by Jaden Wilkes
I choked on my need and forced myself to focus. Focus on business, boring shit. Anything to get out of my own head, my own urges.
I scanned the business section, nothing of interest, so I folded the entire thing and read the headline.
“CK Takes Another One,” it read.
I leaned in and perused the story, typical drivel regarding the waitress who was now festering away in my warehouse. There was no way they could have made the connection between my other kills and the waitress; this was all just poorly concluded grasping and conjecture. Journalism at its finest.
The story as much admitted there was nothing linking them, but of course they needed to sell papers, and nothing sells like blood and gore with a dash of sexual thrill.
I should be charging them commission.
I almost closed the paper when a small photo in the lower left hand corner caught my eye.
The dark hooded eyes drew me in and I felt a jolt of recognition when I noticed the FBI insignia on his jacket.
The photo was of the man I’d exchanged a tense moment with in the Waffle House bathroom.
He was the lead profiler on the CK case.
His name was Donovan Blake, he was from Quantico, and he insisted he was hot on my trail.
I chuckled, thinking about our encounter in the Waffle House bathroom. He’d known something was up with me; he’d given me the old hairy eyeball from the moment we met to the time he left the restaurant.
And there he was, front page, smug face with a hint of secret knowledge, like he was closing in on me.
I felt uncomfortable for a moment, convincing myself this Donovan jack off was about to kick the door in and drag me out in handcuffs, through the front office, past all the staff, and our stock plummeting with each step I took.
I shook it off and laughed at myself. I used to do this kind of shit when I was a kid, work myself up until I believed my own scary tales.
In reality, nothing I thought up could ever be scarier than the things I’ve done.
And even those started very young.
It’s hard to be afraid of things that go bump in the night when you are more a monster than they.
The phone on my desk lit up and I ignored it. I’d told Thomas no calls, it irritated me that he was blatantly forgetting my order and trying to force one through.
The light blinked on again. I sighed, picked up the received and said, “What did I say about no calls?”
“It’s your father,” Thomas replied, his voice was almost trembling with excitement. My father never called me at work…never called, period. This must be bad.
I clicked the button to take the call and said, “Dad, what’s up?” I had images of my mother in the hospital, or their house in flames. Part of me was intrigued by the idea of a disaster, but of course the theatrical, public part was concerned.
“I need a favor,” he replied and paused, waiting for me to speak. He never asked me for anything, I was definitely intrigued.
“Go on,” I said.
“I need you to buy a company.”
“What’s this about?”
“You remember Doctor Symington? Guy who saved my life?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. Symington had been the surgeon who’d given Dad his bypass last year. Literally saved his life.
“He got tangled up in some stock scheme and ended up owning two thirds of a company that’s about to go belly up. If that happens he’s in the poor house. And I promised him over a round of golf today that we wouldn’t let that happen.”
Dear old Dad, always looking out for his friends. “I suppose if it’s a lucrative advantage for Hollister Enterprise, then I can talk to the board about it.”
“It’s not, they won’t be happy.”
“What company is it?”
“Grey Megacorp, in Seattle. You know it?”
“I do, floundering tech giant?”
“Tech, green farming, you name it, they’ve got their finger in the pie. But honestly, nobody’s really sure what the hell they do over there. Just tell me you’ll get the board behind this.”
“I can’t guarantee anything,” I said and bristled that he was wasting my time with such bullshit. Write his buddy a check, let the company go under, and be done with it. There’s no need, other than old rich man pride, to bail this company out and waste our money.
“You have to promise me you’ll do this, son,” he replied. He had his no BS voice, deep and commanding. It had never worked on me.
If it weren’t my father, I would tell him no, flat out.
But it’s my father, and while I couldn’t answer whether or not I loved him with any certainty, there is a level of loyalty I have towards my family.
Family is everything to me; it’s literally all I have.
Everything is meaningless without them, and without them I would have been locked up long ago.
They have spent years glossing over my behavior, covering up my outbursts, and generally keeping me out of jail and far from the eyes of the law.
Because of that I sighed and said, “Yes, Dad, I’ll save the shitty little company and its shitty little stock holders. But only for you.”
“Thank you,” he replied and asked, “are you coming for Sunday brunch?”
“Definitely, I’ll see you then,” I said.
“Great! Love you,” he replied and hung up.
“Love you?” I said into the silent phone.
If only it were that simple, if only I could say love or hate and know exactly what I was talking about.
I’ve never known, not really. When people talk about knowing when they’d met the one, or how their world was never the same after the death of a parent…I’d never known what they were talking about.
I may not know if I loved my parents, but I did finally know something. I loved Pet. I loved her enough to possess her and keep her alive.
I couldn’t imagine the world without her.
***
“I’m home,” I said when I passed her door. I gave a little knock and continued to my bedroom. I wasn’t in the mood to see her at the moment; the day had been spent trying to convince the voting partners and board to part with their cash to bail Grey Megacorp out.
