by K E Osborn
I nuzzle into his hand and he half smiles. I smile back even though I’m thoroughly confused and utterly disappointed. Cuddling in bed at night is the best part of being with someone, and if I can never have that with Brax then what’s the point to this?
For the just over one hour long flight, we don’t talk anymore about the night terrors. But I’m so intrigued as to what they are that I really want to do some homework on them.
When we get to the hotel, I put Charli on the floor playing with her toys and make myself comfortable on the plaid two seater lounge, opening my notebook hooking into the hotel Wi-Fi. The clicking of my fingers against the keyboard echoes through the quiet room making my heart beat a little faster as I type ‘night terrors’ into the search engine.
The screen litters with search results, I click on the first one. My eyes scroll through the endless pages of information, my brain absorbing in all the symptoms, causes and effects they have. My heart racing and my breathing deep and heavy while the words fill me with fear, not for me, but for Brax. Most of the pages say that night terrors are most common in children, but in adults they can be brought on by trauma. Brax has been through tremendous amounts of trauma, and I’m sure the stuff I know about is only the tip of the iceberg. My eyes focus on the list of what night terrors can cause people to do, I sit up straighter on the lounge and murmur the list out loud to myself.
“Scream or shout,
“Kick and thrash,
“Sweat,
“Breathe heavily and have a racing pulse,
“Be hard to awaken, but if awakened be confused,
“Be inconsolable,
“Stare wide-eyed,
“Get out of bed and run around the house,
“Engage in aggressive behaviour—more common in adults.”
I look at the last one and my body tenses all over. Aggressive behaviour—that could be why Brax doesn’t want to sleep next to me, in case he becomes aggressive toward me? But surely he would realise it was me when he woke up, right? I think he’s being ridiculous and taking this sleeping apart to the extreme. I need to think of a way to make him stay overnight to prove to him that he’ll be fine and that I can cope with his nightmares. Sure, seeing him thrashing about and moaning in pain like that was scary, but now that I know what it is I’m sure I can help him in some way. I just don’t know how yet? Closing my notebook with a solid click, I lean over grabbing my mobile and press Brax’s contact. My heart is still racing from the information overload, and I just want to be near him right now to show him that I don’t care about his problem, I just want him here.
The phone rings twice, then he answers. “Amber, are you okay?” he asks sounding panicked.
“I’m fine. Would just love some company if you want to come down? I know Charli would like to see you.”
The phone line is quiet for a moment and then he exhales. “Well, I can’t say no to Charli now, can I?”
I giggle as relief fills me and I slump back into the lounge as I look down at Charli playing on the floor. “Great, see you soon,” I say and hang up the phone before he has a chance to change his mind.
Jumping from the lounge with an excited spring, I look down at Charli and smile at her. Her blonde curls lightly dusting her ears as her flushed chubby cheeks glow with the excitement of too much sun.
“You need to go to bed soon little ladybug,” I say squatting down to her height and caressing her head gently.
A slow rap at the door alerts me to Brax’s presence. I look toward the door and smile biting my bottom lip.
I will show him there’s nothing to be worried about!
Pressing my lips to Charli’s head, I then stand up and stride to the door. Opening it, the hinges squeal as I stand back to the side and smile brightly he comes into view. His chiseled jaw is tight, but as his eyes focus on me, his tense stature softens and his firm lips turn up into a slight smile.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Hey.”
I stand back and sweep my hand through the air letting him know to come in. He smirks and walks inside pausing briefly to look me up and down as he passes. I inwardly chuckle and walk behind him into the bedroom area.
“So, Miss Charli, I hear you couldn’t wait to see me,” Brax says. Bending down to Charli’s height and running his finger along her cheek in his usual way, sends my heart into a flutter.
“Her mum was kinda hoping she could see you too, seeing as she’s dating you and likes you a little bit,” I tease.
