by Lori Herter
“What?” she asked as she walked alongside him while he wheeled himself toward the front door.
“If I serenade you outside your cottage, would that—?”
“You’ll try anything, won’t you?” She couldn’t help but smile.
“Is singing one of the boundaries we need to discuss?”
She rolled her eyes and laughed. “So how long have you been trying to remember the words?”
His expression changed. They reached the front door, and he had a haunted look in his eyes. “Since I met you.”
“Me? Why?”
“I don’t know.”
She unlocked the door and held it open while he wheeled himself into his living room. Still puzzled by what he’d said, she asked as she punched in the security code, “What is it about me that reminds you of the song?”
A vulnerable look came into his eyes, an expression she’d never seen on him before. He hesitated, as if unsure how much he should say. “I saw you from the window,” he told her, “and some words popped into my mind out of nowhere—‘And fondly I watched her move here and move there.’ I didn’t know what it meant then, and I still don’t.”
Josie felt mystified, both by his revelation, and by his own reaction to it. He seemed genuinely troubled. “You didn’t sing that in the car.”
“I think it’s in a different verse. You were walking up the sidewalk, looking at addresses. I didn’t know who you were. Those words came to me, and…it’s like I was attracted to you before I even met you. Destiny, or something like that.”
Now Josie was feeling as unsettled as Peter seemed to be. She smiled and lifted her hands. “Peter, it’s only a song. I don’t believe in destiny.”
“I didn’t, either.”
“And now you do? Because of a song?”
“There’s more to it. Family stuff. But maybe that’s all just Irish superstition. You’re right, forget it. We’ve got work to do.”
“Sure.” But as she followed him through the house to the cottage, she found the matter hard to just forget. The lyrics sounded tender and caring. Why would he think of them just watching her walk up the sidewalk? And how could he have seen her, except from the second floor front window? There was no chair lift on the stairway. How did he get upstairs, where he’d said his bedroom was? On crutches? If so, she wondered where he kept them.
Well, she supposed that was none of her business. But song lyrics coming to his mind from watching her—she’d never have guessed his attraction to her was that immediate, or that poetic.
Later in the evening, she phoned her mother from the small cottage bedroom and had a nice chat. After hanging up, she went back into the lab. She found Peter massaging his leg, the most injured one. He wore jeans, and was kneading the muscles above his knee through the denim. Josie felt an odd sensation in her abdomen as she watched his strong fingers work their way up his thigh. She stood mesmerized for a moment, observing him breathlessly. All she could think was, God, he’s sexy. She remembered how those hands had felt when they were touching her neck, her bared waist, her breast. Even indoors, fully clothed, he still managed to knock her senses about. The sharp, strange yearning deep in the pit of her stomach left her feeling a bit weak.
She walked to the computer screen and quietly asked, “Your leg is hurting you?”
“Yeah.” He sounded annoyed with himself. “All this sitting and no exercise,” he muttered. “I need to get in the spa. The doctor recommended it, and I haven’t had time.” He looked up at her. “Want to join me?”
“In the spa?”
She was hesitant to get into any kind of pool with him. Their physical attraction could so easily get out of control again. Over the weekend, she’d decided she needed to insist they take things at her pace, even if Peter considered it a snail’s pace. She didn’t want to get too far out of her comfort zone again. If she was going to get over her fear of men and sexual activity, it was going to be on her terms. It was what Peter had agreed to when they’d made their bargain, and she was going to make him stick to it.
“You can sit on the edge and dangle your feet in the water. Don’t have to even put on your jogging outfit.” He’d stopped massaging his thigh and was looking at her with playful eyes. “Just pull up your skirt a little.”
She looked askance.
“It’s evening, and it’s cold out. That means there’ll be lots of steam rising from the spa.” He wriggled his fingers to imitate the steam. “You won’t see much of me, and I won’t be able to see your legs, if you decide to dangle them. Come out in about twenty minutes and check it out. I’ll go turn on the heat and get into my suit.”
“You can get into the spa on your own?”
He grinned. “Sure, it’s easier than the pool. But if you want to help…”
“Not unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Thanks for the tip.”
Josie rolled her eyes. “You’re incorrigible! How can I trust anything you tell me?”
He smiled as he wheeled himself toward the door. “I may be incorrigible, but you can trust me. You’re safe with me.”
A mental flashback of his arousal pressing into her thigh overtook Josie. “Oh, sure, I’m really safe with you.”
As if he knew exactly what she was thinking, he said, “Even sex can be safe, Josie. It depends on the man you’re with. The act itself isn’t dangerous at all.”
Josie’s eyes widened. His words were provocative, exciting, but they made her feel totally vulnerable.
“Just something to think about,” Peter added in a light tone before wheeling out of the cottage.
Josie sat down, feeling shaken. She still needed and wanted to have new experiences, and yet the idea of following through on those impulses scared the wits out of her. She’d thought she’d centered herself over the weekend. But now that she was near Peter again and he was urging her into situations she didn’t know if she was ready for, she sensed her center slipping away from her again. She found this very frustrating. Why couldn’t she just do these things, be adventurous, the way Ronnie was? Why did every new experience with Peter seem fraught with uncertainty and anxiety? She needed to let go of her fear, she told herself. For her own good, for her future happiness, she needed to let go. But how?
