I can almost wrap my head around that,” I said. “But to pimp out your own son? That’s some sick shit, Virginia.”
“Watch your mouth, little girl.” She took a step toward me. “I do what is best for this family.”
“No, leaving your son alone is what’s best for your family right now, but that’s not what you’re here to do.”
“Leave, Maddie. There isn’t anything you can do.” I looked past her to Jake’s father. His expression was firm, but there was an uncomfortable pain lurking in his eyes. It was almost a shock to see him out of his military uniform and even more so to see him with his wife. What wasn’t a shock were the reporters lining the street, complete with cameras.
“He needs to be with people that love him.” I shook my head. “This is going to make things worse.”
“Are you implying that I don’t love my son?” Virginia’s nostrils flared.
“I’m not implying anything. I’m saying it.” I pointed my finger at the other woman, like a witch casting a curse. “You’re only here for yourself. You wouldn’t know love if it bit you on the fucking nose and refused to let it go. What are you going to do, Virginia? Drag him out here for pictures with you? Pretend like you knew anything about Cyrus and his family? I bet you’re hoping he breaks down and does something that’ll get you a bunch of pity votes. You’re nothing but a self-centered, power-hungry bitch.”
“Get out of my way, Maddie.” Virginia narrowed her eyes.
“I’m standing on public property. A sidewalk. You can’t tell me to leave for no reason.”
“I swear to God that I will have you arrested for being a little bitch.” Her voice hardened.
“You can’t arrest me for calling it like I see it.” I put my hands on my hips.
“You know what I can do? I can kill every bit of legislation you propose. You can kiss your little bill goodbye.” Virginia licked her lips and brushed some of her hair away from her shoulder. “It’ll never make it out of the House. And if you so much as dare show up near Jake again, I’ll have him committed. Do you understand me?”
I launched myself at Virginia, ready to tear her face to shreds, but something heavy and solid caught me in a steel-like vise.
“Don’t, Maddie,” Jake whispered against my head. “Don’t give her what she wants.”
A sob broke free from my mouth. “Jake?”
“Go.” He pushed me toward Tony
but didn’t look at me.
“Jake—” Tony managed to get a grip on my shoulders and turn me away from the scene on the sidewalk.
“Don’t, Maddie.” Tony’s voice was next to my ear. “It’s what she wants.”
“Call off your dogs, Mom.” Jake stood in front of his parents, back straight. “I’m not playing your games. You’re not welcome here.”
“I’m your mother. You can’t kick me out.”
“I can and I am.” Jake’s voice was hard.
Tony pulled me toward one of the black SUV’s before shoving me into the backseat and I didn’t get to hear the rest of Jake’s words. I turned to try and watch what happened, but we were out of view within seconds.
Tears crowded my eyes the entire ride to the White House while Tony sat next to me, holding my hand. He didn’t say anything, which was for the best considering that I probably wouldn’t have heard anything.
Once I was safely locked away in my room I paced back and forth, feeling the need to do something and having no idea what to do.
I picked up my phone and dialed a number by heart.
“Virginia is going to kill our bill.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Let’s just say I’m not her favorite person right now.”
“What if we take your name off?” Senator Fletcher’s voice was soft. We both believed in the bill. It was a practical question.
“I don’t know if that will work. She’d still think of it as mine.” I thought about it. “It would probably be best if we waited.”
Senator Fletcher sighed. “Something must’ve really cooked her beans.”
“We had a very loud argument on the sidewalk in front of Jake’s place.” My voice broke on his name and I closed my eyes.
“How is he?” Her voice was gentle.
“I don’t know. Not good.” I chewed on my bottom lip.
“I’m sorry, Maddie.”
“Thanks.” Sorry was exactly how I felt. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Of course, darling.”
The phone clicked off and I threw it against the wall.
Chapter 23
Jake
“You’ve got to stretch, reach for something better, Jake.” The doctor’s voice was soothing, patient. “Have you talked to any of your friends? What about Cyrus’s wife? Or your sisters?”
I wanted to punch him in the face so I didn’t respond. How did I know this man was my mother’s little bitch? He hadn’t mentioned Maddie.
“This anxiety and turmoil isn’t good for you. How can we reach for something better? What would be better for you?”
I stared at him and crossed my arms. I wasn’t talking to this dill-hole. I didn’t care what kind of classical music played in his waiting room or how much he encouraged me to trust him. My mother had picked him out and that meant he was her puppet.
“Jake, trust is scary, but we can do this together.”
“Trust?” I uncrossed my arms and leaned forward. “How can I trust you? My mother picked you. Do you know what that means? That means she knows she can control you, she can get to our confidential talks and then share the information with the rest of the world.”
“That’s not true. That’s something you’ve worked up in your mind, but it doesn’t make it reality.” The doctor leaned back in his chair and held his pen between his hands.
“Reality.” I snorted. “Reality is that you have no idea who you are dealing with, Doc. My mother is not a regular mother. She is the Vice President and you’re a military psychologist. Anything I tell you will be on her desk within hours.”
He scribbled on his giant yellow legal pad. I tried to not be annoyed by the scratching sounds.
“I’d like to prescribe some medication, but it’s not going to work if you won’t take it.”
