by E. K. Blair
"I love you too, sweetie." He squeezes my hand and we continue through the gallery, admiring all the art on display. We don't speak with anyone else; we just spend our time together and enjoy each other's company. Eventually we find a bench and take a seat to give my feet a break in my platform heels.
"There you are," Ryan says from behind me.
Jase takes my empty wine glass and excuses himself to give Ryan and I time together.
Sitting down next to me, he says, "Where have you been?"
"Just walking around with Jase."
"I heard someone bought your photo," he tells me, and I'm so excited for him.
"Really?"
He doesn't respond, he just smiles at me and takes my hand. "Walk with me."
Sliding my hand into his, I follow him through the gallery and down one of the halls to a roped off area.
"What are we doing back here? We're gonna get in trouble."
Laughing at me, he says, "You're so cute."
We turn to go behind a wall, far from everyone else. He turns to me, pressing my back against the wall, hands on either side of me, caging me in. He doesn't even need to say anything when I reach for his face and bring him down to me. He's eager and passionate, and I know if he had it his way, he would take me right here against this wall.
"We should go," I say breathlessly between our lips.
He pushes himself against me as I grasp his shoulders, and I know it's really time to go.
"Ryan."
When he finally drags his lips off of me, he takes my hand and walks us out of the back exit, not saying goodbye to anyone.
When we arrive at his place, he opens my door and scoops me out of the car, cradling me with his arm behind my knees. Kicking the door shut, he carries me up the stairs to the front door and once we are inside, straight up to his bed.
He lays me down and runs his hands down the length of my body slowly, down my thighs, wrapping around to the backs of my knees and then slides past my calves. He slips off my heels and I hear them as they clatter onto the floor. Standing by the edge of the bed, Ryan stares down at me as he takes off his shoes and socks and shrugs off his jacket.
My heart is racing as I watch him, and when he lowers himself on top of me, he gently kisses me. The rushed intensity that I felt earlier is gone.
"I love you so fuckin' much."
Brushing my fingers through his hair, I smile and study his face, the way it looks right now in this moment.
"I love you, too."
"Make love to me, babe."
I know what his words mean. I've always let him be in control, not feeling confident enough in myself. But I love this man, and I want to give him what he wants, which is to give myself to him in a way I haven't yet.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nod as he pulls us up to our knees. I kiss him and caress his tongue with mine. Sliding his hands up my back, he catches the zipper and slowly pulls it down, loosening the lace on my body. One by one, I unbutton his shirt, and when I hit the last one, I run my hands up his cut stomach, over his chest, around his shoulders, and down his arms, sliding the shirt off. He covers my mouth with his, and when he does, I let the lace fall off of my shoulders. I sling my arms back around him and he lays me down, slipping my dress the rest of the way off.
His lips and tongue slowly drag against my heated skin as he makes his way up my legs, dropping kisses here and there along the way. He grabs onto my panties and starts pulling them down, taking his time as I lift my knees to help him. Leaning back over me, he runs his hands over my knees, up my inner thighs, and my breath hitches when he pushes his palm over my sex and up my stomach. I catch his hips with my legs, wrapping them around his waist, pulling him firmly against me.
He takes one of my legs and pulls it down from his hip as he unhooks his pants. When they land on the floor with the rest of our clothes, he leans over to the nightstand and puts on protection.
He reaches behind my back and pulls me up, sitting back on the bed as I'm straddling his lap. When he unhooks my bra, the last piece of clothing between us, I lift up on my knees, wrap my arms around him, and gently slide myself on top of him. I feel my body instinctively tighten around him when he enters me, and I have to drop my head in the crook of his neck with the profound pleasure that is coursing through my body.
His breaths are heavy, and when I lift my head and look into his blue eyes, I slowly begin to move. Giving myself to him as never before, I lace my fingers through his hair and fist it in my hands. I can't help the moan that escapes me, and I don't even try to hide the waves of pleasure I feel from being with him like this.
"God, I love you," he says through his panted breaths, and when my hips rock into him, his head drops to my chest.
Grazing his hands along my sides, he begins kissing my breasts, and I start to feel the intensity building. Our moans become louder as they fill the room. When he grips me tighter in his hold, I rock into him again, clinging to him when he says, "Look at me, baby. I want to watch you come."
Leaning my forehead against his, our eyes lock onto one another. My body begins to shudder and clench around him, and when I hear Ryan moan my name, I know he's right there with me. Never taking our eyes off of each other, we ride out our pleasure until we have nothing left.
He's hot to my touch, and I can feel the sweat beading down my back when he slowly begins to kiss me. Laying us down, I brush a few locks of his hair from his damp forehead.
"'I love you' will never be strong enough for what I feel for you."
Pulling the covers over us, he wraps me in his arms, still inside me, and I know I'll only ever have this with him—I'll only ever want this with him.
"I can't find shit in here," Ryan says from deep within my closet.
He offered to help me pack since I didn't get much sleep last night. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to take my sleeping pill, and I kept waking up all throughout the night. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep without them. My dreams weren't terribly vivid, but when my mind would begin to drift, Jack would find me.
