by Rachel Cross
“Keila?” he spoke up half an hour later, the only sound between them since they’d left.
She squeezed his hand in response.
“You’re quiet. Are you having regrets?” he asked.
“We’re both quiet, and no, I don’t have regrets. I feel as if I should, but I don’t,” she said, knowing she’d probably never live anything like that again. She didn’t want to because it was dangerously consuming.
“Where do we go from here?” Jake cleared his throat, a barely discernible twinge of nervousness in his voice. Each mile was bringing them closer and closer to reality, and Keila guessed he was probably worried whether or not she now harbored any expectations.
Well, she didn’t.
“From here? Well, we find a way for me to get home without anyone seeing us together. I think you should drop me off at Robbie’s.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Keila sighed. “I know what you meant, and I’m just trying to tell you that you don’t have to worry. I told you before. This is it. I go home, you go back to your campaign, and this will all be a sleepy memory. I don’t want anything from you.”
Jake was silent. “So, this is it,” he finally repeated, a steely note creeping into his voice. “We just part ways and never see each other again?”
Apprehension stole though her. “Yes. What did you expect? Some sort of secret, torrid affair?”
“Torrid affair? Where did you get that?” Jake demanded.
“Well, you sound as if you’re not ready for this to be over, so what exactly do you want from me?”
Jake sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’d want from you. I hadn’t gotten that far.”
“Right. You don’t know what you want. But I know what I don’t want. Lust fizzles, Jake. Tania says it’s a proven scientific fact, it lasts two years. I’m definitely not going to risk destroying my heart over it.”
“Risk your heart? You just implied what we have is purely lust, nothing more.”
She decided to say what she knew he didn’t want to hear to get him off this topic for good. “Right, but give me time, and emotional woman that I am, I’ll go and fall for you. And when you wake up from your carnal haze or fall into a new one with another woman, you’ll leave me broken.”
“I’m not my father, Keila. And you’re not your sister, or your mother,” Jake said, his voice hard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You say we barely know each other, but you’re wrong. We’re more alike than you think. We’ve both taken huge steps to avoid feeling too much because we don’t want to end up like them. I don’t want to end up like my father, losing everything I’ve worked hard for and hurting everyone around me over every new woman; and you don’t want to end up like your mother and sister, both unable to get on with their lives because the man they loved is no longer there. It’s why you went for Robbie and Mark, because deep down you knew there wasn’t enough there for you to end up really hurt.”
Shocked into silence, Keila suddenly realized she and Jake were still holding hands. She shook her hand free. Finally, she said, “I’m not sure I even know what we’re talking about anymore.”
Jake blew out a breath. “You know what? Neither do I. I know why things are the way they are, but I don’t even know if I want them to change. Forget I said anything.”
“I will. It doesn’t matter why things are the way they are. From the moment we kissed, I knew that no matter how much I wanted you physically, I really didn’t want the emotional consequences.”
A long silence ensued until Jake finally spoke. “You’re right. I don’t want them, either.” He took his eyes off the road and glanced at her then, his demeanor quietly serious.
Chapter Eleven
“Where were you? You said you were going away with a friend, and then you go MIA or AWOL or whatever. You didn’t answer my calls, and I spent all weekend telling Mom you were fine. Who is this friend, Keila? Where did you go? Why didn’t you call?” Tania whispered furiously, looking back to where Graciela and Mia were putting up the Christmas tree.
“Excuse me, but have you forgotten that I’m an adult? I can’t believe you think it’s okay to question me like this!” Keila angrily whispered back.
Tania took a deep breath before answering. “Sorry—I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just, we’re a close family, Keila; we don’t just run away like that without making sure everyone knows we’re fine. Try and remember the way you felt the night I took off,” Tania reminded her. Keila of course remembered how worried she’d been that night. It had been six months after their father died and Tania had taken off to Denver, to the hotel Chris was staying at while skiing with some friends. She’d gone to tell him that she was pregnant, but found him in bed with another girl.
