Never Had a Dream Come True

by Jennifer Wenn

“Unfortunately not,” Thomas sighed. “In these modern times, people are not interested in books, and therefore books as valuable as this are not worth many shillings. But to me they are, and I collect every piece of perfection I can find, as I think they will become extremely valuable one day. A man has to think about his descendants, doesn’t he?”

  He gave Penny a sheepish grin, and she couldn’t help but giggle. Thomas might say it was for the generations to come, but they both knew he bought them for his own sake only. The man loved his books, and she adored him for it.

  “I think future generations will be thankful,” she agreed with a wink, and he laughed heartily before returning his attention to the shelf of books. Slowly she strolled down the aisle between the shelves until she found the one where Mr. Wells kept the journals about travelling.

  What wouldn’t she give to be able to travel around the world to visit all these wonderful places she had read about in journals such as these? All her life she had not been farther away than Windsor, and even then she could still see the roof of Chester Park glistening in the sun. With a forlorn sigh, she headed back to where Thomas was searching through piles of unsorted books. Why bother with dreaming about travelling to distant places when she had no money of her own to spend on anything, not even a book.

  “Look at this!”

  Thomas looked like a young boy who’d just caught his first fish as he handed her a small leather-clad book.

  “Poetry from the Heart.”

  “Such a good book,” Thomas breathed. “You really should buy it. I have two copies of it already, and I promise you it will be worth every penny spent.”

  “I’m sure it is. But I would prefer borrowing yours, when I visit your home.”

  Thomas froze and Penny blushed, mortified. Had she been too forward now? She must have spent too much time with the Darling family these last months, as she would never have been this direct otherwise.

  “I would be honored if you were to visit my home.” Thomas gave her his sunny little-boy-smile, which seemed to brighten the whole store. “As a matter of fact, why don’t I scribble down an invitation for your family to come and dine with me later this week? I think that would be most suitable, don’t you?”

  Penny nodded, thankful that he was willing to overlook her brazen way of inviting herself. She wasn’t used to socializing with anyone other than the Darlings, and for the first time she couldn’t help but wonder how she would be accepted in London by the ton. She had a sinking feeling no one would notice her at all, except for comparing her to her sister and finding her uninteresting and ignorable in contrast. Her destiny was to become a wallflower, one of those debutantes who sat on the outskirts of a ballroom, forever watching society from the outside.

  Accepted but not wanted.

  Not an unusual place for her, she thought wryly.

  Thomas interrupted her pitiful state of mind with another excited yelp, and she shook the doomsday feelings off her shoulders. There was no need to stand here feeling miserable over the unalterable. Much better to enjoy this moment of solitude with the man she hoped to marry.

  Three hours later they walked out of the dusky shop and put a whole pile of newly bought books and journals into the carriage. The maid, who had been napping on the seat, awoke, and Penny urged her to follow them to the Devil’s Folly—the local inn—where they were to have their afternoon tea.

  When they entered the inn, Penny was surprised to find it crowded with cheerful gentlemen and ladies enjoying each other’s company.

  Thomas put his hand against the small of her back and guided her through the crowd until he found a small table in a corner where no one else seemed interested in hiding.

  “Here we go.” He sounded surprisingly relieved. Penny bit back a smile as she sat down on one of the chairs, carefully choosing the one which gave her the best view of the rest of the inn.

  It was a bad habit of hers, wanting to watch other people. Or, considering her future wallflower life, maybe it was one of her best qualities. It was something to amuse herself with during the long hours of a ball. People tended to forget her presence, and she had more times than she could count overheard things which weren’t meant for her delicate ears, or seen things she wasn’t supposed to have seen.

  During her younger years she had worked this quality into perfection when she realized how close she could come to Rake without him noticing. Her ears had turned rather red sometimes, but on the other hand she knew there wasn’t much she didn’t know about her childhood Prince Charming. Not even his parents had such deep insight into their youngest son’s mind as she did.

  “I always forget how crowded this place becomes as the social Season in London comes to its end.”

  She woke up from her past-dwelling thoughts and followed Thomas’s gaze toward the socializing peers surrounding them. Fashionable gentlemen flirted discreetly—or not so discreetly—with elegant ladies who pretended to be offended but whose laughing eyes told a different story.

  This was the life which awaited Penny in London, and she knew without doubt it wasn’t for her. Some people—like Francesca—thrived in settings such as this.

  But not Penny.

  She needed solitude.

  She needed space.

  But most of all she didn’t need to be thrown at a bunch of strangers, people she was supposed to know and therefore have spirited conversation with.

  She, who couldn’t even have a normal conversation with her own father without stuttering, was supposed to impress her family’s acquaintance with her wit and her humor. Charmaine had mastered the art of talking about nothing with anybody.

  But not Penny.

  “It is quite strange that they still have this much to talk about, considering they have spent most of the last couple of months together,” she mumbled with a forlorn smile, and Thomas gave her a curious look.

  “How do you mean?”

  “Oh.” Penny blushed. She had not been aware of speaking her thoughts aloud. Embarrassed down to her toes, she couldn’t help but wonder what he must think of her. She must seem the most dimwitted person alive.

