Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree: A Red Velvet Christmas Novel
Page 22
“No way, I’m going to hunt him down and set my lawyers onto him after I call the police. Amber, he can’t get away with hurting you. It’s assault,” he exclaims and I shake my head.
“No! Absolutely no police, no lawyers, and no going after Brax. He’d feel bad enough about what happened as it is. He’s done enough damage to himself, that’s punishment enough Hunter. I don’t want him reprimanded for this when he wasn’t in control of his body. You didn’t see his eyes, Hunter. It wasn’t him, he didn’t do this to me. Please, I’m begging you, I don’t want to press charges. I just want to try and forget it ever happened.”
“I don’t know…I don’t know how you can be so calm about this, Amber. He hurt you and then left the scene of the crime. That screams guilt to me.”
“Of course, he feels guilt. He knows what he did. He woke up choking me. The look in his eyes when he realised what he was doing…if you saw it, you’d understand. Hunter, I’m the victim here, so surely this is my decision, right?” He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me with pleading eyes. “He’s your friend, don’t forget that. You guys have been mates for so long. Don’t let this spoil your friendship. Please tell me you’ll make sure he gets help,” I say and he looks away from me and huffs. “Hunter, please,” I beg.
“Okay fine. But he doesn’t come near you or Charli again,” he dictates.
I roll my eyes. “That’s not what I want, but I get a feeling I might not have a say in that,” I announce barely a whisper as the pain rips through my chest that Brax probably won’t want to see me again. He’s avoiding my messages and he left without saying goodbye.
Why do I feel like we’re over now before we even had a chance to begin?
“Amber, I don’t know what was going on with you two, I don’t really want to know. But you’re better off. You can’t have a relationship with someone you can’t sleep next to, can you?” he asks and I purse my lips wondering if maybe Hunter is right and maybe letting my guard down and setting my sights on Brax was another huge mistake.
Luckily it ended before I got in too deep.
“Yeah,” I murmur and he pulls me to him for an embrace.
“I’m sorry, little lamb, I can tell you liked him. I know it must hurt, but this is for the best. Concentrate on getting better, looking after Charli and the band. I’ll get you a new bodyguard and everything will work out fine, I promise,” Hunter says embracing me tightly and I hug him back and hope that this sinking feeling in my gut disappears quickly. Along with the ache in my chest and the pounding in my head. I feel like I need a fix like I need to see Brax, but I know that won’t happen, he’s gone. He left, without saying goodbye and that actually pisses me off.
Hunter pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I hate that you’re hurting, again.”
I half smile. “I’m okay. I just hope Brax can get the help he so desperately needs.”
“Me too. Now let’s talk about you. Do you need to go to the doctor? Does your throat feel constricted or anything?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m okay, I promise, just a little sore. Luckily, I brought some cute scarves with me that I can wear. I don’t want Mason or the guys to know about this, okay?”
“Yeah, I think that’s best,” he says as Charli starts to make her customary morning noises. We both look to her room and I smile, hearing her is like heaven to my ears. She’s an instant relaxant.
“I’ll get her, you relax. Order room service breakfast for us both, I’m not leaving your side today,” he says. Normally that would annoy me, but today I need the comfort of family and seeing as how he and Charli are all I have, I’ll take what I can get.
He walks off to get Charli and I sit back down on the bed and run my hands through my hair.
Brax is gone.
My heart thuds as my chest begins to ache at the thought of not seeing him. Who knows if I will ever see him again? I sniff as my eyes start to well and I close them to stop the tears from falling. I don’t want Hunter to see me cry. He wouldn’t understand.
“Lady bug is happy this morning.” Hunter’s voice startles me and I open my eyes taking a deep breath and turning to see him walk into the room holding Charli. I plaster on my fakest smile and nod. “Ordered breakfast?” he asks coming to sit next to me looking at me furrowing his eyebrows.
“Oh, right, sorry, I was just umm…I’ll do it now,” I say and lean over to grab the phone.
