by K E Osborn
Brax is definitely affecting me.
He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. My breathing hitches and my heart pounds. He looks me in the eyes and brings his free hand up to caress my cheek. The warmth of his touch excites me.
“I don’t care what Hunter says, or how Mase feels. I’ve needed to do this since the moment I laid eyes on you,” he whispers and he leans in so close I feel his breath against my lips. My arms wrap around his neck as I pull myself closer while my eyes search his. The sparks shooting between us warm my blood and the heat between us is blistering, as I lean up on my toes and he leans down barely millimeters apart. I close my eyes, his lips touch mine and it’s like fireworks explode inside of me. A celebration of epic proportions is igniting all around us and everything that was wrong in my life feels right. Everything is slipping into its rightful place once more. The world is shifting back to its right axis, and I’m spinning correctly once again. Kissing Brax is nothing and everything like I imagined it would be. It’s so much better and everything I want. I was fighting wanting him, but I know now that I want him with everything I have.
He pushes me back against the wall as his tongue slides against mine. His hands run up under my shirt along my skin igniting my flesh as his body presses against mine. This kiss is passionate and full of lust. This kiss is everything as we make out against the hotel room wall. His hand runs along my thigh and he pulls my leg up and I wrap it around his waist so he can move in between my legs. He grinds his freshly formed erection in between my legs and I pant into his mouth knowing that he’s as turned on by this as I am. Not having been with anyone for nearly two years, Brax is working me up quickly and I know that now we’ve started this, I don’t want to stop.
I move my hands from his neck and around to his shirt and begin to lift it up. He groans and pulls my hands from his shirt and stops kissing me, resting his forehead against mine. I mourn the loss of his lips and look into his sparkling eyes, a tingle shooting up my spine from the lust I see staring back at me. We both pant as we try to catch our breath from the passionate kissing.
“That was incredible. Best first kiss…ever,” he says and I look in his eyes and furrow my brows in confusion.
“Then why are we stopping?” I ask bringing my leg down from around his waist.
“Amber, I like you, a lot—”
“But?” I ask sensing he doesn’t want to take this further.
“But, I don’t want to rush this and risk ruining it.”
I swallow hard and shake my head. “We won’t ruin it,” I say and he chuckles and leans in kissing my nose.
He hesitates and takes a deep breath. “Good night, Amber,” he says and pulls himself away from me. He leans in quickly kissing me on the lips again and then turns and walks out of my hotel room without looking back leaving me completely unsatisfied, horny and confused. The clunk of the hotel door makes me feel heavy as I slump against the wall, but I guess he’s trying to be a gentleman, and I kinda like that about Brax.
My night was spent with dreams of Brax and I being lost in each other. I had a great sleep and as my eyes slowly wake up to a glorious English Summer’s day, I stretch my arms over my head and my muscles greet me with happiness. I smile as I turn over to see the clock showing 7:00 a.m. and instantly panic sets in. I sit bolt upright and throw the blankets off me and race into Charli’s room. Each thump of my foot on the carpet is like a thud against my heart. She never sleeps this late. I look into her crib as my eyes begin to fill with unwanted tears as her delicate angel face looks back up at me. Her eyes sparkle as she smiles at me brightly and my entire body slumps with the relief that she is okay. Normally she makes noise or cries. Somehow waking me up. But this morning she’s lying in her cot just smiling up at the world like the little angel she is.
Taking a deep, controlled breath as the blood retreats from my ears and my heart slows back to a steady pace, I move my hand in and caress her cheek. She giggles at me and grabs my hand holding onto my finger tightly. The love I feel for my daughter overwhelms me sometimes. I never knew you could love someone so tiny so much. But I know it’s possible because she’s staring at me right now.
“I love you lady bug, you scared your mummy,” I say as I hear the hotel door click. I turn to look and watch Clara walk in.
“Morning Amber.” Clara’s hand grazes my back as she walks in, in a comforting gesture. It makes me smile at her.