He looks up at me and his soft gaze sets my nerves at ease. “Well, lucky I like her mum too then.” Standing up and stepping toward me, he places his arms around my waist and pulls me abruptly to him, our bodies colliding like two magnets being pulled together.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lean into him as much as I can, touching him fills my needs. “Are we okay?” I ask and he exhales and rests his forehead against mine.
“Yeah baby, we’re fine. I’m sorry I made you worry.” His hot breath against my face is making it hard for me to concentrate, I really want to kiss him, but talking is what we need to do right now.
“I’m worried, but not because I’m afraid of you. I want you to stay tonight, I trust you won’t hurt me.”
He closes his eyes and his body tenses slightly. “Amber, I’m not sleeping over. I will stay until you fall asleep, I have no problem with that, but then I will leave. I can’t risk hurting you, I won’t hurt you,” he says with conviction.
I exhale and grip my fingers into his hair pulling slightly so he knows I’m serious. “I think you’re overreacting, you’re over thinking things.”
He leans in kissing my nose quickly and then pulls away. I bite my lip at the loss of his arms from around me.
“Brax?”
“I’m not over thinking it, Amber. You’re just not taking it seriously. Can we drop it, or I’m just going to leave for the night.”
My muscles tighten and I bite my bottom lip and nod while swallowing hard. I don’t want him to go, so for now I’ll drop it.
“Well, it’s ladybug’s bed time. Help me put her to bed?” I ask and his stiff stare softens and he relaxes obviously knowing I’m dropping the subject.
He leans down picking up Charli and I smile watching him carry her. They look so cute together as she grabs at his nose. I follow him while we walk up to her cot, he places her down inside and she gurgles out Mama and I step up and smile down at her.
“Time for nigh-nights, ladybug. Mummy loves you. Sleep well.” I lean down and kiss her head pulling her blanket over her. She yawns and her gorgeous little blue eyes blink a few times and then softly close.
“Night ladybug,” Brax whispers and smiles down at her.
I wrap my arm around his waist and cuddle into his side as we both look down into the cot at my angel. I flick the switch, the light dimming and turning the room into hues of blues and blacks reminding me of a moonlit night. It’s simply beautiful. Slowly, we walk back out to the main room and sit down on the bed.
“She really is adorable,” Brax says as he lays down and moves his arm up onto the pillow so I can move in beside him.
Cuddling into his side, I gaze up at him and smile. “She really is. I’m not sure how I got so lucky,” I say and he brings his hand up to caress my cheek.
“She’s half you, so she’s bound to be perfect.”
I chuckle and shake my head against his chest then sigh. “Brax, I really want to talk about you sleeping over—”
His lips crash to mine stopping me mid-sentence as his body moves over me. Instantly, I melt into his arms and decide to let it go and just be in the moment with him. Hopefully, he will just stay over without us having to talk about it.
His tongue entwines with mine and it’s like everything fades away—all our problems, all our issues. It’s like I’m here in the moment with him and everything is all right. After kissing for what seems like a monumental amount of time, my lips are swollen and my skin around my mouth is slightl
y tingling from his stubble. I’m sure I have a killer pash rash. But I don’t care as he rolls off me and lays back on the bed. I’m cuddling into him in contented bliss while his fingers stroke up my arms in feather-light strokes causing every inch of me to tingle.
“I love kissing you,” I mumble.
He chuckles and leans in kissing my temple. “I love it, too. Close your eyes, it’s getting late.” His deep voice soothing me as I take steadying breaths and relax into his arms.
I want to ask if he’ll be here when I wake up. If he will sleep here with me. But I don’t want him to freak out so he leaves. I want to fall asleep in his arms. I lean up, kiss his tender lips good night and rest my head back into the nook of his shoulder.
“Good night, Brax.”
“Night baby,” he whispers and pulls the covers over me.
I can only hope he falls asleep with me, needing him to realise this sleeping arrangement isn’t as bad as he thinks it is.