“And what are you prescribing medicine for? We’ve talked about nothing. You have no idea what to prescribe medicine for.” I sneered at the man in his white lab coat.
“I believe you are suffering from a paranoid personality disorder that is heightened because of your depression. If we can help with your depression, then the rest will fall into line.”
I stood up and stretched, making sure he realized how little I thought of his diagnosis.
“Time’s up, Doc.” I walked out the door and didn’t look back. Even if I’d thought he genuinely cared or wanted to help, I wouldn’t have talked to him. A military doctor was out of the question. A civilian doctor was also out of the question because I didn’t trust my mother to not put pressure on some honest person to get the information she wanted. No reason to have my mom break anyone else in her attempt to reach the top.
I left the building and went straight for my truck. I’d started refusing the car service with the agents. I felt better in my own vehicle, I had more control when I was driving myself. I didn’t like feeling as if I couldn’t take care of myself or for people to look at me and think I was being driven around because I was broken.
And thanks to my mother, lots of people were looking at me as if I was a misshapen mound of human flesh. The only good thing about her shouting to the world that I was suffering from PTSD was that most of the reporters had backed off. It was interesting to see some of them developed a conscience. Not all of them, but more than I’d expected.
On my way home I passed a group of people running an animal adoption clinic outside of a pet store. I glimpsed the flash of light brown hair pulled into a ponytail and took my foot off the gas. As it hovered over the brake pedal I realized it wasn’t Maddie, but someone much younger.
I hit the gas and scolded myself for hesitating. I’d been ignoring Maddie’s phone calls and voice messages for over a week. I hid like a pathetic child when she showed up at my place every few days, turning up the television to drown out her knocking. Part of me wanted to see her so badly that I’d dialed her number a million times before pressing clear on my phone. The part of me that hit the cancel button was stronger, darker. I didn’t want to poison Maddie.
She’d get over me and love someone else eventually.
I clenched the steering wheel and almost missed a stop sign. I slammed on the brakes and gritted my teeth.
I fucking hated that more than anything I hated in my life. Well, except for myself. She’d told me she loved me and I’d shoved her away, practically thrown her out the door.
Where she’d been accosted by my mother. I’d watched like a coward from behind a curtain while my mom tore the woman I loved down.
Until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I didn’t remember going down the steps, but I did remember the way Maddie had felt wrapped in my arms as I dragged her away. I remembered the tears in her eyes as I’d whispered into her ear. I don’t know how I’d managed to tell my mother to stuff it in front of so many people, but it had to be because of Maddie and the way she believed in me.
It was in the way she looked at me, sought my opinion on things.
God, I missed her so bad it made me sick.
There was a parking spot in front of my row house and I just barely managed to fit the big truck in place.
I got out of the driver side and onto the sidewalk before I realized there was a girl on my steps. For half a heartbeat I thought Maddie was sitting there, waiting on me and I wasn’t sure how I’d turn her away again. Not face to face. Then she moved from the shadows and I realized it was red hair, not light brown.
“Caro?”
My sister stood up and smiled at me. Her bright green eyes ran over my body and she cocked her head to the side. “Don’t you own an iron?”
I looked down at my pants and frowned at the wrinkled jeans. I’d picked them up off the floor this morning when I’d crawled out of bed after another sleepless night.
“You came here to pick on my clothing?”
Honestly, I didn’t care. I’d missed my younger sister. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest.
She grunted with the impact of my h
ug. “I saw you on the news. I thought it was Bigfoot walking through downtown until I saw your name on the bottom of the screen. Seriously, what is with this?”
She pulled out of my arms and tugged on my beard.
“Ow, that’s attached to my face.” I brushed her hand away.
“Why is it attached to your face?” Her green eyes narrowed at me.
“I haven’t shaved.” I rolled my shoulders and walked up the steps to unlock the door. “C’mon.”
She followed me inside and set her purse on the entry table. Puz jumped around our feet and she immediately fell to the floor and let him crawl in her lap. Caro had always loved animals, so I wasn’t surprised.
“Jake, if you don’t want to shave that’s fine with me. If you want to look like Hagrid from Harry Potter, that’s fine with me too. But what I don’t know, is if it’s fine with you.” She cuddled Puz against her chest and looked up at me.
“What are you talking about?” I turned and looked at her. We’d barely gotten into my house before she’d decided to throw down the gauntlet. She pushed Puz off her lap and stood up again.
“You. I’m talking about you.” She stepped closer to me and poked my shoulder. “You pull off the rugged, five o’clock shadow thing well, but you make a pretty pathetic Bigfoot.”
“I’m not trying to be Bigfoot.” I reached up to massage the back of my neck.
“Then what are you trying to be?”
“I don’t know!” I threw my keys at the table in an explosion of paper rattling noise. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
Caro leaned over and picked up the papers and restacked them on the entry table. When she stood up she didn’t say anything, just watched me. Caro was my middle sister and far more sympathetic than either me or Ari. The fact that she’d risked coming here near our mom meant she was genuinely worried about me. Guilt clutched at my throat once more.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” I took a step forward and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
She squeezed me back. “Don’t be sorry, Jake. Let’s decide what you’re doing and do that.”
Bedmates Page 25