“Morning Clara. Little Miss didn’t wake me up this morning. I nearly had a heart attack when I woke up and realised she hadn’t woken me,” I say and Clara peers into the cot and chuckles.
“Now, now, Miss Charli, can’t go scaring your mum like that,” she says and I smile and lean in picking Charli up and cuddling into her.
“Well, better get ready for the day I suppose?” Clara looks at me raising her eyebrows and bumping her shoulder into mine playfully. I furrow my brows and chuckle at her.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?” she asks, her voice a higher pitch than usual showing her excitement. I chuckle and start to walk out to the other room. Her presence near me as she follows is obvious as she shuffles behind.
“Nothing happened last night, I went to bed,” I tease knowing she won’t be satisfied with that answer.
She exhales and throws her hands in the air. “Oh c’mon Amber, I live vicariously through you, please give me something. I watched Brax come into your room and stay in your room, he didn’t leave straight away, which means something happened. Don’t leave me in the dark,” she pleads sounding desperate.
I giggle as my feet tread the plush carpet while I walk toward the bed. I sit down and bounce Charli on my knee as Clara watches me, her breath coming fast and harsh as she waits impatiently for my details on last night with Brax.
“Oh my God Amber, you’re killing me,” she says and slumps down next to me on the bed. My body jumps slightly with the movement of the mattress.
I laugh and decide to put her out of her misery. “Okay, okay, so he came in and put Charli to bed—”
She nods emphatically, smiling as she interrupts me. “Yes, yes and then?”
I laugh, rolling my eyes as I turn to look at her in the eyes dipping my head slightly and looking up at her through my lashes for emphasis. “Then…he kissed me,” I whisper.
“Ahhhh,” Clara screams and stands up abruptly. My heart leaps into my throat as Charli jumps on my lap and gasps herself. “Oh sorry, sorry, I’m just so excited,” she says smiling like a Cheshire cat.
I laugh and shake my head as my heart calms down and she looks at me tilting her head, her eyes look like they’re smiling. “So, did anything else happen?” she whispers opening her eyes wide and grinning.
I shake my head and my smile falters slightly because I’m still bummed he left. “No, just a kiss. A really good kiss, up against the wall, grinding body parts type of kiss,” I say with a hesitation in my voice. I’m a little shy talking about it because I’m always surrounded by men and Clara is the only woman in my life—like my replacement mother—so I feel like I can tell her.
She squeals which I find entertaining for an older lady and claps her hands together in excitement. “This is the best news I’ve had in years. Brax is wonderful, and so perfect for you Amber. I’m so happy,” she says and I smile and swallow thinking that I don’t actually know how this will change our relationship. We haven’t talked about it, and so I have no idea what the kiss means for us.
“It’s all new so let’s not get too excited yet, there are a lot of hurdles in our way—”
She scoffs. “Pish posh, Mason and Hunter will get over it,” she says making me internally giggle. She is so switched on, she knows everything our Clara.
“Well, I’m glad we have one person on our side.” Standing up, I walk over to her and place my free arm around her shoulders cuddling into her, she brings her arm up to cuddle Charli and me.
“Amber as long as you’re happy I’ll always be on your sid
e.”
I smile and lean my head against hers and we embrace as Charli giggles like she always does.
Charli’s items are all packed and I’m heading down to the bus for our departure to Glasgow. It’s a longer journey this time of just over three hours. I cuddle Charli as I step up the black steps onto the bus and walk down the narrow aisle to my usual seat.
I haven’t seen Brax since our kiss last night and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. I’m lost playing with Charli when someone sits down next to me. Their arm grazes mine and goose bumps rise all over my body even though the warmth of the touch ignites a fire inside of me. The smell of his cologne instantly alerts me to him, and I turn to face Brax as my heart races in my chest in its customary way whenever I’m near him. My eyes glance at his face and his smile beams from ear to ear making butterflies dance happily in my tummy. His eyes look right into mine and that spark, that connection is there again, and my very soul is shifting toward him. Everything in me wants to be connected with Brax in some way, and that’s just from looking at him. My mouth goes dry and I bite my bottom lip as his hand reaches out caressing mine.