My muscles stretch as I roll over, my arm flops across to the other side of the bed to feel for Brax and my eyes open when I know he isn’t there. I exhale in disappointment and wonder what time he left me last night. It’s been a week since the incident where he fell asleep and we’ve avoided talking about it since. Every night he leaves even though I try to fight him on the subject, we get nowhere. Feeling like I need a little comfort, I slide out of bed, my feet digging into the plush carpet doesn’t ease my discomfort as I trudge the small path to Charli’s room. It’s early, probably too early as I look down into her cot. Her beautiful eyes are closed shut, her tiny pink lips spread open as a faint echo of her breathing sounds through the room. I inhale awed by her beauty, she really is a Godsend. A sudden knocking at my hotel room door startles me causing me to jump on the spot.
“Who the fuck?” I murmur to myself looking down at my watch to see it’s just 5:47 a.m. I look down at Charli again to make sure the banging hasn’t woken her and she’s still fast asleep. Walking out toward my door, I wonder who the hell it could be. It would be nice if there were a peephole in my door so I could check who it is. My heart rate is spiking a little and I wish Brax was here with me. I pull the door open slightly and peer out to see Mase leaning against the door frame, his hair disheveled, his eyes closed as he breathes harshly like he’s trying to keep himself awake. Furrowing my brows, I pull back the door fully.
“Mase, what the hell? Are you okay?” I ask looking at his pale face and black rimmed eyes.
“I’m fine, just had a big night,” he replies and now I think about it I can smell the alcohol emanating from him.
“Have you slept?”
He chuckles. “Nope, but I came to see my girls,” he says pushing past me into my room and stumbling slightly. “Where’s Charli?”
“She’s in the other room, but you can’t go in she’s still sleeping which you should be doing by the looks of you. Were you partying all night or something?” I ask as he comes up to me and wraps his arms around my waist pulling me to him.
I exhale and keep my hands by my side.
“Amber, you know me. When I get depressed, I party like a rock star,” he says slurring his words slightly.
I swallow and shake my head. “Mase, c’mon you’re a father. You need to stop with the sex, drugs and rock and roll,” I say and try to remove his hands from around my waist.
“Oh, but Amber, I wouldn’t need to if I could have sex with you. You’re my drug of choice and I’d like to rock and roll around in the sack with you any day if you know what I mean?” he says with a chuckle thinking he’s funny.
He’s not.
I pull away from him and step back. “Mason, stop!”
He smiles and steps closer wrapping his arms around me again. I struggle in his grip, but he’s really strong.
“Mase, let me go,” I say and he shakes his head.
“Not until you kiss me,” he says with a smirk and leans in.
“Mase, stop it. You’re drunk.” I push on his chest, but he keeps pulling me closer.
“Kiss me, Amber. Just one kiss to tide me over.”
I furrow my brows as he sways us on the spot. “Mason Anthony Hughes, I swear if you don’t let me go I will scream.”
He chuckles. “Scream then,” he says calling my bluff as he leans forward and plants his lips on mine. I tighten my lips together so he can’t gain access to my mouth and try to pull back, but his hand snakes up into my hair and he holds my head to his.
I decide rather than fighting him, which would stir him on even further, I just relent and let him kiss me. But I certainly don’t kiss back. He moves his body against mine and I wince in uncomfortableness when I feel his erection against my leg. I decide I can’t do this any longer and I open my mouth and bite his bottom lip hard. He flinches back letting go of me and his hand shoots up to his lip as I stand back and hold myself for comfort.
“Ouch Amber, why’d you do that?”
I shake my head and walk toward the hotel door. “I think you should go.”
He smirks. “I think with that bit of playfulness I should stay,” he says grinning at me mischievously. I don’t like the look in his eyes. He’s not in control of his actions right now. He’s letting his hormones and his love for me cloud his judgement.
“No. Mason, leave. Before I say something I’ll regret,” I demand.
He pouts and walks toward me. “Baby c’mon, you want me too. I’ve waited over a year to be with you again, actually nearly two. Please, Amber, I’m dying to taste you. It’s time,” he says stepping up to me and placing his hand on my cheek caressing me tenderly.