PETER SAT IN THE SPA with his shoulders above the steaming, churning water. He had the vents on, and the jets of water hitting his sore thigh felt good. He wanted to relax completely, but he couldn’t. Would Josie come out of the cottage and sit with him? he wondered. Or had he been too blunt and frightened her again. What to say to her to break down her defenses was always a dilemma. Even the mere mention of sex seemed to be enough to remind her of her traumatic first experience. Peter wished he could find the guy who did that to her and punch him in the jaw! He’d injured Josie mentally as well as physically.
Peter wanted to see her become a whole woman, for her sake and his. The fierceness of his desire when she was near him—like when they were in the pool—was enough to shake him to the core. What if he never succeeded in winning her over, in breaking down her sturdy defenses? She was already a big part of his life, and she’d only appeared on his doorstep weeks ago.
What had happened in the pool was nearly a disaster. Yet what could he do? What he’d told her then was true: men had erections, and she needed to get used to that fact. Otherwise, she never would have sex again, not for the rest of her life. And Peter would miss what he was certain could be the most beautiful experience of his life.
As he sat in the hot water, pondering all this, the sweetest voice in the world startled him.
“You were sure right about the steam,” Josie said, sounding a little shy. “You look awfully comfortable, but can you breathe?”
He looked up to find her standing about a quarter of the way around the eight-foot spa. “Helps clear the sinuses,” he quipped. He exhaled with satisfaction. She was here now. She wasn’t upset over what he’d said. He could relax. “It is comfortable. You should join me!”<
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“Isn’t the water in these things awfully hot?”
“You’ve never been in a spa?”
“No.”
“The water’s warm, but that’s what people like. It’s relaxing. Feels good on a cold evening like this one.” He gestured toward her. “Stick your hand in and test it. I can always lower the temperature.”
She lifted her long skirt a bit to sit on the tiles beside the pool. Reaching down, she swished her hand in the bubbling water. “Gosh, that’s pretty hot.”
“Only at first. Then your body gets used to it. Take off your shoes and sit on the edge.”
To his surprise, she kicked off her shoes without hesitation. Lifting her flowing, flowered skirt to above her knees, she gracefully swung her slim legs over the edge and lowered her feet into the water. The lights from the bottom of the spa lit her face, and Peter thought she resembled a drawing he’d seen somewhere of a fairy, but without the little wings.
Quickly she lifted her feet out of the water again. “Wow. How can you get used to it?”
“Just keep trying. You’ll see, it’ll begin to feel comfortable.” He paused, then added, “Lots of things in life are like that. You get used to them little by little.”
She didn’t seem to pick up on what he was saying. Carefully dipping her pointed toes back into the water, she seemed intrigued by the way the water swirled beneath the steam. “So how does it work? Where do the currents come from?”
Peter was sitting near the small control box. He reached over and turned the jets off. As the water stopped churning, he pointed across the small pool of water. “You see those spouts? The water comes out of them.” He turned the jets on again to demonstrate. Then he turned them off and turned on the bubble switch. Quickly bubbles rose from small holes in the bottom of the spa. “You can have it this way, too.”
Josie smiled. “That’s pretty! Ooh, it tickles my feet.”
“It’s a more gentle effect if you don’t want the strong jets. And you can do both.” He turned on the jets again, which scrambled the bubbles all around.
He was pleased to see her laugh and enjoy it all. She was leaving her feet in the water now—a good sign. She could get used to new things, he thought. “Why don’t you get in and try it? Put on your running outfit again.”
Josie shook her head. “This is fine.”
“You can sit opposite me on the other side. The spa is too small—I can’t swim after you like I could in the pool.”
She shook her head again. “I’m perfectly happy here.”
Peter decided it was best not to push the issue. This was going to take time. And a lot of patience. Josie made such a beautiful picture sitting there above the billowing steam, just beyond his reach. She was a mirage, a shimmering vision of a dream girl. One of these days, before she knew it, he’d think of a way to reach her. His constant desire for her would feed his ingenuity. He needed to find the way to make his dream of loving her a reality. Or he’d just plain go crazy.
6
FOR THE NEXT few nights, Josie sat on the rim of the spa while Peter relaxed in the water. They usually came out at about 9:00 p.m., when both were too bleary-eyed to go on working in the lab any longer.
Josie felt comfortable sitting on the edge, but she had to admit she was growing more and more curious about what the spa would feel like. The water looked so inviting.
“You’re still welcome to join me,” he said one night. “You look so tired. This is a good way to unwind.”
Josie nodded but didn’t budge. She extended her legs, toes pointed, above the churning water, then let them sink back into the heat. “We never discussed boundaries. You said we ought to think about them. Have you?”
“Um…sure. Have you?”
“Yes. I think we can keep it simple. No touching below the waist.”
“Sounds prim and proper.” Peter glanced around looking amused. But he said, “All right, I agree. I won’t hold it against you if you happen to break the rule, though.”