“Morning.” His voice is a low tenor that melts my heart and sets me ablaze at the same time. It’s like warm honey that makes me want to jump for joy and sing the hallelujah chorus to praise the Lord for making a man so breathtaking.
“Morning,” I manage to squeak out breathlessly.
He smiles and then leans in running his finger along Charli’s cheek in the way that he does. I love it when he does that. She smiles and grabs his finger and holds onto it. He chuckles as her tiny fingers wrap around his long toned finger. I look at them and can’t help but get excited that he’s so accepting of Charli. Most men would run when they see a woman with a one-year-old. But not Brax. He’s still a little shy with her, but he’s holding her more and more. He’s comfortable with her, and seeing them together invades my blood and seizes my heart.
“So last night…” I begin to talk, but then trail off, not knowing how to continue. My shoulders tense and I look away from him breaking our gaze.
“Was great. I’m hopeful you’ll let me kiss you again?”
I look up through my lashes and gnaw on my bottom lip in nervousness. Swallowing hard, I can’t hold back my smile. “Really?”
He chuckles and brings his hand up to my cheek and caresses it. “Really,” he states. I have to look away again because staring into his eyes is too intense. He chuckles and brings his hand down to rest on my knee. His finger is still wrapped up in Charli’s as she mumbles to herself. She’s such a happy and content child.
“I want Charli,” a voice grumbles from behind us. I look up to see Mason standing in the aisle watching Brax and me interacting with Charli.
“Umm…okay,” I respond and he steps in line with Brax and glares at him with narrowed eyes. His shoulders are tensed and his stance is stiff. His mouth is pinched as he leans across Brax and pulls Charli from my grip. She goes to him effortlessly and wraps her arms around his neck. It's great that she adores her father, I just wish he wasn’t so territorial over her.
“You know sometimes it’s nice for her actual father to have her too,” he says and storms off down the aisle of the moving bus. His footsteps are like thunder with each stomp my heart breaks slightly that he feels like he has to compete. My eyes start to flood with tears and I swallow hard trying to not let this affect me. I was having such a good time, and Mase had to go and spoil it with his tantrum. Brax moves his hand from my knee and I look up thinking maybe this has scared him off, but his arm moves up and around my shoulders. He pulls me to his side and the moment my body is against his I feel relief. He looks at me and shakes his head.
“Don’t even say it,” he whispers bringing his free hand up to caress my cheek.
I furrow my brows wondering what he means. “Say what?” I ask.
“You’re sorry for Mason. I know that’s what you’re thinking. You want to apologise for him being like that, but you don’t have to. He’s just feeling a little left out. I get that, and it’s okay. I know Charli is his. I’m not going to take her or you away from him, I just want to be in your life and learn to co-exist with him. So stop those tears from happening, I can see your eyes watering and there’s no need. It doesn’t stop the way I feel about you, Amber. He won’t scare me off,” he admits. My pulse beats faster as I feel a lightness in my chest, my mouth goes dry and adrenalin rushes through me as my breath all but vanishes. I’m excited, and for the first time in a long time I can imagine myself enjoying the company of another man even though it scares the absolute hell out of me.
“Well, that’s good to know. Mason can be full on, and I can only imagine how this must look from your point of view.”
He tightens his arm around my shoulders and rests his head against mine. “Don’t even worry about it. Let’s just take this as it comes and leave Mason to me. I can handle him. I’ve faced much worse,” he concedes and I chuckle and nod.
“Okay, well, the minute he gets too much just tell me, and I’ll punch him or something,” I joke.
He laughs and squeezes me again. “You’re adorable, just like your daughter,” he says and I can’t hold back my smile thinking of Charli. She really is the light of my life.
“She’s the best, isn’t she?”
“She is. So is it just you and Hunter, or do you have any other siblings?”
