by K E Osborn
Brax: I know, but it still happened and I don’t forgive myself, even if you have.
I tense my body and shake my head. I wish he were here so I could slap some bloody sense into him.
Me: Well you need to forgive yourself so we can see each other because I feel so lonely without you Brax. I miss you so much, I feel like a part of me is missing. I need you.
I hit send hoping it’s the wake-up call he needs.
Brax: I need you too. I will see you soon baby. xo
The bus ride so far is frosty.
I’m in a bad mood.
I’m angry.
Angry at the guys for the party and being arrested.
Angry at Mason for trying it on with me.
Angry at Brax for not being at home when I get there.
I’m just seething and everyone is noticing, so they’re keeping their distance from me. The only bright spark in my day right now is sitting on my lap, making cute little gurgling noises. Charli really is the cutest little thing ever, and even though my rage is making me want to hurtle an axe into Mase’s head, Charli is simmering the fever down a notch.
“Amber…” Clara’s gentle voice seeps into my ears as I casually glance up to see her approaching. I smile and nod for her to sit down next to me. She’s one of the few people I’m not angry at.
“Darling, you have to let go of some of this anger you have. Otherwise, it will build up and fester making things harder with Mason.”
I look at her and half smile. Of course she’s right, being angry at the world won’t solve the problems. “Yeah, you’re right as always. Thanks, Clara. I just wish Mase would stop acting out.”
“I will. I promise.” I turn around to see Mase standing behind me.
“I hope so, for the sake of our daughter. You have to think about her in this.”
He takes a seat opposite me and nods his head. “I know, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Can I take Charli for a couple of days? I miss spending time with her, and I want to be a responsible dad.”
My first instinct is to laugh hysterically in his face, but I keep it together and simply shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I’m met with a glare from Clara and a somber look from Mase, and instantly I feel bad.
“I promise, no parties, no one else will be at the house. Just me. Clara can come too if you want. I just need some time with my girl,” he says and I furrow my brows and huff as Clara stands up walking away from us.
“Are you sure?” I ask and he nods moving over next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“I’m sure. Please, Amber. I shouldn’t really need to ask to spend time with my daughter,” he says and I slump my body because I know he’s right.
“Okay, just please don’t put her in any danger.”
“I’d never do that, Amber. I love her too much.” He leans in kissing me on the cheek and then leans in kissing Charli, who giggles and slaps at his face. He still looks pale, but his smile is brightly plastered all over his face making him seem more human and less post-apocalyptic zombie-like.
“Thanks, Amber.” He stands and walks away down the bus and Clara comes back sitting down next to me again.
My stomach is twisting and I feel a little sick.
“You did the right thing,” Clara says.
“I sure hope so.” I have no idea, with Mase’s recent behaviour, if he’s even capable of looking after a twelve-month-old. But I guess I have to trust him. I know he’d never willingly put her in danger. He does love her to bits.
We drive the rest of the way back to Richmond, back to my home. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed after so long. I wish there’d be a tall, ruggedly handsome soldier slash bodyguard there waiting for me, but I know that’s not going to happen. We pull up and file off the bus. Clara makes quick work of opening up the house, and we all walk into the Hawaiian breeze fragrance wafting through the house. I smile wide knowing Brax must have set my burner going before he left. Walking into the kitchen, I remember Brax said there was a surprise waiting for me on the bench. My heart begins to race wondering what it is. As I turn the corner, I see a huge, and I mean massive, bunch of flowers sitting in the middle of the marble bench top.
I glance over at Clara, who’s grinning widely. I can’t contain my smile as I walk into the kitchen with Charli on my hip and straight up to the flowers. They’re simply stunning. The guys walk in placing their bags all over the place and the house instantly looks like a bomb has hit it. They completely ignore the giant bunch of flowers in the room as Hunter goes about making a pot of coffee.
Clara comes up to me as I lean down breathing in through my nose, the floral scent invading my nostrils. It’s like a flowery heaven and it’s made me so happy.
“Nice of him,” she whispers taking Charli from me. She winks and rubs my arm knowing how much this means to me.
“Can you get a bag packed for Charli for me, please?” Mase asks out of nowhere. I roll my eyes and decide I’ll take a better look at my flowers when all these men are gone and I’m alone. Then I can really appreciate them.
“Sure, don’t know why you can’t do it yourself…but sure, I’ll be your slave girl,” I call out walking into Charli’s room to pack her bag. I’m putting nappies into Charli’s backpack when heavy footsteps thump along the marbled floor, I turn to see Mason standing at the doorway looking in at me.
“Thanks so much for letting me have her. I really do appreciate it.” His smile is genuine and I can’t help but start to feel okay about this.
“It’s fine. How long will you have her for?” I ask hoping it’s no longer than a day or two. I couldn’t stand to be away from her for longer than that.
“Is three days okay?”
I close my eyes as my stomach tightens. That’s the longest I’ve ever been without her. My chest rises and falls quickly and my breaths come in short and shallow bursts, but I simply nod.
“This means a lot. I’ll Skype you so you can see her before bed each night, I promise.”
