‘Thanks, Mam, that sounds nice.’
‘One couple in the magazine had travel because they’d travelled all over together, so there were little maps on the back of their invites, and every place setting had the name of a place they’d visited. Maybe there’s something like that for you two, that you like to do together?’
‘Good idea.’ I stared into space. What did Mason and I like to do together? What had we done together?
‘Flowers, maybe? That could be a theme?’
‘Hmm, Mason isn’t really that bothered. I mean he’s supportive of my flowers but . . .’
‘Cooking maybe, or sport?’
I shook my head. ‘He’d like sport but I just . . . I don’t know. I’ll have a think, Mam.’
‘I’m sure there’s lots of things.’
‘Of course, we’re getting married,’ I laughed, a little too loudly. ‘I might ask BBest, it’d probably know.’
Mam smiled. ‘How is Mason doing, anyway? I bet he’s excited?’
‘Good, good.’ But I must have sighed or made a noise, because Mam dipped her Jaffa cake into her tea and eyed me suspiciously. A scowl buried itself into her forehead.
‘You’re not telling me something, I can tell.’
‘No, you can’t. You do not have psychic powers.’
She made a humming sound. She knew she didn’t have psychic powers; however, in respect to her children, she claimed to be all-seeing and all-knowing.
The truth was I had had a bit of a something. I had an – ahem, ahem, cough, cough – erotic dream. I mean, it was hot. It was sexy and steamy, it was sensational. I was on an airplane and I had a ticket for the mile-high club, as you do. And when I went into the cubicle to join the club, there was some man waiting for me who I was literally trembling with anticipation to see. We couldn’t rip the clothes off each other fast enough, I clawed at his chest, leaving nail marks, and he nuzzled into my neck and moaned. My leg was hooked around his back, and I could feel his hands grabbing at my knickers, sliding them off. He pressed his face to my chest and I inhaled him. We had the most tantalising, frantic, overwhelming sex. It was so real. And the most surprising part was that it wasn’t Mason in the bathroom with me. It was Patrick, from Granddad’s bookstore, who was so tall I don’t know how he would even fit into one of those mini toilets, but that wasn’t the point though, was it? The point was I shouldn’t be having sex dreams about other men. I felt pretty icky about it all.
Mam leaned across and patted my leg. ‘You know, love, I was dating a very nice stable man when I met your father. Connor Bishop. He had his own house, great job in the civil service. My mother loved him.’
I brightened up considerably. ‘I’ve never heard of Connor Bishop.’
‘No, you wouldn’t have. You see, I left him to be with your dad. I fell wildly in love with him. He was so gorgeous, so unpredictable. He rode that motorbike.’ She smiled a little sadly. ‘Well, he swept me off my feet. It was marvellous. But you know that kind of excitement and passion, it fades. I mean, it did for your dad and I. Sometimes stable and mature is what you need. We all got married too young back then, we didn’t get to sleep around like your generation.’
‘Mam, seriously, my life is not a series of orgies and weird, liberating sexual exploits. No-strings sex is actually pretty horrible most of the time.’
She frowned at me, convinced that I was lying. ‘What I’m trying to say – badly – is that what you have with Mason is so different to what we had back then. BBest has given you a road map. There’s such certainty there for you. Your judgement doesn’t have to be clouded by lust and a motorbike. There’s no fear of you making the wrong decision.’
I nodded, completely in agreement with her. ‘Whatever happened to Connor Bishop?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know.’ She cleared her throat and straightened her back.
‘We might find him online yet.’
‘Well, let’s keep looking.’ She peered back at her phone. ‘Oh for God’s sake, more fish, a few cars.’
‘He’s nice.’ I pointed at a man I would definitely classify as a silver fox. He was handsome in a classically older man way: full head of white hair, mischievously glistening eyes and a big smile.
Mam was immediately dismissive. ‘Please. He’s part of the blue pill brigade.’
‘He’s only a bit older than you.’
