“He knows my wish is to be with him. I have told him as much.”
“But you haven’t told him about your long-lasting feelings for Rake, have you? If you had, he wouldn’t be so sure of your returning to him still unmarried and his to claim.”
“My feelings for Rake are not relevant when it comes to Thomas. I’m done with that part of my life.”
“Of course you are.”
Bloody cheeky books. They knew her too well.
Of course she wasn’t finished with that part of her life. How could she be? Her feelings for Rake consumed her whenever they met. She knew the only way to get rid of them was to stay out of his way, to get as far away from him as she could. And the easiest way to do so was to marry someone who wasn’t a part of Rake’s crowd and who wasn’t interested in Rake’s choice of lifestyle.
Thomas.
“What I feel for Thomas is light and uncomplicated. With him I am at ease. Fanny—who has more opinions about my life than anyone could think possible—calls it friendship instead of love, and she insists it proves how indifferent I am. She also insists it proves my heart isn’t in it. But I disagree, because the feelings I have for Rake are nothing like the true love you have talked about, either. Those feelings turn my whole being inside out, and instead of being content I mostly feel insecure and confused.”
“At least you feel something.”
With an angry growl, she collected the books and put them in a drawer and closed it firmly. She had enough with her own mind questioning her. She didn’t need a couple of well-read books trying to undermine her decision too.
The only thing she knew for sure was that she wanted peace and quiet in her life. If it meant marrying Thomas—so be it. Maybe he never would love her like she deserved to be loved, but so what?
She just wanted to belong to someone.
Chapter Nine
The next evening Penny knocked softly on Charmaine’s door, praying desperately for her sister to still be awake even though it was the middle of the night.
Minutes long as hours passed before the key moved in the lock and the door opened quietly. To Penny’s relief it was Charmaine’s beautiful face which appeared in the doorway, not that of her nasty maid.
“I need to speak with you,” Penny whispered, and Charmaine’s eyes narrowed as she took in her sister’s pale face and tear-filled eyes. She nodded quietly before she slipped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. Not until they were safely inside Penny’s bedroom did Charmaine open her mouth.
“What is it, Penny? You look devastated. What happened? Is it Father? Has he done something to you?” Charmaine grabbed Penny’s hand and together they sat side by side on the bed.
“W-what? Father? No, he hasn’t done anything. It’s me. I did something incredibly thoughtless, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Nothing you have done can be that bad, Penny.”
“What was I thinking about? Or rather, why wasn’t I thinking? But it was as if my worst nightmare was coming true, and I just lost my wits.”
“Penny, please. Now you scare me. Please tell me what happened.”
Penny looked into Charmaine’s compassionate eyes and her whole body shook as deep sobs tore through her. Her sister dragged her into her arms and Penny closed her eyes and let the sisterly love overflow her as she wept until all her tears were gone and only a sniffle now and then was heard.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she finally sat back up, and Charmaine gave her a small smile filled with love as she dried Penny’s wet cheeks with a handkerchief.
“Do you feel better?”
Penny nodded. Strangely enough, she did feel much better. Finally giving in to her mortified feelings had taken the worst away and left her only mildly shaken instead of completely devastated.
“Do you want something? Water?”
Penny shook her head.
“Then,” Charmaine said with a voice which told she wouldn’t accept any excuses, “I want you to tell me what this is all about.”
Penny took a deep breath. “When we were at the Green Park picnic today, Fanny and Rake took me aside to talk to me. They said they had something urgent to tell me, and that it was about you.”
Charmaine looked just as astonished as Penny had felt. “About me? Whatever could it be that Fanny and Rake could tell you about me?”
“I thought the same until Rake started to act strangely. You know how sophisticated he always acts, a true fashionable gentleman from head to toe.”
“Oh, I know. Rake is the essence of a gentleman and always acts with arrogance.”
“But this time he wasn’t as blasé, and he almost seemed nervous. He was walking to and fro in front of me and Fanny until I thought he would ruin the lawn under his feet. And then it dawned on me…”
“What?”
“Do you remember what my fears were when you went off to your first Season in London?”
Charmaine snorted. “Yes, I do. You were so sure he would fall madly in love with me and marry me before you had a chance to make him fall for you. Such a silly fear, as Rake has known me for his whole life and never cared about me at all. Why would he suddenly have feelings for me?”
“Well it didn’t feel silly then,” Penny said a bit indignant. “And to my utter mortification, it didn’t feel silly earlier today either.”
Charmaine sighed, knowing her sister too well. “Please don’t tell me you’ve said something about it to Rake.”
“I-I might have…”
“Penny!”
Penny stood up, too upset to be still. “I know, Charmaine, but he caught me off guard. I’ve been having such trouble ignoring him in my heart the last couple of days, and when he said he wanted to tell me something about you I lost control.”
“What did you say?”
Penny blushed, still feeling embarrassed over her own actions. “Something like ‘Oh, my God, you are going to marry Charmaine.’ ”
“That wasn’t too bad,” Charmaine frowned.