I cringed just thinking about that stupid fucking name. Present company excluded, what kind of asshole named the company after themselves?
Then again, I was wont to deflect attention, not seek it. I didn’t quite understand those who drew attention to themselves. I’d spent a lifetime trying to blend in, to be absolutely unremarkable.
I took a quick shower and headed down the hall, to Pet.
I opened the door and she was sitting on the bed, her hands held in a prim position on her lap, her spine ramrod straight. He hair was freshly washed and slicked down her back, and her face was clean, no make up and her bruises were healing nicely.
I had this overwhelming sense of déjà vu, as if I’d seen her before like this, fresh and clean and eager.
In an instant, it was gone, passed again into the depths of my psyche, some memory buried deeply in the black pit of my brain.
But I couldn’t shake it off that easily. I knew I’d seen her before like that, some place. But where?
“How was your day?” she asked, with the intimacy of a long married couple.
I crossed to the bed and sat beside her, inhaled her scent, the intoxicating mix of expensive bath products and her unique underlying flavor.
“It was good,” I replied and felt her lean towards me. She pressed her little body against mine with such a familiarity that for a moment I almost dropped my guard and flipped her over on the bed for a fuck.
Instead I lifted my arm and let her snuggle in, cozy herself against me and hoped she didn’t feel my heart throbbing against my ribcage in surging desire.
“I was kinda bored,” she said, “is there any way to get cable in here? Maybe internet access? I’ve watched all the DVDs you provided and I’ve read every book a couple of times over.”
That was impressive, I hadn’t thought her the type to read so quickly. She’d been with me almost two weeks now and didn’t seem like the brightest bulb in the box, as they said.
“No cable,” I told her, not wanting her to see the recent coverage on the disappearances from the Waffle House. “I’ll get you Netflix, how’s that? You can watch movies and TV and such.”
“Sounds good,” she replied, “any chance of wifi or a tablet or something?”
“Not yet,” I said, “Billy’s still out there, who knows where he’ll be watching and waiting to find you. He’s apparently pissed that you got away. I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s willing to pay top dollar to have you killed.”
She flinched when I said it and dropped her gaze to the floor. “Did you talk to him? Did he…say anything?”
“I haven’t spoken to him directly, I’ve just heard things. You don’t still…care for him, do you?”
“Oh god, no. I don’t know why I wasted so much time with him in first place. I’m so embarrassed that I stuck with him, that you saw…”
Her voice trailed off and she felt stiff against me. She was highly self-conscious of her terrible choices, her shitty background and her impoverished upbringing.
Perfect.
I could deconstruct her and rebuild her into the kind of women she should be. The kind of woman who was worthy of being my Pet.
I had about a month to work on her before the wedding. I promised myself two weeks and I’d be taking her to meet the parents.
A month and she’d meet all my friends, be brought into my social circle and seal my status as normal and right on target.
I squeezed her and moved to get up. Her eyes snapped up to my face and she whispered, “Please don’t leave me. Don’t go.”
“Don’t you have enough food? Are you running out of pain meds?”
“It’s not that,” she replied.
“What is it?”
She didn’t reply right away so I hooked my thumb under her chin and pulled her to face me. Her startlingly blue eyes were wet with unshed tears. “I don’t want to be alone,” she said, “Please stay with me. Hold me tonight.”
How could I tell her no? How could I deny her my touch?
I thought about the girl strapped to the table in the warehouse and calculated my odds. She should still be alive by the time I went to her again. For that night I decided to hold my Pet, I caressed her and let her presence wash over me, dispelling the red tide that was rising in me even as I sat back down beside her.
She leaned against me again, my beautiful girl, exquisite in her naked vulnerability.
So delicate and so fragile.
So easy to crush if I gave in, just said fuck it and let the red heat rise.
But I didn’t. I fight and I fall.
Even farther in love.
Chapter Six
Ronnie
I’d started to lose track of time. At first, this beautiful room had been a reprieve. The colorful walls sheltered me while the birdsong outside sang me into mid-afternoon naps. My body was feeling better and I basked in the glow of luxury that Jude had provided for me. However even with that, I wasn’t happy because something was off; something was nagging at my mind telling me to question everything that had occurred.
Billy was a far off memory, but every time I stepped in front of the mirror he returned at the sight of the now yellowed bruises on my skin. I felt ugly and would attempt to hide the marks with make up that Jude had given me. It didn’t help. I still knew the bruises lurked underneath as constant reminders of the shame I’d worn like a second skin since moving away with Billy. I’d allowed him to abuse me both mentally and physically. I’d allowed him to use me for money and cheap sex. I’d washed for him and cooked for him and by doing so, I was no better than the woman who raised me and ultimately died as a result of her own pathetic vice. Her vice was drugs and mine was a man who would kill me faster and more horribly than any drug ever could.
Washing the makeup off as fast as I’d put it on, I’d stared in the mirror so many times since I’d been here, cursing at the image of a woman who resisted change.
Not anymore.