  But as she looked up into his face she could see only curiosity and kindness. There was not a trace of the usual frustration she met from her family when she spoke without thinking first.

  “It just amazes me that some people thrive while interacting with others. If I had spent over three months in London with the same people, I would have searched at once for a quiet corner when arriving at my country home. Not seeking the first place to meet the same people again, chatting about the same things we have been talking about for months.”

  Thomas gave her a slow and unreadable smile without responding to her unusual thoughts, and Penny felt her cheeks growing hotter. She was thoughtlessly talking this courtship to an end before it even started.

  “I tend to be a bit partial to solitude, I’m afraid. I enjoy my own company too much sometimes.”

  Thomas laughed. “I’m so glad to hear this. I too find the social life a bore and much prefer to spend my precious time with my books.”

  “You do?” Penny lit up, and her earlier embarrassment started to fade.

  “I admit I do. That’s why I haven’t been to London the last couple of years. It’s a complete waste of time, in my opinion. You know, most men of my acquaintance think less of me because of my decision to stay put. ‘Boring Saint Thomas’ they call me, and don’t understand how I can choose to spend my time alone in the country when I could use my time chasing as many skirts as possible…”

  This time it was Thomas who blushed uncomfortably when it occurred to him how openly he had spoken. Penny couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He wouldn’t know she spent most of her waking hours with the Darlings, who tended to talk much more colorfully than he just had done.

  It wasn’t easy to get to know someone new when etiquette ruled your every move, especially if you were an unmarried lady in search of a husband. You were supposed to hold back every spont
aneous thought and hide your amusements as much as possible.

  You never know if the perfect man or someone connected to him would happen to be watching, so you must always control your urges and behave as properly as you can. Her mother’s words of wisdom echoed in Penny’s head and efficiently removed the amused smile from her face. Her first spontaneous reaction had been to tease him about his blunder, but the remembrance of her mother’s words stopped her effectively.

  She did find Thomas a most suitable prospect for husband. Maybe she should keep that in mind and behave as she had been brought up to do, instead of throwing every caution aside and behaving as she was used to with the Darlings.

  “Oh, look!” Thomas interrupted her thoughts. “There’s your family. Do you want me to call them over?”

  Penny looked across the large room and found her parents and Charmaine in the midst of the cheerful crowd, greeting their friends.

  Her father stood between his ladies, his wife at one arm, his daughter at the other. His booming laughter echoed throughout the room, sounding jovial and kindhearted, as he always appeared among others.

  Lady Nester didn’t look as happy. Penny could see the pain she tried to hide behind a gentle smile, but no one else seemed to notice, as all were concentrated on one thing—Charmaine.

  Her sister looked like a diamond among rocks. Her beauty shone brighter than the sun at midsummer, made even more breathtaking by the little smile she bestowed on an admirer. Everyone surrounding her gawked with a mixture of admiration and envy. No one noticed the strange sorrow hiding deep behind the shiny exterior.

  “No, please don’t,” Penny finally answered Thomas. “They are obviously having a wonderful time with their friends, and I think I would prefer a quiet cup of tea. If you don’t mind?”

  “No, of course not.”

  Thomas gave her one of his kind smiles, and with a wave of his hand he caught the attention of one of the serving wenches. Soon two steaming cups of tea were placed in front of them.

  “I must admit I’m not used to being surrounded by family. I lost my father in a hunting accident fifteen years ago, and my mother died six years later after catching a cold she never recovered from. As I have no siblings, I have spent most of my time alone this last decade, living life in my own head.”

  “Haven’t you felt lonely, having no one to share your life with?”

  Thomas shrugged. “Not really. My house is filled with servants who have known me since I was a little boy, and even though I eat most of my meals in solitude, I tend to use the time to read a good book. My days are usually filled with managing my estate, which is far more time-consuming than for those who employ a supervisor, and most nights I go to bed early. I need my sleep too much to be able to rummage around the countryside, searching for any available party to join.”

  He was a man to admire, Penny thought, as she watched him butter a scone. His devotion to his estate and the people in his care reminded her much of Hannibal Darling, the Duke of Berkeley, a man she held in high esteem. In her eyes, it was just one more thing which made Thomas the perfect choice of husband.

  “But I have a distinct feeling my life is about to change in the year to come.”

  Penny blushed as the meaning of his words dawned on her. “I hope it will be for the better.”

  “Oh, definitely better,” Thomas said, and the smile he bestowed warmed her all the way down to her toes. “I can’t think of anything I would welcome more than this possible change in my life.”

  She wished they had been alone, as she wanted nothing more than to grab his hand from the table next to hers and hold on to it as hard as she could. She knew the Duchess of Berkeley had only had Penny’s best interests in mind when she made Thomas promise to wait until after her first Season, but right now Penny wanted nothing more than to haul him down the aisle of a church and make him hers forever.

  “I too find myself in favor of the future,” she admitted shyly and then laughed out loud when he made a funny face, looking proud as a peacock.

  The serving girl came back to remove their dirty dishes, and while Thomas asked the girl about the well-being of her family, Penny leaned back with a contented sigh and let her gaze roam the crowd on the other side of the room.