“No, it wasn’t. But then Fanny started to soothe my feelings and pointed out how I by now should be well aware that you meant nothing to him.”
“Oh.”
“And then I asked him with tears in my eyes— ‘You are not?’ ”
“Oh.”
Penny sighed. “He’s too intelligent to not understand what it all was based upon. A woman who’s in love with him.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing.” Penny sniffed. “Not a word. He just stared blankly at me before he turned and left.”
“He did? Rake, the wicked libertine, didn’t even say something absolutely unheard of?”
“No. He just opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before he left, as if he didn’t know what to say. Lord, I feel so stupid. Fanny thinks I’m overreacting, that Rake is completely naïve when it comes to feelings, but she doesn’t know the whole truth about him and me.”
“You never told her about the lake?” Charmaine seemed extremely pleased about being the only one Penny had confided in.
“No, at first I didn’t know how to, and later it just felt too much to tell. And now she’s too caught up in the Season and her budding romance with the Duke of Hereford.”
Charmaine froze, and Penny closed her eyes, horrified. When would she ever learn to keep her mouth shut? Without another thought she blurted out what had started it all, what Fanny and Rake had wanted to tell her about Charmaine.
“Are you sure about this?” Charmaine’s voice was cold and clipped.
“About Fanny and the duke?”
“Yes.”
“Fanny admitted as much.”
Charmaine laughed, obviously relieved. “Fanny can’t be sure of this, as the Season hardly has had time to begin, and she just met the man.”
“But Fanny told me the duke had acknowledged the attraction to Rake, who is a close friend of his.”
“H-he did?”
“Yes. And he wouldn’t hav
e admitted to Rake something like this if he hadn’t meant it. Rake is Fanny’s uncle and close family, after all.”
“Oh.”
The devastation in Charmaine’s beautiful eyes was obvious, and Penny dropped to her knees in front of her sister and grabbed her cold hands.
“What Fanny and Rake wanted to tell me was that Fanny had overheard you telling your friends the duke was courting you. And having the inside information about the duke’s feelings, they knew what you said was a blatant lie. They wanted you to have a chance to set things straight before the truth came out.”
Charmaine sat like a Roman statue, her face pale from shock.
“Please, Charmaine, why were you lying to your friends? What on earth possessed you to say something you know isn’t the truth?”
Charmaine took a deep shaky breath before she released her hands from Penny’s grip and stood up.
“I’m not the liar here,” she said coldly as she crossed the room to the door.
“What? Charmaine, I just told you how you were overheard telling your friends an outright lie!”
“And you believe your friend over me?”
“No, Charmaine, I don’t. But Fanny wouldn’t make something like this up, and especially not involve Rake in it if it weren’t true.”
“So you do believe her.”
“How can I not?”
“Believe me when I tell you there is nothing true about what Francesca told you, and I want you to know you have hurt me immensely with your complete distrust in me and my actions.”
“Charmaine…”
“No, don’t. It’s too late. Now I know how you feel about me.”
Penny looked into Charmaine’s face and knew without any doubt she was lying. As the door quietly closed behind her sister, she sat alone on the floor of the bedroom, too tired to be able to think straight.
She needed to rest.
Tomorrow was a new day, and hopefully she would be able to see things more clearly after a good night’s sleep. With tired hands she undressed and lay down on the bed, falling asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.
****
It was unusually quiet in the Darling townhouse when Butler showed Penny into a beautiful salon.
“Are you sure you want to wait, Miss Penny? The Duke of Hereford never mentioned when he would bring Miss Fanny back from their ride in the park.”
“Oh, it’s all right, Butler. I don’t mind waiting.” Penny gave the kindhearted butler a warm smile, and he nodded solemnly.
“I’ll bring you a tray of tea, then, for you to enjoy while you’re waiting.”
Penny thanked the man and as he left she removed her bonnet and settled herself on the comfortable sofa.
Even though she had slept like a baby for the rest of the night after confronting Charmaine, it still felt as if her head had been screwed on backwards. She was tired and worn from all the emotions flaring through her in the last months—and especially the last days.
She didn’t know what to think anymore, and what was worse, she didn’t know how to think.
Had she done the right thing yesterday when she questioned Charmaine? She didn’t know. This morning her sister had refused to look at her over the breakfast table and had left as soon as she possibly could, avoiding a confrontation.
Penny didn’t know how she should handle things with Charmaine. Obviously they both knew she lied, but how could Penny ever prove it?
Something was definitely wrong with Charmaine, and now it seemed Penny had lost the closeness they had shared, at least for now.
Butler interrupted her thoughts as he entered with a large tray filled with delicious sandwiches as well as the tea things, and she thanked him with all her heart.
With a small smile he went away again, leaving the door open behind him. She took a large bite of a cucumber sandwich and closed her eyes at the marvelous taste.
“Thinking about me?”
Penny’s eyes flew open and she only just caught herself from choking on the sandwich as she met the amused grey eyes of Rake. He had paused just inside the door, but now without another word he quietly closed it, making perfectly sure they were all alone in the salon.