Tania interrupted her thoughts. “I have to admit I’m afraid you did something stupid.”
“I’m sorry,” Keila finally spoke. “I hate that you were so worried. But . . . I didn’t do anything I’ll regret later.”
A little over a week later, Keila wasn’t so sure.
Her heart very nearly stopped when she saw a fuzzy picture of Jake carrying her in his arms toward the house on the front page of the society section of one of two major local papers, the one that had endorsed Mike Summers over Jake. Her mouth went dry and she looked around before picking the paper up.
“Jake Kelly’s Love Shack,” read the headline. The accompanying picture seemed to have been taken from across the river and, though Jake’s face was to the camera, only her back and hair were visible.
Her heart now beating again, though not at a normal rhythm, she read the cheesy article accompanied by a few more blurry pictures of them and a copy of the deed to the property under Patricia Kelly’s name. Keila’s back was to the camera in each picture. The article outlined how Jake had put the house in his mother’s name so he could hide his numerous dalliances from voters. It all sounded like a bunch of over-reaching bull.
Keila had practice from seven A.M. to four P.M. that day and for the first half hour she played badly, unable to lose herself in the music, wondering if the pictures and article would hurt Jake’s campaign. She just wasn’t savvy about these things, didn’t know what stuck and what blew over. To top it all off, a strange heaviness had settled in the pit of her stomach over how far she felt from Jake.
When the symphony’s musical director interrupted rehearsal to ask to speak to her, Keila’s heart took on the painful, weird rhythm again. She walked into his office, her head high, fully expecting him to chew her out for playing so badly.
Instead, he offered her a permanent position with the orchestra.
And Keila felt both ecstatic and the odd sense that her nerves were about to shatter over too many conflicting emotions in such a short time. The elation soon took over and she ran around the desk to hug the bemused director, who finally hugged her back and chuckled over her enthusiasm. She walked out, closed the door behind her, closed her eyes and shot her hands into the air.
Her first concert would be the following night, and she’d be playing at Symphony Hall as part of a Christmas series featuring different orchestras. Tears welled up in her eyes. This was her dream come true.
Michelle, Simone, and Ralph were watching for her and when they saw her reaction, they knew all was well. They put their instruments down and rushed over to hug her and congratulate her. She soon called her mother, her sister, Robbie, and Cate.
• • •
At nearly eight A.M. Wednesday morning, a grim Jake watched as Cate walked into his office, flipping her phone shut, a happy expression on her face. It disappeared as soon as she saw the looks on the faces of the three men before her.
Tyrone, who had been reading the paper, stopped and slid the page her way, not looking at her or anyone.
Cate read the tasteless headline, pursed her lips, and pulled the paper closer to read. A second later, she whipped her head toward Jake. “That’s Keila!”
<
br /> Tyrone’s jaw fell, Filip’s eyes widened, and for once, Jake was speechless.
“How do you know?” Tyrone challenged, not taking his eyes off Jake.
“I’d recognize that wild hair and that stupid sweatshirt Robbie gave her anywhere, I can almost make the word goat out,” she squinted before throwing the newspaper down.
“Why the hell didn’t you say anything, Jake?” Tyrone demanded.
“How long has this been going on?” Cate asked, looking betrayed.
Jake felt his temper flare. “I don’t answer to either of you,” he shot back.
“Damn, Jake, this is how you’re going to play it? Really?” Tyrone asked.
“Spoken like a true politician. I thought you were my friend. I thought Keila was my friend.” Cate sat down then, looking miserable. “I just got off the phone with her and she didn’t say a thing about this.”
Everyone was silent as they looked over at Jake. Finally, Filip said, “Tyrone and Cate are right. More than anything, we’re working with you because you are our friend and we believe in you.”
He’d managed to keep thoughts of Keila at bay the entire week by keeping himself insanely busy. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss her with his staff. But now, they were playing the friend card. Jake bit the inside of his cheek, considered, and finally said, “It just happened.”