I slump slightly. “No, just me Hunt and Charli, that’s all the family I have. Talk to me about your family,” I defer the topic. I don’t like talking about mine. It hurts too much.
“Okay. So as you know there’s my brother, Derek, and sister, Evie. I wanna go home for Christmas. They’re hoping for snow this year, it would be great. It’s always beautiful in Aberdeen when it snows,” he advises and I smile at the thought of snow. A white Christmas is always fun, and it would be great to celebrate for Charli, but it’s just too hard. It’s a day of mourning for me.
“I love the snow. When it would bucket down when we were little, Hunt and I would make snowmen in the backyard by the guest house. It was so much fun.”
“In the paddock by the old Oak tree is where we do all our snowman building. When Evie was little she used to always eat the carrot before we could pop it on for the nose, and then she’d cry because the snowman didn’t have a nose. She was upset because he wouldn’t be able to smell the roast turkey,” he says making me chuckle.
“Oh, that’s cute, poor little thing.”
“Yeah, Christmas is a time to celebrate for my family. We really come together and recognise being a family. With me being in the Army, they had a few years without me. So this year they want to make sure they celebrate with me like we used to,” he says and a sudden tightness in my chest makes it hard to breathe. Thinking of Christmas without Mum is the worst pain, and knowing his family had to celebrate without him must have been hard for them too. Admittedly, him being in the Army compared to my mother being passed away are two different things, but nevertheless, the pain of them being absent is the same.
“Well, I don’t really have a family to celebrate with, it’s only me, Hunter and Charli. As you know we don’t enjoy Christmas in my family because of Mum, it’s too hard without her,” I murmur as my eyes well up and my chest constricts even further. His grip on me is firm and he leans in kissing my hair. I close my eyes for the fear of tears falling. I nuzzle into Brax’s chest and take in his comfort.
“You know, one day you’ll make a family of your own and Christmas will be a special again. You’ll see.”
I sniff and shake my head against his chest. “No, it won’t. I’ll never celebrate Christmas again. Not with Mum being gone. The thing you don’t know is Mum’s favourite day of the year was Christmas, this also being the day she died, which now makes it the worst day of the year for us. I hate Christmas, Brax. It reminds me of everything I’ve lost.” My voice is weak and barely audible as it comes out in a shallow undertone of a whisper. My heart thrums in my
chest thinking of my beautiful mother, her shoulder length blonde hair that reminded me of Farrah Fawcett. The way she always smelt of cinnamon, even when she wasn’t baking. The way she would wink at me after teasing Hunter. Just the small things that added up to so much when you put them all together. I miss the small things, I miss her. My stomach turns in knots and my breath comes out in a stutter as I try to contain my emotion in front of Brax.
“Hey, it’s okay to be upset Amber. If you need to cry, just let it out and I’ll be here to hold you and help you through,” he says sliding his hand into my hair and pulling it back from my face. The gesture eases me and my emotions as I bring my hands up to my face and let my tears fall. My throat chokes up as I silently cry for my mother. The pain is still as raw as it was the day she died, it’s just a little easier to deal with now. I lean into Brax’s shoulder as his hands gently caress my arms soothing me.
“I’m here for you, Amber. I can’t even imagine losing a parent, so you just let it all out,” he says then leans in kissing the top of my head.
Looking up at him I pull myself together and wipe under my eyes, he looks into my eyes and his glisten with empathy.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“I want to be a support for you, Amber. You and Charli. So lean on me all you need to, okay?” I nod and smile feeling nothing but awe for this man that I’ve known for most of my life, but feel like I’m only really starting to understand him now, all these years later.
“Okay, as long as you lean on me too?” He smiles and nods leaning in pressing his forehead to mine. I lick my lips wanting so badly to kiss him, but knowing we’re on a very public tour bus with my brother in the front and my baby’s father down the back. I don’t know what this thing is with Brax, yet. So I don’t want the rest of the guys knowing something is happening either.