My chest tightens and I exhale looking up at him. “Just take good care of her. Give her her bottle three times a day and don’t forget her ladybug. She loves her ladybug.”
He walks over to me placing his hands on my arms steadying me. “Amber, I got this. She’ll be fine.”
I nod and fake a smile while grabbing her backpack and walk out of her room and into the kitchen with Mason. He walks over to Clara and pulls Charli into his arms. My foot is repeatedly tapping on the marble floor. I hate this. It’s going to be so lonely here without her. As he rubs his stubbly beard over her face, her giggles are like a symphony to my ears and I savour the sound knowing it will be absent from the house for the next seventy-two hours. I know I’ll be counting down each and every one of those hours that she’s gone.
He walks over to me and I lean in kissing Charli’s face all over. Her silky skin under my lips drives me into a frenzy and I can’t stop kissing her. It’s only when Clara grabs my arm and pulls me back that Mason laughs and looks at me with drooping eyes.
“Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. I’ll Skype you tonight, okay?”
I nod wrapping my arms around my body for a comfort that isn’t coming.
“Right, I’m off. Let’s go home, ladybug,” Mase says and Hunter, Jayce, and Cooper grab their bags and start to head out too.
Everyone’s leaving?
We all walk as a group to the front door. Our collective footsteps making it sound like a herd is making its way through my house. I pull the front door open, it creaks with a stiffness of not being used. Everyone files out, Hunter kisses my cheek as he leaves, but is busy texting so doesn’t say anything as he goes. I wave to Charli as Mase straps her in her car seat. Clara wraps her arm around my shoulders knowing that I hate this. At least Clara is here with me, and I’m not entirely alone. But I know her, she will be scarce around the house keeping to herself.
So I will practically be on my own.
This is going to be torture!
The roar of the engines all fire, reverberating through my soul as they all drive off and I wave frantically to Charli even though she can’t see me. I try my hardest not to cry and I succeed. I’m becoming stronger. I smile at myself for being braver than normal and close the door as Clara walks off down to the kitchen.
I take a deep breath and slump my body.
Let the silence begin!
I wish Brax were still in the guest house. Clara is in her room after we’ve just finished dinner and I’m completely bored out of my brain already. There’s nothing much to do so I figure I’ll get changed into my pyjamas and get ready to read a book in bed when I hear the iPad ringing with a Skype call. I rush toward the kitchen bench hoping it’s Mason. Opening the cover, I see the call from him and my lips turn up in a smile.
“Thank God!” Swiping the screen, I answer the call and his face comes into view with a smile.
“Hey, sweet pea.”
“Has she gone to bed already?” I don’t even say hello in my abruptness to find out if I’m going to see Charli tonight.
He chuckles. “Yes, she’s asleep. I’ll take you in to see her. Missing her already?”
I exhale and walk into the lounge room. “You have no idea. This house isn’t the same without her.” And it truly isn’t. She’s only been gone for four hours, and I already feel like I might be going stark raving mad.
My feet are cold on the marble floor as they walk from the kitchen to the lounge. I plonk myself down on the lounge suite and sink back into the suede softness making myself comfortable.
“Well, don’t worry she’s doing great. I’m having a ball with her. It’s nice to have some father-daughter bonding time. I don’t remember the last time it was just me and my baby girl hanging out. So thank you.” The vision on the screen of him is blurring slightly as he walks through his condo. I see the pictures of us lining the hallway as he passes them, and it makes me smile that he still has them. I hear the handle to the door click and then he turns the iPad around into the dimly lit room. Her carrousel night light is on shining a pink hue through the room and projecting horses onto the walls. Smiling, I sit forward slightly as he focuses the camera into the cot showing me Charli sleeping with her ladybug tucked up in tightly under her arm. Her bottle empty next to her and her little chest rising and falling so gently it makes my stomach flutter.
“Aww, she’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“See nothing to worry about.” He leaves the camera there for another couple of seconds before returning it to face him. I nod and smile as he walks out of her room, closing her door softly and then moving back down his hall to his bedroom.
“I know…I know you’ll look after her. I just miss her that’s all,” I admit honestly.
He frowns and nods. “I know, but she’ll be home soon. Take the time alone to channel, write some new hit songs for us.”
I laugh and lean back into the lounge suite. “That’s actually not a bad idea. We do need some new material. Hunter was talking about trying to get us some air time on a local radio station, so I need to come up with some new fresher sounds.”
He smiles as he slumps down onto his bed. “Well, Amber, you’re the one who’s written all our best stuff. So if anyone can come up with our first hit song, it will be you.”
“Thanks. Hey, make sure you give Charli her bottle in the morning she loves it, and—”
“I know, I know. Amber, I got this. Stop worrying, okay?” he interrupts exacerbated.
I sigh and nod. “Sorry. Yeah, I know.” I screw up my nose in frustration at myself. Poor guy knows how to handle our daughter.
“What’s your plans for tonight then?”
I smirk and decide to tease him. “I’m thinking wild sex orgy and getting arrested might be fun.”