Her lip curled upwards in a sneer. ‘Men and women age differently.’ Nevertheless, she swiped through his photos and there he was, all lycra-ed up competing in some cycling race, posing with some kids who were obviously his grandchildren but looked like they’d been cloned for a Disney perfect children movie set, not a freckle or snotty nose in sight. He was drinking a glass of wine in a candlelit restaurant; he was laughing with friends at a party. This man was dominating social media envy.
‘Ah, Mam, come on, he’s great. He likes the things you like.’
‘Lycra and drinking?’ She laughed.
‘Absolutely.’
She started to tap, and I felt ridiculously proud of her, that she was making a mature dating decision. I knew she did want to meet someone, share her life with some lovely man, even though she insisted all she wanted to do was have no-strings sex.
‘I wrote, “I thought men your age needed stabilisers,”’ she said smugly.
‘Mam!’
She grinned. ‘Maybe he has a sense of humour.’ She caught a glimpse of my wrist and pulled it towards her. ‘Is that a Waist Watch? I didn’t know you were going to get one.’ She eyed it enviously.
‘I know, isn’t it brilliant? Cat got it for me.’
‘Is it as good as they say it is?’
‘Amazing. Apparently I was lacking in vitamin D, so a little bottle arrived this morning, it’s just so smart.’
‘Wouldn’t you love it if your grandfather would wear one?’ Mam loved her dad dearly and worried about his health.
‘There isn’t a chance in hell. You know it would tell him to stop smoking.’
She made a noise, knowing full well that ship had sailed years ago.
We both took a sip of tea.
‘Doesn’t he have the weirdest friends? That bookstore seems to attract the oddest people.’
‘He has always had those kind of people around. My childhood was full of strange, colourful “uncles and aunties”.’ She made quote marks with her fingers. ‘I grew up thinking that it was normal, but honestly none of those people were normal. Your granddad seems to like people on the periphery of society. I suppose it’s fun.’
‘I guess so, they seem harmless.’
She snorted and pursed her lips together. ‘It’s hard to know.’ She looked around the room, a little distracted.
‘High-street appointment, Freya, time to go,’ my phone piped up.
‘I’ve got an appointment to view that shop space on the high street in half an hour, do you want to come?’ I asked Mam, knowing the answer would be yes.
‘Absolutely I want to come. I am dying to see this place.’ She jumped out of her chair and started searching the room for her jacket.
‘I am so proud of you, Freya, you are really making a go of things. Here you are, looking at a shop and getting married,’ she shouted over her shoulder at me.
‘It’s all working out, Mam.’
‘Now we just need to plan ourselves the best wedding ever.’
13
The hall door was slightly open. I hoped this meant that the terrible twosome were asleep and Mardi, my sister in-law, didn’t want the bell to wake them. No such luck. I heard squeals and bumps coming from up the stairs, which I imagined were little bodies flinging themselves onto their beds. I crept in as quiet as a mouse, and closed the door as gently as possible.
‘Freya’s here. Hooray!’ Those boys must have had military training, they missed nothing. ‘No Freya until you have a bath!’ I heard Mardi roar. ‘Freya, there’s wine in the fridge, Colin is in the living room.’
‘Thanks!’ I shouted up the s
tairs and threw my bag on the hall floor.
Colin was stretched out in front of the TV, a bottle of beer in his hand, his feet resting on the coffee table. He looked exhausted and just a little bit balder than the last time I’d seen him.
I smiled and collapsed on the couch beside him. ‘You don’t exactly look ready to go out.’
‘Freya?’ He seemed a bit dazed. ‘Is it eight already? Shit.’ He laughed a little. ‘I’m so wrecked. You go out with her, will you?’
‘Shut up.’ I punched him in the arm. ‘This is date night, remember? You two get to reconnect, bring back that zing-zing. Spend time without those two terrors.’
‘Zing? Honestly I’d rather snore-snore.’
‘You really know how to fly the parenting flag.’
A naked five-year-old came streaking across the carpet with suds on his head. He stopped in front of us to do something akin to a tribal dance, arms flailing, feet stomping, and shouting, ‘Poo, poo, poo.’
