How does she even know this, when I’m the one that’s been a Gateway for the last seven years?
“How does someone flip the switch?” I ask, trying to make sense of it.
“Someone’s manipulated you somehow. It’s not an easy thing to do. They have to make contact with you in order to breach the switch.” She takes a moment to let those words sink in before she adds: “You don’t know who did this to you?”
Inhuman? Switch? It sounds like she’s making it up as she goes along. I can’t understand why someone like Koren would know this when I’m left in the dark. Nothing could have possibly gotten under my skin that bad. Bad enough to release this dormant monster that screamed inside of me to kill Justin. The monster that feeds off my darkest emotions, demanding blood be spilled. Nothing that could cross that barrier into my very will… until I remember her.
“The redhead,” I say under my breath.
“Who?” Koren turns in her seat, her body facing me.
I think back to Redhead, the fierceness of her energy surrounding me. How she stood under the streetlight, waiting for me. The way she forced herself into my life, unrelenting. Everything about her hinted toward caution, but I ignored the warnings. And because of that, I’d given her the perfect opportunity. The thought of it makes the skin of my knee burn where she touched me.
The image of her irks me all over again. Her patronizing tone. The extreme closeness of her body near mine. I can still feel the hatred that came to life by the simple sound of her voice. Everything about her wrapped itself so perfectly into something I couldn’t stand to be near. She was the trigger object that set this whole thing in motion, targeting me all along, because of him. The cloaked man who’s kept himself out of reach, safely hidden in the shadows.
Koren listens carefully as I describe that night. How the Redhead’s energy forced itself on me, pouring itself into my skin by way of her touch. The images she showed me of the man in black, and the way he reached for us, for me. That a part of Redhead attached itself to me, somehow. And I tell her that, in some bizarre way, I feel as though I’m feeding off the nourishment Redhead’s infection has provided me, as twisted as it seems.
“And you felt it then? The switch?” she says.
“Yes, I mean, I guess so. I can’t describe it.” With this revelation about Redhead hanging over me, I feel depleted.
Unexpectedly, Koren rests her hand on top of mine. “I saw it in you my first day back. In the plaza.”
“The plaza?” I think back to the day I saw her near the Statue of Mary. When the sight of her brought my world to a standstill. “How is it that you can see it?”
She shifts uncomfortably and stares out the windshield. “There are some things I can’t tell you. You have to understand. If you know too much… if someone finds out what I’ve told you. There could be consequences.”
“No one’s going to find out. I won’t let someone hurt you. Justin won’t hurt you anymore. I—”
“Justin?” She pulls away, her head whipping in my direction as she pushes a strand of hair from her eyes.
I cock my head, confused. “Well, yeah. He’s the reason you couldn’t go into the chapel, right? He’s why you were afraid.” She can’t possibly be defending him, can she? This is worse than I thought.
Koren shakes her head. “Justin’s not why I can’t go into the chapel.”
“Okay. Then why?”
“I told you,” she says with frustration. “This isn’t just about you, Aiden. There are other things working here. Things that you and I can’t contain. I have no choice but to be here. I can’t…”
“What is it? Koren, tell me.” It takes everything in me not to reach for her, to grab hold and never let go.
“I want to go home,” she says with finality, bringing this conversation to a halt. Suddenly, I feel as if I’m holding her against her will.
“Okay,” I say, because there’s nothing else that could sound right.
Koren opens the door and steps out.
I want to ask her where she goes at night. To know who those people are in her house. But the only thing I manage to blurt out is, “Why were you mad at me that night?”
I have no doubts that she knows what night I’m referring to. If she’d only found out about me while she was… wherever she was, then something else must have upset her. I can’t honestly figure out what it could have been.
She’s about to close the door when she hesitates. I lean over the passenger seat to see her face and wait for an answer.
Koren looks down the street for a second too long, and I already know what she’s gonna say. Nothing.
She bends slightly so that our eyes meet. A sense of hope comes over me, like she might actually tell me what I want to know.
Instead, she says, “See you tomorrow, Aiden.” And closes the door.
Before her dismissal can even set in, Koren is already walking away.
After that, I idle on the street corner for a while longer, and decide I need some time to clear my mind. Putting the gear in drive, I follow the streets out to the main boulevard and drive until the rain dissipates. The sun escapes into the horizon, leaving the darkness of clouds to cover the sky.
As the night ticks by, I can’t help but feel utterly lost. The world around me has been rewritten. It’s a world where everyone knows their place but me. I’m an outsider looking in. Wondering where the hell I fit in all of this. The girl who once knew nothing about my gift, now knows more about me than I do. It doesn’t sit well in my gut. How can I be the one in the dark when I’m the one who’s supposed to have all the answers?
With this contemplation polluting my mind, I maneuver through Portland, silent and aware. Curious eyes keep watch as I pass. Bleeders emerge on every corner, looming on the outskirts. I don’t make eye contact, and they don’t follow. But I know in time, they will. Some are old and decaying with time. Others are young and alone, searching for someone to tell them where to go. More and more surface as I drive. Sitting at a bus bench, walking beside the living begging to be seen, or simply staring back at me with those haunted, hollow eyes.