Hunter reaches out grabbing my arm and stopping me from taking the phone. Looking back at him he’s frowning and his eyes are drooping.
“It’s okay to be sad, Amber. If you need to cry, you don’t have to hold it back because I’m here. Let me be your support right now.”
I swallow hard listening to his kind words and as I look down at Charli and her sleepy little eyes gaze up at me my bottom lip trembles and my chest constricts. Hot tears pool in my eyes as Hunter’s arm reaches out and wraps around my shoulders pulling me to him. My breathing is harsh as a sob echoes through the room, and I collapse into Hunter resting my head on his neck and cuddling into him and Charli as the dam wall breaks and my tears fall hard and fast.
“There you go. You’ve been through something traumatic, Amber. Let all your emotions out,” Hunter says rubbing up and down my arm in a soothing motion.
The thing is I’m not crying because of the scare and the trauma of the attack, I’m crying because Brax left. He left without a goodbye. Did I mean that little to him? Was I not even worthy of a goodbye? I sob hard, so hard my body is heaving and I cling onto Hunter’s shirt needing any comfort I can get.
After I had my breakdown and Hunter consoled me for a while, we ordered breakfast. I didn’t eat much, mainly just played with my food, but I managed to get some bacon in. Charli is on my lap while Hunter is watching the morning news, and I look over to my mobile and frown. I really need to know if Brax is okay. Walking over I pick it up and sit down on the bed with Charli as she cuddles into me. Holding her is the comfort I need right now. Typing out my message my finger is shaking, but I somehow manage to get the message typed in.
Me: Brax, please! I just need to know if you’re okay?
I hit send and wait for the reply, but just like before, there’s nothing but silence through the dull hum of the television. Looking up at Hunter I notice him watching me.
“You know, I only want what’s best for you and Charli, right?” he says out of nowhere.
Standing up I walk back over to the lounge and sit down next to him and nod. “I know.”
“I’m sorry Brax left.” His frown and the deep sad look in his eyes shows me he’s telling the truth.
My body tenses as a wave of grief washes over me. “Yeah, me too,” I reply and he half smiles at me wrapping his arm around my shoulder again and pulling me to him.
“I’ll always be here for you and Charli though, little lamb. You know that, right?”
“I know, thanks, piglet.”
A knock at the door sends my heart into a fast rhythm. Hunter takes Charli from me as I race up to grab a scarf from my suitcase. “Shit, where is it?”
“Amber, calm down. I won’t answer the door until you find it,” Hunter says resting his hand on my back as I pull clothes from my bag frantically.
Finally finding the sparkly gold scarf, I wrap it around my neck covering my marks so whoever is at the door won’t see. They knock again and the sound against the door speeds my heart up even faster.
“You good to go, Amber?” Hunter asks looking back at me as he approaches the door.
I nod and casually walk back to the lounge suite even though my body feels heavy and my heart is racing a million miles a minute. I just hope I don’t look too suspicious. The click of the handle moving and the screech of the hinges catches my attention. Sitting up straighter, I look toward the hall to watch Clara walking in which eases my nerves slightly. She smiles at me her lips rising against her pink wrinkled face reminding me of how much I love her. I stand up and swallow walking to her.
“Good morning Clara, it’s so good to see you.” Pulling back I try to hide my watering eyes from her. She looks at me and tilts her head.
“You saw me last night. Amber, is everything okay?”
I don’t want to answer because I hate lying to her and I would have to lie to her right now, but just as I go to speak Hunter walks in followed by Mason and all my thoughts vanish as Mason looks at me and starts laughing.
“Why are you wearing a scarf? It’s the beginning of September, you weirdo?” he walks up to me and gives me a hug unexpectedly. I embrace him back as Hunter places Charli on the floor.
“Got a little cold. Plus, it’s cute, right Clara?” I defend looking at Hunter who winks at me, giving me the affirmation that it was a good answer.
“Women,” Mason says and pulls back looking at me and then furrowing his brows.