He furrows his brows and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I was a dick. I know that now. But you shouldn’t have leant on me for support because you miss Brax. You should call him,” Mase says shocking me.
I open my eyes wide and swallow the lump in my throat and nod. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you like that. I just miss him. Shit! I shouldn’t say that to you, I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay. I know you like him. I know I’m only ever going to be the ‘friend’ and it sucks, it really sucks. But being arrested and realising that my actions have reactions like possibly losing Charli has put things into perspective. You don’t want me like that, and that’s fine. I still love you, and if you ever change your mind, I will always be here. But I want you to be happy and if that’s with Brax, I don’t like it, but I’ll accept it.”
My chest tightens and my stomach knots. My mouth drops open and my eyes begin to burn from utter surprise and awe. He’s being the bigger man. Mason is finally growing up and not acting like a brat.
“Th…thank you,” I stutter out. My words failing me as I’m lost in the complete one-eighty in his attitude. I’m glad his fuck up has made him see straight. I’m also glad he realises that I don’t want him in my life as my partner. I just need him as my friend. I’m so happy he sees that now.
“You’re welcome. Well, I’m going to have a shower and go to bed. I’ll just leave you with the thought of me wet and naked,” he teases.
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Okay, good night imbecile.”
“Night, sweet pea.” He smirks blowing me a kiss and then hangs up.
Shaking my head, I chuckle and place the iPad on charge. I don’t want it to be flat when he calls tomorrow.
Feeling lighter for seeing my girl, I walk down to my bedroom and get changed into my leopard print pyjamas. The fresh sheets on my bed peel back inviting me in, filling me with the excitement of being home. I slide into my bed and close my eyes relishing the homely feel for the first time in months. I love it! I grab a book from the side table and prop myself up along the headboard of my bed and open it peeling back the crisp pages. The crinkling sounds remind me of when I was young and Mum would read to me. That old book smell fills my lungs, and as I relive a memory of Mum reading to me about dancing penguins, I smile for the first time instead of crying. The memories of Mum generally only bring pain and heartache, but this one fills me with joy, and for the first time since I can remember I feel a calmness. Recalling the feeling of love she held for Hunter and me, and I feel it wrap around and envelop me in the depths of its endless caress. Mum is with me, and right now, it doesn’t sadden me. It fills me with a new hope. A hope that I can make it through this life without being on edge. A hope I can make it through, with a strong man by my side, and a hope that I can help him fight his demons like I’m fighting mine.
I smile and lean over picking up my phone to message Brax.
Brax’s tongue is dancing with mine frantically. His arms holding onto me so tightly I can barely breathe as our bodies move together passionately. My back’s against the wall as he holds me against him. My legs wrapped around his waist as we rock together, our bodies joined as one striving for our climax. I moan into his mouth as a faint but incessant knocking at the door starts to seep into my consciousness.
I moan as Brax thrusts into me harder working me up quickly. I’m almost at my peak when I hear yelling. It’s distracting and I feel like a fog is starting to invade my head. I don’t understand what’s happening when the knocking gets louder and Brax’s body begins to evaporate from around me.
“Brax?”
The yelling is frantic and my head is heavy as everything starts to fade to black. Brax thrusts again and I moan as he disappears completely and the knocking becomes so loud that I clench my eyes tight. I feel like I’m falling, and it’s only now that I realise I was dreaming.
“Amber, where the fuck are you?” Mason yells. My skin prickles and goose bumps run all over my body. My eyes open wide now fully awake as I realise I’m covered in sweat and still a little dazed from my dream. But now, that’s completely replaced by the fact that Mase
is here. Something must be wrong with Charli.
I race out of bed and my feet hardly have time to register the harsh bitterness of the cold marble floor as I speed to the front door. Mason thrashes on the front door and I puff as I reach it and drag it open vigorously.
“What the fuck, Mason?” I call out as I open the door to see him without Charli looking at me furrowing his brows, flaring his nostrils, and his face turning beetroot red.
“You should trust me, Amber! How dare you come and take Charli from me in the middle of the night.”
My chest tightens and I feel physically sick to my stomach.
Why would Mason think I’ve taken Charli?
I shake my head as hot tears start to well in my eyes.
“I can’t believe you would do something so low Amber. I knew you couldn’t leave well enough alone. I will never forgive you for this—”
“What are you on about? Where the hell is Charli?” I scream at him.
He stops hurling abuse at me and his demeanour changes instantly. His face goes pale white, and he looks like he’s going to vomit. The sight unsettles me even more.
“No, no, you must have her.”
I tense up and my bottom lip trembles as my knees begin to shake. I move my head from side to side slowly.
“What have you done, Mason? Where’s our baby?” I yell, tears forming in my eyes as I look at his frantic face.
“I…I woke up this morning and she was gone. I thought you must have come and got her. If you don’t have her then where the fuck is she?” he asks his voice a higher octave than normal.
My heart bursts out of my chest and explodes all over the floor. “What the fuck do you mean, she’s gone? Where has she gone?”
He runs his fingers through his hair and tears well in his eyes as he shakes his head. “There was no sign of forced entry. I don’t know. Someone must have taken her during the night.”