“My maid…” Penny started, but Rake only shrugged.
“We don’t need her, do we?”
Penny didn’t know what to say or do. She wasn’t ready for this, facing Rake. Not after what she had blurted out yesterday. But she could sense his determination and knew there was no escape. She could only pray for someone to walk through the door and interrupt their moment alone.
Slowly, without taking his eyes from her, he walked across the room and sat down next to her on the sofa. She could hardly breathe as his leg happened to touch her skirts, and she moved slightly to the side, away from him.
His soft chuckle caressed her ears, and before she had a chance to do anything his hand gently held her chin and turned her to look at him.
He leaned forward until she could see the light speckles in his grey eyes, and she shivered as he gave her a small victorious smile. “So you don’t want me to marry your sister?”
“N-no,” she stuttered, and he leaned closer and let his lips touch her soft cheek. A whimper eluded her as his hand left her chin and caressed her cheekbone until it landed on a spot under her ear—the very one he had admired at the Easton Ball.
“I can’t help but wonder why you would mind me marrying your sister.” His lips caressed her other cheekbone until they landed under her other ear.
“She’s too good for you,” Penny whispered, caught in the web of pleasure he slowly was building around her.
“Is she?” Rake’s hand left the spot under her ear and travelled slowly down her arm until he could fold his arm around her waist and pull her closer to him.
“Please,” she begged. She had no willpower when it came to Rake, and now she was completely in his hands.
“Or am I too good to marry her?”
“W-what?” Penny stared blankly up into his eyes, and he grinned wickedly.
“If I didn’t know better, I would think that you, Lady Penelope de Vere, have feelings for me.”
“I hate you,” she whispered, but he only chuckled in response.
“No, you don’t. We both know you don’t, so there is no need for you to deny it.”
Though she hadn’t thought it possible, he pulled her even closer, and this time he didn’t dawdle. Without any warning his lips touched hers and he was kissing her with a passion which overwhelmed her.
As his tongue made love with hers she started to feel faint and had to grab his shoulders to stop the earth from spinning. The sensations he woke in her body and in her soul were perfect, and with a sigh she gave in and kissed him back with all the love in her heart.
The kiss seemed endless. When he finally lifted his head, she was dizzy with love and passionate feelings she didn’t know how to handle. He looked down at her with his inscrutable eyes and gave her a slow, triumphant smile.
“And you say you don’t want me.”
She frowned at him, as something in his words didn’t seem quite right. But before she had a chance to collect her thoughts he kissed her again, and she lost all her ability to think. This kiss wasn’t as long as the one before, but Penny still felt like he had taken her to heaven and back.
“Kissing you is just as important to me as breathing,” he whispered into her ear. “I don’t think I can live without you in my arms. You belong here. You belong with me.”
His wonderful words went straight to her heart, and she felt tears fill her eyes. Could it be? Was Rake about to finally give in and ask her to marry him? Had the knowledge of her love for him changed his plan of life and made him realize what was important?
“Promise me you immediately will tell Boring Saint Thomas you don’t need him anymore.”
“Rake…”
He grabbed her chin and gave her a look filled with fire. “Promise me.”
With a small tender laughter she g
ave in. “I promise.”
He grinned as he leaned back and pointed to the tray of tea. “You can serve me now, woman. If you are going to spend all your time with me, you’d better learn how to treat your master well.”
“Oh, really?”
“You have to learn how to please your man, and serving him tea is a good start. We have plenty of time to teach you everything else later on.”
The sultry promise in his eyes made her blush, but for once she didn’t feel too upset about his brazenness. His words about the rest of their lives touched her heart, and she was too happy to care that he was being patronizing.
“You have to tell me one thing, though,” he said after she had served him his cup. “Where do you want to live?”
“Where?” She frowned at him, confused over his choice of words. “Do you mean at Chester Park or Berkeley House?”
“Heavens, no,” he chuckled, amused. “That will never do. No, I’m thinking more of where you want our little love nest to be. I really don’t think my family will appreciate us under the same roof with them. Better to have a place of our own, where it will be only you and me and a very comfortable bed.”
Pain such as she had never felt before seared through her heart and ripped it into thousands of pieces. All the joy and happiness she had felt a minute ago vanished as the meaning of his words hit her.
He didn’t want her as a wife. He wanted her as his mistress. A kept lady in a hidden house.
“For how long?” she whispered, her voice full of sadness, but he didn’t notice her distress as he continued his light plans for the future.
“Well, at least for the first couple of months, I think. Then we might get tired of each other and need the company of others. But I highly doubt that, because you make my body sing, and I don’t think I will ever grow tired of you.”
“And then?”
Rake drew back slightly as he started to sense something was wrong. “Penny, what’s the matter? You don’t seem as happy as I thought you would be over the prospect of having a house of your own.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” she said hoarsely, as her emotions became too much for her.
Rake moved closer to her, his grey eyes filled with concern. “Penny, for heaven’s sake, tell me what’s wrong.”
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