I tense up wondering why he’s assessing me like that. “What?” I ask.
“Nothing, just you look sad?”
I exhale and Clara nods her head and grabs my hand for comfort as I can’t stop my bottom lip from trembling. My chest tightens and it feels like the room is shrinking like the walls are closing in on me and everything is becoming smaller.
“Amber, what’s going on?” Mase asks.
I swallow hard and look at Clara. “Brax left today.” It comes out barely a whisper as my voice cracks.
Clara exhales and her body slumps as Mason smiles brightly and stands taller. His happiness annoys me.
“Why’d he leave?” Mase asks.
My heart starts to race and my breathing increases. I look at Hunter to answer because I honestly don’t know what to say.
“Family issues,” Hunter says quietly and Mason’s face lights up with a grin that would put the New York City, New Year’s Eve Ball Drop to shame. Frowning at him, he looks away from me noticing my discomfort with his happiness and he walks over to Charli and starts to play with her on the floor.
Clara places her hand on my shoulder and caresses it tenderly, the soft gesture making it hard for me to breathe. The gleam in her eye makes me think she knows there’s more to the story, but she won’t push. I might tell her when I’m ready, but not now, and definitely not with Mason in the room. She smiles and nods her head, a warm tear fills my eyes and I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. She pulls me in for another hug and I grip on holding her as tightly as I can. I need her comfort right now, and she knows I’m hurting.
A tear slides down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away before Mason sees, but he’s pretty wrapped up in Charli right now to care about me or how utterly dead I feel inside. In the end, I guess I knew giving my heart to someone would lead to this. I didn’t want to get involved with Brax in the first place because I knew, in the end, he would leave.
They always do. Why would he be any different?
I close my eyes and clench onto Clara tightly, she doesn’t ease her grip on me knowing I need her. She knew more than anyone the connection Brax and I had, and now that’s gone and I’m left as an empty shell again with nothing left to give. My heart is pounding and I feel breathless, but I have to try and keep control of myself for the sake of Charli. I can’t fall apart again like last time. I need to put all my energy into her and make sure I get through this breakup—if that’s what this is—in one piece.
Charli.
I have to think of Charli.
The radio silence from Brax is killing me, and as I board the bus to drive the hour and fifty minutes to Dublin, I’m feeling really down. I wish he would just talk to me. I know he must feel bad about what happened, but that’s no reason to take it out on me.
Sitting down on the seat, I sink into the plush leather on my own while Clara takes care of Charli. She’s not on the bus yet, but as I look up Mason walks onboard and spots me. He strides up to where I’m sitting and his cologne hits me. It smells nice, but it doesn’t affect me like Brax’s does. All that happens is it makes me think of Brax and an ache develops in my chest, so I fold my arms over my chest and sink into the seat further.
Mason exhales and slides into the seat next to me. I can’t be bothered with him hitting on me right now, so I turn and look out the window. His warm hand rests on my knee and I exhale and slump my body.
“Amber, look I know you’re upset. I’m your friend. Talk to me.” The gentle tone of his voice warms me and I turn to face him. His eyebrows are scrunched together and he’s frowning like he might actually be worried about me.
Swallowing hard my chest tightens as I think of Brax and how I wish he were here just so I could talk to him. “I’m going to miss, Brax. I’m sorry to blurt that out to you of all people, but as you said we’re friends and I need someone to vent to,” I admit surprising even myself.
Mason nods and wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him in a comforting way, not at all in a flirtatious way. “Then I’m all ears, sweet pea, vent away.”
I glance up at him shocked that he’d want me to talk to him about another man, but we’ve been friends for a long time and I guess that counts for something.
Exhaling, I turn to face him and take a deep breath. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye, he just left. I feel like I mustn’t have meant anything to him if he was able to just leave without at least a goodbye, you know?” My chest tightens as my throat constricts trying to say the words.
He shakes his head and leans in caressing my face. “Amber, you’re worth more than that. If he didn’t say goodbye, then he’s the dick. Don’t think badly of yourself because of it. You’re amazing, don’t forget that. Ever.”