I’m like a magnet, pulling them along with me wherever I go. My ever-present burden. Part of me wishes I could help them all, but the other part wants to slam on the gas and never look back.
Mom’s car is in the driveway when I get home, which is expected, even though I’d hoped for more time. My body still aches from the strenuous energy it suffered hours earlier. With deep, heavy breaths, I open the door to face her. And like before, she sits in the rocking chair, pushing with her feet in a vicious rhythm. With each shove of her foot, the chair’s creak grows louder, accentuating the uncomfortable silence that follows.
I’m lost for words, standing by the front door, thinking of a million things to say. None of it sounds right. I’m thankful when she finally speaks.
“You are suspended indefinitely, until Father Martin provides a reasonable explanation of why you should be allowed to return.” Her voice is empty. No familiar hint of forgiveness comes this time. I really screwed up, and I’m back to feeling like a complete asshole. Worst son on the planet.
“So I’m expelled,” I answer.
“Not necessarily.”
I stand still, waiting for her to go on.
With her hand over the golden cross, she says, “Your friends have stated that you were defending someone. That this boy you assaulted put his hands on her. Is this right?”
Someone? She doesn’t know it was Koren? Maybe my ass can be saved. If this means Trevor and Evan are still on my side, things might not be as bad off as I think.
“Yes. That’s what happened.”
She purses her lips. “Due to your clean record, they’re giving you another chance to redeem yourself, despite the efforts of the boy’s father. He’d rather see you punished, not that I blame him,” she adds for good measure. “But Father Martin has explained to them that things have been hard on you. As you know, Father Williams and Father Ma
rtin are good friends. You owe him.”
More than you know.
“I understand,” I say with a nod.
I turn to go, when she squeaks, “Aiden.”
My stomach plummets as I will myself to face her. I can’t look in her eyes anymore. Can’t face the hurt I’ve caused her.
“Yeah?”
“You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is that’s bothering you. Whatever you talk to Father Martin about. I’m here, too.”
“I know, Mom.” God, this sucks.
She stares back at me, fingers rubbing vigorously against the golden cross. I know she’s waiting for me to say it, to explain what I’ve been hiding from her, but I can’t. It’s gone too far. With shadows and the Brethren. Koren and the switch. Dragging Mom into this is the worst possible thing I could do.
When I don’t speak, she adds, “You’re expected to spend your days at the church while I’m at work. Until you can prove to the school that you’re not a danger to yourself, or others, you’ll be watched by Father Martin until he feels that you’re ready. He’s done a great deal for you over the years. Don’t disappoint him.” Don’t disappoint me is what she should have said.
Ashamed by my actions, I hang my head low. “I won’t.”
Mom lifts herself to her feet, her eyes still round and wide with hurt. Before she enters the kitchen, she says, “I’m glad Koren’s okay.”
As always, Mom knows, but this time she doesn’t ask me to stay away. I’m glad for that, because when it comes to Koren, I can’t. Mom must know this too, and I love her for it.
eporting to the Church of Saint Christopher isn’t anything new. It was only a few months ago that I spent my summer here. This isn’t exactly a punishment in my case, but with everything happening to me lately: lone Shadows, rogue Bleeders and a beast raging inside of me, they’re punishment enough.
With the Brethren of Shadows in hand, I enter through the familiar doors. The air smells of melted wax, and the light shining through the painted glass fills the room with an array of colors. It’s a sign that the sun has forced the clouds apart today, comforting the city of Portland with its warmth.
The church is quiet as I make my way toward Father Martin’s chambers. It’s a bit eerie being alone with the face of Jesus glaring down at me from his cross. After what happened yesterday, I feel as if his somber stare is judging me for my actions, for allowing myself to get infected. That a stupid kid like me could be so careless; tainting the image of what I am—a Man of Light. But how could I have known that such a thing was possible?
Someone clears their throat, pulling me away from the stare contest I don’t realize I’m having with a crucifix.
I’m jolted back a step by his sudden appearance beside me. He’s so calm and quiet, hands clasped behind his back. It’s off-putting how at home he is here. Like he lives and breathes this place. I suppose that’s how it’s meant to be, but even Father Martin doesn’t exude this much confidence.
“Father Raimi. I didn’t know…” I finally say.
He stares in the direction of the crucifix that had me so entranced. That welcome smile gracing his face. “A little unnerving isn’t it?” he says. “It’s like one of those paintings with eyes that follow you around the room.”
This makes me relax a little and I chuckle. “Yeah, it kind of is.”
“Sometimes you have to wonder if there are things out there watching us. You know?” His voice doesn’t give anything away, but his eyebrows furrow with unease.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I lie.
Father Raimi looks back at me, collecting himself. “Yes, well. Just a silly priest and his superstitions, eh? What brings you here? I can’t imagine what they’re saying about you is true.”
“They?”
“I overheard Father Martin on the phone with your mother.” He gives an apologetic shrug.