  She met the eyes of Charmaine, who stood in the midst of a group of too-admiring beaus, and her sister sent her a discreet roll of her eyes, obviously not too impressed by her entourage. Or amused.

  For the first time ever, Penny did not feel envious of the attention her sister received. Instead she knew perfect satisfaction with her current position on the fringe, all because of the man who sat beside her.

  What a difference a little interest in her person could make.

  The laughing crowd’s sudden cheering interrupted her thoughts, and as she unconsciously sought the reason for the gaiety, a movement at the far side of the group caught her attention and her eyes met Rake’s inscrutable gaze.

  Her silly heart skipped a beat as it always did when she laid eyes on his handsome person.

  In the midst of a group of colorful friends, he looked fashionably bored and patronizingly amused. A beautiful lady with décolletage deep enough to remove any curiosity was flirting outrageously with him, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  His whole attention was on Penny, and when she met his eyes he sent her a look which made her blush from the heat of it. His lips curled into a wicked smile as he noticed her response, and his eyes grew even darker and hotter.

  He was seducing her from the other side of the room, using only his smoky eyes, and to her horror it was working perfectly. She had to hold on to her chair to keep from walking away from Thomas and throwing herself into Rake’s waiting arms.

  It scared her how weak she was when it came to Rake. Was this how her life would be in the future? Happiness and contentment with Thomas until she unwittingly met Rake and one lustful look from him would turn her whole world upside down?

  As if on cue, Thomas stood and caught her attention as he held out his hand to her. Relieved at the opportunity to ignore Rake, she grabbed Thomas’s hand and stood, letting him lead her through the crowd toward the door.

  Her mother gave her a sad smile as they passed. Her father never looked at her, his eyes glued to Charmaine in the midst of the crowd.

  “Leaving already?” Rake’s familiar voice stopped Thomas’s stride, and Penny, who had been looking at her sister, bumped into him.

  “Lord Richard.” Thomas’s voice was clipped, and it was clear he didn’t fancy Rake. Not surprising, since the two men’s personalities were direct opposites. Where Rake was the easygoing, socializing, and wicked-minded man about town, Thomas was the dutiful, responsible, and kindhearted gentleman.

  “And taking my Penny with you as you go, I see.”

  Thomas tensed, and she squeezed his hand lightly. Rake had a way of finding everyone’s sore point and pressing it hard.

  “Yes, Penny and I are heading homewards.”

  Rake raised an amused eyebrow. “You make it sound like you’re an old married couple.”

  Thomas looked down at Penny and gave her a warm smile. Rake, too, noticed the intimate look before his eyes travelled farther and saw their entangled fingers. Something cold and dark filled his grey eyes for a second, and if Penny hadn’t known better she would have thought it was jealousy.

  But this was Rake. And Rake had no feelings, especially not for her. Oh, he wanted her. But it was his body speaking, not his heart.

  “I guess I just look forward to the future.” Thomas managed to tear his gaze from Penny and look back at Rake. “Next year at this time I may be standing here in front of you with Penny and have the honor to present her as my wife.”

  Penny warmed with a blush as Thomas sent her another loving smile, and if it hadn’t been for the tall, dark man standing in front of them, she would have been dizzy with outright happiness.

  “Something to look forward to, indeed,” Rake mumbled as Thomas passed him, dragging Pen
ny with him. She felt Rake grab her free hand for a second, and the wave of heat his touch sent through her body made her shiver. She heard him breathe her name, and it took all her mental strength to rip her hand free and escape from the inn.

  Thomas didn’t say much as they started the trip back home, but Penny didn’t mind. The comfortable silence was a perfect ending to a perfect day.

  She sneaked a look at him where he sat silently staring at the road ahead of them, and she found herself wishing the sleeping maid long gone so maybe they could share a kiss. Or two.

  “What are you thinking about?” Thomas asked her as he caught her staring at him, and without thinking she opened her mouth and spoke.

  “Kissing you.”

  The world turned quiet and the earth stopped moving as Thomas stared at her in disbelief.

  “Oh, my God,” she gasped mortified. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I’m so sorry.”

  “Y-you were thinking a-about kissing m-me?” Thomas stuttered, and Penny nodded hesitantly, humiliated.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. Tears over a relationship destroyed by her dimwitted behavior before it had a chance to start.

  “Don’t be,” he said softly and put a hand under her chin, forcing her to look into his warm, chocolate eyes. “I’m not.”

  “You’re not?”

  He shook his head, a tender smile on his face, before he cast an eye around to make sure they were alone. The chaperoning maid slept soundly in the back of the carriage as Thomas leaned forward and softly placed a chaste kiss upon Penny’s shivering lips.

  As he lifted his head again she gazed dreamily up into his warm eyes. “Oh.”

  Thomas laughed. “Was that a pleased ‘oh’ or a disappointed one?”

  “Very much pleased,” Penny said breathlessly. “It was a very perfect first kiss. Thank you.”

  He grabbed her hand and hauled her closer, until her side was pressed tightly against his. “First kiss ever, or first kiss with me?”

  She laughed. “First kiss ever, I’m afraid. My life has not been filled with gentlemen yearning to kiss me.”