‘Hi, Harry poo-poo head.’ I probably shouldn’t encourage him.
He took off back up the stairs.
Colin hardly looked away from the television. ‘I was talking to Dad last night. He was in San Francisco lecturing at some university there, all’s going good.’
‘Yeah, I was onto him the other day, filling him in on my loan and work.’
Colin nodded approvingly. ‘He said he’d been talking to you. He’s so happy you’re engaged.’
‘I know. I don’t think either of them thought I’d ever get my shit together.’
‘It’s just nicer now that you and Dad don’t fight anymore. God, you two were painful.’
I picked up a cushion and threw it at him. ‘Shut up.’
‘You were though, the two of you were always nitpicking at each other. Good to have happy families again.’
My relationship with Dad was so good now; he took pride in my achievements no matter how small, as if he’d personally played a hand in them. We’ve done a complete turnaround from where we were just a short time ago.
Mardi, red-faced with freshly blowdried blonde hair, in a beautiful cream silk blouse, appeared with Harry under her arm, fully pyjamaed, kicking and screaming in protest. Hugo spun in after her like a naked tornado.
‘Bath time hasn’t worked out. Grab him.’ She threw a second pair of pyjamas at Colin, who rolled off the couch and tackled Hugo to the mat, pinning his arms to the ground.
Harry got free and was catapulting himself around the living room like he was a pinball in a machine. There were tumbles and somersaults off the sofa and then, with the agility of a gymnast, he leaped onto the bookshelf and scrambled up to the top.
‘Get down from there.’ Mardi’s voice was hoarse from screaming. She fished into her back pocket, pulled out her phone and furiously started swiping. ‘Right, you two, what about a glass of milk, some honey crackers and a game of Buckaroo?’
The boys froze in their mischievous tracks, weighing up their options.
‘Okay,’ they sang out in unison and fell into an orderly march directly into the kitchen.
Mardi spun back to us, waving her phone triumphantly. ‘Seriously? What did people do before BBest and their genius babysitting ideas? Back in a sec.’ She followed the boys into the kitchen and the sound of glasses being filled and jars opening was heard.
Colin heaved himself off the floor and back onto the couch. He took a sip of beer and shook his head slowly. ‘Were we like that as kids? I can’t imagine we were that crazy, can you?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘And our parents did it without BBest. I really don’t know how.’ He looked at me, deflated.
‘Well, they got divorced, didn’t they?’ I said, and we both sniggered.
‘Sorry about the engagement party, by the way.’
‘Sorry about what?’
‘Well, bringing the kids, we didn’t mean to but the babysitter cancelled, and I didn’t mean to get so drunk, it’s just we don’t get out much anymore and when we do, I feel like I have to pack it all into one night.’ He narrowed his eyes at me, trying to make me understand.
‘Like you’ll never get to a party again?’ I asked.
‘I may not.’ He looked distraught.
Mardi carried two glasses of wine into the sitting room and passed me one. She looked so tired. I could see she had made a real effort with her make-up, but still she couldn’t hide the exhaustion. Before they had kids, Mardi was hands down the most beautiful woman I had ever met. Tall and slender, she had a luminosity about her, she was vibrant and charming, and she was immaculate. Mardi always had her nails done, her blonde hair was always sleek, she always wore high heels and lipstick, and her wardrobe was a classic combination of high street, vintage and designer pieces. But those kids had really taken it out of her – I could see the grey hairs springing up, she wore old jeans most of the time, and flat shoes, which broke my heart a little bit. She looked happy and sad at the same time.
She sat on the armchair opposite us and took a long sip of wine, closing her eyes luxuriously, savouring the moment. She opened her eyes and looked at Colin.
‘I really think I’m too tired to go out.’
‘Oh come on, you two,’ I said, ‘I’m going to push you out the door. I never babysit. I can’t wait to spend time with my delightful nephews.’
We all exploded into giggles. Mardi nodded with tears of laughter in her eyes. ‘They are such a delight.’
‘That’s a beautiful blouse, Mardi. Is it from the new collection?’