“I know.” Indeed, she understood all too well that he was hoping she’d break the rule. He was probably already thinking of ways to try to make that happen. Well, she’d be on her guard, that’s all. Now that they’d agreed on a boundary, she could call him on it if he crossed that boundary. “Okay, then. I think I will try out the spa.”
“All right!” he said, drawing out the words. She could see his huge smile through the steam.
“I’ll put on my jogging outfit. Be back in a second.”
Soon she returned in her running shorts and sports bra, and walked barefoot over to the steps that led down into the churning pool. He raised his hand to assist her.
Josie stepped in very slowly, getting accustomed gradually to the heat. He offered to turn the temperature down, but she told him she’d get used to it. She walked around the perimeter, wanting to adjust to the water at waist level before sitting down.
She paused a moment to gaze up at the sky. “Look, a shooting star!”
“Where?”
She tried to find it, but it had disappeared already. “It’s gone now.” She was facing away from him toward the yard, and she stepped to one side to see beyond a tree. All at once she was aware of a rush of energy between her legs. “Oh!” She laughed, feeling slightly off balance. And then she felt something more, something very pleasurable. She gasped, caught in the sensation. Then, realizing what was happening and knowing Peter was probably watching her, she moved away from the spot. She sat down opposite him, embarrassed at her body’s unexpected reaction to the jet of water.
Peter was smiling. “The jets don’t know about our not-below-the-waist rule.”
Josie didn’t know what to say, glad the steam and the darkness were hiding her face.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said. “Being aroused is a perfectly healthy, good thing.”
“Thank you, doctor,” she said dryly.
He laughed, and she couldn’t help but start laughing, too.
Josie sat for a while, getting accustomed to the water temperature. The jets buffeted her body in a therapeutic way, now that a certain part of her wasn’t in a target zone. The lights from the bottom of the spa and the steam that shifted mysteriously over the water gave her a sense of being in a dream state.
“What do you think?” Peter asked with interest.
“I like it. I can see how it can be relaxing.”
“Some people find it a pretty sensual experience, even if they don’t happen to encounter a direct hit from the jets.”
Josie was beginning to see what he meant. The water swirling around her, over her thighs and breasts, did feel sensual. She leaned back against the wall of the spa, the way Peter was sitting. But when she did, the back of her bra hurt her spine. She tried shifting positions, but nothing seemed to work.
“Does the edge of the tiles bother you?” he asked.
“No, the back of this top. It’s meant for jogging, not for reclining, I guess.”
“Unfasten it.”
She laughed at his audacity.
“Look, I can’t see a thing, Josie. Can you see much of me below my neck?”
“No, but still…”
He reached to open the switch box. “I’ll even turn off the lights.”
The spa water went dark. Now the steam reflected the moonlight, and the lights from the windows of the house. She couldn’t see the water at all.
“You could be buck naked and I wouldn’t know it,” he proclaimed.
Somehow Josie had the feeling he’d know it, even if he couldn’t see her. But she supposed she could just unhook the bra and she’d still be covered in front.
“Remember our agreement,” he went on. “Look on this as a baby step. Are you daring enough to unhook your bra with me here—even though I can’t see a damn thing? And I can’t go after you. You were in more danger when you fell into my lap.”
That was true, Josie thought. Go ahead, she urged herself. Take the risk.
But that was what sh
e’d done before, when she went swimming with him. She’d taken a risk and got confronted with his male anatomy! Still, she needed to get over her fear. Why was this so difficult for her?
“All right, just to show you I can take a risk…” She reached in back with both hands and unhooked each of the three hooks. The bra loosened, and in a moment, the ends were floating around her. Then she leaned back.
“Did you do it?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“How does it feel?”
She held on to the front of the bra to keep it from being carried away in the churning water. “Okay. More comfortable, anyway.”
“I’m proud of you!”
Josie relaxed against the spa wall, feeling proud of herself for actually doing something a little daring. The bra lifted away from her breasts, though she was holding it down at her breastbone. The water swirled over her skin and teased her nipples. She closed her eyes, lulled by the pleasant sensation. It felt right to take joy in her body, feel good in her own skin.
In a few moments, she opened her eyes and found Peter watching her through the shifting steam. Even with the vapors fading in and out, she could see his eyes shining with yearning. She looked back at him, and for once she felt no alarm from the desire in those very male eyes. The moment seemed normal, calm, natural. Like a dream. It was the way the world should be, the way a man and woman should look at one another, with no fear, no mistrust. Like Adam and Eve maybe, before they knew too much. Josie felt innocent and new again, serene, yet excited.
“God, you’re beautiful, Josie,” he murmured, never taking his eyes from her, not even to blink.
She looked down into the rising vapors, not knowing what to say. Slowly, she lifted her eyes to meet his again and simply smiled.
“I’d love to touch you.” His voice had grown soft and husky.
She felt breathless just hearing him say that. “Touch me?”
“Your skin, your breasts. I remember when you were on my lap, when I was buttoning that button. The makings of a fairy—that’s you.”