I huff and open the hotel door and he frowns and shakes his head. “Amber, stop fighting this.” He steps into me and his lips meet mine again and I tense up grabbing hold of his biceps as he pins me to the open door. I try to push him off me, but he’s too strong. He grinds his erection into me and I whimper against him in discontent as my eyes flood with tears. I try hard to push him away from me, but his body is forced against mine so strongly I can hardly move. I push and he moves slightly. Suddenly he’s pulled from me and my body slumps as his lets me go and I breathe quickly while watching Mason fall to the floor with a thud.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Hunter berates glaring at him. He turns to me and rubs my arm. “Are you okay?” he asks and I wipe the tears falling down my cheeks and nod as Mason looks at me and frowns.
“You’re crying?” he asks and I scoff.
“You were forcing yourself on me, Mason. That’s not something every girl wants, you know?” I spit.
Hunter wraps his arm around my shoulders. “I know you had a wild night last night dude and you’re probably still wasted. But if you ever, and I mean ever, make my sister cry again or try and force yourself onto her, I will kick you out of the band and then make sure you only see Charli on holidays and special occasions. You got me?” Hunter thunders as he rubs up and down my arm, trying unsuccessfully to comfort me.
Mason nods as he stands up and looks at me. He swallows, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I read it wrong. I just…I miss you, Amber,” he says and I furrow my brows.
“I was never yours. So how the hell can you miss me?” I ask.
He nods rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t I know it! I miss what we had that one night Amber, it was perfect. You wanting me back, that’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he murmurs.
I frown and wrap my arms around myself and exhale. “I’m sorry, Mason. I just. I can’t…I don’t…it’s not like that with you,” I say and his posture stiffens.
“But it’s like that with Braxton?”
Hunter turns looking at me and his grip on my shoulders intensifies. Swallowing hard, my brother and my baby’s father both look at me waiting for my answer.
“Brax is…I don’t know what Brax is,” I admit and Mason slumps his body and Hunter stiffens his.
“She won’t be starting anything with Brax either Mason, so don’t worry. Just go to your room, have a coffee
and go to sleep until you need to be at the concert tonight. Sort yourself out Mase, and leave Amber alone. No more hitting on her,” Hunter demands.
I swallow hard looking at Mason whose frown has fallen from his face as his eyes are glistening with unshed tears. He merely nods, his mouth opens like he’s going to speak, but he doesn’t say anything choosing instead to close it and walk away.
Exhaling, I wipe my cheeks as Hunter turns to face me. “Are you really okay?” he asks and I nod and pull him to me for a hug. Embracing him tightly, he holds me back and for once it’s nice to have my brother being overprotective.
“Thank you, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t have shown up when you did.”
He pulls back from me and smiles reassuringly. “I’m glad I was here too. Mason is a tool when he’s drunk. I was awake and heard him from my room next door. Don’t worry, I’ll be having harsher words with him later, but as long as you’re okay that’s all I care about,” he says. I nod and turn to walk back into my hotel room. “So you and Brax?” he asks and I tense up as he follows me inside.
“It’s nothing really,” I say trying to pull Hunter off the trail. I don’t want to fight with him right now.
He huffs. “It better not be, Amber. I told you to stay away from him.”
I bite my bottom lip and decide to not let him know how close Brax and I have actually become.
“It’s just an attraction Hunter, nothing to worry about,” I lie and he walks through to sit on the lounge while nodding his head.
“Good, because I don’t want you getting hurt again Amber. You’ve been through so much in the last five years with Mum, then Aston, and having Charli. You’re teetering on the edge as it is with your panic attacks. I’m just looking out for you. You know that, right?” he asks and I exhale loudly and sit on the bed.
“I know. But I’m okay, I promise.” I hear Charli murmur in the next room.
“I’ll get her,” he says. I smile as he walks into her room and I fall back on the bed and take in a deep, steadying breath.