She perked right up, delighted. ‘Yes, spring–summer collection, out next week. I’ll send you a sneak peek.’ She took out her phone and tapped away. Mardi ran a fashion website for up-and-coming Irish designers. She launched it four years ago. Her plan had always been to keep things small. She wanted to work from home and have plenty of time for her boys.
‘One or two of my designers have branched into wedding dresses. You should take a look, some of the dresses are beautiful and not too expensive. I’ll send through the link.’
‘Sounds great, just have to lose ten pounds before I go dress shopping.’ I slapped my midriff.
‘What are you talking about? You’re skinny minny, it’s me who needs to lose the baby weight.’ Colin proudly rubbed his pot belly.
‘Ah, sure we’ll all be big rides by the time the wedding rolls around. Any dates for the diary yet, Freya?’ Mardi asked. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t ask that, it’s too soon, you’ve only been engaged a minute.’
‘Let her enjoy the here and now, darling,’ Colin said, ‘it all passes so fast. Remember us? God, it was heaven, just me and you and no little people.’
‘Heaven.’ Mardi released a little ecstatic sigh. ‘Only sixteen years until it’s us again, baby.’
I laughed. ‘You’re on the countdown already.’
‘The day Hugo goes to college we’ll be back to just us. We’ll miss them but it’ll be marvellous.’
They gazed lovingly at each other, the strong bond between them that never wavered no matter how stretched they were with kids and life. Their love for each other was tangible. I couldn’t wait for Mason and I to be like that, to share secret glances that spoke of a deep love and laughter and happiness. I couldn’t wait for us to feel fully secure in our intimacy.
We raised our glasses in a mini cheers motion to Hugo’s departure.
‘Are BBest still on at you to expand?’ I asked.
‘Yes, but I’m really not sure. I don’t want a fashion empire, I just want to keep ticking along, you know, looking after my boys and getting by.’
‘You’ve enough on your plate, babe,’ Colin said, always supportive.
Mardi smiled at him and as they locked eyes, he winked at her, letting her know he was on her side whatever happened. ‘I might think about it in a few years, when the boys are bigger.’
‘Where are you going tonight?’
Colin perked up slightly. ‘That new steakhouse in Blackrock, it’s supposed to be deli
cious.’
‘So you should just go, those two will be fine,’ I said bossily.
Just as I spoke, a loud shout came from the kitchen. ‘Mum! We’re finished Buckaroo, what’ll we do now?’
‘Already?’ She rolled her eyes at me. ‘Okay, get in here.’
There was the pit-pat of little feet racing into the sitting room. Mardi handed her phone to Hugo. ‘Go ask BBest.’
‘Hooray! C’mon, Harry.’ He did a little jump of excitement, and they went back to the kitchen.
Mardi stood up. ‘Come on, Colin, we really need to leave. Freya, there’s a new kids’ BBest app, that’s what they’re excited about. You can just let it play when it’s bedtime, it’s really cool, it projects little characters onto the ceiling, plays music and reads them a story. They’ll get themselves into bed for it. I really wish BBest did bath time, it would make life so much easier. Come on, mister man, hop to it.’
Colin heaved himself off the couch, and the weary twosome left for a big night out on the town. I settled down for a big night in.
14
A fork hovered over my chicken and black bean dish, then dived in and pierced the meat.
‘Hey, that’s my chicken!’ I shouted, horrified.
Mason quickly put the fork in his mouth and gulped the food down without chewing.
‘Hey!’ I repeated and punched him in the shoulder, more than a little aggressively. We were sitting side by side on the couch in his apartment. It was Wednesday, we often had a date on a Wednesday: we ordered Chinese – I got chicken and black bean sauce, he ordered chicken chow mein and we shared some dim sims – we watched TV, and sometimes had sex.
‘Well, you’ve just been staring at that plate for the last ten minutes, it’s going cold. I finished ages ago,’ Mason said. I looked across at his empty plate, which he may have actually licked clean.
‘Oh, here, have it.’ I slid the plate onto his lap. ‘I’m not hungry.’
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