Cate let out an exasperated breath and opened her mouth, probably to rip into him again, but Jake stopped her. “No, seriously. It just happened,” he paused, wanting to be honest and to explain, but knowing he needed to respect Keila’s privacy as well. “It was after she saw her ex-boyfriend with that girl at the pier the day before Thanksgiving,” Jake looked up. “We ended up talking, and she was hurt, angry, and worried her sister and mom would be all over her all weekend, so I asked her to come away with me. Neither of us thought too hard about it; we both needed some time away and so we went with it.”
Both Cate and Tyrone looked unconvinced, but Tyrone nodded, as if he was at least appeased by Jake’s explanation. “All right. You’ve explained it to us, but what are we going to say to the media? If Cate recognized her, so will others. This ‘it just happened’ bull won’t fool anybody,” he pointed out.
Cate shook her head no. “There are only a few people who’d be able to figure it out; those of us who know that silly shirt, and those of us who know she disappeared Thanksgiving weekend. Basically just me, her family, and Robbie. They won’t say a word. And the picture is so fuzzy we can just throw it back to them, that all they have is an out of focus picture.”
“Just tell them the truth about the house. You originally bought it for your mom before eventually realizing she wasn’t interested in it and you undertook the restoration as a hobby,” Tyrone surmised.
They’d all been quiet for a while, fleshing their responses out in their minds, when Jake turned to Cate, trying to keep his expression casual. “How was Keila when you spoke to her?”
Cate studied him a long moment before answering. Jake knew she was itching to question him about what exactly happened during their time away, but, smart woman that she was, she knew better than to try to get Jake to open up. “She was thrilled because they offered her the permanent position she’s worked so hard for. She’ll actually be playing at Symphony Hall this Thursday night. I think she was too excited to remember the paper, if she even saw it.”
Jake stood up, still guarding his demeanor. Though he and had Keila decided to stay away from each other, he knew how much getting that full-time position meant to her and he found himself wishing he could somehow see her first performance.
Julia Hamilton’s parents were good friends of his and they had center orchestra seats at Symphony Hall. It was a tempting thought.
At that moment, Cate’s phone rang. She looked down at the screen and then looked up with a weary expression. “Jenna, from the Tribune,” she said before getting up and walking outside.
As soon as she left Filip spoke. “This might solve your political dilemma, Jake, but what about your personal dilemma?”
“What personal dilemma?” Jake asked.
“Come on, Jake. Get real. We’ve seen the way you act around her, and now you go away with her for a weekend? What’s going on?” Tyrone asked.
“I don’t know what’s going on, okay? I’m not sure it even matters.” Jake sank down on the black leather chair, ran a hand through his hair, and turned to Filip. “You know how you say that a man is blessed if he can count the people he loves on at least one hand? Well, I’ve never been able to get up to five. I’m always one person short of blessed. But lately . . . ” Jake breathed in and stopped, shaking his head, suddenly sorry that he’d said that much.
“Keila’s your missing finger,” Tyrone grinned.
“My missing finger?” Jake repeated. “Wow, that’s beautiful, Tyrone.” He turned away, frustrated he’d shown vulnerability. “Just forget everything I said.”
“Wait a second,” Tyrone lifted a hand and used his fingers to count down. “Hey, I always thought you loved your mom, Filip, Julia, Cate, and me, but you say you can only count down to four. Who’s missing out on some Jake-love?”
Filip laughed and for the first time that day, Jake smiled. “You’ll never know,” Jake answered, realizing he hadn’t counted in a long time. It seemed he had more friends than he gave himself credit for.
Cate walked back in, grinning as if things were under control. But her phone rang again, and her smile turned into a barracuda smile. “You know, I wish could just tell them it’s Keila, I mean, she sure was good for the campaign early on. People loved the idea of you and her together. Maybe if we—”
“Seriously, Cate?” Jake interrupted her, appalled.