Ryan suggested that I should talk to someone about what happened, but I quickly shut him down, same as I did with Jase when he brought it up months ago. Sitting around and hashing out what happened when all I am trying to do is move on doesn't sound like it would be beneficial at all.
"Just grab a few pairs of jeans."
"Which ones? You have like fifty pairs in here."
Laughing at his dramatics, I say, "It doesn't matter."
He walks out of my closet and puts them in my suitcase while I am going through my dresser.
"Could you grab everything that is sitting on my bathroom counter?"
"Yeah."
When I dig back in my top drawer to find my wool socks, I come across something I haven't seen in seven months. Pulling it out, I look at it, and I'm immediately taken back to that sterile hospital room. Jase was with me, never letting go of my hand, while the nurse scraped Jack's bloody flesh from under my nails. I can still feel the stinging of my eyes as my salty tears flowed effortlessly.
I stash Detective Patterson's business card back in the drawer and close it when I hear Ryan walk out of the bathroom.
"Is this everything?" he asks.
"Umm...yeah," I say as I continue to stand at my dresser, but when my voice comes out shaky, Ryan doesn't miss it.
"Babe," he says, and he walks over to me. Placing his hands on my arms, he continues, "I'm sorry about last night. I should have made sure you took your pill."
I don't correct him when he assumes my mood shift is due to my lack of sleep.
"No, it's not your fault. It's fine."
Kissing my forehead, we move around my room and finish packing my bags. I put in my dance DVDs that I picked up from the studio the other day.
"Okay, I think that's everything." I zip everything shut and Ryan grabs both bags off of my bed, and I lock up as we head out.
I sleep most of the drive t
o Oregon, but Ryan wakes me up as he exits the highway.
"Where are we?" I say, still groggy.
"Portland."
"Why?"
"Because I want to stop by Voodoo Doughnut. I'm starving."
"Do we really need to drive all the way into the city to get a doughnut?" I groan.
Looking at me with all seriousness, he says, "Yes."
Giving him a half smile, I shake my head. We drive through the city and when we find a parking space, we walk, and get in the line that wraps around the building.
Standing in line with a variety of sugar-crazed Portland hippies, we finally make our way inside the artsy grunge doughnut shop. I stand next to the glass display and stare at the insane doughnuts that rotate on the round trivets. I look over at Ryan and ask, "You're really going to eat one of those?"
"You are too. What do you want?"
"None."
"Okay, then, I'll pick for you."
Shaking my head, still feeling tired, I let him choose for me.
Looking down at me, he gets an evil grin and says, "I'm getting you the cock and balls doughnut."
"Ryan!" I elbow him in the ribs and start looking at the menu behind the registers.
He's still laughing at me when the girl behind the register starts taking our order.
I carry the pink box and set it on one of the tables outside. I pull out my doughnut that is covered in Fruit Loops, and Ryan takes his creepy voodoo doll-looking doughnut with a pretzel stick that is stabbed through the heart. I laugh at him when he bites off the head and winks at me.
We take our time as we get wired on sugar and laugh together. When the light mist starts to thicken into heavier drops, I toss the remainder of my doughnut that I'm too full to finish, and we head back to the car to resume our drive to Cannon Beach.
We get to his mom's house about an hour later, and it's close to dinnertime. I am so happy to see Donna, and she is sweet enough to help Ryan unpack my bags when she sees how tired I am. Ryan explains to her that I had a rough night, and she goes downstairs to get me some hot tea.
Running his hands up and down my arms, he asks, "Are you hungry, babe?"
"No, I'm just so tired my head hurts," I say as I rest my forehead on his chest.
"Why don't you change and lie down?"
When I get into bed, Donna knocks on the door and sets the tea down on the nightstand along with a couple of aspirin.
"Ryan said you had a headache."
"Thanks. I'm sorry to come and just crash."
"Sweetie, please. Don't worry about me." As she closes the blinds she tells me that Ryan is eating a quick dinner and will come up when he's done. I take the aspirin along with my sleeping pill, and after a few sips of the hot tea, I doze off.
Waking in a haze in the middle of the night, Ryan is wrapped around me. I roll over to face him, and when I do, he begins to stir.
"Everything, okay?" he whispers as he tucks me closer to him.
"Mmm hmm." I weave my legs with his and close my eyes again, drifting easily back to sleep.
"How are you feeling?" Donna asks as she sits down with me on the couch and hands me a cup of coffee.
"Much better, thanks."
"Hey," Ryan says as he comes down the stairs, already dressed for the day.
"Good morning," his mom says when he walks over and sits on the couch with us.
"So, you two are going to have the day to yourselves. Marci called me this morning and I have to drive into Portland to go over and sign off on some tax documents. While I'm there I'm going to meet with a friend of mine for a late lunch, so I won't be home till around six or so. But I have no plans for the rest of week. This just popped up yesterday."
"Don't worry about it, Mom. I was going to see if I could convince Candace to hop on a surfboard with me."
"What?!" I say as I jerk my head to look at him.