I would change this time and I would do so to make Jude proud, to make him want to keep me, to be with me once Billy was no longer a constant threat. More importantly, I would change to make myself proud. Why couldn’t I be the type of woman Jude would want? It was because I didn’t believe I could be that woman, but now, having lived for only mere weeks in the lifestyle he was giving me, I started to believe that I could be that woman.
Lying with him at night made it feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and this night was no different. He’d spread his arms open for me and allowed me to curl against him before he closed them around me. I was safe and warm, protected from the trauma and horror of my previous bad decisions. I wondered if my childhood had somehow set the tone for my future years. It was as if a dark cloud had rolled over me when I’d been young and that same cloud continued to overshadow every other aspect of my life.
“What was your childhood like, Jude?” My voice startled him, but within seconds he’d settled back against me, his chin brushing over my hair as he answered.
“I don’t know. It was a normal life, I guess. My parents raised me and I wanted for nothing, but by the time I was in my teens, I grew bored with everything.”
The typical answer he’d given caused me to worry. I felt like the closeness I’d known with him on other nights where he’d spent time with me was suddenly gone. I panicked and rattled off another response, attempting to hold his attention.
“Did anything bad happen to you? Like – really bad? Not the normal groundings by parents or desire to break the rules, but something traumatic. Did something traumatic ever happen?” I was rambling, but it was all I could do to attempt to close the distance between us that I felt. He seemed to be distracted and I wanted his focus on me.
“I can’t think of anything too horribly traumatic. I had a good life and I continue to live a good life. Why do you ask?”
“Because I didn’t and I was wondering if my life now is horrible because of the fact that my childhood was horrible.”
His body stiffened at my response. “Explain, Pet. What happened that was so bad?”
I shrugged, although the motion was somewhat distorted by the fact that I was held tightly against his chest. “My mom was pretty bad. She was heavy into drugs and didn’t pay much attention to me. Not that she was around much. She worked cleaning houses and was always gone trying to scrape together more money for all of her habits, plus the bills. It sucked because it felt like we were constantly moving and I never had any real friends. By the time I was a senior in high school, I met Billy and he became my life.” Twisting my body so that I was lying on my back, I looked up into Jude’s shadowed eyes.
“I’m happy that I’m away from Billy, but it’s also made me feel lost.”
“What do you mean by that?” His voice was a low rumble, anger laced within his question. His arms started to loosen around my abdomen and I reached to grab them and hold them in place.
“I don’t mean I want Billy back!” Spitting out the words as fast as my tongue could form the sound, I begged him to believe me. “I want to be here, to be away from him. I just meant that I don’t know what to do because I’ve never been in a position where I’m away from him. He’s the only life I knew because I had nobody else.”
“Well now you have me and that’s all you’ll need.” He answered quickly, asserting authority over the situation like he always did. Most women would hate being told what to do and how to think, but I didn’t. He was far more successful than me and I’d be a stupid woman to think I knew more about life than he did. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized I was a possession. But I didn’t care. It was obvious that he took great care of everything he owned and it was a relief not to carry the burden of my previous life.
“Okay
. That’s fine, Jude. Just don’t be angry with me, please. I couldn’t stand it if you were angry.”
He was silent for a few tense moments, but after considering his next words, he vocalized his thoughts. “Pet, your life is no longer what it was and it will never return to what it was. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I had any intention of allowing you to return back to that hovel you called a life. You’re better than that and if you’re not able to support yourself, then I think it’s best you turn yourself over to me completely. I’ll pamper you and ensure you want for nothing. But in return, you must listen to everything I tell you. You must let go of what you were and allow me to transform you into what you are capable of becoming.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Stinging hot, they blurred my vision and I blinked them away as quickly as they’d appeared. I didn’t respond to him because I had nothing left to say. Was it weak for me to accept his authority? Maybe. I was tired, so fucking tired that it was easy to hand over the reins, to allow someone else to make the hard decisions and to provide for all the necessities I needed to survive. Instead of feeling shame for giving in so easily, I felt relieved. Jude was the answer to so many problems and I was thankful that he cared enough to take control.
“Tell me your worst memory, Pet. Let me know that one event that started the downhill slide in your life. Maybe if I can understand what’s happened to you, I’ll know a better way to fix it, to protect you from all the predators that are out there biding their time for you.
Was it possible to choose just one event? I didn’t think so, but I didn’t want to disappoint him by not having something to say. Closing my eyes, I forced myself to look at my past. I was surprised that it didn’t take long to find the answer he was seeking.
“I think I remember something happening when I was four or five, but the memory is faint, almost like it happened in a dream. I would believe it was nothing more than a dream if my world didn’t spiral out of control so soon after it happened.” I was breathless telling him this story. Out of all the years that have passed since it occurred, I wasn’t sure I’d ever told it to anyone else. Perhaps I’d attempted to tell Billy at one time, but he would have never had the patience to listen to the whole thing. I was certain that Jude was the first that would hear it from my lips.