My tears fall down my cheeks as Mase gently wipes them away with his thumb. His eyes squint and his brows furrow as he watches me cry for another man.
“Amber, please don’t cry,” he whispers resting his forehead against mine. “He’s not worth it.”
But he is!
Swallowing hard, I close my eyes to fight off the closeness between Mase and me, and to stop the tears from continuing. I’m a complete and utter mess in my head right now. I need comfort. Mason is not the right person for that, but he’s here and doing a good job, so I let him in. Nuzzling my head into his neck, I cry into his shoulder.
“Just let it out, Amber. I’ll be here for you. I’m always here for you.” His hands rub up and down my back trying to ease me, but nothing is making me feel better. Brax is gone, and I feel empty again. He made me feel like there was something worth fighting for, other than Charli. Now I know that was a lie. He made me believe I could be happy again. Now, I know I’m destined to be alone forever. It’s how it should’ve always been. I should have never given in.
I stayed locked in Mason’s comforting arms for the entire journey to Dublin. Even though I’m probably sending him the wrong impression, I needed the comfort and I was glad he so willingly gave it to me. We’re walking up to the hotel rooms and Mason is holding onto Charli, who’s almost asleep. My crying has subsided and I feel numb now as my feet drag along the carpeted hallway. Arriving at my hotel door, I pull out my card and swipe it. Feeling a little nervous about Mason coming in, I know I’ve been sending him mixed messages on the way here. I just hope he doesn’t try anything because I’m positive my fragile heart couldn’t handle that. So I stop at the door and turn to look at him. He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in question.
“I need to clear my head before the concert tonight, can you take Charli for a bit so I can have some alone time?”
He furrows his brows and winces slightly. It’s not often I ask for time without Charli. He nods and exhales. “Are you going to be okay, though?”
“Yeah, I just need some sleep. I didn’t sleep well last night, just need some catch-up hours.”
He nods again and I walk into my hotel room, turning back around to look a
t him while half-smiling. “Thank you, for listening, and for this.”
“You know I’d do anything for you, Amber.”
I swallow hard because I know that’s true. I nod and smile leaning out and kissing Charli’s sleepy head. Then quickly turn and close the door behind me feeling the breeze from the door’s movement wash over me. When the thud of the door sounds my body slumps and I exhale closing my eyes finally feeling like I can be myself for the first time since the incident with Brax. Walking slowing into my new bedroom, I walk to the bed and collapse onto the springy mattress, my body bouncing against the quilt. Taking a deep breath, I wish I could talk to Brax, I just want to know that he’s okay. Taking my arm away from my face, I move my hand into my jeans pocket and pull out my phone. I know my plight is probably useless, but I’m going to try anyway. I dial Brax’s number and bring the phone to my ear. My heart races frantically as the tone rings and rings, but there’s no answer. My chest squeezes tight when a woman’s voice, one that I’ve heard on so many other phone calls, tells me to leave a message. I wince wishing he had recorded his own voice message instead of the prerecorded one so I could at least listen to his voice. I jump slightly as the phone beeps loudly in my ear alerting me that it’s time to speak.
“Brax…God Brax, I miss you. I know you feel sorry about what happened. But you don’t have to avoid me…I want you to get some help. I don’t know how, but I know there’s something out there that can help with what you’re going through. I just wish you came and said goodbye, you owed me that much. Brax…I thought I was worth more than...well, nothing.” A sob escapes me as my head starts to pound in the same frantic beat as my heart. I fight the tears, I don’t want to cry again as I hang up the phone not able to speak anymore. I said all I could. He knows now that he’s hurt me more emotionally than physically. Not saying goodbye has broken something inside me and I feel like maybe I meant nothing to him. My trembling body shudders so much I start to feel sick as the ache in my chest is so tight I feel like I can’t breathe. I wish I could stop feeling so worthless. I wish I didn’t feel this way.