"I just checked the weather and the waves should be pretty good at the beach we went to the last time you were here."
"That water's going to be freezing, Ryan."
He laughs at me and says, "That's why you wear a wetsuit, babe."
His mother interjects and says, "Well, have fun with that, Candace," dripping in playful sarcasm. "I need to go get ready. I'll see you guys later tonight."
Ryan and I head up to his room, and when I get out of the shower, I wrap a towel around myself to go grab some clothes.
"Fuck, babe," Ryan says as I walk into the bedroom.
"Don't start," I say as I lay my hand on his chest, keeping him from coming any closer. "Your mother is downstairs."
"I don't care who the fuck is downstairs when the only thing covering your wet body is that towel."
"That's why I'm getting my clothes."
I quickly grab my clothes and run back into the bathroom before Ryan can strip the towel off of me. Once I'm dressed and walk back out, he says, "Tori has an extra wetsuit in my closet that should fit you okay."
"What?"
"Surfing. You and me."
"I'm fine with trying anything new, but that water is freezing."
"I promise, when you're in that wetsuit, you'll be fine. Tori loves to surf, so she has her wetsuit here and some swimsuits in my closet."
When we get to Indian Beach, the wind is just as strong as the last time we were here. The mist is thick, and the skies are dark and heavy with clouds today. I grab one of the blankets that Ryan put in the car before we left the house and wrap it around me when I get out. Ryan unhooks the boards from the top of the jeep, and we head down the wooden stairs to the wet and rocky beach. I stop and watch the rough waves as they crash along the shore. If ever there was a time I worried about breaking a leg, it's now.
Holding out his hand for me, he says, "Come on."
I shrug off my blanket, toss it on the stairs, and follow him out.
"Ryan, I'm going to hurt myself."
He chuckles and says, "No, you won't."
"That water looks rough. There's no way I'm getting up on that board."
"You're getting up, babe."
When we get to the water, he drops the boards on the ground and starts telling me everything I hope I need to know to not kill myself. He shows me how to pop up on the board, and I have no problems showing him I am fully capable.
I take the hairband from my wrist and tie my hair up on top of my head, as Ryan straps the cord around my ankle.
When he stands up, he gives me a quick kiss and says with a big smile, "I fuckin' love that you're doing this."
"You know I'm willing to try almost anything, but don't get your hopes up. I don't think I'll be able to get up."
Grabbing me and pulling me up against him, he leans down to my neck and says, "If you get up, I'll get up for you later," and then starts sucking on my neck.
I smack his arm and push him away as he's laughing.
"You're so gross!"
"Pick up your board. Let's go," is his only response.
I ended up having a pretty great time with Ryan in the water. When he wasn't trying to get frisky with me, I managed to get up on the board a few times. After several hours, we decide to head back to the house. I've been wrapped up in blankets since we got in the car to try and get warm again.
When we get back to the house, I run upstairs to take a shower while Ryan makes us sandwiches.
I turn the water on and step into the large glassed-in shower when steam begins to fill the room. My body is freezing and even though the water is scalding on my skin, I'm still shivering. I close my eyes and let the water wash over me as it slowly starts to warm me up.
I'm startled when I hear the door open.
"What are you doing?!" I squeal when Ryan closes the glass door behind him and wraps his arms around my waist.
"It's time to ante up, babe." Dipping his head under the running water, he pushes me against the cool wall, and slides his hand back through his wet hair.
Running my hand up and around his neck, he lowers his head to mine and kiss
es me. He easily pulls me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, locking my ankles. The air is thick with steam, making my breathing labored as Ryan nibbles playfully along my neck and ear.
I've been wishing that there was someone just like him, and now that he's found me, I feel like he has the power to pull me though this madness that has been consuming me.
His wet hand lingers down my neck to my breast, and he presses into me harder. Dropping my head into the curve of his shoulder, I breathe, "I want you."
"I don't have anything with me in here."
"It's okay. I've been on the pill for a while. I trust you."
He pulls his head back and gives me a confused look. "When did you get on the pill, babe?"
"I've been on it. I got it..." I drop my head for a second and when I look back up at him I tell him, "I got on it after what happened."
He goes on to assure me that he's always been safe and that he's never had unprotected sex. I know he would never hurt me, and I trust him, so I don't hesitate when I reaffirm that I want him.
As his bare flesh touches mine, a ragged breath leaves his chest.
"Fuck, babe, you feel so good."
I love knowing I can give this to him, that he can have me completely, with nothing to separate us. We proceed to spend a lengthy amount of time in the shower making love to each other.
After we eat lunch, we decide to spend the rest of the day being lazy in bed. I pull out the DVDs that he had asked for, and as we lie in bed, we watch a production from last year. I show him the two ensembles that I had lead placements in and one of my duets with Maxim.
As he's watching one of the ensembles where I have a standout solo, a hint of a smile appears, and for some reason, that tiny gesture has the biggest effect on me. I scoot down in the bed and nestle my head on his chest as he watches me dance.
"I don't know shit about dancing, babe, but you're amazing," he says as he continues to watch.