I scratch an uncomfortable itch along my nape. “It was a misunderstanding.”
I don’t know how much he knows about what I did, but I prefer to keep it from spreading. Not sure how that’s gonna work considering the whole school knows. Maybe they’re blaming it on some kind of adrenaline rush. It’s not too far from the truth. But something tells me that this outburst will be used more as ammunition for my weirdness than anything else.
Father Raimi’s eyes travel down my arm to my hand. “What’s that you got there?”
I forgot about the book in my hands. This is supposed to be a secret from my mom, but from Father Raimi?
I press the book against my leg, hiding the cover. Now isn’t the time to take any chances.
“It’s nothing. Just a book Father Martin asked me to hold for him.”
His head tilts slightly to observe it. “It seems quite old. May I?”
“Um, I’m not actually sure Father Martin would like if I—”
“Of course, of course.” He politely lifts a hand to wave off any further explanation. “It’s just that I take quite a liking to older books that represent our faith. The words from others so long ago are very intriguing to me.”
I feel like a jerk for refusing someone who’s done nothing to me. It’s only a stupid book.
“I’m sorry. It’s just… here.” I hand the book over. He observes it carefully before removing it from my hands. “Father Martin trusts that I won’t let anything happen to it. Guess I’m being overly cautious.”
Father Raimi inspects the spine before smoothing his fingers over the cover. Gently, he flips through the pages.
“Understandably so. This book is not in the best shape. It needs to be cared for, indeed. Though, I can’t help but wonder why he would lend you such a thing.”
I knew this question would come up, and yet, I’m unprepared.
“I guess you can say it’s for research.”
His index finger slides along the tattered binding as his eyes glimpse over the words.
“The Brethren of Shadows is serious business, Aiden. Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” Concern flickers in his eyes.
It’s clear that Father Raimi doesn’t know my secret, and for reasons only Father Martin knows, it has to stay that way. I would never go behind Father Martin’s back and reveal that side of him, or me. Gifts like mine aren’t something to brag about, especially not those that go awry.
The sound of movement comes from the chamber room, signaling for me to snag the book from Father Raimi’s hands.
“I apologize, Father. I’m sure you understand,” I say, as I stride quickly toward the hall.
“Aiden,” Father Raimi says in a careful tone. “Be prepared for what comes of that book. It’s not wise to open yourself up to such things.”
I stop to ask him what he means, but Father Martin’s door opens in front of me.
“Ah! It’s about time. What took you so long?” He opens the door wide, allowing me to scoot past him and into the chair in front of his desk.
He peeks into the hall suspiciously, looking in both directions before closing the door.
“Well, now.” He slumps into his chair. “Have you had a chance to study the book I gave you?”
Eyeing the book in my hand, I place it on his desk, glad to be rid of it. My hand feels grimy and I’m not sure if it’s because the book is old and dusty, or because what Father Raimi said makes me uneasy.
“Honestly, I haven’t.”
Father Martin’s carefree expression hardens. “Oh? You understand these are things you must know? If you’re to be confronted by these foul creatures, these shadows, you mustn’t be blind.”
He has a point.
“Father…” What do I say?
“Speak, son. This is why we’re here.” He leans forward, placing his elbows along the desk, as if getting closer will get my words out quicker. “What happened yesterday was not you. I know that much. Things are far more serious than I feared.”
Even though I agree, I have to question. “Father, do you think this is safe?”
He waits
for me to go on.
I take in a deep breath. “Do you think it’s safe for me to open myself up to these shadows? What if understanding them only makes matters worse?”
With no hesitation, he says, “Aiden, the only thing that can make this worse is if you don’t understand them. How will you know what you’re up against?”
Good question considering even he hasn’t told me everything I need to know.
A sigh of frustration slips from my lips. “Why didn’t you tell me about Gateways having two parts? A good and—”
“Two souls,” he cuts in.
So he does know.
“Two souls? I have two souls and you never thought to tell me?” Somehow this feels like a dirty secret, something he’s been keeping from me for far too long.
“Aiden,” he says, clasping his hands together, “can’t you feel it inside of you?”
This is his answer?
“Father, I—”
“I would never have kept it from you if I had the slightest inkling you didn’t know.”
His words are an apology, I realize. I should have known he wouldn’t keep something like this from me. It’s my body, after all. You’d think I would know something this important about myself.
I have always felt it. Another me. Something stronger and unique. I always assumed it was the power of being a Gateway, but never suspected two souls. The Gateway acting as a bridge between them. One soul that makes what I do possible, and the other one that makes me, well, me. How was I supposed to put two-and-two together?
I glance at the aging book on his desk, the words embedded in the cover staring back.
There’s so much more I need to know. About me. About the shadows.
“Aiden.” Father Martin breaks into my thoughts. “There are things I must tell you, about what you are. Perhaps I should have explained a long time ago, but there’s only so much I can expect a young man like you to understand.”
“I want to know it all, Father,” I say.
“I know you do, son. And I want to tell you. You remember our lessons on the Men of Light, yes?”
The Gateway Through Which They Came Page 14