“Right. Sorry. I just got carried away by the potential,” she breathed out, flushed by the all the possibilities whizzing around in her head.
“There’s no potential, Cate,” Jake said, firmly, while grabbing his suit jacket and walking toward the door. Keila’s words suddenly came back to him. She barely knew him, she’d said. It had all been about lust. “All there is—is a whole lot of nothing.”
The pressure of his indiscernible feelings, Filip’s concern, and disappointment because he couldn’t share in Keila’s good news finally got to Jake and he just wanted to leave.
• • •
That night, as Keila got off the bus to walk home after her last private lesson, she listened to a message Cate had left for her hours before. Even though it was obvious to me you were attracted to Jake, I didn’t think much of it. But you never told me your feelings ran deep enough for you to go away with him! Honestly, Keila, I’m upset . . .
Keila hit the end button, wondering how Cate knew. Did she recognize her in the picture? Did Jake tell her? Right now, the last thing she wanted to do was to talk to Cate. More than anything, she wanted to forget Jake Kelly, forget the picture, wish it into oblivion where perhaps nothing ever came of it, and concentrate on her career and on how her life was changing for the better.
Soon, she’d be able to buy some cute and fuel-efficient car. She could ease off the private lessons, eat out with friends, and buy a latte on her way to rehearsals now and then. Simple pleasures had come to mean a lot. But as much as the good news in her life lifted her, the picture in that morning’s paper continued to weigh her down.
When she got home, only the kitchen light was on. She went straight there in search of antacid, only to be taken aback by a chorused shout of “Surprise!”
Tania, Mia, Graciela, Aunt Gina, Robbie, and Cate had been waiting for her to celebrate her good news. Though Tania was clearly ecstatic for her, there was also a tight set to her smile. Robbie kept wiggling his eyebrows at her, and Cate was shooting worried glances her way. Keila pasted a feeble smile on her face and did her best to go through the motions.
As soon as she could, she claimed exhaustion and retreated upstairs to the comfort of her lilac and cream colored room, the concert posters that covered the walls re
minding her of what was important. The décor was outdated, the wallpaper a bit yellowed, and the quilt faded, yet she knew if she ever changed it she’d lose something. In that sense, she understood her mother and the need to be embraced by a place untouched by time, where the comfort of days gone by spoke to her and told her that things usually work themselves out.
But Tania, Robbie, and Cate were hot on her heels. They came into her room uninvited.
“What were you thinking, Keila! How could you fall prey to him like that? Good looking, powerful men only want one thing! And don’t you dare deny it was you, I recognized your hair and that ugly Cubs shirt,” Tania practically yelled.
“Calm down! Mia will hear you, and what have we talked about regarding Mia?” Robbie demanded as he shut the door.
Tania breathed in and out. “I will not scar Mia with my unhealthy attitudes toward males. I will not scar Mia with my unhealthy attitudes toward males,” Tania chanted in a low voice as she gained control of her temper.
“And the Cubs shirt is not ugly. It’s hilarious,” Robbie added.
“And Jake’s not like that, Tania,” Cate added.
Tania clenched and unclenched her fists twice. “Have I not talked to you about the seven signs of deadly male testosterone? Does Jake Kelly not have them all? Why would you do this? You’ve barely been around the block, Keila, you’re always so careful. How could you go away with him? And please tell me you didn’t sleep with him!”
“How was he?” Robbie asked, sitting on a corner of her bed.
Keila swallowed hard and averted her eyes. “That good, huh?” Robbie grinned.
“Oh, no, Keila. You didn’t,” Cate sighed, and it was clear by her tone and the look in her eyes that as much as she believed in Jake, not even she thought that was a good idea.
“Oh, Keila.” Tania sat down next to her on the bed and put an arm around her. They fell back onto Keila’s patterned quilt, Keila’s head on Tania’s shoulder, both staring at the ceiling. “You’re not falling for him, are you?”
